Age of Ultron fanfic AU: Too late.
Hi all! So I was watching AoU and I came with the idea of "what if Tony had an anxiety attack" after Ultron's first attack and Endgame is first mentioned. I decided to go dark on this one so it definitely is mature content. Endgame was amazing! I really loved it, but the ending really got me crying for days. In fact I still am.
Italics = thoughts
All rights go to Marvel Studios. I do not own any characters or the dialogue used from the Age of Ultron scene. The plot, thoughts and the other dialogue I do own.
Warning for a suicide attempt and some harsh language! Don't like. Don't read.
XxX
"He didn't say dead. He said extinct." Steve said glumy.
No, no this can't be real. The extinction. Avengers. Dead. Gone. Destruction. I created it.
"He also said he killed somebody" Clint repined.
"But there wasn't anyone else in the building." Maria said confused.
Jarvis. My wonderful trustful AI is dead. Because of me.
"Yes there was" I pulled up a hologram of Jarvis and what was left of him.
"This is insane" Bruce said astonished.
" JARVIS was the first line of defense. He would've shut Ultron down, it makes sense."
"No, Ultron could've assimilated Jarvis. This isn't strategy, this is...rage."
Rage. That I created.
Suddenly, I see Thor run in and grab hold of me by my throat while holding me up choking the life out of me.
Woah, woah. Thor! No let me go! I know I did something bad, but please!
"Woah, woah, woah! It's going around." Clint said trying to calm Thor down.
"Come on. Use your words, buddy." I said strangled.
" I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark." Thor said menicingly.
I know . I'm a failure. Just like Dad said. No one likes me.
"Thor! The Legionnaire." Steve almost shouted. Thor put me roughly on the ground.
"Trail went cold about a hundred miles out but it's headed north, and it has the scepter. Now we have to retrieve it, again." Thor spoke frustratedly.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't breathe- I need air. I need to fix this!
"The genie's out of that bottle. Clear and present is Ultron" Natasha sternly said.
Your right. My fault. All my fault.
"I don't understand. You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?" Dr. Helen Cho asked astonished and shocked.
I'm was on the edge of a panic attack. I start to laugh, but I am crying, screaming for help on the inside. I see Banner trying to stop me by shaking his head, clearly not seeing my distress.
"You think this is funny?" Thor said astonished at me.
No it's not. I created another demon. I failed. And I will keep failing! I'm a failure! Just like everyone told me! Oh my god. I can't take this anymore! Who am I? Why do I always mess things up! I need to breathe! Please! Air! I manage to calm my thoughts and at least get one sentence out.
"No. It's probably not, right? Is this very terrible? Is it so...is it so...it is. It's so terrible." I stumbled out.
"This could've been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand." Thor aggressively said to me.
"Don't waste your life". You did Stark! You are not strong! Stark men are supposed to be made of iron! I know it's not funny!
"No." I said quietly hoping no one would here the shake in my voice. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It is funny. It's a hoot that you don't get why we need this."
"Tony, maybe this might not be the time to..." Bruce cautiously said to me.
"Really?! That's it?"
Jarvis died! The worlds in danger! No I need to hear this Bruce! The comments,the harsh words, I need to hear it. I deserve it.
"You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls." I said to him somehow getting out a snarky sentence
"Only when I've created a murder bot." Bruce quickly said.
"We didn't. We weren't even close. Were we close to an interface?" I said almost shouting.
Shit Stark! Is that how you talk to your best friend!? Your science bro?
"Well, you did something right. And you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD." Steve said with disappointment laced in his voice.
I know, I know. I'm sorry! Rogers! Please! I- I tried so hard. I knew this was coming.
I feel my breathing getting erratic. I try to hold my own to hold onto something desperate not to have a panic attack in front of everyone.
I suddenly pushed them all away and ran to the door stumbling on my way still shaking from my attack going straight to the elevator to where I could be safe. I got straight into it and headed to the workshop and manually put everything on lock down, because Jarvis was dead now. No words can describe how how of a fuckface I am. Just as Thor said.
I got to the lab and collapsed crying against the nearest wall. It was too much. It was all too much. The anger, the disappointment, the pain and the horror.
What have I done!?
XxX
Steve PoV:
We all saw Tony half run away from us and into the corner very suddenly. Not even a word game out of him
"Stark?" Natasha said look at his quick form.
"Tones where are you going?" Rhodey said.
There was no reply. We couldn't see him now .
"Should we go after him?" I said uncertain.
"Nah. Let him be by himself, probably is in shock about what just happened. Anyways we don't really need him right now, we just need to find out where Ultron is" Natasha replied.
Natasha and Clint walked over to Hill and started working out a plan in hissed whispers. Thor just nodded to me and walked out, probably to clear his head while Bruce and Helen started talking about something no one understood.
