To Love a Monster
Hetalia is © to Hima-papa.
Ironic-tan's Blah: I really don't wanna put this fic under my name. But then again I do…
-~
Title: To Love A Monster
Summary: What do you do and say when the person who killed the ones you love comes to you with a knife and a letter, and says he killed them all because he loves you?
Rating: M
Pairings: IggyChu, one-sided RoChu, mentioned DenNor and maybe other pairings.
Genre: Slash, slight horror, family, angst… erm…
Notes: This is so weird. You don't have to read this. I'm serious.
And DAMN. I promised I wouldn't write IggyChu. Then Muse came up with this. Damn you to hell, Muse. –flips the bird at said entity-
Warnings: Character death, human names, AU.
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
"Nii-san!" "Aniki!" "Y-Yao-gou…" "Shut up, da. You won't be talking to him any time soon."
"No! Why are you doing this?!"
Panic-filled brown eyes looked imploringly into purple ones, and purple looked slightly bewildered.
"Don't you get it? They're in my way." "In your way of what?!"
"…I have to get going now…" "No! Wait! Why-?"
But the purple-eyed phantom was gone, leaving Yao with his questions and tears.
Yao closed his eyes and willed the memory away. It was a year after that incident; one he hated not being able to forget.
He sighed and put the picture of his younger brothers, Kiku, Xiang and Yong Soo, back on his table.
The four of them had always been close, even though they were adopted. Yao was happy.
But then that bastard came and took it all away from him.
Damn. Yao had promised himself he wouldn't cry. Now, tears slid down his cheeks, falling onto his dark gray China coat and making the murky fabric seem darker.
Why? He sniffed, glad it had started raining so his tears wouldn't be as apparent, and stood up from his spot in front of his brother's graves.
"Wo ai ni."
Xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
"-and I told the bloody wanker to shut up and pay up. So he did."
Yao laughed heartily, nearly spilling his hot green tea on the table. "Whoops, careful, love."
It was a good four months after the last time he'd been to the graveyard, and he'd told himself to stop moaning about it, move on, and maybe try to find a way to fill the emptiness.
Then he'd met Arthur Kirkland. Arthur was sort of like him, he thought; the man had had his happiness taken away from him as well.
He smiled wryly, subtly startled out of his thoughts by the burnt smell coming from the stove. "Arthur, the eggs, aru…" "Oh! Thanks, love, I – bloody hell!" "You can't cook, aru~." The Asian teased, sticking his tongue out at the Brit. "Shut up. It's better than when I tried pole dancing."
"Pole dancing, aru? Since when." He stood up, put his arms around Arthur's middle and pushed his face into the Englishman's back. "You know I was kidding, aru."
Arthur laughed. "I know, love, I know." Yao laughed as well. "Aru~…" "Love, I'm sorry, but can you cook, please?" Arthur gently undid Yao's arms from around his waist, grinning, and handed him the ladle. "Geez! You can't even make a decent meal aru!"
"Sorry…" "I was kidding aru." Yao said with another laugh. "I know."
"Now, will you kindly stop kissing me, aru, or we'll go hungry tonight?" "Nope!" "Arthur! I – nooo, stop, aru!"
Yes. This was what he wanted again: happiness.
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
"Love… You know what I was thinking?" Yao looked up from his shoes, up into Arthur's green eyes. "What, aru?"
The Brit sighed, blushed and fiddled with his sleeve. "Well… we could get married…"
"What do you mean, aru?" Yao asked, knowing full well what he meant, but asking just to tease.
Arthur blushed even more and looked up at the sky. "I'm saying, Yao… will you marry me?"
Yao smiled and took his hand. "No, aru." "What?!" Arthur looked aghast, and he stared hard at Yao.
The Asian laughed. "I didn't want it to be too cliché, aru. You know I was kidding."
Arthur sighed in relief and leaned over to kiss him. "You're a devil." "I'm your devil, aru."
"Aw, shut up, you're making it cliché!" Arthur turned redder, and Yao smirked. "How so?" "By saying things like – ow!" There was a surprised look on Arthur's face, and he coughed up a little blood. Yao looked anxiously behind them, and saw a bloodied throwing knife in Arthur's back.
