It was the night where all demons stay in and take the night off from their usual evil and mischief. A night spent doing nothing and that simply would not do. The demons needed somewhere to go, to have fun for the night minus the bloodshed. Standing on a stool, Lorne hung the last cobweb from the corners of the stage and looked around. Skulls and streamers of orange and black decorated the already flamboyant bar. " There! All ready. It's costume time!" he said as he jumped to the floor.
Back at the office, everyone was gathering in the lobby to go to the party at the bar. Cordy dressed as the Queen of Hearts, Fred as Little Red Riding Hood, Wes as a mad scientist and Gunn as a werewolf. Angel walked out with a scowl on his face " I don't see why we have to go, we should keep the doors open in case someone calls. Not everyone abides by the rules you know!" " Which is why we all have pagers just in case, now stop being a big undead baby and have some fun!" Cordy said with a red-lipped smile. " Wait! We're missing one more!" Fred said, holding out a hand to stop the others from heading to the door. " Oh right, Liz! Hurry up or we're leaving without you!" Cordelia called in annoyance. Of course, Elizabeth had to take the longest, just because she did not have a reflection shouldn't be an excuse to keep everyone waiting.
" Coming!" a voice called from atop the stairs as a figure shrouded in a flowy white cloak descended the stairs. Elizabeth was dressed in a white Victorian gown with a faded blue sash, the dress tarnished with a grey ombre, the same with her white gossamer cloak. Her hair pulled behind her ears as it was over a hundred years ago. " Wow! Great ghost costume!" Fred said as she rushed over to her. " Very nice dress, took you long enough though" Cordelia teased with crossed arms. " Well thank you, your highness but it takes a while to lace oneself into a dress like this. It seems I am out of practice," she said with a light laugh.
While the girls laughed about their costumes, and the two humans waited by the door, Angel looked at Elizabeth as if he was punched in the stomach. Seeing her dressed like that just opened the floodgates of guilt, the enemy of fun that he was told to have that night. Shaking his head free from his thoughts, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
" Well, if we are going to go, we should leave now." he said as he went out to the car, the others following behind him. " You should get in the front Elizabeth," Fred suggested " Your dress takes up a lot of room" Elizabeth's back straightened a little, only to relax a second later. It made sense to sit in the front and give the other four passengers more room safe from her petticoats. Opening the door, she slid inside next to Angel but kept her eyes focused on the road ahead as they drove off. Walking into Caritas, they were met with a full bar of demons, some wearing costumes and others just happy to be out and having a good time. " The gang's all here!" Lorne cheered, wearing a circus ringleader outfit; a glittery black coat with tails, a red satin shirt, glittery black pants and a matching black hat atop his head. " Fred, you look adorable! And Gunn, on the prowl, are we?" he said as he eyed everyone's costumes. " Cordy, or should I say your majesty? Queen really suits you." "Yeah, I miss it too," Cordelia said with a wistful sigh. "Elizabeth, you look absolutely bewitching Honey." he said giving her a hug. " Well! I got the corner booth for everyone, feel free to hit the snack tables, I have catered for as many species as I can think of, within the bounds of humane reason of course!" he assured them, ever the gracious host.
Sitting at the table, everyone ordered their drinks and discussed what they were going to sing. " I think I should sing 'Hey there Little Red Riding Hood'. Only fitting" he said with a little smile towards Fred who smiled back with a light blush on her cheeks, not seeing Wes roll his eyes. " If we are all sticking with our costumes, you should sing 'Weird Science' Wes" Elizabeth suggested with a light laugh. " I was thinking 'She Blinded Me With Science' but that is a good one too," Wes said with a small mile at the puns. "What are you going to sing Liz?" Cordelia asked the ghostly vampire.
" I do not know.. I don't really feel like singing lately. " she confessed with a smaller smile to surprised faces at the table. "Why? You love to sing. You're really good at it" Fred said as she rested her hand on her shoulder. " I..I have just not been in the mood lately." " Maybe you can sing about it? Get it out there? It may make you feel better" Fred suggested. " Yeah Liz, get it out of your system! I can only tolerate one sulking vamp at a time" Cordelia agreed with a teasing tone as she plucked her cosmo off of the waiter's tray when it arrived. Elizabeth had been going through a lot lately.
Being on her own again and being under the same roof as Angel has opened floodgates of their own, ones she thought were safe under cement by now. But she had little choice these days, with not wanting to stay with the Scoobies and having little means, Angel was the last resort because as much as she hated to acknowledge, he was family, of a kind at any rate. Looking down into her merlot, she thought of a song and then nodded, she would be putting a lot out there but it was just a song and perhaps Fred was right, maybe it would make her feel better. After two glasses of Merlot and after a hulking blue demon finished slaughtering Michael Jackson's 'Thriller', Elizabeth rose from her seat and walked up to Lorne with her song selection. "Gods and Monsters by Lana Del Ray please". Nodding, Lorn put on the song and let Elizabeth take center stage. Lowering her hood, Elizabeth took the mic with gentle hands as she began to sing.
The song spoke to her, telling her story of a young girl swept up in a world she did not know. It didn't seem so long ago, when she was just a child in the world, having no idea what evil truly existed in it. Even when she killed, a bit of confusion and sadness hid behind her eyes. Her blatant humanity sticking out like a sore thumb.
As she sang, she let her head roll to the side, looking far off into the crowd and through the wall. She was in another world, locked in her memories. Feeling that kind of love, and attention for the first time was as addictive as any drug she could recall trying and like all highs, it came crashing down around her. In her mind's eye, all she could see were ghosts of her first dance. But just as her eyes softened with the comfort she felt, they hardened when the reality of that memory hit her.
