This is set after City of Glass, but instead of Sebastian dying, he escapes and takes clary to his dimensional apartment. It makes sense in my head (well it did when I wrote this at 2am because I couldn't sleep) but basically Sebastian's got Clary captured.
All mistakes are my own.
This fic is rated M for mature themes of rape, incest and mild torture.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Mortal Instuments.
I wake up, pinning the thin sheet that covers me down with my shoulder on one side and hand on the other. I'm lying on my side. I close my eyes again, not ready to face the day.
"Clarissa!" Sebastian calls and I hear him making his way down to the basement, where the room I'm currently inhabiting is. It's bare, except for a wire bedframe that I would associate with old fashioned hospitals, a blue and white striped mattress, with a couple of rusty springs poking out, a threadbare white sheet, that's so covered in dirt and grime now it could hardly be classified as white, and a small shelf, which used to house books. There's a small alcove in the corner where a toilet, basin and shower are situated. There's only a clear screen on the shower, so Sebastian can see me at all times.
"Clarissa!" He shouts again, more angry and forcefully this time. I clamp my eyes shut as he unlocks the gate and enters my "room". "Clarissa." He shoves my shoulder down, hard, causing me to cry out slightly, revealing that I am, in fact, awake. "You think you can fool me?" He claps a hand around my throat and I'm almost begging him to end it. This torture. My life.
They're the same now.
Normally he leaves me alone in the mornings, especially if he's been rough the day before. And I can feel he has. My insides squirm as he thrusts a pill in my face, along with a bottle of water. The morning after pill, something I've become all too familiar with over the past few months. He only ever gives me one, and watches me take it, so I can't stock up with enough to overdose. I'm not sure I would, given the chance. I'm too afraid of his demon spawn. "You have two minutes to get dressed, Clarissa." He says, throwing down some clothes before leaving and locking the bars to my prison cell behind him.
I scramble up, knowing that if I don't comply, he'll give me hell, and I mean absolute and utter hell, later. I groan as I move, everything hurts. He was rough last night, and I vaguely remember being given stamina runes, so he could keep using me as his... Whore.
I've only just slipped into my clothes when he returns. He drags me up the stairs to the living area, which I hardly ever see, by my hair, causing me to scream out in pain, from carpet burn as well as pressure on my head. There's paper and a half-blunt pencil set neatly on the table. Not sharp enough to stab myself with, but sharp enough to draw.
"I need you to create a rune."
"What for?"
"Increased hearing."
It only takes a couple of minutes of thinking to come up with it, although during that time he's punched me in the back, where I know a bruise will blossom, and dug his claw-like nails into my shoulder. This isn't the first rune I've done for him, it's got to be at least the tenth. At first, I created runes which would inflict pain, instead of his desired effect, but he'd find young Shadowhunters to test them on first, and then torture me with them until I gave in and drew him the correct ones.
"Thank you, Clarissa." He says, snatching the paper off me once I set the pencil down. "Now do I need to test this one? I'm sure I could find someone willing. A Lightwood perhaps?" I shake my head, not trusting myself not to cry if I open my mouth. I try not to think about them anymore. Alec and Izzy and Jace. I tried to convince myself that they'd be happy. That someone would have told Jace he's not a demon. That they're... Okay after what happened to Max. What Sebastian did to Max.
He rewards me with a piece of bread that surprisingly isn't mouldy, before throwing me down the stairs and following to lock the door behind me. "I'm going out, Clarissa. Don't speak to anyone - oh no, you can't." He chuckles to himself hat his brilliant joke before leaving. I lean back on my bed.
Breathing slowly, I unpeel my shirt to inspect the damage from last night. There's some fantastic bruises, although not all from last night, in varying shades of black, blue, purple, green and yellow. I've forgotten what the cool wave of an iratze feels like, what stele burning into the skin to give you strength does. Of course Sebastian hasn't given me a stele, and it's not like he'd put any on me himself, other than the stamina runes that I try so hard to forget.
I look at myself in the cracked and grimy mirror. Who is this girl, with bruises covering her cheekbone, a black eye? Dark circles from lack of sleep. White spots on her nails from lack of calcium. Chapped lips. Long, dirty hair. Sunken eyes and dry skin. She looks dead. And in a way, I guess she is.
The next day, I hear him come back. He takes a while to come and find me, to check I'm still alive. I wish he wouldn't. Then maybe I would die. Eventually, I hear his footsteps. They're heavy and from the weight I'd have to guess his mission didn't too well. And there's only one thing he can take his anger out on.
