Okay, I know this won't be the best of the writings I've done, but I needed to take this out of my head. This was inspired while I read that story 'Papercuts', in which Lilo commits suicide because she was left aside by Stitch since he got Angel. Well, I must admit that I don't really like thinking of suicide as an only solution, so that's why I made this one. Hope you like it!
Light in the Darkness
The sky is cloudy and dark. There's no sign of the moon or the stars on the cold night sky, so the forest and the path I walk through are so dark I barely can see three feet ahead of me, but even so I don't stop running. A shiver climbs up my back, but I'm not sure if it's because of the cold wind stroking my whole body or if it is because I'm afraid of what I'm going to do. What am I doing here? I shouldn't be here. I'd love to turn around and go home, but I can't. It's too late for that. I've already written what I needed him to know. I have confessed it all. There's no coming back. He must have already found that piece of paper holding all of my thoughts and feelings for him. I can almost see him at home, sitting on his cot with eyes as big as plates as he reads my letter. I better hurry up before he comes up and tries to do something... well, that's at least if he cares anymore about me. As I walk, I start wandering on my mind about the reasons I came up at this extreme.
This all started since Stitch met Angel. At first I got extremely jealous of her, because if it weren't for her, Stitch and I would have been always the same with each other... I mean, being together while no one else but us and our Ohana mattered, but it was principally all about us. That was until Angel came along. As I've already said, I got extremely jealous, so I must admit that I was glad when Gantu took her away, but then I saw his face. It pained me just as much as he was pained to see that his beloved Angel wasn't there anymore. I saw on his face that he'd do anything for his newfound angel... just as he'd do anything for me… right? Well, I wasn't so sure anymore if he still cared for me, or if he ever even loved me. At first, I thought I was just mad at Angel because she had been about to take him away from me. That was true, but deep inside of me, I knew that wasn't the only reason. I knew there was something more, but I just couldn't figure out what it was.
Then days passed, and the days turned into weeks, then into months, and then the months turned into two whole years. We hadn't known anything about Angel since that night. I was looking through a lot of photos that we had taken of the experiments we had met, and then one slipped from the heap of photos. I looked at it. It was one of those Pleakley had taken of Stitch and... Angel. I showed it to Stitch, just to know if he still remembered her. Just as I mentioned the name 'Angel', his carefree face changed almost immediately and then he snatched the photo away from my hands. I was confused. Why would he do that? I had just wondered that when he kicked on the wall to reveal a little shrine with several photos and drawings of Angel. A fake plastic heart beated repeatedly as the theme of Romeo and Juliet played. That wasn't all, however. Then he had to stick the photo on that little shrine of his, and then he kissed the spot where the image of Angel was. He kissed for so long the photo… I had to make a great effort to keep my tears back. He still remembered her. Maybe he even loved her. Even though my heart ached with that thought, I promised him that we would get her back. I took his face on my hands as I made my promise. My stomach felt like if somebody had freed many butterflies inside of it when my hands touched the fur of his face and felt the skin under his fur, just like the other times when I pulled him into a hug or took his hand. But he loved Angel. He told her while we were caught in the crystal pods in Gantu's ship. Since that day, they became a couple. Stitch, however, still spent some time with me. It was rare the time when he ever went to see Angel, and she never came home to visit him. They weren't at all like a couple, so that made me a bit calmer. At least I had Stitch back, if not completely, then at least most of him with me, even though they were the ones supposed to be together the whole time.
I'm tired now of running. I've got to make a little pause to take back my breath. I know I shouldn't stop, because after all now I'm close to my destination, but my body needs a stop, so I decide to obey my body for once. My feet stop running and then I lean against a palm tree to take a short break. My lungs take in the cold air of the night eagerly, devouring the so needed oxygen. My legs are kind of tired too, so I drop on the ground with my back leaning against the palm tree for support. I look at the darkness surrounding me, so much like the darkness inside of my own mind and thoughts.
Then my mind starts again, just like you'd play a movie where you paused it at. After we caught all of the experiments, Jumba was offered to have his former post back, Pleakley was offered to be what he had desired the most in his life, and Stitch was offered to command the BRB 9000. If you considered how much Stitch liked adventure and action, you'd immediately guess that he'd do anything for an opportunity like this, and Jumba and Pleakley… well, I don't really need to tell again what they felt like. I was happy for them, but then it hit me that they'd have to leave, and maybe I'd never see them again… especially Stitch. Even though I felt like dying of sadness, I let him go, because I knew he'd be happy doing that. After all, he was made to be a war machine, and even though now he wasn't evil, his mind could still think strategically as a soldier's mind. Maybe it was the perfect place for him after all. It was horrible to have to say goodbye. Until then, I had only thought that I loved him as a very close friend, almost like a brother… but when I watched the enormous spaceship leaving, I felt it wasn't only that… it was something that went beyond of all what I had thought before. When the spaceship was gone, I noticed by first time… Angel hadn't gone to even say goodbye. Either Stitch hadn't told her, or she couldn't go (or didn't want to).
