Title: Remembering.
Author: Lucy Mars
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
**Stand-Alone.**
Her bare feet sinking into the wet grass, she slowly made her way through the manicured fields. The fresh scent of the morning gently brushed against her skin as she rediscovered her old sanctuary. There was something comforting about the open space and the picture that nature painted. She was a city girl at heart, but there were times when being in the country gave her more peace than yoga or the newest herbal tea could. She stopped every so often to look out at the rising sun and sip her juice. There was no rush today. There was no hurry or deadline. There was just her desire to remember.
Her feet led easily, through the wide expanse, to her favorite spot. Their bench was still where she remembered it. It looked clean and well kept. It looked just as they left it. She had to remember to bring the children out here later for a picnic. They would like that. For now though, they were fast asleep and she would treasure the last few minutes of peace.
Walking past the bench, she settled herself down on a warm patch of grass that gave her a glorious view of the lake and patch of trees that Lex had commissioned be planted. The orchard was in full bloom this time of year and it provided their children with endless amounts of entertainment. There was something gratifying about picking your own apples for your own apple pie.
Stretching her legs out for the sun to warm, Chloe sat in comfortable silence. She didn't know how long it was. It could have been two minutes or twenty, but she felt him walking towards her before she heard him.
She wasn't surprised that he knew where to find her. Nor was she surprised that he has awoken so quickly after she had. They'd spent years together, and when one was out of bed the other was soon to follow. They were tuned to each other.
Silently sitting down behind Chloe, Lex wrapped his arms around her and kissed her bare shoulder.
"You're up." Chloe sighed leaning back against her husband.
"You got up early today." Lex whispered, glad to see her drinking juice instead of coffee.
"Couldn't sleep."
"Are you okay?" Lex asked worriedly.
Bring his hands down to the slowly growing swell that peeked out past her tank top, Chloe spoke down to her tummy. "Honey, you need to tell daddy that you're all right or he's going to keep on bothering me. It doesn't matter that the four different doctors that he dragged out to Smallville all agree that we are perfectly fine. He needs to hear it from you before he'll believe me."
Laughing, Lex ran gently fingers over the growing bulge. "Point taken."
"Good." Chloe said looking up at Lex, "Because we are okay. Mommy and baby just fine."
Kissing her head, Lex nodded. "All right. I promise to stop worrying."
"You also promise to stop treating me like glass?" Chloe asked, "Because I can still walk without assistance. I can still play with my other two children. I can lift up Molly, I can lift up Josh, and I can lift up the remote without hurting our baby…"
"Okay, okay." Lex laughed, "Point taken. I promise."
"Thank you." Chloe laughed kissing Lex gently.
Turning his attention to the rising sun as it glittered across the sleeping horizon, Lex asked softly, "What are you doing out here so early?"
Sinking into Lex, Chloe smiled softly. "Just remembering."
`~`~`~`~`~`
She remembers how her mother's hands felt against her skin, soothing her tears and quelling her anger.
She remembers her mother never being angry. "There was nothing to angry about," her mother had explained. Her mother was adamant that she had lived a full life. Her mother was passionate that she had lived a happy life. Her mother maintained she lived a lucky life. She had a husband who loved her, a daughter who adored her and a family who cared about her. She was lucky to have had a day to live. "There is nothing to be angry about," her mother would whisper in her ear, "because when I see you smile I have no regrets."
She remembers the word cancer. She'll always remember the word. She remembers hating the doctors and their monotone explanation. She remembers their detachment, because they couldn't afford to get attached. How could they survive if they became attached? People die everyday. They die no matter what you do, how hard you pray or how loud you scream. Cancer isn't picky. It kills mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, and friends' everyday. You just never think that it will touch your world.
She remembers how wrong she thought her mother was. Lying in her hospital bed, dying and not crying. She should be angry. Her mother should have been angry. She sure as hell was. She would always be angry.
She remembers how her mother's smile.
She remembers how her mother's pale and ashen face could light up the dark room.
She remembers what it was like to say goodbye to a woman she could never leave.
She remembers holding it all inside, because big girls didn't cry. Especially when their father's were barely holding it together as is.
She remembers the smell of the hospital room that last day.
She remembers the way the machines screamed her agony as her mother died.
She remembers the sound of the crisp sheet being pulled over her mother's head.
She remembers the feeling of falling into her father's arms and soothing his tears away.