"D-don't pull it out…" Arthur winced. Yao frowned, but knew better than to. He wasn't a doctor.
"Jao will marry me." "What?!" "L-love, don't trouble yourself, I won't die this – agh!"
"You will die, tonight." Yao grabbed Arthur's shoulders, looking around them, not knowing where the voice came from; because after all, it seemed that the killer was but a voice.
"Why? Why will he die? He-he didn't do anything wrong!" Yao yelled, eyes misting more than he would've liked to admit.
First his brothers, then his lover! Why? Why?! "Why do you do this?" Yao yelled again, quite unaware that Arthur had slumped onto his lap. "Love… Yao…" Panicked, Yao pulled Arthur up to face him, earning a hurt look from Arthur.
"God, love, you get so hyped up. Calm down. I… I love you, yeah? Don't forget that. And I really wanted to… marry you…"
His last sentence was a mere whisper. Yao's tears flowed, now, and he shook his head as if mad. "Arthur… no… You can't!"
"Jao, why do you care so much about them, and not me?"
"Why would I care for you, when you murdered everyone I love?!" Yao burst out, holding Arthur's bloodied body close to him.
No reply came; there was no sound save the rustling of the trees and Yao's sobs.
Why?!
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
After Arthur's death – or in his eyes, very unfair murder – Yao's health, mental and physical, went downhill.
He started drinking, gambling; once he even went to a host club. His friend, Alfred, told him he should see a doctor.
Yao refused angrily, saying he was fine. That was when he met him.
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
"-it was totally, like-" hic. He was getting drunker by the second; "-unfair! Because if it wasn't, then 'e would've let me win the game, aruuuu!"
"Da, really?" Yao looked up at the purple-eyed stranger beside him, who smiled. Hm. There was someone else he didn't like that said 'da'.
In his drunken state, however, he couldn't remember. "Yeah! An' then 'e said-" hic – Yao imitated a six-year old girl's voice, wincing when his hiccups interfered: "-'Nooo! You 'ave to dip yer 'ips down even lower, like thi~s!' "
The stranger laughed and shook his head. Yao found it strange he didn't seem tipsy, and he'd had more than four bottles of vodka.
"I guess we were both drunk." Yao said with a drunken laugh. "So 'e tol' me, 'e was from Finland or somethin', an' then his boyfriend came to pick 'im up."
He laughed again, slumping down on the table and fiddling with the bottle of beer in front of him.
"Boyfriend was hot. I had a boyfriend. But s'mone killed him."
The stranger's eyes narrowed, but Yao didn't notice.
"I think it's time to go home, da." "Whyyy?" Yao whined, trying to drain the already-empty bottle of beer.
"You're drunk." "I swear to drunk I'm not God, aru." Yao laughed, but the stranger shook his head.
"Nyet. You're drunk. Home for you." Yao gave in. "But who's gonna drive? I'm drunk!"
He laughed gaily and threw his arms up. "So I can't go 'ome!" "I'll drive you."
The other stood up and held out his hands for Yao's keys. "You just give me the directions."
"That'll work, but I don't know your name." Yao protested. "Ivan. Ivan Braginski."
The newly-named Ivan tapped Yao's shoulder. "And I need your keys." "Here."
Yao made a great show of digging them out of his pockets and presenting them to Ivan, and he laughed when the other smiled slightly and shook his head.
Once they were out to the parking lot, Yao changed his mind and said he wanted to go back and drink more, but Ivan wouldn't let him.
After a while of mindless searching on Yao's part, they found the Asian's car, and were soon driving slowly to Yao's house.
"So tell me, who are you and why do you act like you know me?" Yao asked after a short period of silence.
Ivan shrugged. "I'm Ivan Braginski, and I know you because… well…" "Well what?" Yao reached over and poked his cheek, still pretty damn drunk.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." Yao threw his head back and laughed. "You know be because nothing? What kinda answer is that?"
"It's an answer." Ivan stated simply, shrugging and focusing on the road. "You won't tell me?"
Yao pouted. Ivan sighed. "I'll… I can't tell you." "Whatever." Yao rolled his eyes and reclined his seat, telling Ivan the directions to his house.
"Just wake me up when we get there."