A cold drop of water falls upon my nose. I look up to the sky, and then I see that the clouds are now covering the whole sky. I stand up and start walking, instead of running. I've barely walked like half of the way to the place. As the cold drops fall on my silky black hair, I remember all what happened after Stitch returned from the BRB and the Galactic Alliance let him stay on Earth. I can still remember his words. "Stitch has found one true place he truly belongs. On Earth… with Lilo". That made my heart jolt of excitement inside of me. He didn't say anything like "on Earth with my Ohana" or just "on Earth". Not even with Angel! He said "…with Lilo." That's what actually made me so happy. Even when we took the last photo for the experiments database (actually, a book with several photos of cousins and their one true place), he stayed beside me. Angel appeared on the photo, but she wasn't even next to him. That made me even happier, because once more, it seemed like if it was all about us again.
Now I can hear the waves crashing against the beach. I'm near. My mind is still running. I remember thinking that after all the Leroy thing was over, Stitch and I would be the same, just like before we met Angel. But I was wrong… terribly, awfully wrong. Just one month had gone by. The first day, I was a bit sore because he left with no advice, but I didn't really care about it. Then it happened a second day, then a third, then a fourth… weeks went by, and Stitch always left with no advice. I never knew where he left to, and one of those days of total boredom without him, I went to the beach to take some photos. I thought at first of taking my usual weird photos of fat tourists in swimming suits, but I was more in the mood of taking photos of the countryside. I went to a secret beach… well, almost secret, since only Stitch and I knew about it because we had gone several times there to play and have some fun together. Just imagine my surprise and disdain when I found that it wasn't our beach anymore… when I found that Stitch had brought Angel there to play in the place we had accorded would be only ours and no one else's. I didn't let him see me, but I returned home with tearful eyes. Now I knew why he had been absent for so many days, and now I knew as well that every especial bond I could be hoping on making around Stitch was for no use. He had now a new angel… and now I wasn't his angel anymore. I had been left apart.
Three years have passed since that awful day when I found out about all this, and during those three years, I have been living depressed… of course, Stitch is so busy with Angel now that he barely notices. He's home only at nights, and when I woke up in the mornings, I always faced an empty cot ahead. I just realized a month ago that all this pain comes from something more than just friendship love for Stitch, and it only added more pain to my breaking heart. Not only I don't have Stitch's love, but I won't ever have a chance of having it, because he's got Angel and because I'm human. I want him to be happy, but I can't watch him being happy either because it would destroy me inside as well, so this is why I have taken this decision. I'm too coward just to take a knife from the kitchen and cut my wrist, or taking a gun from Jumba's ship and shot at my head. I had told myself several times that dying wouldn't actually guarantee that Stitch will be happy, but now I don't actually care. I'm dying inside, anyway, so why would it be worse to make the inevitable come sooner? Just look what I've become: a silly, abandoned lovesick girl. Maybe Stitch will be pained at first, but then he'll forget me, just as he did to go with his precious Angel. He'll be okay…
Now I'm here, at the brisk of a dangerous cliff. There are several rocks at the bottom. I remember sneaking several times here with Stitch since Nani didn't like this place, and I remember leaning on to look at the beautiful blue waters crashing against the hard rocks to form a snowy spume while he grabbed my hand to keep me from falling. I sit down at the edge and let my legs swing on the air while my mind plays a last flashback. I can see myself here with Stitch, holding my hand just like whenever we came here.
-Do you think you're gonna marry one of your female cousins, Stitch? —I asked him once. He shook emphatically his head.
-Naga! Love is yuck!
-Aww, come on Stitch… you'll have to get to move on someday and maybe marry someone… maybe one of your female cousins, as I said —of course, I was only joking, but he shook his head seriously.
-Naga. Stitch doesn't want to marry, because if Stitch marries someone, then he no be with Lilo anymore. Stitch wants to be with Lilo. Stitch doesn't want to fall in love… if Stitch has to get away from Lilo. Naga… Stitch no wants that…
I felt flattered, but I had to disguise my awkward feelings as well as I could.
