Disclaimer: If it's from a book, movie, video game, magazine, etc etc blah blah, it's not ours. You should know that by now. We do, however, own the song "Not Gonna Be Your Leverage". Padfoot wishes she owned Orlando Bloom. Sadly, she does not.
Additional 4 Marauders Disclaimer: Beware! This story contains silliness and/or randomness and is intended for immature audiences. If this is not your cup of tea, have a nice day. Any mention of a male character being attractive in any way, is from the AUTHOR'S point of view, NOT the character's, UNLESS that character is a female of proper age (ex. not a child).
A/n: Explanation for how we come up these in our profile. Know that when you see initials, it's 'cuz that person wrote the above "section" of story. (Pd) is Padfoot, (M) is Moony, (E) is Evans, and (Pr) is Prongs.
Nonsense Stories
Episode 4 – Origination of the Leverage
Jack Sparrow looked out across the Black Pearl. He thought, 'It's such a pretty boat – ship!"
Will Turner and Elizabeth (Turner) were aboard the ship for their honeymoon.
Suddenly the first mate tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey sa, Captain. Mesa thinkin' we'sa bein' comin' up on the Tortuga soon."
Jack spun around. He rolled his eyes replied, "Hello Jar-Jar. Thanks for the information. Go and check on – uh – the sails. Go on, and tell me how it all works out." He shooed Jar-Jar away, glad to be rid of the clumsy fool. (Pr)
"Jack, what on earth is he doing on the BP!?" Will questioned the always-seemingly-drunk captain.
"No idea, Will. But, gotta give 'im one thing. He makes a bloody good pirate." Jack turned, then, seeing Jar-Jar out of shot, added under his breath, "Actually, he's THE WORST pirate I've ever had. Or heard of. He's got too much of a conscience that one. Sorta reminds me, oddly, of that crazy Boy Scout Leader on Survivor Pearl Islands. You see that one, Will?" Before Will answered, Jack said, "Yes and her name was Lil."
"Can't we talk about something relevant?" Elizabeth asked. "Like our next booty on that island, whatever you pirates call it."
"Aye, that be it, Miss Swann. Miss Turner. Or, MRS. Turner." Jack flashed his silvery gold tooth. (E)
"Aye that." Elizabeth said.
"Oh, brushing up on pirate slang, thar, aye?" said Jack. "Anyways, we're headed for the dreaded ile-de-muerta. There we'll find mountains of treasure – enough to satisfy even Will's lust for silver and gold. Even though he's already got whatever else which isn't silver and gold already. I believe we'll be arriving there soon. You needn't worry." He smiled and walked – no, swayed up to the helm and checked his trusty compass. "We'll be there in an hour I wager."
An hour later to the minute, they arrived and pulled in among the rocks. They tied 'er up and walked down the ramp. As soon as Will (who was first) entered the forest, they heard three popping noises and Gollum (who seems to make an appearance in every story, intentionally or not) swung by on a vine and swept Elisabeth off her feet and into the trees. (M)
Elisabeth screamed like a banshee. "Will!"
Frodo (who also seems to make an appearance in many of our stories, intentionally or not) came running up beside Will and Jack, who briefef him on the actions of the previous seconds.
"Right. You two – I know it be hard for you – but stay here. And try not to do anything stupid." Frodo said and took a step back.
Just then, Sam-Wise Gamgee (who also – never mind) picked up a large board and with one hard swipe, knocked all three – Will, Frodo, and Jack – out cold.
Sam tossed the board to Pippin, who, after Sam said quietly, "Sorry Frodo. I'm not going to be your leverage", broke into song.
"Not gonna be your leverage! Not gonna be your leverage! Not gonna – " Pippin sung, moving the board back and forth.
"Pippin!" Merry stopped him by smakcing him in the face with a big smelly fish.
"Thank you." Sam patted Merry on the back gratefully.
Then Sam looked off into the trees, determined to find Elizabeth, save her from the dreaded Gollum, marry her, and finally be regarded with the Hero Status he deserves.
Just then, the narrator, who would've liked nothing more than for Sam to receive true recognition as a true Hero, reluctantly reminded Sam that Elizabeth was already inconveniently married to Will "The Hotness" Turner.
Sam nodded but reminded the narrator that the second movie of Pirates of the Caribbean had yet to come out, and thus although it was stated at the beginning of this story that Elizabeth was already married, she was in fact not, and beside that, she was secretly madly in love with Sam and had been all along.
The narrator nodded, seeing his point, and then asked the writer (who actually was the same person in this instance) to continue as they saw fit. (Pd)
Elizabeth at that moment ran out of the forest. She was only wearing her undergarments and a cloak, strikingly similar to her attire through much of the movie. "I dealt with that foul Gollum character. He said, 'You know nothing of pain', so I tied my corset around his bloody waist." She paused and said, "Thus the attire." Then she gasped when she saw Frodo, Will and Jack lying in a heap on the ground.
"Why you little – !" And she started towards Sam, Merry and Pippin with a random tree branch she had just retrieved. Suddenly she was swept off by a man (elf, to be exact) on a horse. It was (all the women sigh, here) Legolas Greenleaf.
"Hello, milady. I thought I'd be of assistance here." He said in one of the hottest voices imaginable.
Elizabeth almost fainted when she saw how incredibly hot he was. She noticed he looked extremely similar to that bloody hot, though unconscious, Will.
A/n: It should be noted here and now that the authors involved here, are all female, and all have varying sizes of crushes on Orlando Bloom, from the "Ya, he's good" (Evans) to the "He is the hottest being ever to grace the Universe" (Padfoot).