UPDATE (6/14/14):
This FanFiction was written before an Honest Trailer was even made for this movie. But now, ScreenJunkies has made a real Honest Trailer for The Lion King.
Copy and paste the link below to YouTube to watch.
watch?v=DFtBjc1dz7w
If you don't know who the ScreenJunkies are, or what an Honest Trailers is, I suggest going onto YouTube right now, and watching one.
The concept is, this awesome Don Lafontaine impersonator provides an epic trailer for a specific film, and explains the entire premise with hilarious honesty that is too brutal for his own good. This is not meant to offend any Lion King fans. As a lot of you may know, I am a huge Lion King fan— just like every one of you here... and this is all in good fun. I may do the other Lion King films, too. Enjoy.
This summer... Re-experience the most traumatizing movie death of your childhood... that gave every child separation anxiety... needlessly converted into 3-D! The Lion King: 3-D!
Or, more like Hamlet... in Africa.
With a cast of well-respected and highly acclaimed actors, they are all wondering... why they are doing a movie... about cartoon lions running a government. All with American, British, Caribbean, Spanish, East Coast, and Ebonic accents... eventhough the story takes place in Africa. (...?)
...Witness this royal melting pot put on this golden masterpiece, with a plot so staggeringly similar to Hamlet, you'll wonder how Disney pulled the whole thing off, without Shakepeare noticing, and claiming the rights to the movie.
Revisit all the awesome 90's Disney songs you love... like... I Just Can't Wait For Dad to Die, How Far Can You Keep This Rated G Tonight?, Be Prepared to Be Scarred Like Me, and The Round Ecosystem Song. And remember... all the dangling babies off dangerously high places... the messed up physics. (Cue shot of wildbeest stampede going down 90° angle)...
And the dangling off cliffs.
When Home Improvement Kid becomes the next heir to an African kingdom, his jealous uncle with a disfigured eye, plots to murder him and his father... conducting a painstaking, elaborate scheme that involves thousands of awesome and complex, nail-biting CGI effects... but ultimately just decides to throw his brother off a cliff. ("Long live the king...!")
Marking a first in Disney Villainy... where the bad guy actually accomplishes what he wanted, who was doing so well with his plan, he blows it completely by telling the main character what he's done. Seriously?
Sparking the most tragic event in Disney history, causing Home Improvement Kid to run away... leaving his evil uncle let his giggling sidekicks screw up the entire ecosystem... and turn his future inheritance, into a crapheap.
At the same time, Home Improvement Kid meets... a thing with a New York accent... and a whoopee cushion... and who are two of the most obnoxious characters in movie history, you'll wonder why—he just doesn't eat them. Who are also, er, uh, kinda fun.
For half an hour, watch Home Improvement Kid grow up to be... Matthew Broderick...! Eat bugs...! Do struts across long logs... and transform... into a lazy bum. And live under a weird African phrase... that teaches kids to throw all negligible conflict out the window. But the atrocity of the moral won't matter... because the viewers will be completely engrossed in singing it to one of the film's catchy, million-dollar tunes. ("Hakuna Matata!")
NO WORRIES. INDEED.
STARRING...!
Ferris Bueller (Adult Simba)
Darth Vader (Mufasa)
Clichéd British Bad Guy (Scar)
Mr. Bean (Zazu)
Old Crazy Geezer (Rafiki)
Disgruntled Girlfriend (Nala)
Meerkat Manor Reject (Timon)
Flatulence (Pumbaa)
Recasted African Queen (Sarabi)
Cheech No-Chong (Banzai)
Whoopi Goldberg (Shenzi)
Spaz! (Ed)
And The Kid from Home Improvement (Young Simba)
Rewitness the excitement... the drama... the action... the epicness that was your childhood, for only 30 dollars a ticket, and without dying a slow, agonizing, brainless death... in your high school English class.
Ugh. At least this was the last we've heard of Elton John.
Thanks for watching! And be sure to Subscribe to hear other things you'd like me to say in my awesome trailer voice!
Ahh... that was at least an attempt at an Honest Trailer. I hoped you enjoyed it. Wow, the longer I watch The Lion King, the easier it is to make fun of it. Thanks again for reading. Reviews welcome.