-Nah. You'll see someday how you'll fall in love and will want to marry that girl. Oh, talking about marriage… could you keep awake to finish watching "The bride of the Werewolf"? —and then our conversation went to another thing. But of course, even if he said he didn't want to fall in love, he found Angel, and did what he said he didn't want to do. That happened like four years ago in this very same cliff, but instead of cold rain hitting my back, there was a warm, soft breeze caressing us gently. My tears get mixed up with the rain drops. I'm not so sure anymore if I want to do this, but I have to… for my own good. And Stitch's too.
I look down at the rocks and the sea. The water isn't that gorgeous blue it used to be when I came with Stitch here, but it's a creepy black color, and the rocks look sharper than ever. All I've got to do is push myself forward and let me fall into that dark abyss, but I'm afraid. I've got to gather all of my courage to do this. Finally, I have gathered all of my courage, and now I have only one more thing left to do before I leave. I say goodbye in my mind to all of the ones I love, and at last, I say goodbye to him, with tears in my eyes. Just when I'm starting to slide into the abyss, I hear a very faint voice calling me. At first, I think it is my imagination, but then I hear it louder and closer.
-Lilo!
I turn my head around. I think I let out a gasp of surprise and relief when I saw Stitch appearing from the thick ferns of the forest, trying desperately to catch me up in time before I do something stupid. When I see him, all my courage abandons me and I break down crying with all of my bottled up pain. I want to say that I'm sorry, that I'm a stupid head for wanting to kill myself, but no sound comes out from my mouth. All I can do is standing up and trying to reach Stitch, but the rain made the grass too slippery, and when I try to stand up, my feet skid on the mud and grass, and then I fall into the cliff, but my hand is barely able to reach for a rock that is sticking out of the rocky wall. I could hear Stitch screaming my name in panic, and then rushing to the edge of the cliff. Then he sees that I'm holding onto a rock that will stick out at any moment.
-Hold my hand!
I take his outstretched hand and grip it. He pulls me up hardly. He's got to be careful not to skid into the abyss as well, and he was about to fall too for a couple of seconds. Then I finally get out of the cliff, but I don't let go of his hand until I can feel that I'm in a secure place with no slippery ground, and even so, my hand has not let go of his. He carries me on his arms under the rain for who knows how long. All I remember is that everything went dark and then when I woke up, I was in our room with dry clothes on. Nani was putting some cold towels on my forehead, and Stitch was caressing my hand soothingly with his.
-She's awake now! —Nani exclaims, and then takes me into her arms. I hear the whirr of the old elevator and soon Jumba and Pleackley are there as well, everybody holding relieved expressions on their faces.
-Little girl! You gave us big fright! —Jumba shouts as Pleakley just agrees with him.
-Oh, Lilo! Please DON'T ever do that again! You gave us a death fright! —Nani scolds me as she cries and hugs me tighter.
-I… I'm sorry —is all I can mutter under my blanket.
-It's so good Stitch found you in time… I don't want to think what would have happened if he wasn't there! —Pleakley shivers though as if he had already imagined what my fate would have been if Stitch wasn't there to save me. Everybody seems to be scolding me and comforting me at the same time… everybody but Stitch, who only seems to be trying to soothe me down with his soft hand.
-I think you should rest, Lilo. It's too late right now, and tomorrow I'll ask Jumba to check you out to see if you didn't get any harm. I want to talk to you as well, so you better have some rest —Nani says as she looks at the aliens. Jumba nods approvingly and Pleakley just follows his roommate, and then Nani goes out at last.
Stitch looks at them until they're gone, and then he turns his head at me. I thought he was going to scold me too, but all what he does is staring at me with those huge black eyes of his. I can see inside of them that he's relieved of having reached me in time, and as I stare into his eyes, I think I can see that warm look he always gave me when he wanted to soothe me down. I turn aside my head. I can't actually look him anymore in the eye. I'm too ashamed of my stupidity… and because now he knows the way I feel about him.
-I'm sorry, Stitch —I barely whisper under my breath. He stands up and sits on my bed, next to me. I don't know what else to say, but then he opens his mouth to talk.
-Stitch glad he reached Lilo… in time —he says. I'm a bit surprised. I had thought he was going to ask me why I wanted to kill myself, and then he'd scold me… but all he could say was that. —Stitch was very scared… very afraid… he wouldn't reach Lilo, that it would be too late… —and then as he says that his voice cracks. I lift my head to look at him and then I'm shocked to see that he's actually crying for me.
