Nico

This was it.

I was really going to do it.

I sucked in a deep breath of air as I gazed at the unoffending door in front of me. It was possibly the most terrifying thing I had ever seen – and I'm not one to say that lightly; I've seen some pretty freaky-ass shit.

I shuddered as air burst its way from my lungs in a long gasp. My heart was beating so loudly I was almost certain that the boy on the other side of the door would hear it.

Wringing my hands together, I closed my eyes in an attempt to quieten my racing thoughts. I could do this. I had promised myself, I'd promised that if we got out of this alive that I'd tell him.

We would probably die soon anyway, and then it wouldn't even matter.

I had to. Because if I didn't do it now, I never would.

Holding this thought at the forefront of my mind, with the wish that is would give me the strength to do what needed to be done, I raised a heavy hand, and knocked. The sound seemed to reverberate around the darkly lit hallway, far louder than necessary, and my eyes instantly darted to the side, checking shadow lurkers.

For the longest time, there was no response. Well, that was it then. How unfortunate. I'd have to try again tomorrow. Or not.

I stepped back, shoving my hands deep into the pockets of my jacket, ready to disappear back into the darkness from whence I came. The crow's nest really was rather comfortable, and I was quite looking forward to getting back to it. Just sleep off this short bout of madness – that's what I need-

This thought pattern was cut off by the door creaking outwards, a sliver of light falling at my feet, glancing off the sword that hung from my waist.

I wasn't sure why I'd brought it. It's not like Percy was going to pull a knife on me after I made my confession.

Hopefully.

It was more of a good luck charm, a safety blanket. Most people had teddies; I had a sword. Basically, that was the entire story of my upbringing.

'Nico? Whattcha doing here?'

The sleepy voice broke into my thoughts, shattering all sense of control I had managed to retain.

Oh Gods, I was going to faint, or throw up, or something. I couldn't do this. I couldn't.

But I have to.

I had to let him know. I couldn't cope with the constant tension between us. He thought I loved Annabeth, and I knew he felt sorry for me. I had no idea if Percy being aware of my feelings for him would be any better, but I had to hope. If I didn't have hope, I didn't have anything.

I clenched my fists in their pockets, biting my lip, working up the courage to raise my gaze. It travelled to the open doorway, to bare feet, up tanned legs, past dark shorts hanging just a little too low on his waist, over his naked chest, the leather cord resting in the hollow of his neck, to rest on his face.

Oh Gods, he's so fucking attractive.

Sea green eyes looked curiously at me through the receding haze of sleep. His hair was adorably sleep-tousled, pillow creases marking his cheek in an odd tattoo. I felt a bolt of heat burn through my body, and had to work hard to keep my blush under control. So much bare skin was not doing good things to my sanity.

I couldn't help but admire his chiselled chest, sun tanned and crisscrossed with raised white scars, much like my own. His bronzed skin glinted in the low light, muscles rippling beneath sinewy flesh. Percy wasn't super muscular, like Frank, but he wasn't as weedy as Leo. He was a happy medium, skinny but toned, bulky in all the right places, but not overtly so.

The line of his hip bones formed a 'v' shape, drawing the eye downwards, to where his shorts hung precariously on his hips, as though if he moved too rapidly, they might … just … slip off.

I batted this train of thought away. Nothing good could come of it, and I needed composure if I was going to carry through with what I intended.

Yeah, composure. I'd be getting so much of that while faced with this vision in front of me.

The vision in question was looking at me expectantly, and I remembered suddenly that 'Whattcha doing here?' wasn't a rhetorical question.

Pinning my gaze to the floor, I began to study the oh-so-interesting patterns of metals rivets which danced their way across it. Withdrawing my hands from their pocketed safety, I began to pull at the drawstring tie of the hoodie I wore under my jacket.

'It's, ah, it's nothing much really, I just wanted to talk. But it's not that important. I can come back later. Yeah. Yeah that might be good, I'll come back later.'

As I stumbled my way through what hopefully formed a cohesive sentence, I started to edge backwards. However, my escape attempt was hacked off at the knees by the almighty kindness of Mr Perseus Jackson himself. He stepped further from the doorway, closer to where I awkwardly loitered, running a strong hand through his dark hair.

