[[Pairing: Barry Allen/Oliver Queen

Character(s): Barry Allen, Oliver Queen, Iris West (briefly), Felicity Smoak (briefly)
Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Christmas
Warnings: Grief/loss, trauma lightly eluded to.
Spoilers/Timeline: Spoilers for s3 of Arrow and S2 of Flash
Author's Notes: I participated in a secret santa this year. This was my piece for someone on A03.
Big thanks to BadDana623 for beta reading for me!]]

Saying December 2016 was hard for Barry, would be sugar coating things. 2016 was hard on Barry, no, it was one of the worst years of his life. His boyfriend, Oliver, really had no trouble seeing that. He didn't zip over to Star as often, he wasn't replying to his texts as often.

Oliver: Hey, pack a bag. You're leaving Central City tomorrow morning.

Barry: What?

Oliver: Pack a bag. Make sure you have enough stuff for the the next week.

Barry: Oliver, I have stuff I'm focusing on.

Oliver: I already bought your plane tickets.

Barry: I'm a speedster, why did you buy plane tickets?

Oliver: Because I need you to come to Star. I'll take care of everything, don't worry.

Barry sighed and there was a knock on his apartment door. He stood and opened it, it wasn't far from the sofa. "Okay!" said Iris, pushing his way inside.

"What are you doing here?"

"I had to make sure you packed."

"Fine," Barry heaved a sigh and used the speed force to pack his bag.

Iris placed the plane tickets into his hand. She could tell Barry was struggling.

When Barry arrived in Star, he was tired. He had been tired. He wanted to stay happy for more than a few months. He had been so happy to have his father back, then to have him taken just like that … It broke him. It broke him in ways he hadn't dealt with in a long time.

Oliver met him at the airport, and in an action that surprised both men- Oliver initiated a hug. Barry was the one who pushed him away this time, in a surprising action.

Oliver frowned and crossed his arms. "Are you that mad that I made you come here?"

"I don't know if I can keep myself together," Barry's voice was quiet. Today wasn't a good day.

Oliver merely nodded in response before going back to the car.

BA OQ BA OQ

When they arrived Felicity was there, unsurprisingly. Barry reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a small box. "I know it's a bit late, but Happy Hanukkah."

Felicity hugged him and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Barry," she smiled sadly and gave him another quick hug before leaving. Felicity knew Barry had been struggling that year. She'd spent a decent amount of time on the phone with Iris. "I'll see you and Oliver at Christmas."

When she was gone, Oliver took Barry's suitcase and moved it to their bedroom next to the drawer he had cleared off for him what felt like a lifetime ago. Back when they had finally sorted out what was between them.

"I also got a gift for William. I wasn't sure if you would-"

"That's nice of you, but I don't know where William is."

"What?"

"I sent him away, so no one could find him again."

Barry frowned a little. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you might be disappointed. I know you told me to be in his life," Oliver scratched the back of his neck.

"I trust that you did what you had to."

"What do you want for dinner tonight? Your choice," Oliver changed the subject, he wanted to focus on Barry. It was easier.

The room felt heavy, and so did Barry. Heavy in body and heart. He was tired. He was getting there, he had good and bad days but he was tired. "I don't really want to eat."

Barry was quiet. It was out of character and it deeply bothered Oliver. He was usually the silent one. He wasn't sure what to do. When his parents died, he didn't have time to grieve properly. Only one of them had a proper burial. So he wasn't exactly an expert on dealing with loss. Then again, was anyone really?

Oliver reached out and cupped Barry's face in one hand. His thumb worrying his cheekbone with a feather light touch.

Oliver's lips pressed against Barry's temple. "Well, you have to," his hands fell from his face. He then headed into the kitchen and fished around in the high cabinet for a few minutes. He eventually produced a box of S.T.A.R. Labs energy bars. "I still have these," he dropped the box on the counter.

Barry made his way into the kitchen area and placed his hands on Oliver's shoulders, moving them in slow circular motions down his arms. "Thanks," he wanted to bury his face in Oliver's neck and hide from the world. Not forever, but maybe for an hour or so. Just so everything would stop and he could sort out his head. Try to figure out how to move forward.

"I love you," Barry vocalized after a few more minutes of silence.

"I know," Oliver was surprised by the affection. "I … love you too."

Hard, calloused hands had landed gently on Barry's face. His eyes fell closed. He had missed these touches. They helped ground him firmly in reality. In a way much like his best friend could. "I'm trying to fix what's broken inside me," his voice was barely a whisper. "but I still love you."

"You do what you need to do, and I'm here to back you up." Oliver closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Barry. He was prepared to give Barry whatever he needed. Speaking of giving. "Do you want your present now or later?"

"You didn't have to get me anything," Barry grabbed a power bar from the box and started to force it down. Only because Oliver asked.

"Yes I did … this is our first real Christmas, you know? Also the first real Christmas I've had in awhile."

Barry pecked his lips lightly. "You're bringing out your sappy side just for me?" he teased with a half smile.

Oliver rolled his eyes. "You are the light of my life, Barry Allen."

Another small kiss. "I'm not very bright right now."

"You're still the brightest part of me, no matter what."

BA OQ BA OQ

The first few nights were quiet and distant, but on the third night Barry and Oliver were sitting on the sofa. "You haven't decorated your tree?"

"No, I was waiting for you."

"Okay."