She sang the chorus defiantly as she lifted her head higher, a statement more than a lyric. She was free to act and do as she pleased. No one could take her humanity totally away from her, not life, not her demon, not Angelus. At that thought, her grip on the mic tightened, she fought to keep her voice from shaking.
If he'd only known what she had done over the years to get him out of her head. She drank, and whatever some well-meaning flower people had given her and for a time, she couldn't stop. Not until a particularly bad trip snapped her out of her stupor. Her eyes cast down, her voice took on a softer tone as she continued to sing, unaware of dark, focused eyes watching her.
The world around her was just a blur and all she could think of was how stupid she was, clinging to every word he said. Adoring him, looking up at him, thinking that he was a protagonist right out of her books. He was the perfect vision of what she thought she wanted. He was perfect because she told him everything about herself like a fool.
She was a stupid little girl worrying about how he saw her, changing her hair, wanting to be more grown-up for him. To keep his attention, his love. Her hands shook, her heart bare for anyone to see. Lifting her eyes, she saw her friends staring at her. Lorne gazed at her as if he wanted to scoop her up and comfort her, reading her, feeling her pain. Many demons stared on, captivated by her voice while one vampire stared at her with a face harder to read than Sanskrit text.
Her cheeks were gaining a little color, she knew her choice of song was heavy and on the side of the dramatic, adding to her costume. The ghost of her former self. In all honesty, she had been happy how her life turned out for the most part. Over the years she became strong, independent and confident. Running a business and aiding in the good fight with some of the best people she has met in a long time. There were just things she did not want to acknowledge, still feeling the teenager who had lost her way. Wanting to express those feelings as much as she could in hopes one day they would disappear forever. As the song came to her close, her voice no longer rang with bravado, no defiance, no point to make. Just a sad statement as she sang the closing chorus.
As the music faded away, the bar erupted into applause and roars, some demons holding up their drinks in ovation. Elizabeth seemed to come back to Earth when she felt a green, glitter-covered arm wrap around her shoulder. " Let's hear it for our Spectacular Spectral Star!" he said smiling brightly as he gently guided her off stage. Raising her hood, she walked back to the table and took a big sip of her wine. " Lana huh? Did you hear what I said about the sulking?" Cordelia said as she accented her words with a tap of her scepter. " I did, I also heard you tell me to get it out of my system." Elizabeth snapped back as she sipped her wine again before standing up. "I'm going to go get some air." without leaving any room for protest, Elizabeth got up and walked to the door.
Without a word, Angel rose to his feet and followed the ghost out of the bar to find her walking down the road. It did not take much effort to catch up with her. " Hey, what was all that about?" Angel said, annoyance and outrage evident in his voice.
" I don't recall asking you to follow me, Angel." " The costume, the song? Can you be more immature?" "Wait, you think I am dressed like this just to get at you? That I sang the song for you?" Elizabeth yelled back, holding her arms out to her sides. " Do you think I am that stupid? You have not let me forget all that happened since I saw you again! I know it was horrible but you really can't be that..petty. "
That made her laugh. Looking up at the sky in disbelief, she looked at him laughing. " Petty? You are the one that's supposed to be all repentant and sorry! Strutting about the shadows like some big hero. You think you can have opinions on my life and now you think you can scold me like a child? "
" I can when you act like a sullen teenager. Don't you think I feel horrible? How looking at you dressed like that reminds me of what happened better than you ever could? You think I forgot? You think I don't remember how you looked at me? How you smiled at me when I walked into a room?" For once, Elizabeth was speechless. Her scowl was instantly wiped from her lips as she looked up at him. " How how about the way you lit up when I praised you? When I asked your opinion on philosophy or what you made of a book you were reading you would beam. You were so happy to be heard, to be seen as a woman and not an annoying girl."
This was not what she was expecting to hear. She was expecting to hear him tell her to get over it, she was prepared for that. To hit him and tell him off, she had rehearsed her comebacks so many times.
" I remember all of that. What you don't seem to get is that you are not just another faceless victim, some charity case. I remember you, every minor detail that I memorized to hurt you. Who you were, what you liked. How you felt about-" She couldn't take it anymore. " Stop! Stop it! I don't care what you remember! I don't care if the world isn't black and white!" she screamed as tears pricked her blue eyes.
" It has to be this time! It has to be! You can't be sorry! You can't care! Do you hear me?!" She said as she brought her hands to her head. This offered way too many variables. Angel had to remain a monster to her, he had to remain the beast who lured and hurt her, nothing else. Even as he drew closer, she tried to push him away. He was too close. Even when he was feet away he was too close. The time in the gym was one thing, talking alone with him never ended well for her." Elizabeth." "Shut up!" she said as she tried to push him away.
"I know why you can't forgive me," he said softly above her head. Facing his chest, her eyes grew round in shock. Her body stilled as if she was stuck in her spot, every inch of her being wanted to yell and fight but she just couldn't. " I just want you to know I remember too. And in that, you aren't alone, " he said as he carefully hugged her close before letting her go.
She couldn't forgive him. If she did, it wouldn't be good, for either of them. With a sniff, Elizabeth dried her eyes before looking down the street. " We should get back to the party...Even if you didn't bring a costume," she said, willing her smile to return to her face. " Who says I didn't?" as he gestured to the Armani suit he was wearing. " I'm Bruce Springsteen. You know, Batman." he said with a nod as if he put thought into his outfit. Elizabeth nearly snorted as she laughed. " That's Bruce Wayne, numbskull. Come on" she said as they walked back to the club together without another word.