'It's obviously not nothing.' he replied, concerned in both speech and expression. 'You wouldn't have woken me up in the middle of the night unless it wasn't something serious. What's happened? Have we been attacked? Has the ship broken again?'

Now that was where he was wrong. Shit, if I'd know he looked this adorable when he woke up, I'd be inventing at least a crisis a night. I mean, it would be too hard to hire a rock giant or five to throw boulders at us. And heck, it might mean being killed or mortally wounded, but for this … let's just say it would be worth it.

Well not this specifically. Yes, I'd still be cool with maiming, but for an entirely different reason. At the moment I was ready to start willing the ground to swallow me up - and when you're a child of Hades that takes on whole new dimensions.

My voice was shaky as I answered, and I hoped to Gods he wouldn't noticed.

'Well, no, it's … um, it is something.' Yes, duh, Di Angelo, of course it's something. Spit it out, you fucking idiot. 'But – but nothing super-serious. The ship … it's fine, and no-one's dead, well, uh, as far as I know anyway …'

I looked up to find those deep eyes regarding me curiously, drawing me in, urging me to tell the truth. Locking our gazes, I forced myself to stay balanced as I replied.

'This is – this is something personal. But I just … really need to tell you about it.'

He softened as he heard my words, a small sigh escaping his lips.

'Man, it's been a while since I've heard the likes of that from you. I thought you'd grown u too much to need my advice.'

I wanted so badly to tell him that wasn't it; I trusted him and respected him as much as I ever had, more so even. And that was the problem. I couldn't be in his presence without a physical pain stabbing through me, a reminder of the fact that we could never be together, that I had no chance for a future with him and it would be best to accept that now. That I couldn't know that and act like I always had around him, and that's why I avoided him.

And I could. Once I had made my confession I could tell him all of this. I could make him realise that I didn't hate him; quite the opposite, in fact. That he needn't be wary about leaving Annabeth and I alone – in fact, apart from one of the girls, I would be the best person to lock in a room with her. Heck, we might come to blows over who was more in love with him, but I would never actually hurt her.

Though, unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for my battling counterpart.

Percy had stepped to the side, propping the door open with one arm while the other hand hooked into his waistband, pushing those short to all new levels of precariousness.

I couldn't quite say if I was happy about this or not.

He was watching me with interest, and I decided I had demonstrated more than enough of my 'standing around like a drunken goldfish' act. I quickly stepped forward, gaining confidence with each stride. Admittedly, there was a small voice inside my head screaming at me that I was going the wrong way, that I should turn around and get the hell out of here now, but I just ignored it. I was getting pretty good at that.

It was only as I stood directly before the doorway that I realised in order to get inside the room, I had to duck under Percy's very attractive, very unclothed, arm.

Forcing myself to do so without visibly reacting was harder than it sounded – the top of my head brushed against his elbow, even as my arm rubbed past his chest.

My bare hand brushed over his flat stomach, and I could feel the hyperventilation beginning to set in. I touched him. I touched him.

Oh Gods.

Unsure whether to laugh, or cry hysterically, I settled for swiftly travelling to a darkened corner on the other side of the room, as far away from Percy as I possibly could, and then proceeded to pretend that the last minute had never occurred.

I wonder what it would have felt like if I did have my jacket or my jumper on. My bare shoulder, rubbing across his chest … or better yet, if I was completely shirtless. His bare flesh on mine … the heat as our bodies collided, chests flush against one another and chins bumping as I tilted my face upwards, just enough that our lips could –

No.

Get a fucking hold of yourself Di Angelo. Now is not the time, or the place. Indulge in your perverted little fantasies when you aren't in the presence of their lead role.

Percy was closing the door as I looked up, and I was intensely relieved that he therefore didn't witness the blush which bloomed across my cheeks as I battled back all thoughts of my daydreams.

I watched intently as he turned back, all golden skin and dark hair and sea-green eyes. Pulling my gaze away, I glanced around at the room.

It was pretty much exactly the same as Hazel's – though somewhat bigger. A bed pushed against one wall, a desk against another. Portholes rang along the right side, situated so that I could see straight out of them, but Percy would have to bend a little. An armchair sat near the desk, and a footlocker rested at the bed end. Same old, same old.