Oliver stood and set his beer in the side table before moving to the box of ornaments. "I don't have a lot of them, I had to buy new ones this year. I sold almost everything from the manor that I was able to."

"This shouldn't take too long then," he smiled and picked a round red ornament from the box. He watched Oliver grab a gold one and hang it on one of the plastic branches.

"Felicity helped me pick this one out. I ordered it online," he pulled out a box. It was a small photo of them together. An etching on the glass said 'Our First Christmas 2016'. "I'm sorry if it's too corny for you, I thought it was corny-" Barry pulled Oliver's hand closer to him to take a closer look.

"It's not too corny, I think it's sweet," they found a spot for it on the tree, towards the middle. "I just wish our first Christmas was better. With my dad and … maybe we could have seen William for Christmas Eve if things were different."

Barry and Oliver finished decorating the tree, and he found that he was enjoying himself. He was glad that today was a good day, or at least a better one.

When they were finished with the tree, Barry went into the kitchen to get some of the eggnog he'd brought over from Joe's. "Come have a drink with me."

Oliver crossed the room and accepted the mug. He stared into it.

"What's next, cookies?" Barry joked with with a smile.

"I can go get-"

Barry touched his arm. "I was just teasing, sorry. You're not going out to the store the night before Christmas."

"I would for you."

"I know."

"Anything else you would like to do today, then?" Oliver took a sip of eggnog. "This is light on bourbon?" one brow cocked upwards.

"Grandma Esther had a great definition of light," with a shrug of his shoulders he was a little less tense. "Not that I can appreciate it anymore."

BA OQ BA OQ

When Christmas morning rolled around, Barry didn't want to get up. He was content with Oliver asleep on his chest. His fingers gently trialled over Oliver's arm. It was rare that they got a moment like this, let alone an entire week.

When Barry felt like he was managing, he wanted to be close to Oliver. Drink up what little time they had to be intimate like this, just laying together.

Oliver started awake and Barry stopped touching him. "Babe?"

Oliver gathered himself and moved up to kiss Barry's cheek. "I'm fine."

Oliver moved to get up and Barry gently stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Can we just stay in here a while?"

Oliver nodded, but he was surprised. Just a quick jerk of his head and laid back down. They changed positions. Now Barry had his head on Oliver's chest. He felt Oliver's heartbeat against him and his eyes fell closed. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"You didn't."

"Nightmares?"

"It sounds juvenile when you put it like that."

"Whatever you want to call them," Barry shrugged and pressed a kiss to Oliver's chest through his shirt. "I'm here for you just as much as you are for me."

Oliver kissed his forehead and pulled him tighter against his chest, holding their bodies flush as he inhaled Barry's familiar scent. It was like rain and very faintly of coffee grounds. "I want to spend next Christmas with you too, if our other lives permit."

"Me too, we'll figure everything out." Barry pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Maybe you can come down to Central City?"

"That would be nice," he nodded once. He started to gently rub Barry's back and his arms for a brief moment before nosing against his shoulder a little. "But we can spend Christmas anywhere," he kissed his shoulder through his shirt.

When they finally got up for the day, Barry wore a pair of pyjamas and one of Oliver's hoodies, the arms were a little baggy on him but he didn't care. Oliver wore one of his as well, but it was a snugger fit.

"This ways my dad's favourite holiday," Barry admitted. "He loved it."

"Your father loved you more than anything," Oliver commented, moving to pass Barry his gift.

Barry passed him his. "He liked you too. He told me."

"He seemed like it."

"What did you guys talk about?"

Oliver laughed softly and at the memory. Leaning in he put an arm around Barry. "He put his arm around my shoulders, and he pointed at you talking to Cisco and said 'You better live up to your hype. Because that's my boy.'"

"What did you say to him?" Barry let himself put some of his weight on Oliver. The apartment was warmer now with the fireplace on. It was still hard but he had wanted to talk about his dad for a while.

"I told him that if I ever do, it will be thanks to you," Oliver's lips ghosted Barry's temple.

"Okay, no more sappy stuff. Open your gift," he smiled sadly.

Oliver pulled back the wrapper on his gift and opened the box. Inside he found a framed photo of Oliver, Barry, and Thea from a recent Star City event, a fundraiser for the police department. "I was just saying I needed a picture for the mantle, thank you. It's perfect. I love this picture."

Thea stood between them, and both boys had their arms around each other's shoulders. All three dressed nicely. Thea in a strapless silver dress and Oliver and Barry in tuxedos.

Barry opened his gift and quickly. He pulled out a red cardigan and smiled. "I love it." He kissed Oliver's cheek.

"You were wearing a cardigan when I met you."

"You hated me when I met you," Barry found himself laughing, and it felt light, unburdened.

"At first, but you grew on me. I missed you when you left," he was a bit embarrassed to confess that, but didn't let on. Instead, he nudged Barry's side with an elbow. "Don't tell anyone."

"Thank you," Barry draped his arms over Oliver's shoulders, a lazy smile on his face. "Come here," he leaned in and pressed his lips against Oliver's.

He smiled against his lips. "I should get you cardigans more often," his tone was teasing.

"Thank you, for everything. This week has been as perfect as it can be, given the circumstances," he felt Oliver's arms encircle him.

"Pretty good first Christmas, then?"

"Amazing first Christmas, I'm glad it was just us. I feel like I would have just brought everyone in Central down."

"That's not true, you always find a way to light up the room."