She remembers promising her mother that she would always take care of her father. She would always be there for him. She would always love him enough for both of them. She keeps her promises. You don't break your promises to the dead.
She remembers forcing her self to smile and laugh when her father was looking.
She remembers nodding and being supportive when her father suggest that they leave Metropolis for something new.
She remembers assuring him that she's fine. That she's happy. That it doesn't hurt anymore.
She remembers how bitter the words tasted, but she also remembers the relief that washed over him.
She remembers pretending for her father's sake.
She remembers her promise when she doesn't want to pretend anymore.
She remembers how guarded her heart was when they arrived in Smallville.
She remembers wanting to feel protected.
She remembers how safe Clark made her feel.
She remembers how much Clark's touch reminded her of her mother's. Gentle, caring and pure all at once.
She remembers how much she wanted someone to protect her.
She remembers how much she just wanted to let someone into her life who wouldn't leave her. She knew Clark wouldn't leave her. She didn't know how she knew, she just did. It was probably the farm boy innocence. It got her every time.
She remembers her need for safety manifesting her friendship with Clark into something else.
She remembers watching everyone around her grow and change.
She remembers the feeling in the pit of her stomach that taunted her. Clark was going to leave her too. He wasn't going to die, but he was going to leave her nonetheless for Lana Lang.
She remembers that feeling of dread reforming in her chest. She knew that feeling for all too well. She felt it for too long. She felt it form when her mother began dying right before her eyes.
She remembers the anger, the confusion and finally the clarity.
She remembers seeing her feeling for Clark for exactly what they were, a desire for stability.
She remembers realizing that life wasn't about freezing a comfortable moment in time and living in it forever.
She remembers finally understands what her mother was trying to tell her.
She remembers her mother's words.
She remembers finally changing.
She remembers learning that life was about flying, not crawling.
She remembers growing up.
She remembers her life taking flight.
She remembers, the exact moment, when she stopped being scared.
If she closed her eyes, she could still see Lex smile at her.
She remembers how it felt when he liberated her.
She'll always remember it because it was the moment she fell in love with him.
`~`~`~`~`~`
He remembers the soft and fresh scent of his mother's skin.
He remembers the silky texture of her flaming red hair.
He remembers the soothing touch that only she possessed.
He remembers her warmth.
Most of all, he remembers her laughter. The way her face lit up and her warmth spread into his aching and cold bones.
He remembers her gaze. How her shinning eyes would following him and protect him, not matter where he was.
He remembers running with her.
He remembers playing with her.
He remembers feeling alive with her.
He remembers taking his mother to watch the sunrise, because he could.
He remembers holding her hand when the sun set over both their lives. Her heart stopped beating and his heart stopped loving. A frost spread over him the moment his mother's warmth left along with her.
He remembers the tears.
He remembers the sting of his father's hand when he had found him sobbing over his mother's still body.
He remembers the hatred that was born the day he watched his father shed false tears for the world to see.
He remembers recoiling from his father's touch when he pulled him into a hug that was captured for the world to see.
He remembers his father's fingers digging into his arm and forcing him to be still.
He remembers the annoyance in his father's eyes. His father was a real prince among men. His wife had just died and instead of feeling sorrow or grieving, he was annoyed that his son was screwing up a perfect photo-op.
He remembers cringing when the picture of his father holding him showed up in the media.
He remembers not wanting anyone to touch him after that.
He remembers closing himself off.
He remembers falling into a world and a life that would have disappointed his mother.
He remembers living a lie.
He remembers laughing when there was nothing to laugh about.
He remembers partying when there was no reason to celebrate.
He remembers the hollow touch that others had.
He remembers discovering the many advantages to being a Luthor.
He remembers the nausea that had washed over him when he realized that he was mimicking his father's actions like a good puppy.
He remembers being exiled to Smallville.
He remembers thinking that this was the end, when in reality this was the beginning for him.
He remembers the feeling of having a friend for the first time.
He remembers watching Clark and wondering if that was how Julian would have turned if he were still alive.
He remembers loving Clark like a brother, because it was so easy too. It was so easy to replace one with another. Especially when Clark radiated security and comfort. Two things that he'd lost so long ago.
He remembers how it felt to find someone who didn't want to use him.
He remembers the simplicity that was Clark's friendship. Clark didn't want anything or expect anything. All he wanted was to be friends. How quaint. How simple. How innocent. How addicting.
