Characters: Kanda/Lenalee
Warnings: Sex
Author's Note: Based on a request that was for Kanda/Lenalee following the Alma Arc.
By now, nearly all these stories follow a certain format. Intro in a character's pov / Character A / Character B, and so forth.
Them
Everyone has certain points in their life when they recognize another person is necessary in their life. Then, that person is added into your relationships. Some of them take a little nudge. Others are easy.
Her brother is the first. Because her memories of her parents are so vague, her family is Komui and Komui only. It's when she was taken did she first understand this truth. This truth meant years of darkness, despair, and tears. Of missing him. Of wishing for him to be there.
The next point was a sullen Exorcist who had an old, faded look in his eyes. Kanda, Yu Kanda. He was the one who took her hand and sat her down, and taught her to find a small space of peace somewhere inside to focus on. He spoke to her in her own language. He let her play with his hair and put her to bed. They trained, they took meals together, and he even let her hold his hand and drag him around from time to time.
There were other points, but this is one point, one person she keeps close. Years went by and Kanda remains unchanging and stubborn. Certainly he grew and so did she. Life got busy and they weren't as close, but he still keeps in touch in small ways. Like stealing her hair ribbons. Enduring her failed attempts at meditating. Defending her.
Kanda would always be there.
Or maybe not.
For three months she was sick with worry. Kanda, Allen, Lavi—all gone. Allen's goodbye was one of the farewells and he is going to be punched and kicked into next week if she can help it.
And then that…that idiot showed up. Kanda, smiling and asking "What, no 'welcome home' for me?" Then he had to say she was ugly from crying.
How awful.
But that's not the worst. Kanda had the gall to drink his Innocence from her hand, while holding her other hand.
His lips had been very soft.
She punched him and took off with him before Komui had the chance to bring out all the robots.
Except she had a problem.
That problem is Kanda, in her mind. Looking at her with those eyes that have more life in them than ever before.
Damn him.
_-|||:|||-_
It's been two days since Kanda has returned. Things have…mostly calmed down. Komui is not hunting Kanda down, and they were preparing for a funeral.
Yet Noise Marie looks nervous.
Lenalee, from all appearances, look quite calm. Except for the way she is spearing her food with her fork, but otherwise calm. A seemingly serene smile in place.
She is still mad at Kanda.
Quite mad.
"Lenalee?"
"I'm fine."
"I'm afraid if you stab any harder, you might break the plate."
Oh. She releases her hold on the utensil and settles for digging her nails into the table instead. "I'm just…just a little upset."
"That's understandable."
"First he insults me, and then he turns down my concern." She holds her palms up to look at them, her voice breaking slightly as she begins to laugh. "But before that, he had the nerve to come back."
She is not going to cry again.
Marie tilts his head at her, facial expression enigmatic. "That is what's bothering you the most?"
"That idiot…he didn't have to come back. He didn't have to still be an Exorcist."
"I'm sure he has his reasons."
"Reasons he's not telling me." She slaps the palm of her hand against the table. "Well let me just say something. I'm tired of people running out without a word. Allen tells me he's sorry and says goodbye and leaves. Kanda comes back and doesn't say why. And Lavi is missing in action and here I am, supposedly waiting."
She takes a breath. "I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being kept in the dark." Maybe they ought to send her on a mission now so that she can break some Akuma heads. Anything to vent.
A chair scrapes, and Lenalee looks up as Marie stands. "I don't have the solution for everything, but I do know how to solve one of them."
"Which one?"
"Come with me." He holds out his hand. Puzzled, she stands up as well and follows him. Once they're up a flight of stairs, she realizes where they're going and she halts. "Marie—"
"You deserve answers and I think it's time he gave you some of them. Besides," he smiles at her. "You have things you want to say to him as well, don't you? I can hear it."
The protest dies on her lips. Is her blushing audible to him as well? Probably. She ends up unconsciously smoothing her hair down.
He knocks on the door. "Kanda."
A muffled voice answers him.
"I know you're not asleep or meditating. Do you want me to kick down the door?"
The door clicks and Kanda pokes his head out. "What?" He does not seem to see Lenalee yet.
Marie pushes her forward. "I think you owe her several apologies and explanations." And just like that, he turns around ad walks away, leaving the two of them standing there.
"…"
"…"
"…may I come in?"
Kanda looks for a moment as if he'd like to say no, but he opens the door wider.
"Thank you."
"Tch."
She sits down on chair while he takes the bed. It's very hard not to notice that he is shirtless and that his hair is down. Her eyes rest on the little cracks in his skin.
"Get on with it."
"Me?" All admiration of his shirtless condition flies out the window. "Why don't you first say sorry for being so awful to me?"
"…"
"Don't look at me like that, Kanda. You know what I mean."
"Fine. You're not ugly. You just look ugly when you cry, like everyone else."
"So do you."
"I didn't say I wasn't part of that group."
