A/N: Another holiday story I whipped up last minute. Just in time for Turkey Day! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but I DO own the messed up lyrics you see below you. Don't be mean! Sadly, it took me a long time to think of these! I'm not uncreative… just somewhat of a bad poet. ; P
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Sung to the tune: Happy Anniversary.
Happy Happy Turkey Day
Happy Happy Turkey Day
Happy Happy Turkey Day
Haaappy Happy Turkey Day…!
Potatoes and stuffing
Gai, Kakashi scoffing
Sakura again is cuffing…
Haaappy Happy Turkey Day!
Sasuke in the rough
Turkey is too tough
Tenten's had enough
Haaappy Happy Turkey Day!
The competition's heating up
Lee is such a powder puff
Neji bout to blowup
Haaappy Happy Turkey Day!
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"There was a time when I could out eat anyone in Konoha, Lee. And not gain a single pound."
"Gai sensei! You're amazing!"
"Oh yeah?! Well I bet Kakashi could beat you!"
"Naruto, you're speaking the language of the crazies. Master Gai is the best!"
Naruto stuck his tongue out at Lee and made a grab at the nearby roll. "No touching!" Lee smacked the back of his hand with a wooden spoon he was using to mix the stuffing.
"Owww! Freak."
"Pass me those potatoes, would you Lee?"
"Sure thing Gai-sensei!" Lee hurled the vegetables backward, side ways, up, down, any imaginable way towards him.
Naruto made another grab for the rolls while the other two were busy. But he was too slow and the spoon landed on him again, this time on his head.
"Out, out, out! We are trying to cook! Shoo!"
Rock Lee waved him towards the door.
"Hn!" Naruto's dignity was hurt but he held his head high as he entered the next room. "Who needs you anyway?!"
"The turkey!" Lee replied from the kitchen. Gai congratulated his 'wondrous' comeback.
Naruto wondered again why Kakashi accepted Gai's Thanksgiving invitation. Looking around the spotless living room, he could tell Sasuke was thinking the same.
I'd rather be with Iruka again than here with all these bores.
Tenten was seated next to Neji who had taken up the majority of the couch. By the looks of it Sakura was trying to curl up in Sasuke's lap but he kept backing away.
"Move!"
"I'm trying to Sasuke... but you keep moving."
"Aww. Look at the cupcakes! And the candles and the cookies! Don't they dance so cute Neji?"
Neji stared unemotionally at the screen, which was focused on a group of baked goods frolicking in front of a bakery float. "Eh."
Tenten grinned foolishly and leaned forward. "Don't you just love watching the parade? It's so traditional. You can't have Thanksgiving without it!"
"Yeahh. You're right. Hehehe! Look at all the kids with the baking hats. They're so sweet..." Sakura joined her in gawking at the display.
"Hey guys, what's up?"
"Watching the parade." Sasuke grumbled and fell over onto the rug.
"Waiting for football." Neji's lips barely moved. Tenten looked like she had been electrocuted. "What?"
"Football." He repeated. She seemed angry now, "But... I thought we were gonna watch the dog show."
He chose not to answer.
"Nejiii." Tenten moved closer to him, trying to make eye contact.
In the midst of all this Sakura realized Sasuke was vulnerable. Sitting in front of his body, she let her back fall into him.
"Argh!" He gasped for air as she took him by surprise, knocking the wind out of him. "Get... off!"
Sakura rubbed her head against his chest. The three other ninjas stared silently at the feud starting right before their eyes. Some Broadway musical song played from the TV speakers and clashed with the yells of the annoyed Uchiha.
"Stop it Sakura!"
"What am I doing wrong?"
"Everything. Don't touch me!" He shoved her off and she fell back. Tears welled up in her eyes and her lip began quivering.
"Yo." Kakashi appeared in the doorway with a bag of groceries.
"Ooo! You're late for your own dinner!" Naruto clapped his hands directing attention away from Sakura's tears.
He shrugged and gestured to the groceries. "I have a reason. Gai may be controlling but he'll underst…"
"Kakashi!" Gai's timing was perfect. "What took you so long?! I needed that pepper an hour ago!"
After taking in the frilly orange and green frock, Kakashi answered. "I'm here now." The bag was shoved at Gai who held up his hands.
"No, no, no. That's quite all right. I had Lee make it from scratch!" Once again out of nowhere, Lee appeared in a matching apron. Sasuke and Sakura's hair stood on end and Naruto laughed hysterically, while Tenten and Neji didn't seem to notice.
"It was difficult work but I finished it!"
Neji rolled his eyes. This didn't go unnoticed by his teacher; "Got something you'd like to share Hyuga?"
His eyes narrowed and nodded slowly.
"Well then, let's hear it!"
The group watched intently and the corners of his tight mouth curved upward, "I was just thinking about how great your… aprons are."
Kakashi looked as though he was going to crack up. The lace was not flattering at all. Not even a girl would wear those articles in fear of looking like a pumpkin.
