Sara was having a nightmare and in it, she was drowning. Unfortunately, this nightmare was a regular occurrence since the Queen's Gambit crash and her resurrection from the lazarus pit.
In her nightmare, Sara could feel the coolness of the water as it covered every inch of her body. She was desperate, thrashing this way and that, trying to escape the water. If only there were dry land, something she could stand on and push herself up with...but she was too weak. Sara was so deep in the water and it was so blue, so dark, that she could barely see. Her lungs felt like they would burst due to the pressure and the strain on her as the liquid forcibly entered her mouth, ears, eyes and nose. Sara was trapped and she could feel her life draining away.
Just as the final ebbs of her life were being drowned out, a voice called out to her. Sara's eyelids were so heavy she couldn't even look up to see who it was. Her whole body was terribly cold and numb. Still, the voice called her again and a hand reached out to her, grasping her own lifeless one. The hand pulled her up out of the water and onto dry land.
It was at this moment that Sara finally awoke from her dream. She cried out loudly, her voice screeching and at the same time, guttural and low. Sara gasped and panted, holding her hands to her throat as she tried desperately to get her bearings. She wasn't back at home in Star City. She was on Rip Hunter's time ship, the Waverider, in the quarters that she and Kendra shared as roommates.
"Oh, God...it wasn't real. It was just a dream. You're okay. You're safe."
Sara rubbed her arms and rocked back and forth on her bed. Her forehead touched her knees and she breathed evenly, trying to calm her nerves. Ever since the horrifying moment she had been swept away from Queen's Gambit, she'd had frighteningly realistic dreams about drowning. Sara used to get that dream all the time, even after joining the league, but she hadn't had it for a while.
Only after she was resurrected in the lazurus pit, and her soul restored, did the nightmare begin again. Every time it came to her, Sara would wake up gasping and panting as if she really were drowning. Then she'd struggle to keep her emotions in check and do her best to keep her reaction muted. She wouldn't want Kendra to awaken and hear her crying.
Sara did consider the woman a friend, but Sara wasn't the kind of person who felt comfortable revealing her inner turmoil and feelings to someone so easily. Before Lian Yu and the League of Assassins, Sara definitely could have been more open, for sure. But now, she was damaged and filled with a bloodlust that she couldn't satiate. She had a harder time trusting people. It had been a difficult year for Sara, and even though the burden she carried grew lighter every day, she still had some barriers that she couldn't break.
Every day was a constant struggle for her. Every morning that she woke up, Sara wondered if she was going to finally snap and go mad, fatally wounding one of her teammates. She wondered how long she could be an asset to the team before she compromised it. She needed to feel wanted and she couldn't do that in Star City. She was changed irrevocably. She didn't belong there anymore, but here, with the team, with the mission, Sara could feel like she was making a difference and not just trying to hopelessly pick up the pieces of her shattered life. Here, on this ship, helping Rip and her teammates, she had a purpose, a chance to do something good for mankind.
Sara was relieved when her heart rate began slowing to a steady pace and she touched her chest just to confirm it. The slow, steady beats that reverberated under her skin made her breathe a sigh of relief and she lay back down on the bed, twisting to her side.
It was then that she sat up quickly and glared at the shadow standing just inside her room. Regardless of waking up from a nightmare or not, Sara's senses were still honed perfectly and she was alerted to the presence of an unwelcome visitor. Her spine stiffened and her eyes squinted in annoyance. Sara never did like snoops.
"Who is it?" She asked, with barely restrained anger.
The figure stepped forward and revealed himself to be Leonard Snart. Sara sighed, crinkling her eyebrows and crossing her arms in mild irritation. She should have figured he'd be walking around at this time of night. Leonard was one of the people on the team who didn't sleep so easily on the ship, same as Sara.
Leonard walked with an air of ease and laziness, as he always did and he stood by Sara's bed, looking down at her with that indifferent facial expression he was so good at making. Sara gave him her best disapproving glare, but, as per usual, it didn't affect him in the least.
"I heard screaming, so I came to check up on you."
Sara's brow furrowed and she cocked her head at him. That was...odd. Leonard Snart actually wanted to see if she were okay?
"How sweet. I didn't even know you cared, Leonard. It's nice to see that some leopards can change their spots."
Leonard just eyed her with a smirk. "Don't be too sure about that. I just wanted to make sure you weren't strangling Kendra in her sleep."
"If I should strangle anyone, it would be you since you're in my room uninvited."
"Ah, so if I get an invitation, you'll let me in without question? That's pretty generous of you, Sara."
It was making Sara uncomfortable with Leonard standing so close to her. The way he said her name, so soft and genuine, made her stomach flop. This made no sense at all. Was it her imagination or had he looked at her lips when he said that?