"It sounded like you were. And moreover, that's not the whole issue." Lenalee folds her arms. "I'm waiting."
"For what?"
"For the reason you came back. Why you needed your Innocence again."
He deliberately looks away from her.
"You told me not to get angry. I still am and it's useless to tell me that unless you give me a reason not to be." She gets up and gestures. "I don't understand why you would come back. I've told you before…you could've been free. The Order wasn't even really looking for you. You—"
Time can stop. Argue all you want, but people will believe that time does stop, or at least slow down for them in certain moments.
In this case, it's because Kanda has just stood up and kissed her. An actual kiss.
"You would be uglier if I hadn't come back," he says when he pulls away. "From all the crying."
There is something squeezing her heart and throat and she concentrates her gaze on his tattoo.
"I also came back to properly say goodbye because you won't be seeing me for a while." She feels his hands take her. "Because I'm going after that idiot Beansprout."
The black markings of his tattoo swims before her eyes. "You are?"
"Lenalee. I'm as much of an Exorcist as you are. Some things, you take. Others, you don't and then you fight."
"But the Order…they won't like it if you just leave like that. You could be called a traitor as well."
"After what they did, they can't do all that much because they need me. How many Exorcists are there now? Eleven? Ten? Or less?"
"I just…" She lowers her head. "I'm sorry."
Kanda is her oldest childhood friend. And she just might love him…a little too much.
"Believe in me that we'll both come back. You're good at that, right?" She feels his hand stroking her head.
So she tugs on that string that's tightening around her and tugs it free. "Then you'll let me do this." She leans forward and kisses him, fingers tangling in his hair.
In the back of Lenalee's mind, she wonders if this is the right thing to do. By now Alma Karma's story is infamous, and she knows she's not a replacement. She can't be. This is not some staking of a claim. In fact, it's a bit of a selfish want of hers. She wants him. And she needs him. Always, he's been there, and the moment he isn't, she had that sense of lacking that was so empty. And now that he's back, only to leave soon, she can't relinquish him.
And he is not resisting her. He is returning her kiss, one hand on her shoulder and the other on her hip. He tastes like an old wish freshly fulfilled and continuing to be met. The softness of his lips makes her close her eyes and breathe deeply. For the little changes about him, he still smells the same to her. Soap and leather, with a hint of flowers (she's never commented on the flowers. He'd be touchy about it), and some spice she can't name.
The moment his hand slips to cup her bottom, she starts, reality snapping its fingers at her. "Kanda?"
"You're thinking of stopping?" God, his eyes…
"…n-no."
"Good." He squeezes and then pulls her flush against him, Her ear bumps into his shoulder before he lifts her chin up for another kiss.
Slight warmth has turned into actual heat from both of their bodies. She lifts a foot up, and with less than steady hands unbuckles it and drops it. The other foot gets the same treatment. She has little idea where to place her hands after that…and settles for his shoulders and neck.
They are still kissing, and growing more fervent. Kissing is desires being coaxed, pushed, and needled at until it is too much. She ends up tearing at the collar of her uniform and scraping a finger in her haste to take it off.
Kanda makes a sound at her and ends up unbuttoning it for her. Embarrassed, she pulls the ties out of her hair and sets them on the nightstand. But she is entirely unprepared when he upsets her balance and she falls on the bed. Out of habit, she brushes her skirt down.
And Kanda's eyes have not left her. They hold her there and linger, waiting. She sits up, so as to not feel as if he has an advantage over her.
"Have you ever done this?"
She shakes her head. It'd be stupid to ask if he has.
"Tch. Relax." He runs a hand through his hair.
"Don't 'tch' at me." She hooks a finger in one of his belt loops and tugs. Pity Kanda saw it and it doesn't pull him off-balance like she hoped it would.
His retaliation is unzipping her skirt. She nearly kicks him, but he is wise enough not to act smug about that. Instead, she catches his hands to look at the scars on his wrist. They look very much like hers. Cross-shaped, but darker. Hers had faded a little, but his were still fresh. And that is one thing she is counting on. Scars could be sensitive, after all. Lenalee brings his palm to her face and drags her tongue alongside his wrist, slowly. Kanda makes a sound, but doesn't pull away. He curls his fingers even as she kisses a scar directly.
"Kanda," she says softly.
And then he hooks his fingers around her neck and pushes her down. She splays her fingers over his shoulders while he pushes her shirt up. When he squeezes her breasts, her hands fall to her sides as she inhales unevenly. Her legs shift as a warmth makes itself known between her legs.
All of a sudden, he tugs her shirt away, along with her bra. Lenalee starts, but then he cups one breast and closes his mouth over a nipple. She curls her toes and tangles her hands into his hair, murmuring senseless words at him. Her body arches against him; another part of her is asking for attention.
She finally pushes him away so that she can unzip his pants and yank at them, while he does the same with her shorts and stockings.