He remembers seeing the changes in himself. They were subtle at first, but they were there.
He remembers meeting Chloe.
He remembers how she reached out for him. So casual. So simple. So Chloe.
He remembers the surprise.
He remembers realizing that she didn't do it because he was a Luthor.
He remembers watching her with other people. Chloe was a tactile person. She touched everyone. She touched everything. Her fingers tips were like magic wands. Breathing life into everything that they grazed over.
He remembers realizing, that to her, he wasn't all that special just because of his last name.
He remembers realizing that she was. She was special.
He remembers the day their friendship was born. The rain was falling, spring was in the air and she sat herself down beside him. Over two steaming mugs of coffee and a shared paper, they bonded. Over memories of moments long past in a city they both loved, they bonded. Over silent messages of loss, they bonded.
He remembers her arguing with him.
He remembers how she didn't back down because of who he was.
He remembers her snorting at him and telling him he was an idiot, when he was indeed being one.
He remembers how refreshing it felt when she did that.
He remembers hearing the ice around him start to crack the first time he returned her sunny smile. It wasn't a smirk or a grin. It was a genuine smile that made his eyes shine a vibrant color. It was a smile free of thought, strategic planning or manipulation. It was just a smile.
He remembers thinking that his mother would be proud.
He remembers thinking that his father would be horrified. It was almost enough to make him smile again.
He remembers laughing and conceding. Two things that he's certain his father wouldn't approve of, two things that he hadn't done in years. Two things that he vowed he wouldn't do after his mother died. Two things that only Chloe could make him do.
He remembers never recoiling from her touch.
He remembers leaning into her touch.
He remembers how she reached out to him when he wanted to be alone to lick his wounds.
He remembers how an anniversary came around and all he wanted to brood over a woman he loved, a mother who had left him.
He remembers how she fought with him, tooth and nail over that.
He remembers how she didn't retreat or blanch when he lashed out at her.
He remembers how she reached out again, undeterred just because he had pulled away once. She was a stubborn one. It was one of the many things he loved about her.
He remembers the feeling of her hand on his.
He remembers how she whispered her understanding.
He remembers how she bared her battered soul to him that day. Recalling painful memories of a woman she lost, a mother she loved, because she wanted him to see that she understood.
He remembers her telling him she couldn't fix it all, but she would if she could.
He remembers how touched he was.
He remembers the stringent sting of tears that he didn't know he could still cry. It'd been so long since he'd cried that he was almost afraid that he'd forgotten how.
He remembers her telling him to screw himself when she pulled him into her arms.
He remembers the spark of life that her skin gave him.
He remembers never hesitating to lean into her touch.
He remembers falling into it willingly.
He remembers her holding him and slowly piecing together the broken parts of him with her will.
He remembers telling her things that he'd never told anyone else. Things about his brother, his mother, his father and himself. Things that would have made any other woman he'd ever met run away.
He remembers her arms tightening around him.
He remembers telling her about how much he missed his mother. How much he loved her. How much he hated her for leaving him here all alone.
He remembers her murmuring that he wasn't alone anymore.
He remembers baring his own battered soul, one survivor to another.
He remembers her own sad smile as she told him about a woman he would have loved to meet. He listened to her memories about a mother she lost too soon.
He remembers her smile, her laughter and her spunk. He'd never forget her. She'd never give the chance.
He remembers the exact moment he fell in love with her. It was the first time that she smiled at him.
`~`~`~`~`~`
"They're up."
Looking up and over her husband's shoulder, Chloe can't help but laugh at the site of her children running through the field in their pajamas. "From the looks of it, they just got up."
Having gotten a head start, Molly reached her parents first. "Morning mommy. Morning daddy."
"Well Miss. Molly," Chloe laughed pulling her daughter into her arms, "did you just wake up?"
Nodding and giggling, Molly happily sank into her mother's embrace as her brother finally reached the trio.
"No fair," Josh puffed, scowling at the happy threesome.
"Come here," Chloe laughed opening her arms to her pouting son.
Clambering into his mother's arms, Josh grinned up at his father. "Hi daddy,"
"Morning buddy," Lex laughed tightening his arms around his family. This was all he needed. The world could take away his power, his money, and his name and he wouldn't care. All he needed were these three…soon to be four, and his life would be complete.
They will always remember.
THE END.