A/N: This is a satirical black comedy, guys. We know it's out of character, we know it's fucked up. That's the point. Enjoy.
We didn't mean for it all to happen. It just started with a simple question; it was just a tiny little moment completely beyond our control.
"Marijuana? What in the bloody hell is that?" Ferb asked me.
"I dunno," I told him, "but Buford gave it to me and said that his dad wanted it gone quickly."
We both gazed at it again. Just sitting there in that insignificant little plastic baggy; such a strange substance.
We said we'd make every summer an experience, every day a story worth telling. Well somewhere deep inside my giant triangle head, I could tell this shit was worth a novel.
There are several ways to consume the stuff-bongs, joints, blunts, vapors.
We only had a brief internet search at our disposal so we ended up with a half-assed blunt made from a few leaves from the same old tree we always rely on for our daily adventures.
We both took turns. First Ferb. Then me. Then Ferb. And then me. Then Ferb. It was gone in minutes.
There's a lot of the names for the stuff. Weed, pot, Mary Jane, reefer, herb, grass, bud. Call it what you may, but this shit is god-damn paradise.
They call marijuana the gateway drug. And within one hit of the stuff, we could easily see why. The gates of heaven might as well have opened for us in that moment.
We sat back on that tree, our eyes glazed and our minds going in all directions. All the pressures of the world were lifted on us. Every moment seemed to be even more enjoyable than the last. It was pure euphoria.
Minutes later, still blazed out of our minds, we heard the gate open slightly. We were about to shit ourselves until we saw Isabella, asking the same question she has asked every other day this summer...
"Whatcha doooin'?"
One whiff of the air.
One look at my eyes, red as a fucking apple.
One cough from the smoke-filled air.
"What the hell are you doing, Phineas Flynn?" She was getting increasingly angry, but for some reason, all I could possibly do was laugh my ass off.
"You know, Phineas...we haven't used it all yet." Ferb held up the rest of the baggie...it had definitely enough for Isabella.
We grabbed a few more leaves. We packed up the weed a bit and threw it into yet another makeshift blunt.
We lit it up.
"Just one hit, Isabella. One long, deep breath." I was ready to watch the greatest spectacle ever produced by man.
Isabella squirmed and screamed constantly, constantly telling us she was a good little Jewish girl and that good little Jewish girls didn't smoke.
We eventually forced the blunt into her mouth and plugged her nose until she had no choice but to take the biggest hit of her life.
Needless to say, she finished it in about two minutes.
High as a kite.
She could barely even move.
Her face was just as red as my hair.
And it was hilariously amazing.
All three of us sat around that tree. Changed human beings. Caterpillars who had become butterflies. Homeless people who won the fucking lottery. You could've lit us on fire right then and there, and we'd still be the happiest sons of bitches on the face of the earth.
Isabella stared fixated at a cloud. She said it looked like a pony. I said it looked like a face. We all laughed uncontrollably at that.
When you're high, life is one big stand-up special.
You think different when you get the stuff. You view things in some pseudo-logical bullshit where the world is one big question mark and you got all the fucking answers.
We had found something and we needed to share it.
"We've found something and we need to share it," Ferb said,
"Fuck yeah we do," I said.
"Haha…you said 'we'," Isabella laughed. She ruffled up her hair, making motorboat noises. The top of my mind stayed focused on what Ferb said, but the bottom sported a massive erection.
The feeling subsided, but the experience would stay with us forever.
Shit was about to get real.