"Your words, not mine. What do you really want?"
"Like I said, I wanted to make sure you weren't hurting anyone in here. I suppose Kendra can take care of herself, but seeing as how you nearly killed her the last time you guys were sparring..."
Sara didn't like how Leonard brought that up. She still was ashamed of the way she behaved towards Kendra. If Leonard hadn't pulled her away from Kendra, she would have killed the woman, which was not something she needed. Sara was grateful to Leonard for holding her back when the bloodlust tried to overtake her, but now he was using it to tease her and Sara was not in the mood to be teased.
"That was one time. It won't happen again. I just..."
She faltered, unsure of how to explain the rage that went through her body in that moment when she choked Kendra. That scared her, the idea that she could kill one of her teammates so easily and heartlessly, without being able to control herself. It made her feel weak and not whole. It hurt Sara's pride. These were too many things to tell Leonard, too many intimate things, and Sara was not about to share them, no matter how much he'd try to goad her into telling him.
"You don't have to explain. I get it."
Leonard sat down on the edge of Sara's bed and turned to get a better look at her. His eyes were intense and probing. Sara sincerely hoped that he couldn't hear the slight tremble in her breath. Her hands moved over her stomach and she entwined her fingers, giving off the impression that his close proximity didn't bother her, that she could still relax with him being so near.
She decided the safest way of responding was with playful banter. "You get it? How would you know? I'm sure that no one has ever held you off from beating anyone to death. Or freezing them to death anyway."
She hadn't intended on using an ice joke, but it just sort of came out. Leonard snorted lightly and shook his head. He obviously didn't expect to hear that joke either.
"How about we leave the cold jokes to me? I would know the best ones, after all."
Sara fought back the urge to coo in pleasure after hearing Leonard's trademark drawl. She shrugged and replied, "Fair enough."
"Good. Now as far as being held back from killing...no, that's never happened, except when the Flash stopped me. Central City's hero and a gigantic pain in my ass. You'd think that he stops so much crime, he would decide to take a day off."
Sara chuckled. She had a lot of experience when it came to reading people and she knew that he wasn't in earnest about the Flash. She gave Leonard a little smile and poked his knee.
"You talk about him like you hate him, but you sound like you admire him."
"Hmm. The jury is still out on that. We have an...understanding."
Sara shrugged. "Whatever you say, but you haven't answered my question."
Leonard sighed and looked off as if he were recalling a memory from years past. Sara used this moment as her chance to steal little glances at him. She had begun noticing things about Leonard when he was deep thought. He would usually say something sarcastic and mock the situation or he would give his unbiased and typically cold - pardon the pun - opinion. Those blue-green eyes of his would steel and his jaw would be set. His whole manner was like this, though, but Sara could see that Leonard had a warm heart. Whether he denied it or not, he definitely had his moments.
Leonard Snart was the type to reveal himself when he was alone with one person, not in a crowd of people. He had a reputation and he wasn't the kind of man who would willingly give anything about himself away unless in extreme circumstances. That was something Sara could truly relate to. It was also what made her more partial to him over her other teammates. They had a mutual understanding which made their relationship, friendship, whatever this was between them, work.
"When you want to kill someone, you get to a place where you can't see anything else but what you want. It drives you, like an invisible force. Your rage feeds it. Everything negative inside you feeds on it until, one day, you snap. Then it's all over, but that rage and hate is still in you. It's just dormant and you have to focus on other things. It's a bloodlust that you can't control and never really get rid of. I know because that's the same way I felt about my father."
Sara's eyes lowered as Leonard looked at her. She didn't know what to say about that. She had known that Leonard killed his father a little over a year ago, but that was all. He never mentioned his father around any of their teammates, not that Sara would have expected him to. Leonard Snart was a very private man. He kept his life to himself, which you'd think would be hard when living on a ship with six other people, but he managed. That's what Captain Cold did best. He managed, like Sara, but deep down inside, there was a hailstorm of frustration and agony that might never be fully healed. Once again, Sara felt that she and Leonard were two sides of the same coin. Dammit. There she was, feeling a bond between them again.
"Sorry." It was all she could say, after all, what could one say after that?
He waved his hand as if to dismiss her sadness for him. "It was over and done with long ago. My sister and I aren't under his thumb anymore, so I'm fine with that."
Fine, in Sara's book, was code word for freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional. I.e. He was not okay, but Sara didn't bring it up. She had her own demons and her own battles to fight, just as much as he did. Whether they wanted to bs each other or be honest didn't really matter. They both knew what was under the surface and they needed no words to express that mutual understanding.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. After several minutes, Leonard spoke up.
