A/N- A challenge from my DADA class on Mugglenet. So you want to be a good Death Eater? Here are some tips. I hope I succeeded in making someone laugh!

The Death Eater looked down on the new recruit with a skeptical look on his face. "You don't look like Death Eater material to me," he scoffed.

"Leave the kid alone," a maternal-looking Death Eater led the recruit away from the hall and into a small room with a comfortable sofa.

"Well, kid, I don't know why you've joined, but since you look a little ripe, I'll give you a few tips to being the ideal Death Eater. Honestly- it's not that hard. Just don't get in his way." The woman handed the recruit a slip of parchment and hurried out of the room. The list read:

1. Never disturb the Dark Lord's plotting.

2. Don't ever wake him when he's napping, either.

3. Always agree with his ideas, even when in reality they are quite ridiculous, like rearranging Dumbledore's sock drawer.

4. The Dark Lord strongly dislikes touching.

5. That means don't hug him.

6. Always wear plain black robes and plain white masks. Flat-toed shoes are required.

7. Don't sing.

8. Not even a hum or a whistle.

9. Unless it's 9:00 on Wednesdays, because that's "sing about defeating Harry Potter" time.

10. If you ever bring the Dark Lord a meal, never include sweet things. He's diabetic.

11. Don't forget to tell the Dark Lord how particularly frightening he looks today.

12. If the Dark Lord does something stupid, immediately do something stupider so he feels better about himself.

13. Never wear bright, happy colors. You will be crucioed.

14. Do not tease or imply that something is wrong with his nose.

15. Never call him anything but "My lord."

16. Call him "Tom," and you're dead.

17. Calling him "The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live" is not an alternate solution.

18. Never suggest therapy or yoga classes.

19. Never introduce him to Potter Puppet Pals.

20. Never protest against the grim-looking Dark Mark. You may not attempt laser treatment.

21. Do NOT pinch him or ever talk down to him, no matter how bad his tantrum is.

22. Never mention the fact that the Dark Lord is not actually a pureblood.

23. Always act sympathetic if the Dark Lord starts to launch into a story about his orphan childhood.

24. You must take weekly dance classes. The Dark Lord expects you to be ready for when he performs a dance number over Harry Potter's dead body.

25. Always come to the Dark Lord when your Dark Mark burns, no matter what you are currently doing. Before you die, though, you'd better have a good excuse in order to die with as little pain as possible.