Yeah so no one ever seems to read my stories...

Ah wellll...

I might post them on Wattpad as well...

I will update this as much as poss

Chapter 1

31st August
In front of the Mirror
11:03 a.m.

Lurker alert. This is a disaster. No one likes the two chin look. Must use some of Mum's perfume to dry it up.

11:05 a.m.
Where is it? She has gone and hidden it probably. So selfish. She is full of selfishosity my Mutti.
It's probably in her nunga-nunga holder drawer. I mush check.

11:08 a.m.
Nope. Not in there. Nothing else would fit, her nungas are so big. I mean, there is barely enough room in the house when she is in it, let alone the drawer (Although she won't be in the drawer, her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders will). Her nungas are soooo big; she can use them as a shelf. Like, when we are at parties, she will put cups and drinks on them and walk around. She can keep snacks and sandwiches and so on, on her shelf for later. It's very unattractive.
I don't want too much breastiance, like Melanie Griffiths, for example. In PE last year, her bra looked like two shopping bags. If they have grown any more over the summer, I expect that she will unbalance and topple over.
When we were playing PE, she chased the ball and almost crashed into the fence from the momentum of her "basoomers" which Jas so amusingly calls them.

11:15 a.m.
Rung Jas.
"It's me. "
"It's also me here. What a coincidence."
"Jas. This is a major disaster. I have got a massive lurker on my chin and nothing to deal with it with. "
"Well how am I s'posed to know what to do? "
"I don't know. Maybe because you're a teenage girl like me and you are me bestest friend so you would want to help?"
"I don't know. I'll ask Mum."

11:16 a.m.
"Mum says that you should look it up on the Internet. "
"Thanks. You are soooo helpful. Not. I don't need your WHOLE family knowing that I have a lurking lurker!"
"Well. Sorreeeee Miss Perfect. I suppose you don't want to hear about MY life do you?"
"No I don't."

I put the phone down. Trust Jas to talk about herself the whole time, whilst I am having a major crisis.
I'll just not speak to her for a while. That'll teach her.

Two minutes later
"Jas?"
"Oh it's you again."
"Can I come around?"
I need to look amazing tomorrow. It's the first day at school and first impressions are everything.
Although I have been attending it for a trillion years so they all know me.

11:20
There are six things very wrong with my life.
1. I have one of those spots that really hurts and is really red but you can't squeeze it.
2. It's on my already humongous nose.
3. I have a three year old sister who (I think) may have peed in my trunk, which I am about to put clean clothes in.
4. I am very ugly and need to go to an ugly home.
5. That means I will never get a boyfriend.
6. I went to a party dressed as a cocktail sausage.

After thinking about how awesome (not) my life is, I am quite tired.

11:26

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

12.56 p.m.
Woke up to the lovely feeling of Scuba Diving Barbie, Sandra, Angus and Libby all lying on my bed. Comfy.
"Libby! Go away!"
"No."
Stubborn child. The next thing I need is for my wonderful Vati to barge in, uninvited.

1.01 p.m.

Surprise, surprise.
"Gee. It's time to get up. You've been lounging around for ages and you need to pack your trunk. "

Oh yes. That. Well I can't do it right now. I am trapped in bed by my small sister.

1.13 p.m.
Phew. She's gone. Now I need to pack.

I haven't had anything to eat all day and I am starving.

And they call this 'Parenting'.

1.46 p.m.

Mmmmmmm

Jammy Dodgers are fabby.

2.07 p.m.
Just summed up the will-power to get up and get some paper for listy-a-making.

List of stuff to pack:

Make-up

Hair gel

Clothes

How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love with You (Mutti's book. Vair vairgood.)

I hope that there will be some Sex Gods at school.

Half an Hour later
I must remember not to spread my nose all over my face

Five minutes later
And I need to pack my robes.

1st September
I got up at the crack of 8 o'clock.

I don't even have to be at Stalag 14 that early. The train only leaves at 11:00.

There's only enough time to put my pre-make-up make-up on.
I can do the rest on the train.

9.49 a.m.
Vati getting very stressed out as Gordy has gone missing. Oh well I can take Angus there instead.

9:56 a.m.
Libby was holding him.

10.17

Vati and Mutti getting very stressed out. We only have 30 minutes to get there.

10:21
Okay we left.
But I remembered my wand.
Not my mascara wand (I hope I have enough of those to last me this term). My alder and unicorn tail hair wand.

10:38
Vati will surely be stopped for speeding. It is like riding an aeroplane without wings.

One minute later
Not that I have experienced that.

Two minutes later
Oh I can't wait to see the Ace Gang.
It will have been two whole weeks since we last saw each other.

10.54
Okay. Made it in time.

Rush rush into the station
Rush rush through the barrier
Say goodbye to family. Oh god. The whole lot of them are here. Even Masie has knitted me a wand cosy.
"Bye bye Ginger. I lobe you."
"I lobe you too Libby. "
"Bye Mutti bye Vati I will write bye."
Rush rush onto the train.

Off to Hogwarts Stalag 14 I come.