Tony was still on my mind. Something wasn't right. What if he needs help or something? What if he's really panicking. He made a mistake. A huge one and he's to blame. He should've at least told us! If he thinks I'm mad he's right. I am mad. But it doesn't mean I don't care. He's my friend.
"I know you said not to go after him. But I'm going to go now. Just in case." I said pulling them out of their conversations
"Yeah. Just in case" Rhodey repined.
"I'll be back soon"
I began to walk out of the room and through the corridor straight to Tony's lab. I couldn't see anything. The blinds were down all over and the door was completely locked. "Jarv-" Oh. Right. He's..not here anymore. Should I just turn back? No. I won't give up. I can't.
I used brute force to open the door, expecting an outrage from Tony. But even when I stepped though the door there was none.
I walked straight through the now open space only to find a destructive sight. Papers everywhere, tables and chairs flipped over, glass smashed and broken shards of materials everywhere.
"Tony!?" I shouted worried.
No response
"Tony!?"
From underneath the table I heard a small noise. Although, the more I heard it, the less soft it was. There was short staggered breathing and a choking noise as if someone was choking on air. Sobbing.
XxX
Tony PoV:
Failure.
Destructive.
Everyone hates me.
I deserve to die.
Voices overload my head.
I can't breathe. No I don't want to die! I'm sorry I'm sorry! Please!
"Tony!?"
Black spots began to cloud my vision. All I see is the death. That I've made.
"Tony!?"
You are a Stark Tony! You're supposed to be made of Iron! Stark men don't cry!
"Come on, come on Tony!"
You should be dead! After all you've done. You are no better than the bad guys. I should've died in that whole. I should've died when the bomb blew up in my face!
"Tony! You are in Stark Tower!"
Too many voices! Stop!
"Please come on Tony! We can fix this!"
Wait is that Steve?
Suddenly a voice took me back into reality. Steve. Steve fucking Rogers was standing over me clutching my shoulder with concern and horror written all over his face.
What is he doing here? I don't deserve anyone. Not after Ultron. Why isn't he mad? ..why isn't he coming to scream at me? Please no, I'm sorry.
Except the voice of Steve that rang through my head didn't have a touch of anger at all that I thought it would.
"Tony?"
"Are you ok?"
I just shook harder.
"Come on, listen to my breathing. Come one Tony. It's ok..shh"
He grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest. As soon as I heard him breathe I started to calm down.
It was really awkward. Like really awkward. Like 2 minutes ago he was telling me off and shouting at me, bringing out my faults and the problems with what I created. I couldn't let him be here. He saw me. The real Tony Stark. Beyond the mask. And I can't let that happen. Not anymore. Not again.
"Steve. Can you please go away?" I said harshly despite the fact that he just pulled me out of an anxiety attack.
He looked taken aback.
"Bu- Tony"
"Rogers. Please. Just. Go" I repeated getting louder.
He reluctantly moved away from me and out of the workshop giving me a quick uncertain glance before rushing out. Without Jarvis, these next few days would be hard alone down here.
What do I do?
I just created a murder bot. Endangering the World. Pissed off the Avengers, as usual, being the fucktard I am. And I had a panic attack in front of the great patriotic Captain America! Great job Tony ! I'm supposed to be a Stark. Made of Iron. But I'm not. I'm a failure, an idiot, a disgusting selfish piece of shit. Maybe Dad was right, I should of never been born.
Maybe I should just end it here. No more pain, no more innocent people getting hurt. Quick and easy, and the world would have peace again. The avengers would take down Ultron without any worry of something like this happening again. It would all end in just a quick flash. If I do it now, maybe they won't find me. Come on Stark! They don't care, does it matter if they find me? They'll probably just watch me while life slowly fades out of my body.
I looked around for anything that could be sharp. There. A shiny blade that I used to help shape the metal of my suit was right there on the desk. Shakily I walked over and grabbed the blade and held it over my right arm.
Am I serious? Should I really do it? Oh come on Tony, don't kid yourself. You heard them. You destroyed the Avengers. You made a robot that is out to kill the innocents! So I deserve it. To die.
Quickly, I lowered the blade to my arm and ran it up my skin. Scarlet red blood flew out of the wound warm and slow. I repeated it again and again, until these were long lines of blood parallel to each other from my wrist to my elbow. I closed my eyes and sat on the floor using the edge of my desk as a head rest. Soon, it would all be over.
I took a deep breath. Part of the journey is the end I suppose. And as it turns out. I am not Iron Man. Because simply, I am not made of Iron. Or even gold titanium alloy.
As my vision blurred I saw a few blurred figures approach me, with their voices muffled but very loud and frantic as if they were calling for help. It doesn't matter now. They're too late.