I breathe slowly. The second he enters the room he barrels into me, knocking me to the floor. Next moment I'm up again, and he's got his hand clamped around my arm. "You ready, little sister?" He only calls me that when he's about to rape me. His other hand shoots up my skirt and the torture begins. It doesn't take long for there to be a bulge at his crotch, or his fighting gear to be on the floor. He rips my clothes off me too, as quickly as possible. I feel he just wants to get inside of me. I relax as much as I can, knowing that if I don't I'll bleed all night, and the mattress already had enough stains. He shoves his tongue down my throat, and resist a gag, as apparently "that's rude, little sister." With one hand he fondles my breast, the other makes knots in my hair as I internally beg for the torture to stop.
Every time I remember the first. I was terrified, even more so than I am now. It had been a couple of weeks, maybe months, since he'd taken me. Of course I'd heard of sex, even thought about it, with Jace, since I did now have a boyfriend. Sorta. But I'd never actually done it. At first, I didn't realise that's what he was doing, I thought he was just kissing me. But kissing prevented me from seeing what he was doing, unbuckling his belt. I think I realised then, as he pulled on the chord keeping my skirt up. "What are you doing?" I'd whispered.
He'd replied, "What you want me to do, Clary." The single and only time he's called me Clary.
"No I don't. Jona- Sebastian stop. Please!"
"Morgenstern's don't beg, little sister," He said, pinning my writs to the wall with his hands, and my head with his mouth. "Now, little sister, are you going to do this willingly, like you know you want to, or will I have to tie you up?" My eyes turned glassy. If I was tied up, I couldn't push him away. He thrust hard and raped me.
My brother, my rapist.
When I screamed, all he could say was, "There's no one to hear you, no one to help." And he was right. There wasn't. There isn't.
I bled so hard the next day I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die. There was dried blood on the floor and fresh blood still oozing out of my body. I knew what happened to a women when she was raped, we'd done it in science. The vagina muscles tighten, and then are ripped to shreds by her rapist's penis. Sebastian's. I felt - feel - so disgusted, especially when Sebastian forced the morning after pill down my throat. I could have conceived a baby with that... Thing. It took a while for it to happen again, but the visits became more frequent, he got rougher and rougher, finally resorting to stamina runes so he could go on longer. He wouldn't stop when I had my period, although I don't get that anymore, I'm too skinny. The morning after pills are just in case.
When I first skipped a visit from Mother Nature I was so scared I had conceived a thing with him, Sebastian, I remember forcing him to punch me, hard in the stomach, making sure that it would go. A month later I realised what had happened.
When I wake up I'm lying on the floor, naked, with a small pool of blood around my thighs. I drag myself to the bed and fall back into a dreamless sleep, I'm too tired to nightmares.
The next morning Sebastian jeers at me through my gate. "Nice night last night, Clarissa?" I don't even have the strength left to glare. "I think it was. Now I'm going out again, and when I come back I want two new runes drawn." He shoves a pen and paper through the bars that make my gate. "One for nourishment, because I realised, why keep feeding you when giving you a rune would be cheaper, easier and quicker. And one for removing, let's say, unwanted female body hair. You know, leg, underarm, pubic." He winks and makes me want to vomit, if I had anything to chuck up.
"Why?" I whisper softly.
"Let's say a client wants it." So now he's whoring not only me but my rune talent too. I guess some guys take everything. He shoves my clothes for the day through the bars and leaves. I'm alone. I pick up the skirt, always skirts, never trousers, I assume so he can shove his hand up them, and put it on, before repeating with the shirt.
They're quite unusual runes to ask for and I am lacking in ideas and inspiration, but I have both runes done after some time, when I know it's dark, because the triangle of light at the top of the stairs is gone, but Sebastian still isn't back yet. I leave the paper out for him with each rune labelled before climbing into the creaky bed with springs that poke you if you're not careful.
Sebastian doesn't get back until it's been light for some time the next day. And someone, something is with him. I hear him speaking in a demon language and grab the pen he left yesterday as sky only weapon. I'm a Shadowhunter, it's in my blood to kill demons. But I drop the pen. I don't want to kill this demon. I want it to kill me. Sebastian comes down and quickly applies both the runes I've drawn to me, which causes masses of hair that I've grown the last few months to fall out. But not on my head. "We've got a visitor, Clarissa. Be nice to him." It's an Eidolon Demon, but I'd know those black eyes anywhere. He's only pretending to be a man, much like the only other person in the room. I don't speak, whilst Sebastian converses with the demon. The demon nods and him and Sebastian appear to have some kind of discussion before I am marched back down to my basement and the demon leaves. I know what I'm expecting but it doesn't happen. "Well done Clarissa." He says, slowly, evenly, looking down on me with a slight sneer. "You have a big day tomorrow so make sure you sleep well." He turns and leaves me alone, not forgetting to lock up. I breathe out, not even realising I was holding my breath.
