So, this is my first fan fic in more than 10 years. And as a huge fan of cold case, I was thinking about this since… a really long time. I finally wrote it this week end.
Mostly just fluff… Written a thousand times before…
It's in three small parts, each based on a song.
Hope you'll like it and that there aren't too many mistakes (I'm French, not always sure of my English!).
Please, if you do find mistakes or anything tell me, critics are welcome!!! Please Review!
Ok got to stop talking so much…
TELL YOU
If I don't tell you now
Song by Ronan Keating
I kept it inside, for the longest time
And I can't keep keeping it
All this love that's inside of my heart
Maybe it's safer not to say that I care
Maybe this road won't lead me anywhere
If I don't tell you now
Scotty was facing the window, watching the city, the clouds moving fastly in the sky.
He turned back and looked at her, lying in the bed. She was so pale, she seemed so fragile.
Lilly had been asleep for almost a week now. Therapeutic coma, they said.
He had failed. He hadn't been able to protect her. He swore himself to do so, and he had failed. His heart was crushed almost to death.
He approached the bed and sat near her… couldn't stop looking at her. He caressed her cheek softly.
He had been such a fool.
What was driving him almost crazy was not the fact that he loved her, that he was sure of. He realized it quite a while ago. Didn't know when it happened, the feelings were just… there…
He had been such a fool. Made so many mistakes in his life, and with her. All the girls he had were mistakes.
No regrets, regrets would kill him.
Chris was a mistake, the biggest one ever.
But she had been jealous, hadn't she?
Or was she just angry?
On the days of hope, it reassured him to think she had been jealous. That she felt something that wasn't just anger. It reassured him to think that because of his stupidity, things with her were not broken, just.. postponed… But there were so few days like this.
On ordinary days, which means, most of the time, he knew she was just angry with him, because he had lied to her.
But all this was behind them now. She almost died a week ago.
He had been such a fool.
What was driving him crazy was that if she had died, she'd have passed away without knowing, without him telling her how much…
Hold it back, hold it back, don't say it…
It had been his motto for these last two years.
He was so afraid she'd fly away if he said it, he preferred keeping her close and remain silent. Staying friends was, at least, better than not be together at all…
Now everything had changed.
He had to tell her how much he loved her, and needed her. The words had to come out.
Maybe this was the real biggest mistake of his life. But he couldn't go on like this. It had been safer not to say it.
When she got shot, he could have lost her forever… not to another guy, forever. He had to tell her. Even if it wouldn't lead anywhere, but her closing all the doors and running away from him.
He had to take his chance.
A single tear rolled down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away.
Scotty stood up and went to the window again.
If I don't tell you now
I may never get the chance again
To tell you that I need you,
Tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don't tell you now
Apology
Song by Ashley Parker Angel
Close to you, so far away,
A rented room, an empty space,
Sirens bleeding through the open door,
Movie scene in black and white,
The snow falls down alone tonight.
No one's ever felt like this before
What went wrong with you and me?
This is my apology.
From the moment that I leave, you stay with me,
You stay with me.
Lilly opened her eyes. From the darkness to the light.
Her head ached, all she saw was the white ceiling. She felt something in her throat. A tube. Where was she? A hospital.
Yes. I was in the room with him. He shot me.
Something… no someone moved in the back of the room. She slowly turned her head on the right.
Scotty!
He faced the window, turning his back at her.
Scotty!
She felt all her body aching. She couldn't move, nor speak.
She watched him staring at the sky, lost in his thoughts.
What time was it? How long had she been asleep? Why was he alone here? So many questions…
She heard noise in the hallway, but he didn't move. He didn't even seem to hear it.
Scotty I'm so sorry…
She had asked the guy to shoot her. She was so angry, so desperate.
Suddenly, the thought of her mother came up… dead…
Scotty came to see her at her apartment before the shooting. He was always there.
She had felt so alone. All her life. She had kept everything inside, her feelings about her mom, her sis, even about the job sometimes.
But he was always there. Watching her, helping her, reminding her that if she needed anything, he'd be there.