Ivan sighed. This was probably going to be harder than he thought.
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
Yao woke up the next morning with a horrible hangover. He groaned, pulling the pillow and blankets over his head.
"I'm never drinking again aru." He muttered, then threw the pillow off when he found he couldn't breathe.
"Ah… Head hurts. Ow, damnit." He sat up and glanced at his bedside table, noticing the glass of water and pain pills, as well as a note in purple ink.
"Hm." Yao picked the note up, then wondered who it was from and how he'd gotten home.
Oh, right. That Ivan Braginski person had driven him home. The Asian man sighed and rubbed his eyes, then read the note.
Yao,
You passed out in the car last night, so I just went on driving. I didn't understand your directions, so I asked your neighbor.
Hope you don't have a horrible hangover…
Ivan
P.S. – Don't drink too much. It's not good for you.
Yao laughed at the P.S. message and shook his head. "That's what I always said when Yong Soo broke out the saké."
He said to himself, and set the note back on the table.
"Who was he?" Yao wondered, climbing back into the bed and ignoring the pills and the water.
"He wouldn't tell me… Oh well."
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
A couple of weeks after Yao met Ivan, he received an email from said other, telling him to meet him at the park for he had a confession.
Yao had rolled his eyes and asked how he'd gotten his email, and Ivan had said from Matthias and Lukas, his next door neighbors.
As a thank you for putting up with him, Yao had agreed and was on his way to the park.
It was early evening when he got there, and the park was nearly empty save the passing stranger and Ivan, who was sitting on a bench holding something that glared harshly when the last rays of the sun hit it.
Yao sped up a bit, and noticed painfully it was the same bench Arthur had proposed to him on.
"What is it, aru?" Yao asked breathlessly when he reached Ivan.
Ivan sighed, looking repentant, and put the knife before Yao, as well as what looked like a letter.
Yao looked questioningly at him. "What is this all about, aru? You said something about a confession."
"Da… I do have a very… well, you might be really angry at me and think I'm crazy, but I feel I really have to tell you…" Ivan began in a low voice.
Yao nodded slowly, not sure if he wanted to hear anything at all. Ivan sighed and leaned away from Yao.
"I… I was the one that murdered your brothers and Arthur."
For Yao, the world froze right there. Everything came crashing down and suddenly he could understand why, on that night he'd met the other, his eyes had been so familiar.
He wanted to scream, to cry, to shout, to maybe throw Ivan in an asylum, to get revenge on him for everything he'd done, for the happiness he'd taken away, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was: "What?"
"I did. I killed them. I didn't want them around you." Ivan's voice was low, repentant, and interlaced with another emotion Yao couldn't quite understand.
"You. You killed them." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and it horrified Yao so much he couldn't say much at all.
"Why?" Ivan looked up at him – all this time his head had been bowed – and pushed the knife forward.
"I love you. And I didn't want anyone else to love you. So I killed them. But I never had the-"
Yao raised his hand and slapped Ivan hard across the face. "Why would you kill them?" His tone was icy.
"Why, if you love me, would you take away everything I love? Why couldn't you just have let me be happy?"
The realization that this man had killed his family, his past lover; hit him again, and tears started to flow.
"I…" Ivan couldn't answer. He just hung his head again, and Yao nearly couldn't hear what he said next.
"I… I don't know… But I do know now. I'm sorry. You can do whatever you want now. I won't try to stop you or expect you to forgive me, because what I did was unforgivable. I guess…"
He laughed bitterly, and Yao thought he almost heard him choke back a sob; "I guess it's right what my sister always said; 'fools are made when they're too in love'."
Yao reached up to brush away tears that threatened to fall. "No. You… I… No."
He stood up, wondering what exactly he should do now. Hot tempered as he was, Yao wasn't the kind to fly into a rage and injure someone just because of anything.
He couldn't bring himself to hurt Ivan, partly because of that and partly because his apology was so sincere.
But he wasn't going to let him run free in town either. He angrily rubbed away tears, and standing up, said in a shaky voice; "I'm not going to kill you. But I'm not going to let you go."
Ivan looked as if he didn't understand, but Yao thought he would later, and slowly headed for his car, blinded by tears.