His nakedness sets her heart pounding anew. Some part of her tells her it's foolish to say he's flawless, but he really is. She is hardly shy about her body, but right now, the way he looks at her makes even her ears feel hot.
"You've always been strong."
"What?" Her mind snaps from the fuzz that had been setting in.
"I said—" He kisses her again. "You've always been strong. And you worry and cry too much for your own good."
If she isn't so breathless, she would laugh. Instead she slaps his shoulder and tells him to continue.
They rub, groin to groin. She breathes against his hair as dampness seeps between them. The air grows stifling and when they pull away from each other, Kanda's face is just as flushed as hers, shoulders heaving.
He caresses her face, the expression on his face still hard to read. But she trusts him, knows him—he's not using her as anything like a relief or distraction. The way he kisses her, tongue pressing against the inside of her mouth, and how his fingers slide against her core, are the actions of caring. He seems to note the jerky little motions of her body, how she gasps into his mouth, and how one finger dipping into of her nearly makes to come.
When he finally enters her, she grips his forearms and notes how his body trembles and how sweat clings to his skin. His pants for air match hers; they move together and she rubs his chest while his teeth leave marks on her shoulder.
"Kanda…" she wants to say his name over and over again. He's not as vocal as she, but his strained groans, heavy against her ear, is enough to push her over the edge. She closes her eyes and whimpers something, legs curling against his back and her fingers digging into his neck, pressing him tightly to her. It's a better thrill than how she feels when she flies, better than synchronizing with her Innocence.
His thrusts cease as he reaches completion as well, grinding firmly into her and then stilling. He breathes into her hair, as if he doesn't care that it's sticking to his lips.
Lenalee squirms; it's gotten a little hot and she needs fresh air. He pulls out of her, hand lingering on her face before he kisses her again.
Inexplicably, she wants to cry. "Kanda…" she begins.
"Hn?"
"I almost don't want you to go. Not yet."
"I'll come back."
"You promise."
"Tch. I always do." He ties his hair back loosely and then lies down next to her.
"And…this?"
He does not answer at first. Then, he turns his head. "We'll work it out. In time."
Well, it seems like both of them don't really know where this is headed. Somehow, it's a relief. Lenalee melds herself against his side, head tucked into the crook of his arm. He surprises her by slipping his arm down her back.
Kanda isn't one for gestures like these. In fact, she didn't even think he'd…like this sort of thing. But lying next to him, bodies touching and being able to feel his pulse, and watching him sleep, it's almost familiar.
And the tight hold on her heart, the fear of being without her world, it eases a little.
She'll regain it, piece by piece.
_-|||:|||-_
He wakes up and wonders at the weight against his arm, before he remembers what happened the night before. A glance to his side tells him it's not a dream.
…though he slightly regrets the marks on her shoulder. She'll have to wear her jacket for a while to head them from her brother…and other people.
Kanda brushes the back of his hand over her cheek, to test her level of consciousness. She doesn't even move, not even when he eases his arm out from under her shoulder. He has to shake his arm to get rid of the pins and needles feeling, before he pulls a blanket over her and heads for the shower.
He slept with Lenalee Lee.
The Head Supervisor's sister.
Lenalee Lee, whom nearly all the men had a crush on.
Water runs down his face and head as he picks up the soap. Had he intended to? Not quite. It…happened.
He knew Lenalee had some sort of feelings for him. Always knew. The sad, tearful little girl whom he'd failed to fully protect. And now she doesn't even need protecting. She's grown. She's better than him. He doubts he'd fully satisfy her. But remembering how she had willingly let him kiss her, touch her…and then afterwards how she'd stayed—
The shower turns cold and he curses as he snaps the faucets shut, nearly breaking them in his haste.
A part of him wants to stay longer. He dries his hair and ignores the cracks in his skin. He's got a time limit. He has to make it count. You spend too long trying to focus on one thing, and you lose sight of other things.
But the other part of him has to find that idiot Beansprout. He tells himself he wants to see Lenalee pummel him for leaving, and that he means to kill that damn Noah because it was his fault for getting the Moyashi into this mess. Thoughts like these persuade him to don on his uniform and pack up a few things.
Lenalee still sleeps. He doubts anyone will suspect a thing; Marie would never say a word.
Just before he leaves, he leans over to kiss her cheek and rest his hand on one bare shoulder. He ought to leave a note or something.
However, he doesn't. He has no idea what to say.
And yet, it's Lenalee. She'll understand.
And he knows she'll wait. That she's willing to understand him, as long as it takes.
After he's lost someone once, he has no intention of screwing up this second life anymore. To hell with the Order. It's taken away so much from him, but just as much from Lenalee as well. And she, despite all hardships, has handled her hardships with better grace than she has. It's what he admires about her, and why, he supposes, he's drawn to her.
He closes the door behind him. In the early morning, it's so quite that he can hear that click it makes. Every footfall he makes is a step away from her, and yet, a step towards her as well.
They'll somehow be all right.