But everything else was distinctly Percy; from the piles of clothes strewn across the floor, enough for at least the past week, to the battered old shield that lay across his desk, depicting scenes of Annabeth, Grover, Tyson and Percy himself during the quest for the golden fleece. A green and blue glowing anemone-thing 'blooped' in the corner, tentacles waving. I baulked a little as I realised what stood next to it: a three inch high figurine of Hades.

I recognised it, of course I did. I'd given him the fucking thing.

Hades mythomagic statue,

His most recent set of clothes lay bundled at the end of the bed, Riptide resting across them, and I found myself wishing he'd put some on. Absurd, I know, but I needed to be in peak condition if I was seriously going to make this confession, and would therefore prefer if I didn't totally zone out while gazing at his chest every few seconds.

Percy crossed the room, picking his way over and around the piles of junk with a practised step. Retrieving Riptide from where it lay, he kicked the clothes under his bed. No chance of him clothing himself any further, it appeared. Springs creaked a little as he settled onto the mattress, pushing the rumpled bed covers aside.

'Hey Nico, come sit here.' he called, patting the space beside him. 'There's no need to hover all the way over there; I don't bite.'

What my mind screamed was 'Yes!', but luckily my mouth was a little more in control, and instead replied with a polite, yet somewhat frosty,

'I'm fine thanks.'

Cue awkward silence.

I supposed that since I was the one who had invited myself into Percy's room at an insane hour of the morning, by all rights I should be the one to initiate conversation.

But how do you broach a topic like this? Do you simply plunge in headfirst with the confession? Like 'Hey Percy, just thought you might like to know that I don't really have a thing for your girlfriend; in fact it's you that I'm practically fucking in love with. Sleep well!'

I knew it wouldn't be that easy. He would have questions, comments, concerns. He'd want to know when this had happened, what had caused it, and if I'd told anyone else.

He'd want to apologise about the fact he could never feel the same way.

Was that really what I wanted? His sympathy? Was that really any better than wariness? I wanted to relieve the tension between us, but wouldn't confessing my feelings just make it even worse? He'd be watching how I reacted to his every movement, his words. There would be no more awkward one-armed bro hugs, no more accidental brushing against each other. Those things were fine when you were just bros, but as soon as your bro was in love with you, they got a little weird.

The one perk to having a thing for dudes is that you can stare at them all you want and no-one thinks any worse of you. With a chick, you look at them for three seconds and everyone's like 'Oh man, you totally have a thing for her.'

But when it's another boy, everyone just assumes that you look up to him, admire him, respect him.

Because of course it could never be anything more.

I already knew that Jason noticed more than he ought to. The occasional side glances I sent Percy's way, the fact that I couldn't help but smile when he cracked a joke – to the casual onlooker, these meant nothing. But Jason, with his new found knowledge, weighed everything far heavier than that.

Could I cope with Percy doing the same? Forced to calculate his every move around me?

The more I thought about it, the worse this idea seemed.

But I had committed to it. I had sworn on the River Styx I would tell Percy how I felt, and that wasn't the sort of oath that you could go back on.

Lifting my gaze, I met Percy's eyes. He looked concerned; apparently he could tell this was serious.

Eyes locked with his, I edged tentatively closer, watching for any sudden moves. I eventually reached him, and awkwardly settled on the edge of the bed, as far away from him as one could possibly be in the space of a single mattress. Ducking my head a little, I peeked out at him from behind a fringe of hair.

'Sorry. Didn't mean to snap.' I mumbled.

He seemed surprised by any sort of apology, but didn't say anything, simply waiting patiently, giving me the time I needed to gather my thoughts. I lined up the words I wanted, constructed them into perfectly-formed sentences, before finally opening my mouth.

'So, uh, obviously you've realised I have something to tell you.'

Silence is my only reply. Yep, off to a marvellous start; let's just reiterate everything we've already said.

I threaded my fingers through each other, pulling my arms further into my jacket in the hopes that it might consume me, as Percy shifted slightly, setting the mattress springs creaking once more.

'Well, it's, it's something a bit … awkward.'