Has he finally grown a heart?
I find out the answer the next day. No.
Its late afternoon, I think, by the time Sebastian comes to visit me the next day. He reapplies the nourishment rune, as well as a couple of iratzes for some reason, before dragging upstairs, as always, by the hair. He leads me into one of the rooms I've never been in before, which has a huge window. It's beautiful, wherever we are. Sebastian forcibly turns me round, punching me down on to the only piece of furniture, a huge bed with silky red sheets and pullover. I could sleep for a week in this bed.
"Stay here, Clarissa. Our guest from yesterday is coming in a minute and I need you to entertain him." I don't realise what he means by this, still preoccupied by the big fluffy bed. I nod and Sebastian leaves.
The next person through the door is the demon. The one from yesterday. And I finally get what Sebastian meant as entertainment. He has a huge bulge around his crotch, which I barely see before his pants are around his ankles. He reaches up my skirt with his claws, pulling my underwear down and ripping it to shreds, as well as the top of my leg. He pulls my shirt off, once again with a rip, before carefully undoing the clasp of my bra with his teeth. He sucks on my collarbone, with a hand on each of my breasts, moving his mouth in a trail up to my lips. I'm too shocked to scream.
My brother, my pimp.
I'm only half surprised when his tongue is forked, going down my throat, preventing me from breathing. He's only just inside me and he wants more. I'm too tight though. I'm tight because I'm scared. I'm terrified. He forces himself in me, and I can almost hear my cells tear. He's thrusting, hard, hard, harder, causing me to scream, which he thinks is from enjoyment, I know it to be pain. His hands are fastened, securely, around my waist, tight, too tight, and if I look tomorrow I know there will be finger shaped bruises. He digs his nails into my back, arms, wrists. I hope Sebastian takes pity on me again with an iratze.
Next his hands are all up in my hair, twisting it, knotting it, pulling it, hurting me. I try and cry out again, but his hand is over my mouth, his eyes bright with excitement. He thinks the horror in my eyes is excitement too.
I don't know how long it is before he leaves it certainly feels like forever. I have just enough strength left in me to see that the door was open as he left, and Sebastian had been watching him whoring me. He passes Sebastian a small bag of something. Definitely my pimp.
Once the demons gone, Sebastian re-enters the room, undoing the button on his jeans. "No." I whisper.
"What was that little sister?" He looks at me expectantly before slapping me round the face. "Answer me goddamn it!"
"I said no." I whisper again, a little louder.
"You said no. To me?" He slaps me round the face again. "Little sister, don't you see that I need to cleanse you from what he's done. I need to wash away his sins."
"With your own." I make a feeble attempt to run, to escape, but all I get is a punch to the face, which puts me right back in the bed.
"You're mine, little sister. You know that, don't you? I own you now. I can do what I like with you. I own you. And you can't protest." He flashes his stele out and a stamina rune is on my arm before I can even look up. I'm not filled with strength, but my muscles feel less fatigued. I don't make another noise for the rest of the night, my souls filled with all the hate I can muster for the man stood in front of me.
My brother, my owner.
A few weeks later the next demon comes. And a few weeks later the next. Sebastian doesn't pimp me out too often, and when he does, it's because he wants something. Not money, sometimes blood, but usually, it seems, information.
I hear the Seelie Queen one night, and she's having sex with Sebastian. Nice to know I can get all of her STIs. I think Sebastian makes some kind of deal with her because after that he begins to whore me out to faeries too. It's different, sex with them. Their semen give me hallucinations like faeries food and drink do. It makes it easier to forget, when I can hallucinate that I'm with Jace, or Izzy, or my mom or someone else afterward.
Sebastian doesn't watch anymore. But he still "cleanses" me afterwards. I know he just wants the body, my body. It's disgusting, it's sick, its incest, and it hurts. I don't think I'll ever stop hurting if I ever do get out of here. My bones pop as they move, my skin is matted with pales scars, not just from temporary runes. I know I won't ever leave. I know that now.
Days pass. Weeks. Maybe months. I'm tortured, beaten, bruised and bloody. But today sees a change. He's not pimping me out to a demon, or a faerie. It's a Shadowhunter. Sebastian's out and he's "looking after" me. I guess he's trusted enough. The Shadowhunter closes the door gently behind us. "Clary?" He asks and I look up. No one's called me that for a long time. I nod. "I'm undercover in Sebastian's forces for the Clave."
"Tell them I'm dead." I whisper to him. "Clary's dead. Especially to... Jocelyn Fairchild and the Lightwoods." He tries to ask me more questions, to find out anything, to know why I want everyone to stop looking for me. They Clary everyone knew is dead now.
My brother, my murderer.
Fin.