And she wanted him to be there. She needed him. He was so strong, the only thing that was stable in her life.
She was stuck behind her own walls, walls she had created to protect her. She never let anyone in, especially Scotty… why?
She was scared. Her pain and her loneliness where hidden, as hard as she could. Never let it show.
Scotty, I'm sorry. I asked him to kill me.
She had been so angry with him about Chris. So angry… and jealous. She realized it now.
He was her best friend. No, he was more than that and she knew it.
She had lied to herself for so long. She loved him. How could she had been so blind?
Scotty, I'm sorry. Will you understand.
She broke her promise. She had said she would call for help and she didn't.
He turned to her. He looked so sad!
He hurried to the bed, took her hand and said something about getting a nurse.
She could feel relief in his eyes, but still, sadness remained…
Scotty, I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner how much you meant to me…
She saw him coming back with a nurse. Then a doctor came in too.
He smiled at her and said he'd come back as soon as he was allowed.
No, don't leave me alone..
Scotty left the room and all went dark again.
Stuck inside a broken frame,
Watching as seasons change,
Hoping time will finally set me free,
Suddenly, you're standing there,
A crowded street, a lonely stare,
A thousand miles of traffic in between.
What went wrong with you and me?
This is my apology.
From the moment that I leave, you stay with me,
You stay with me.
You take my breath away
Song by Eva Cassidy
Sometimes it amazes me
How strong the power of love can be
Sometimes you just take my breath away
You watch my love grow like a child
Sometimes gentle and sometimes wild
Sometimes you just take my breath away
Scotty came back in the room. She was asleep again. They had removed all the tubes except from the one giving her some oxygen. Even asleep, she took his breath away.
Again, he sat on the edge of the bed.
Again, he took her hand. He pressed it against his lips.
And the words he was keeping inside for so long came out.
-Lil, if you only knew how much I love you. I should have told you. But I was so scared. I'm not anymore.
I ought to tell you, even if you don't feel the same.
He was still holding her hand when Stillman came in.
-How is she?
-She woke up this morning. They say she's ok. Needs some rest, but she's ok.
They stood still for a couple of minutes. Then Stillman asked:
-Do you want a coffee? Looks like you need one!
He had noticed their hands intertwined but didn't say anything.
Scotty shook his head, turned to Lilly once more and they left the room.
As soon as they walked out, Lilly opened her eyes.
For the first time in months, she was smiling.
Your beauty is there in all I see
And when I feel your eyes on me
Oh don't you know you just take my breath away
He hadn't been gone very long. Just a few minutes later he was back in the bedroom. Alone.
-Hey, you're awake! How do you feel? said he, sitting on the bed.
-Alive? She answered with a smile, slowly.
He smiled to but said:
-Please, don't joke about this. I… we were so worried about you. Everyone came to see you. The boss was there just a couple of minutes ago, had to go back to work.
-And you're not!
-No, I'm not… took some… time off, needed to rest… and to think…
he answered quite seriously.
-About the thinking part I don't know, but about taking some rest, shouldn't you be in the Bahamas or something?
She was joking again! How could she make joke after what happened?
He remained silent.
None of them spoke. They were just staring at each other.
He approached his hand and gently pulled away a strand of hair on her forehead, and caressed her cheek.
But instead of removing his hand, he let it rest on her cheek.
Slowly, he came closer and closer to her, hesitating, stopping… his heart was beating so fast it almost hurt.
Their faces were just a few inches from each other now.
As he kept coming closer, she murmured:
-I heard you. Earlier. I heard you and I…
He didn't let her finish. He had been waiting so long for her, he couldn't wait anymore.
He kissed her. One long kiss, soft and tender.
All the fears had vanished, the fear of rejection, of broken friendship…
He drew back, his eyes locked on her lips.
And then, Lilly took the step she'd never have taken a week ago. She had lost her mother, almost died, and finally realized she loved the man who'd been in front of her for all these years.
She kissed him back.
And it's too good to slip by
Too good to lose, too good to be there
Just to use
I'm gonna stand on a mountain top and tell the news
That you take my breath away