"I would often talk to myself when I felt scared or unsure. I would speak of everything that worried or frightened me. However, I was not alone when I shared those thoughts, far from it. I was in the company of what I thought was a creation of my mind. But I am afraid they were very much real" Santana explained. "People say, I am my own worst enemy, and maybe they're right but I however, do not agree. I believe these things, the shadows are and I can't escape them. No matter how hard I try" Santana felt a lump in her throat and bit down on her lip trying to hold back tears.
Before Dani could reply to Santana's confession she had fled from the room in the blink of an eye. Santana ran for as long as she could and didn't look back once. She regretted opening up as soon as the words slipped from her mouth. Santana ran the 4 miles back to her small apartment, slammed the door behind her and sank to the floor. She panted, sucking in huge amounts of air attempting to get her breath back with tears flowing down her face uncontrollably.
Santana was alone, and although she quite enjoyed her own company, for the first time in her life she felt vulnerable. Santana had never opened up like that before and she didn't like it at all. She felt that if she kept everything to herself, she would be safe and nothing would change. Santana believed that by keeping everything locked up inside and building a thick wall around her self, not allowing anybody entry, it would be better for everybody.
4am knew all of Santana's secrets, 4am was when Santana would let it all go, so to speak. She took her blade, pushed down hard on her left wrist and dragged it half way up her forearm. She would focus on the pain, it's the only thing that's real. But tonight was different. She pulled out the gun she recently purchased, a pad of paper, a pen and she began to write.
My darling Dani. I love you, from the bottom of my heart, and as much as I would love to continue I just can't anymore. None of this is your fault, I know you'll be blaming yourself, but please don't. You gave me home for the longest time, you made me see things in a different light and these past 18 months have been the best months of my life. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I wish you all the happiness, all the love and everything that you've ever dreamed of. I'm sorry I couldn't give that to you. I love you Dani Torres, don't ever forget that. You have my heart forever.
All my love,
Santana.
xxxxxxx
And with that, she took the loaded hand gun, brought it up to her head, in a shaky voice she whispered "goodnight" and pulled the trigger.