At this, Percy raised his eyebrows. Apparently that had been unexpected. I felt my face begin to heat, and, untangling my right hand from my left, scrubbed at my cheeks with it, as though I could scour the blush away. Instantly defensive, I shot him a glare, made somewhat less threatening by the stuttering that accompanied it.

'B-but you have to swear on the River Styx not to tell anyone! Ever!' I demanded, crossing my arms as I eyed him, dared him to retaliate. He held up his hands, the universal gesture for surrender, and voiced his reply in the manner of one who couldn't believe he was being doubted.

'If it's personal, of course I wouldn't tell anyone!' he exclaimed. 'You know me Nico; I'm a decent guy.'

Yes, yes you are a decent guy, and that's why we're in this situation.

'Swear it.' I growl back, unswayed by his plea. There was no way in Hades I was letting this get out. I wasn't certain that Percy would be able to keep anything a secret from Annabeth, and that's why all precautions were necessary. She may be able to sense he was hiding something, but if he told her he'd sworn on the River Styx not to reveal it, then there was nothing he could do.

'Alright then.' retorted Percy. 'If you so doubt my honour so seriously, I suppose I must.'

Placing a hand on his heart, boy-scout style, he regarded me as he spoke.

'I, Perseus Jackson, do solemnly swear an oath on the River Styx that I shall keep any secrets that you, Nico Di Angelo, do reveal to me.' He extended his arm as he finished, palm outstretched. 'Shake on it?'

I batted the hand away, not sure if I could cope with any more physical contact at the moment. i was trying to concentrate, but Gods, he was being unhelpful. As I replied, I knew for certain that my face was the approximate shad of a tomato.

'Stop being stupid. You sound like we're taking wedding vows or something.'

If only.

He gave a half laugh at that comment, expression somewhere between a grin and a smirk, as he ran a hand through his hair, toned chest flexing nicely with the movement.

I had to do it. I had to do it now, before I lost all sense of control and simply melted into a pile of gibbering mush.

I sucked in a breath of air, diving in without warning, wanting to get all the offending words out of my mouth, to free myself of this weight which threatened to pull me under.

'Well, uh, you see, I kind, well, I like … I have a thing for, um,'

Getting it out. Yep. That's definitely what that was.

Percy's eyes softened as he looked at me, his expression sad and slightly wistful, kind of like a kicked puppy. His voice was so quiet I had to strain to hear it.

'Nico, if this is about, you know, how you fell about Annabeth … it's okay.'

Oh Gods, why did he have to be so understanding? He thought I was in love with his girlfriend, and here he was comforting me. This would be so much easier if I could just dislike him, if the knowledge that he had no interest in me, or any guys at all, could turn me off so much I could just get over it. But for me; it didn't work that way. Maybe it was slight masochistic tendencies shining through, but I didn't care if he never loved me, if I had to see him grow up with Annabeth, get married, have children. As long as I could be with him. Then everything would be okay.

'No, no. It's not about that. Well, it is, sort of anyways, but …' I floundered for the right words, hands flailing before me as though I could snatch them from the air.

'You see Percy, I-I don't love Annabeth.'

He jolted back, shocked.

'You-you don't?' he breathed, disconcerted. 'But-but I thought … I was sure of it … I mean, the way you look at her …'

He was halted by the sight of my furious head shaking. My heart lurched as I began to reveal its secrets. I was starting to feel slightly ill.

'No. No no no. It's … Percy … I – I don't even like girls.'

I was staring down at my hands now, clenching them so tightly I could feel what remained of my chewed-down nails digging into my palms. I gritted my teeth together and curled my toes, waiting for the explosion of horror and disappointment in me that was certain to come.

But there was only silence.

Eventually, I couldn't take it any longer. I glanced quickly upwards, meaning to only let my eyes alight on him for a fraction of a second. When i saw his face, however, I couldn't pull my gaze away.

Eyes widened, his mouth slightly open, all I could sense was surprise. Many emotions danced in his eyes; disbelief, pity, and a constant, underlying sadness. He finally spoke, voice cracking a little under the strain of emotion.

'Oh – oh Gods Nico. I'm so sorry. I – I mean, I don't know what to say. Does, does anyone else, do they know? Or have you just … did you have to keep it to yourself?'

I wondered if I should tell him about my meeting with Cupid, and how I had been forced to reveal my feelings in front of Jason.

