Titled: Pain in my heart I
Author: wheretobe
Rating: M
Summary: Events after Halfwit [Huddy
Disclaimer: I don't own House or it:s Characters. Fox does tho, and I'm just borrowing them for this snippet.
It had been Foreman who came to her the next morning, to tell her what the Ducklings had found out, how they went to House to tell him the good news, only to be disappointed beyond believe by their Mentor.
She had listened silently, sighed after the story had finished, then rubbed her eyes warily. Pushing the files to the side she leaned back in her chair, head turned to the side staring out one of the windows.
' Dr Cuddy...did you hear? He faked all of it, to go to Boston and get the treatment to get high.' He looked at her as if he waited what effect it would have, scrutinizing her closely.
'Tell me Dr Foreman what I am supposed to say now? That we should've known, he's a junkie after all. Or should I start cursing and threatening?'
Foreman looked at her angered
'Well something has to be done. He is a threat.'
Lisa gnawed at her lower lip, sighing once more.
'Dr Foreman, I understand the unprofessionalism House has once more shown and believe me he will face consequences, but do understand that it doesn't help right now that you stand here whining. Go back to your Job and let me think about what should be done now. Tell Dr's Chase and Cameron to complete this weeks clinic work. I'll take care of House.'
She motioned with her hand for him to leave, pulling the papers back in front of her and staring them down, waiting for the affirmative click of her door. It came and with it the held back flood of tears. They were silent, just rolling down her cheek, a mix of relief, anger, sadness and disappointment. A turmoil that would leave her empty. She turned with her chair to face the windows, shades drawn. Biting down on her lip to stop those damn sobs from escaping, wrecking her on the way. She wiped her cheeks angrily. She should've known, should've looked at the files more closely, request more blood from House and redo the bloodworks. She didn't though, because the feeling of him deadly sick simply had floored her.
When she had called Boston she was simply angered that House would consider going somewhere else. She wanted to make sure Boston knew it would be a hard fight, no she would never give up on him, she knew the Ducklings weren't ready to work on their own, their internal fights too a many and their knowledge not even close to House's. But the Diagnostics department was vital for PPTH and she wouldn't give that up without a fight. And she wouldn't let him leave her life once more.
It hit her even harder when they wouldn't confirm he was a patient nor tell her otherwise.
So he was sick. She heard the Dr.'s name before and she didn't associate a good feeling with him. The fist around her heart squeezed harder and harder.
No, she would not freak. Confirm first was her mantra on her way to Wilson.
She had felt so empty when she had come home that night, she barely made it through the door until the first sobs wrecked her slim form, dragging herself up to her bedroom she undressed as fast as she could crying and then went right into the shower, breaking down under the scalding hot spray of water.
'I heard the kids came to you bearing complains?'
It was too much. A dry sob wrung from her and she once more dissolved in tears.
After the Ducklings had left he tried going back to sleep. What was one more of his stunts to the people around him? He had never said he had cancer, never wanted their pity nor help. It was all their fault. They had made it all up.
He couldn't sleep though, something haunted him. No, not something, it was her. Her face, she tried being strong, tried not to say anything. But she broke when he had been about to leave her house again. Gave him something, so when he needed her, should that ever come, he'd know that she'd be there. Without shame and guilt he'd taken her up on her offer.
At first it was just a grab for her rear, he still doesn't know when it changed into something carrying emotion. Maybe when she hadn't pushed him away but simply held him tighter. Maybe when he started to feel the deep sadness ooze from her. In that moment he started feeling guilty.
House hadn't felt guilty in a long time. He had broken the hug, needing to get away from her before he would admit what he had done, try to make it better, tell her it was all just a bad joke, somehow breake her out of that sad state and put her into something else, even if it was anger.
Anger he could deal with. Shrug it of and hobble away. Her sadness seemed to consume him, always.
So he laid in bed, staring at his ceiling almost fearing what would come the next day, what he knew had to come. He hoped for anger, more clinic hours. He knew he would just have to make her impossibly mad with his attitude. Sometime around five a.m. he finally fell into a toss and turn sleep.
He made his way into the Hospital around eleven, thinking that alone should piss her off enough. Strutting into his office he hoped to find it empty. It wasn't.
'I told Dr Cuddy.'
Simple and straight forward.
'You told Cuddy about you fantasising to wear her undies on your head?' weak comeback but at least something. 'Still no reason to sit in my chair.' He motioned with his cane, trying to get Foreman to leave, he had no such luck, only eliciting a smirk from the neurologist.
'Hello? Cripple wanting to sit!' holding the cane up and shaking it viciously.
'This time you went too far.' finally, Foreman stood up and left.
When House was sure he was out of sight he hung his head for a second. Heaving a sigh he turned and left again, His shoulders felt heavy somehow, his gait was weaker.
Strutting into Wilson's office he threw himself onto the couch, sighing desperately to get attention.
'You messed up big time.' Said without looking up.
'I never said I ...' he couldn't finish the sentence because Wilson simply stood up and left, without turning back, not one glance.
He felt a little dumbstruck, no more chance to avoid seeing her. He tried imagining her as the big, bad, fire spitting dragon, only managing to see her image of last night, in night clothes, stripped of her power suits, her harsh demeanor. She simply had been drained, tired but still tried to be strong for him.
He mustered all the cockiness he had in himself and walked into her office without knocking. Her chair was turned towards the windows, shades drawn.
'I heard the kids came to you bearing complains?'
It was supposed to sound mocking, it didn't. It held no strength just maliciousness and he was shocked himself, just didn't show it.
He almost dropped his cane when he heard the first sobs break from her, shaky and ragged. His eyes widened to shock as he tried to think of something to say.
Lisa bit her lip harder, finally quieting down to speak.
'Lea...leave...'hiccups accompanied what sounded like the desperate plead it was.
She hopes, begged and prayed he would for once do as she asked. She knew deep down he wouldn't.
He softened, he was suddenly scared of the implications of his wrong doing.
'Lisa...I..' he slowly walked towards her, trying to thin of something to say, wishing he would have confided her in, explain to her what he was doing and why.
Closing her eyes she swallowed hard, wishing away the pain.
'Don't...just don't say anything. Leave.'
House couldn't, for once he felt the need to make it better. He walked around the table, put his cane on its top and then came standing before her, she tried turning away but he stopped her.
Looking up at him she felt no emotion at all at his forlorn look. Empty, thats what described it best.
'Lisa...', edged with a sudden shame and pleading.
He knew it'd be painful, he did it anyways. Slowly House knelt down on his good knee in front of her, his hands holding the chair in a death grip.
Shaking her head, eyes closed and tears still seeping out.
'I'm...I'm sorry.' He meant it. For the first time in years, he meant it, felt it with each fibre of his selfish being.
A snort, then she stood, pushing him down on his ass, and walked away, grabbing her purse and jacket on the way out.