Married with Puppies
An elaborated re-write of something I published and deleted years ago...
Final Fantasy VII is owned by Squaresoft.
Chapter 1: Who?
It had all happened so suddenly. Aeris was sat in her bathroom, peeing into a cup that Cloud had given to her for her birthday, and now she was staring at a pregnancy test in shock. It was confirmed now, her morning sickness and chronic, explosive diarrhoea really did indicate that she was pregnant, and now she had the test to prove it. She didn't exactly know how to feel at that precise moment as she sat on the toilet bowl, the test held in her hand. Chewing on the end of the pregnancy test, she thought hard about what she would do next. One thing was sure, she needed to tell the father of her unborn child.
"Thanks for coming, guys." Aeris smiled, handing out cups of tea to her guests. In her run down council flat in North Midgar, she had invited Cloud, Barret, Cid and Vincent. Red XIII tagged along with Cloud, since they were living together anyway. "I have some news for you all." she inhaled sharply, ready to break it to them. "I'm pregnant, and I don't know who the father is."
Everybody in her flat gawked at her in shock; they could not believe that such a holier-than-thou bitch would be stupid enough to fall pregnant. Then suddenly the realisation came, and the men in the room looked at each other awkwardly.
"Well, don't look at me, bitch!" Cloud burst out. "Like I'd ever hit that." he joked, nudging Vincent with his elbow. Vincent did not reply, but simply coughed weakly.
"Don't argue, please!" Aeris shrieked at the top of her lungs, as she burst into tears. She collapsed in a heap on the floor dramatically, hoping to capture everybody's attention. When nobody bothered to pick her up, she simply stood up sharply and gave everyone a wicked smile. "It's obvious who the father is. It's the one without any pubic hair." she giggled, pulling up her dress to reveal her crab-infested vaginal hair.
Everyone in the room stared wide-eyed at her in disgust as she waved her vagina about in their faces; quickly, they all ran into the bathroom together, as they pushed and shoved each other. Red XIII stayed behind, slowly approaching Aeris as she slumped into the sofa. Putting a paw on her hand, he raised his leg and showed her his clean-shaven private parts. Just then, Cloud walked into the room after seeing that he still had pubic hair.
"Oh, my God!" he shrieked, falling to the floor. "You're the father?"