But no; it would be better not too. I didn't want them talking about me behind my back, pitying me. I would let him think that he was the only one I had told.

'No. I – I don't really bring it up in conversations very much.'

My weak attempt at a joke fell flat on its face; Percy was far too deep in thought to notice anything humorous. There was a cute little crinkle between his eyes, and his lips slanted downwards at the corners. I just wanted to take his face in my hands and kiss the frown right off, but I feared that may just multiply the internal torment, rather than doing anything to relieve it.

I stayed quiet after this, wanting to give him some time to process these things before dumping the next insane shitstorm upon him.

I'm not sure how the radio silence was going down from Percy's end, but on mine it was boarding the awkwardness intensity roller coaster, and beginning the upwards climb. I was busy picking at a stray strand of thread peeking out from the seam of my jeans when his next words came.

'Is, is it - is there anyone … in particular?'

Now was it. Now was the time for confession.

'Yes … And the thing I wanted to tell you is, well, that person is …'

It was about then when my brain caught up with my mouth. 'Holy fuck, what are you doing?!' It shrieked furiously. 'You're going to completely destroy your friendship! He'll never want to speak to you again!'

I told my brain to shut the fuck up and that i knew what I was doing. I'd thought about all this. I was ready for the consequences. Wasn't I?

Oh sweet Jesus this was too fucking much.

What was I even thinking? I couldn't tell him how I felt; he'd wouldn't even be able to look me in the eye. And what about me … I didn't think I could stand being in the same room as him. I'd be constantly on edge, certain not to say or do anything that could be taken the wrong way. This would herald the end of friendship, of that I was certain.

I couldn't do it. So what if it meant any chance of a romance between us was even further decreased. At least I could stay with him, be near him.

Percy, surprisingly enough, seemed to realise that I was feeling a little unsure about opening up completely. I guess it was just so bloody obvious even he couldn't miss it. He scooted forward, laying a comforting hand on my knee that kinda made me want to cry, and looked deep into my eyes.

'It's okay Nico.' he said soothingly, kindly. 'I'm cool with whatever decision you've made. It doesn't weird me out or anything. You've obviously been carrying this for a long time; it'll feel better if you get it off your chest.'

Oh fuck. Now he expected me to tell him who the lucky guy was.

And I had just decided there was no way in Hades he could ever know.

I glanced around frantically, looking for ideas, a way to escape, a weapon with which to concuss him … anything that would get me the heck out of here. Coming up empty handed, I was forced to look him in the eye and give a grimace-smile, reverting to Plan B.

Unfortunately, all Plan B seemed to consist of was a lot of stammering and 'No, I – I didn't really mean that, y'know …'

Percy patted my knee, eyes staring into my soul with all the acceptance he could muster. Yep. I was feeling pretty fucking accepted.

Didn't mean I was going to tell him though.

We remained in the exact same position for all of two minutes before I finally pulled away, sliding off the bed and backing away from the boy who remained on it.

'Come on Nico.' he said, jutting out his bottom lip and turning the puppy dog eyes up to full blast. 'You know you can tell me anything.'

I just shook my head, heading for the door.

'Pleaaaaase …'

The pleading tone followed me. Gods, this was going to get irritating fast.

Back to him, I placed a hand on the doorknob, cool metal against my feverish skin, ready to take flight. When I spoke, i was glad to find that my tone had reverted to its usual frostiness.

'I'm sorry, but I really can't say. I never should have bothered you. Goodnight.'

I began to turn the knob, when I was stopped suddenly by a strong hand clamping down on my shoulder. Percy. I hadn't even heard him get up, but he was there standing so close, his breath dancing through my hair as he whispered.

'Nico, you can't keep dealing with these things by yourself. You have to tell someone. You obviously trust me; you revealed most of it too me. Why not a little more?

Goddammit, he had me there. It wasn't like I could say 'No sorry, can't tell you who I love because it's you and I don't want you to know' – that might be an invalid sort of argument. What could I do? How could I resolve this?

There was only one real option.

I just had to tell him. Just tell him how I feel. Just do it.

I closed my eyes, winced, and let the words fall from my lips.

'It's Jason.'

…

Wait, what the fuck did I just say?!