Tenten nudged Neji and gave him a stern look. Gai and Lee didn't seem to note the sarcasm.
"So you don't want these then?"
Gai took on a very… "manly" pose and placed his hands on his hips. "Kakashi, Kashi, Kashi…"
Isn't that some type of diet food? Hmm. Sakura chewed her bottom lip in thought. Sasuke decided to move to higher ground, not matter how far away the TV was. He took up a hard armchair across from the couch where he could see any 'attack' a mile away.
"If I wanted them, I would have gotten them myself. And in half the time mind you."
Tenten shook her head and pretended to adjust the cushion just to move closer to her crush. Gai's worshipper seemed like he was going to faint. What a dork. Both of them are so creepy, I'm afraid to eat their cooking.
Naruto smiled weakly as thoughts of Lee mixing up pepper with gunpowder crossed his otherwise empty mind.
None of his rival's words phased Kakashi. Midway through his sentence, Kakashi set the groceries down and strutted over to the TV.
"Hey! I'll get you Kakashi. You can't stay cool forever!"
"What was that Master Gai?"
"Uhh…uhh…Nothing Lee! Hahaha… Let's get going on those pies, hm?"
"Goodness YES!"
Those must be some good pies… NO! What if he mixes up the ingredients in that too?! I'll starve! Better go check it out… Naruto followed them.
"What are we watching?" His eyes squinted with his masked smile. Sakura stuck her tongue out playfully, "The parade!"
"And the dog show after!" Neji was getting the impression that Tenten was going to make this very clear to everyone coming and going. "No, football."
Another death glare from Tenten.
While those two went on arguing about being sick of watching dancing turkeys and how stupid running back and forth after a ball was, Sasuke met up with Kakashi.
"How's it going?" He didn't expect a reply. And he didn't get one, as his student remained catatonic.
"SANTA'S ON TV!!!" Sakura screeched at the top of her lungs. Gai and Lee came running Naruto stayed back to inspect the spices more closely. Everyone watched as the credits ran across the fat guy in a big sleigh pulled by eight annimatronic reindeer.
In the blink of an eye it was over and Neji raced against Tenten for the remote.
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"Neejjjiiii." Tenten was getting aggravated. So was Sakura actually. The men had the couch pulled closer to the set and were next to dead.
You could have stripped down to your underwear, lit yourself on fire, sing "I Believe I Can Fly" until you lost your voice and flail your arms and they still wouldn't have noticed.
"Ssshhhhhhh!" Kakashi waved dimly at the girls hovering over them. Like that would get them to leave…
"You've been watching this for hours! How much longer?!"
"Mnnnmph."
"Ehh."
"Nuhhh."
"Yep, they're gone."
"Can't even form real sentences!" Sakura leaned over the back of the couch and almost fell on her head. She extended her arm and brought her hand to Sasuke's chin when Lee pulled her away.
"NO SAKURA! I WILL SAVE YOU!!"
"AHH! Lee get off! What do you think you're doing?!"
"You could have lost your hand! Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine! Don't…"
"OH NO!"
"WHAT?! What is it?!" Sakura instinctively looked down at her chest but found that wasn't what Lee was gesturing to.
"I think you need…. MOUTH TO MOUTH!"
"Mouth to wha? Wait a minute…. Ahhh!"
Naruto growled and turned the volume up three more notches.
"AHHH! Nooo! Sasuke help me!"
"Come back my pink haired pilgrim!"
"Get AWAY!"
"Dinner's ready!" Gai sang out over the stacks of bowls he carried in.
"I'll assist you Gai-sensei!" He was the only thing that could possibly distract Lee at the moment.
Sakura took advantage and found refuge beneath the chair.
"Not necessary I have them all here! …Bet you couldn't do the Kakashi. Let's get seated!"
The television was turned slightly so it could be viewed from all corners of the large table. Kakashi sat at the head of the table with Gai directly opposite, which made it easier for him to send glares without craning his neck.
Lee sat across from Sakura (a seat coveted by Naruto). Tenten chose to sit in front of Neji who had Sasuke to his right and Naruto to his left. (A/N: Got that all?)
"Right then. Why don't we go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Since this is my home, I will have the honor of starting." That's right Kakashi, me, I have the honor. Not you.
"Hm… I am thankful for… THE BEST PUPIL EVER!"
"GAI SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"WAIT! Your pupil? Isn't that in your eye? That's a pretty dumb thing to be thankful for."
No one added, but they were all happy Naruto had interrupted the sentimental moment.
"How about you Tenten?"
"Well… I'm thankful fooorrrr…." She looked up at Neji who had his eyes transfixed on the moving pictures. She sighed.
"My endurance."
"That's a very good thing to be thankful for. In fact, let us all have a moment of silence for those without endurance…" A few strange looks were cast across the table. The only one who seemed to take Gai seriously was Lee.
"I think that'll do. How about you Hyuga? What are you thankful for?"
He barely took his attention off the TV. "My intelligence."