"Wait!" Ivan called from behind him. Yao turned. "What." "This… read it." He handed the letter to Yao, and the Asian took it.
Ivan gazed sorrowfully at him, then turned away, and Yao headed for his car again.
Why? He must be crazy. If he loved me why didn't he just say so? Why… this…. No. This isn't real. This is a horrible dream I've got to wake up from.
Alas, it was reality, and Yao, lost in his thoughts, didn't notice the sixteen-wheeler headed for him. The driver was honking madly, trying to get him out of the way, but there wasn't enough time.
Oh. Is this it? This is it…. If I survive… I hope I'll get amnesia and be able to just start over. Everything… black… It hurts…
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
The sound of a machine beeping woke Yao. He yawned, rubbed his eyes and tried to sit up, only to find he couldn't. "Where…?"
Oh. White. A hospital? Yes, a hospital, and he was covered in bandages. He couldn't feel anything in his left leg, and his right wasn't obeying him.
"Oh… You're awake." A soft voice said, and for the first time Yao noticed the short, brown-haired doctor at the foot of his bed.
"Where am I?" Yao asked. "What happened?" "You were in an accident, Mr. Wang." The doctor replied, a Lithuanian accent touching his voice.
"Oh…. Oh." Yes, that, an accident. Yao remembered the truck and his car colliding, but nothing afterwards.
Nothing before, either. He still remembered his name, age and house address though.
"Oh..." He repeated, looking hard at the doctor's name tag. Toris. So that was the doctor's name. "Um… this was found in your pocket, so we thought it was important…"
He handed Yao a crumpled letter with a few drops of blood on the side. A letter… There was something about a letter that he very faintly remembered.
Yao took it, trying to smile, but gave up when he found his face muscles weren't exactly moving correctly.
"Oh yeah, there was someone who wanted to see you." Toris said, smiling slightly. Yao nodded slowly and unfolded the letter.
"I'll… do you want to see him now?" "That'll work." Yao nodded slowly again. "Okay."
Toris left, closing the door behind him. Yao heard a faint 'he's awake', and the door opened again, and a tall, silver-haired man with purple eyes stepped into the room.
He was smiling, but it was a sad sort of smile, and maybe a tad regretful.
"Yao… Thank you." He said, sitting down beside Yao. The stranger's weight made the bed dip.
Yao tilted his head at him. "Who're you?" Shock bloomed upon the man's face, and Yao raised an eyebrow.
"What?" "I… you don't remember anything, do you?" Yao frowned slightly. "I remember my name, age, and where I'm from, but I've never seen you before."
He looked familiar; Yao would give him that, but nothing else. This person was starting to creep him out a bit.
"Yao… please read that letter. I'm the Ivan Braginski mentioned there." He pointed at the letter lying on Yao's lap.
It'd been forgotten until now. Yao shrugged and unfolded it.
Yao,
You might hate me now, but I can't help that.
I shouldn't have done that, but I…
I guess I'm driven crazy with love.
I'm sincerely sorry.
I don't expect you to ever forgive me.
But just know I love you.
Kiku, Yong Soo, Xiang and Arthur were much more worthy of your love.
Again, I'm sorry; I don't think I can apologize enough.
Ivan Braginski
For a while he just stared at the letter in his hands, rereading it, not understanding what was going on.
Ivan began to explain, slowly, and somehow Yao thought he could remember. When Ivan finished, Yao asked; "And you… killed them… all."
Ivan nodded. Yao frowned, eyes misted over with tears.
"…" Ivan sighed. "I can't apologize enough. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's… it's unforgivable."
Yao nodded, crumpling up the letter and trying to sit up.
"It is unforgivable! How… why would you do such a thing?!"
Ivan just shook his head.
Somehow, suddenly, at that moment, it all came flooding back to Yao, and the tears in his eyes overflowed.
He didn't say anything to Ivan, or try to hurt him, he just cried.
F.I.N.
xlxixnxexbxrxexaxkxex
Ironic-tan's End Blah:
Well, that was long.
I had no idea it was going to turn out to be a 10-page, 3,010-word monstrosity.
D: If you've reached this, congrats, you're a trooper.
*heart*
Please do a good deed and leave a review!