"You know, normally, when a woman and I would be alone for this long a period of time and neither of us were speaking, it'd be because our mouths were doing something else~"
Leonard was teasing of course, but that didn't stop Sara from scoffing. He always had to say something sarcastic or inappropriate. Classic Captain Cold.
Although Leonard got on Sara's nerves considerably, she was secretly glad and - if she were honest with herself - very proud that she was the one person that Leonard could talk to on such a level - of course he had Mick, but everyone knew that he wasn't a guy who indulged in personal confidences. It implied a trust and respect between them that she knew was not there at the beginning when Rip recruited them months ago. Sara valued that connection she and Leonard shared. It didn't change the fact that did get on her nerves sometimes, alhough he was nowhere near as bothersome as Rip could be.
"Well, you're just out of luck, Snart." Sara reverted to using Leonard's last name on purpose to see his reaction, but he just raised an amused eyebrow briefly before resuming that same indifferent facial expression he always wore. It took a lot to faze him.
"And here, we were on such good terms. You really know how to pick at a guy, Lance. You're as cold as ice."
Sara burst out laughing and immediately covered her mouth in a futile attempt to stifle her attack of the chuckles. The joke wasn't even that funny, to be honest, but she was just in a good mood. Leonard's presence usually did tend to made her feel better. Sara looked over at Kendra, who stirred slightly in her sleep but made no signs that she was awake. Still, Sara kept laughing. The sound made its way past her lips and she tried in vain to keep from being too loud. This was ridiculous. Sara had never been this giggly before.
Suddenly, a hand covered her mouth and Sara blinked and jumped in surprise at the action. Sara's stomach flopped again as her laughter was quickly silenced and she stared into those intense blue-green eyes. Leonard simply stared back into hers.
"You don't want to wake the whole ship up, do you?" He whispered in a hushed voice.
Sara blinked several times in an attempt to act normal, as if Leonard's closeness wasn't affecting her, but it was. He was so close, so very close. All she would have to do was lean forward, pull his hand away from her own and press her lips to his. It wouldn't even take five seconds.
Whoa. Where the hell did that come from?
Sara needed control of this situation and fast, before she really did kiss Leonard, and who knows what would happen if she did that?
"I'm exhausted," was all she could get out. She kept from looking into Leonard's face this time. Those eyes would likely haunt her in her dreams tonight, anyway.
Leonard raised an eyebrow at her, but he didn't hesitate to respond.
"Well, that's a new experience for me. Definitely the first time a woman has kicked me out of her room after no physical contact. You're going to upset the status quo if you keep that up, Sara."
Sara rolled her eyes and slipped her hands under her blanket, pulling it up to her chest. The way her name rolled off his tongue, as if he were sampling it, made her knees quiver. That damn sexy drawl of his would be the death of her, she was certain of it. "And it won't be the last time either. Good night, Leonard."
He smirked again and leaned closer to her, so their lips were nearly touching. Sara's eyes widened and she did her best not to gulp in surprise or succumb to the moan that was lodged in her throat, eager for escape. What was wrong with her? She wasn't attracted to Leonard...right? Involuntarily, Sara's eyes gazed at Leonard's lips and she licked her lips. Damn. She was in trouble. Those lips were tantalizing...
In a harsh whisper, she hissed, "What the hell are you doing?"
Leonard's eyes were unreadable as his hands reached forward...and tucked the blanket under Sara's body. He did this until he had covered every inched of her, then he pulled back, smirk still present on his face.
"Just wanted to make sure you were nice and comfortable. The nights can be pretty chilly on this ship. Good night, Sara."
In an uncharacteristic show of affection, Leonard squeezed Sara's hand and sauntered off. When the door to her room slid shut, Sara breathed a heavy sigh of relief. A small smile spread on her lips as she realised that Leonard was right. She was indeed, very comfortable. Living on this ship with him, though, listening to his jokes, swapping barbs with him every day, that made Sara really comfortable. Too comfortable. Oh, well. She would handle it.
She would hide her feelings as best she could and try to stay neutral whenever Leonard came around. It was the only way she could keep from not getting herself lost in those eyes of his or kicking his ass, whichever worked.
As Sara slid back under the covers, she realised that, for the first time in years, she wasn't afraid to go back to bed. Another startling revelation was that Sara had finally recognised the voice of the person who called to her in her nightmare, as well whose hand pulled her out of the water. It was a calloused hand that Sara had gripped on a few occasions, but there was no doubt about it. The voice and the hand belonged to Leonard.
He was there when she was asleep, trying to wake her up. Even now, minutes after he had gone, Sara still felt the pressure of Leonard's hand on hers. It felt good to have him touch her so intimately like that. What a terrible liar. He actually did care.
'Points to Leonard,' Sara thought dreamily as sleep took her.