"Yet another fine answer. Let's all have a moment of silence for those…"
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Naruto shouted.
Idiot. Taking it personally as usual. At least Gai's stopped talking. Sasuke zoned out on the turkey. It gave the impression that it was made of plastic. He was tempted to find the answer.
FINALLY after another ten minutes of being interrogated by the traditional jonin, the meal began. At first it was enjoyable. Everything seemed to go smoothly… until Naruto started talking.
"Hey, hey! I know! Anybody wanna hear a joke?"
"No." Came the community response. Naruto pouted but continued on anyway.
"Too bad! Ready? Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?!"
Nothing but clacking of metal.
"Because he wears his belt buckle on his hat! Hahaha! Again, what did the turkey say before it was roasted?"
"I hope Naruto will just shut up and eat me." Sasuke voiced his guess.
Naruto's smile was wiped from his face, "Sasuke, they're jokes. Meaning as in funny. That's not funny. The real answer isss…. Boy, I'm stuffed! Hehehehe! NEXT!" He called out and immediately recited another one.
"Why did the police arrest the turkey?"
No guesses.
"They suspected it of fowl play! HAHAHA! Another…! What do you get when you cross a turkey with a squid? Huh? Huh? Anyyone? Enough legs for Thanksgiving!"
Soon the table just figured he was saying these to amuse himself.
"So Kakashi… how's the turkey?" Gai leaned over in a threatening way. Kakashi just shrugged. "It's turkey."
Content, Gai sat back. "Yes. Yes it is turkey… I bet I could out eat you."
For the first time that day, Gai had Kakashi's attention. "Is that so?"
"Mhm. It is."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Mhm. It is."
"What'll it be then?"
"…What is the key to a great Thanksgiving? The turKEY! Haha!"
"Loser washes dishes standing upside down!"
"Unrealistic as usual, eh Gai? Just to humor you, I'll take that bet. One to eat most without getting sick wins."
"Yep. On your mark…"
"Get set…"
"GO!"
They charged into the arrangement like two-year-olds after a piñata. Sakura pushed away from the table to avoid being bitten.
Naruto was still oblivious. "…Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? Get this… the outside! I thought it was the left side at first…"
"GO Gai sensei! GOOO!"
"I'm eating in the living room if anyone cares."
"Wait Sasuke! I'm coming with you!"
"Follow me and your hair is gonna be the color of gravy for a long time."
"…Why did the turkey cross the road?"
"Argh! Enough with the turkey jokes Naruto! No one's paying attention to you."
"Why? Wanna hear another pilgrim joke?"
"No! Just sit and be quiet. Please?"
"…Hn! You interrupted my punchline! So no!"
"You're so annoying." Tenten lashed out from under the table and hit the nearest limb, which happened to be Neji's knee.
His game disturbed and knee throbbing, Neji was not one happy camper. "Tentennn."
"Huh? Was that… Ohhh kami! I am soo soo sorry! Here, let me go get some ice!"
"Don't… bother." He hissed and gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the meal.
The tension between Tenten and Neji only grew as Naruto's jokes became more frequent and the hacking at the turkey shook the table so violently one could not eat without having their food spill all over them.
"Woohoo sensei! You're winning! Come on you can do this!"
And suddenly, Tenten snapped. "Geez Neji! First the parade, then the game and now this?! You're never thrilled by anything I like to do! There's just no common ground when it comes to Thanksgiving… is there?!" She stomped on his foot and took her plate to the kitchen.
Neji followed and the sound of crashing dishes rang out (of course no one noticed).
Now the only ones at the table were the amateur 'comedian' (A/N: As funny as he is), the two competitors and the biggest fan.
Sasuke looked over the couch to see how everything was going. What's Lee talking about? Kakashi is ahead by at least two plates.
"What sound does a space turkey make?"
"Give it up Kakashi! I…. Win!"
"Hubble, hubble, hubble…"
"Not… yet you… don't!"
"Hubble, hubble, hubble, hubble!"
Sasuke shook his head trying to figure out whether or not he preferred Thanksgiving alone or with someone…
If it's Sakura… definitely not.
Close by as usual he could tell she was checking out the football players.
There's hardly any turkey left over now…And thanks to Naruto I don't care if I ever hear the word 'turkey' again. Lame loser… "…Why was the turkey in the band? C'mon people! Someone's gotta guess!" "No sensei! Don't give up!" "Fine… I'll tell you… but this is the last time okay? Because he had the drumsticks! Hahah! Hmm… waaaiiiittt. Sasuke!" Sasuke shook his head to innialate the daze. "Ice cream doesn't come from turkeys! Why the heck do they have drumsticks in the answer? Do you get this??" He smirked, "Yeah. I get it." And went back to watching football. 00000000000 A/N: Another stoopid holiday one by yours truly I know. But I'm just finishing this up at 1:27 A.M. on Thanksgiving! Did anyone get the ending line(s)? I hope this was funny…. Didn't really read it over… : ) HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!