-How did you reach me? I thought you were with Angel when I was half of the way to the cliff —I said. He looks at me and then shakes his head.
-Naga. Stitch… looking for you. Stitch saw Lilo when she left. Thought she was going to store or something. But then Angel found letter. Stitch read it. Stitch got scared when he read last part. Angel angry… when she read… part where Lilo said… she loved Stitch. —and then silence from him. My face must have got pale instead of blushing. So Angel knew too what was only meant for Stitch to know. Stitch must have guessed I wasn't going to talk, so he continued —Stitch told Angel… he didn't want Lilo to die. Angel said Lilo wanted to die because she wanted Angel and Stitch to be happy. She said that Lilo was probably already dead, and that it was to no avail… but Stitch wanted to go save Lilo. Angel mad… she told Stitch that it was either Lilo or Angel.
He stopped talking there. I was listening intently to him. It was obvious that he had chosen me, but I wanted to know something —so? What about Angel?
-She broke up with Stitch —he said. I tried to catch any hint of sadness in his voice, but I couldn't, but instead I caught an angry hint. I looked at him confused, and then, as if he were reading my thoughts, he continued. —but Stitch doesn't regret he chose Lilo. Stitch prefers to have Lilo than having Angel. Stitch loves Lilo… more than he loves Angel.
When he said that, my eyes went directly to his to see what he could tell me with his eyes, but he dropped them. What did he mean? Did he mean he loved me like a friend, or maybe…?
-That's why Stitch spent more time with Angel… than with Lilo —he went on, making me listen more intently to him. I was confused more than anything… if he cared more for me than for Angel, then why he still kept on spending more time with her?
-I don't understand… —I blurted. Then I felt his hand reaching for mine and holding it, but it was in a very different way from the other times he had held my hand.
-Stitch spent more time with Angel… because he wanted to convince himself… that he loved Angel more than Lilo. But Stitch was wrong. Only thing he got… was realizing… of how much he actually loved Lilo and missed her. But Stitch knows that Ohana wouldn't approve it. They would say it is wrong. But today Stitch was about to lose Lilo. He realized… that he doesn't care what everybody else thinks. Not even Angel. That's why Stitch went after Lilo to stop her… because if Lilo died, Stitch wouldn't forgive himself. Ever. Because Stitch loves Lilo… too.
My heart stopped in that very moment. My brain shut down completely, and I couldn't believe what he had just said. Yeah, he said he loves me, but did he mean like a friend? No, it was not very likely. He said he loved me too… just as I do. But even so, what if I was misunderstanding him again? It wouldn't be the first time, after all.
-What do you mean, Stitch? —I ask confused. Even though his fur is so dark, I could barely notice a blush creeping into his cheeks.
-Stitch loves Lilo. That's what Stitch means.
-But… I always thought you loved Angel.
-Stitch never loved Angel. Stitch liked her… but Stitch never loved her, because he always loved Lilo. If Stitch loved Angel, Stitch would have let Lilo die. But Stitch didn't let that happen.
Right on that moment, I regretted thinking that he didn't even care for me, and that he would even forget me if I died. I threw my arms around him and cried, and he did the same. His arms went gently around my back, caressing my head and brushing my soft hair with his claws affectionately. Before I knew what was happening, I already had my lips upon his, kissing him as I cried. I don't know what I was crying for, but I think it was relief because he had found me and saved me from myself, because he had saved me from the darkness inside of me and brought light again. But immediately as I realized that I was kissing him, I pulled away abruptly and let my eyes stare at my lap.
-I-I'm sorry, Stitch… I don't know what happened…
-Don't be… —he replied. He lifted my face gently with his index and thumb, and when I had lifted my face, he kissed me. He was so gentle, so soft… like if he was trying to wash away all of my pain with his lips. We kept kissing for so long that I lost every notion of time, and it felt just like if time had stopped, or at least it had stopped for the two of us. Finally, he pulled away, but kept holding me in his arms, hugging me. I know that as he said, our Ohana won't approve this at first, but I'm sure they'll learn to accept it and will leave us to be together eventually. By now, I'm thankful he made it in time, before I let myself slide into that dark abyss. I'm thankful my memories of him made me slow down too, because if it weren't for those memories, I wouldn't have stopped and he would have never found me, but overall I'm thankful he lit a light in the darkness of my heart and thoughts to save me from myself.
