Disclaimer: I don't own anything.. The song belongs to the ever so talented Kelly Clarkson. Yeah she rocks.
Summary: Faith is getting over her addiction.
We won. We beat the firsts incorporeal ass. Man does it feel good to do somethin right. I helped to that. Ya know what kinda adrenaline high I got. We lost a few though. It was fucked up. Robin survived. I'm happy bout that. Really. Its just... I can't be with him yet. I don't know if I can be with him at all. Don't know if I wanna be. I'm scared. That's the real answer. I'm scared that it'll turn into somethin real. That I'll fall for him. I don't want to love again. Not right now. I still gotta get back to jail and all that shit. I mean I know I'll get out in a few years. Least I hope so. But yeah I'm not ready to love again. Even if I stay out I've been hurt and I'm not really over her yet. Ya see I don't know how or why but I fell for Buffy. She's my freakin opposite. Now she's a good person don't get me wrong but I just didn't see myself fallin for her. Fuck am I sayin? I was obsessed with her. I got to have her but I just couldn't tell nobody. It had to be a secret. She couldn't risk her friends hating her. Things between me and her changed fast. I became a whole new person. As you can see not in a good way. S'not her fault though ya know. I allowed the feelings and shit to take over my judgment. It went from lust, to love, to obsession, to addiction. She was like a drug. I couldn't leave. I wanted to. I felt that even I deserved somebody who wasn't ashamed to let it be known they like me. But I couldn't get away. So I pushed her away. Startin when I slept with Xander. Yeah it wasn't too long after I'd met em but me and B started out the night after we beat kakistos. We kinda rushed into it. Shoulda known it'd be fucked from the start. But I didn't care. This was Buffy summers. Shit I wanted her 'fore I met her. My watcher she talked about her a lot. Made me feel like I knew her. Can't say I wasn't jealous of her though. But that didn't stop the want. So when I met her it just magnified it. It slowly, or fastly rather, progressed. Then shit went downhill. I still couldn't get over her. I'm still tryin but its getting easier. I'm finally realizin that hey ya know the world don't revolve around her. My world don't. I can be happy. And I can be happy without her. Back in sunnydale she said we should give us another go if we made it. Said we should be real this time. But I didn't wanna. Ok so that's a lie but I didn't wanna risk getting hurt again. I've been hurt a lot in the past. Before her. Had my heart broken by guys and girls alike. You see even though I play this tough girl, I'm not. My heart is practically on my sleeve cus mosta the time I wanna love. But recently I've been learnin to guard it. But not lock it away. Right now I'm sittin in the lobby. I look up and see Gunn makin his way over to me.
"Faith, how ya doin?" he asks sittin beside me in a chair I didn't even know was here. I think on it. Not 5x5.
"I'm getting better. You?" I ask.
"Worried bout you. Know it musta been hard workin with Buffy. How ya doin on that front?" he asks. One night before I left to go to sunnyhell me and him sat and had a heart to heart. He's a cool dude. Keeps secrets like nobody's business. I told him all about me and B. hell Angel don't even know about what went down. Gunn is like a big brother I never had.
"Same as I said before. I'm getting better. Don't worry man." I say. He looks like I just made him worry more.
"You gonna sing for Lorne?" he asks. I nod.
"Yeah. I'm gonna go in few minutes to change then I'll be there." I say. He nods.
"I'll see ya there then. If you need to talk you know what to do." then he's gone. I can't help but smile. Dude really is like an over protective brother. He don't want me round the scooby gang while we're stayin here. I'm cool though. I make my way up to the room I had before I left. Still got the cloths Fang made me buy in it. Good. I shower quickly and change into a pair of comfortable jeans and a wife beater. If I'm gonna sing I'm gonna go comfortable. I make my way to the club and instantly see Lorne smile. He heard me sing once and he said I should do it more often. I go to him and he just smiles brighter.
"Well hello there dimples. I saw the song you chose and I have to say I'm proud your finally ready to move on. You deserve what ever happiness you find. Now go on up there." he says. I can't help but smile. This man it too cool.
Lorne pov.
Faith has been through hell and back. She's finally moving on from Buffy and I'm more than happy for her. Now I know Buffy made her happy in some ways but I think she can find someone who will love all of her. Past, present, and future. Honestly I don't think that person is Buffy. She's a sweet girl but not the girl. Everyone is here. News that Faith, the 'Guardian of the Darkness', as that little Andrew kid put it, was going to hit the stage. From what I can see they have doubts about her vocal talents. The girl has a voice on her. Not your average husky peaceful voice either. No. her voice was made for songs that can carry emotion. You don't have to be a demon to be able to hear the emotions running through her when she sings. She walks up and the AI crew automatically begin to clap like crazy. Cordelia, Gunn, Fred, Angel, hell even Wesley is excited. The music starts and she steps up to the microphone. You can hear the deep breath she takes. She looks out and smiles at the crew. Then she starts to do what she is very good at. Sing:
And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothings real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
she looks out into the crowd. And everyone seems mesmerized.
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
she looks into Buffy's eyes during the next verse.
And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So i won't worry 'bout my timing
I wanna get it right
No comparing, second guessing
No not this time
Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in
But I know it's never really over, no
Wake up
she closes her eyes and sings
Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months yeah, three months
she opens her eyes and starts to really belt it out and you feel the emotion.
Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
she's calm for the end.
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
everything is quiet for a moment before everyone starts to go crazy. All I can do I cheer with everybody and I feel the tears streaming down my eyes. The only thing I can think is I'm happy she's finally ready.
So this was a semi AU one shot as you can tell. The song was Sober by Kelly Clarkson. But do we want it to stay a one shot? I warn you if I'll continue this will NOT be a Buffy/Faith fic. Sorry. Well review please and thank you. wasn't sure where to put it so i just put it here. do you guys think it shoulda been in the Angel category?