Author's Note: What really is there to say about this fanfiction? I'm one of the many Kairi Bashers of the world and couldn't resist my chance at making her life living hell with the idea that Xemnas gave me from one of the slogans he got from the slogan generator at some website he visits a lot lately. It said pretty much what the title of this short little fanfiction is. Yay, me, I was slightly unconventional in one of the pairings!

I guess if you're a Kairi Lover you might want to avert your eyes from this particular fanfiction...I'm not particularly nice to her at all. She doesn't die, no, but I still gave her a hard enough time.

And, as always, reviews are welcome you know...¬.¬

It Makes Your Kairi Smack
"Well what are we waiting for?" said Riku with a small, genuine smile as he took the hand Sora offered to help him stand back to his feet. "Let's go tell everybody the great news!"

A few minutes later, the two stood in the living room filled with their friends and gave everyone a bright smile. "You're probably wanting to know what you were called up to come over with so little notice for aren't you?" Riku began rhetorically, fighting to keep his smile from widening too much and giving away their secret before they had the chance to.

"Not really..." yawned Tidus, who was currently in a battle with his eyes to keep them open to at least look like he was paying attention to the two standing in front of them all.

"Be nice, Tidus." Yuffie said with a slightly forced smile, restraining a yawn herself.

"I can't be nice at 8 in the morning, Yuf, it's not humanly possible. Wakka's not even nice at 8 in the morning."

"Hey!" the afore mentioned person grumbled, gently slugging Tidus in the arm. "I'm nicer than you are, babe, and you know it!"

Rubbing his arm gingerly as Sora and Riku rolled their eyes at the two lovers' antics, Tidus successfully fought back a second yawn as he replied, "See what I mean, Yuf? He's a brute at this time of day!"

"Just you wait until we get home and I'll really show you 'brute,' brat."

Deciding to interrupt before a dominance war errupted in front of everyone between the two and Yuffie, again, got scratched up trying to stop the two, Sora coughed, clearing his throat. "We wanted to tell everybody something!" he stated with a big grin.

"What's the big news?" Kairi pipped up, head tilted to one side curiously.

Riku nudged Sora forward gently, smile widening just the slightest bit as the other boy gave him a playful jab in the shoulder. Taking the hint that it was he who would have to tell their friends the news he and Riku shared, the brunette cleared his throat once again. "Well, we decided to kick up the relationship a little, so to speak." he told them. "We're now-"

"What relationship?" Kairi chirped, looking pale.

"The one they've had going on for about a year since all that business with the Organization finally ended?" asked Leon sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"The one you always asked why they were so touchy-feely hand-holdingy for?" put in Wakka, throwing an arm around Tidus' waist and yanking him against his side so he could rest his head atop Tidus' while the other boy placed his head on his shoulder.

"The one they probably just got finished consuma-" started Yuffie with a snicker, only to be stopped by Leon's hand firmly placed over her mouth. She loved to antagonize Kairi, hell, everyone did! Still, though, it was best the girl be told about that step by the two people she was always trying to mess around shamelessly with.

"Consuma- what? What's she talking about!" shrieked Kairi, turning to stare accusingly at Sora and Riku who were now holding hands with one another.

Riku raised an eyebrow at this, eyes widening a bit as Sora snorted in the attempt to hold back a sudden burst of laughter that wanted to come forward now. "We didn't do anything like that!" he protested, feeling his cheeks grow hot as he spoke while the wild-haired boy at his side turned his back on everyone, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"Thank goodness!"

"No, he's right, that's not what we've got to say." Sora stated at length when he finally was able to keep his laughter in check. "Although it's not like we'd tell people when we did, how it went, or what happened if we did." he added, forced to snicker quietly at the expression on Kairi's face as he said these last few words.

"Well what is it then?" Yuffie asked, a sneaking suspicion that she knew what it was creeping through her mind even as she spoke.

"We're engaged to be engaged to be married!" shouted Sora and Riku simultaneously, grinning from ear to ear as they tightened their holds on each other's hands considerably.

There was utter silence through the whole room as everyone attempted to process the statement they'd just made.

"You're..Engaged to be..." Tidus began.

"Engaged to be married?" finished Wakka, arching his brows in slight confusion and amusement.

"I don't get it." Kairi pouted as Yuffie sat pondering the meaning behind their words.

"It means," Leon started, "that they're not quite engaged yet. They're engaged, or agreeing to be at some time in the future, engaged. In short it's a comment that has about the same significance as a promise ring would. It's a thing to say that, at a later date, they'll be preparing to be together for as long as a marriage lasts."

"Makes sense..." Yuffie muttered out thoughtfully.

"How could you two!" Kairi cried out, racing up to the two boys. "How could you do this! You do know what that means don't you!"

"Uhm..." Riku thought for a moment as he blinked. "You won't be bothering us anymore to nail you?" he suggested.

"And you won't keep flirting with us like a shameless hussy?" added Sora.

"And you'll finally put yourselves out of our misery?" asked Yuffie with a big smile.

A thousand things ran through Kairi's mind in under two seconds, all of which she processed quickly and could still find no way to respond to the news she had been told with. What could she say or do to get it across how much this revelation had gotten to her?

SMACK! SMACK!

Everyone stood in silence as both Sora and Riku held one hand to their cheek gently where the outraged girl had just slapped them. Kairi? Slapping them of all people? That had been the least of what they had expected. Yes, they had expected her to be upset with them, but not that much!

Racing from the room, Kairi let the tears that had begun to form moments before she slapped the two boys fall freely. With the slam of the front door, it was clear to everyone that she had run out of the house with no intention of coming back to see the two as long as she could avoid doing so.

"Well, now that she's out of the way," Yuffie said with a smile, "congratulations you two!"

"Yeah, congrats." Wakka added in unison with Leon, though whispering, hoping not to awaken the slumbering teen on his arm.

With this, he stood carefully and, somehow, managed to pull Tidus into his arms and left through the secondary door of the house which had been left open from when Leon arrived. Leon, too, followed out this way with a muffled yawn and shuffling of his feet from exhaustion.

Walking up to her two friends, Yuffie's smile became more sincere as she hugged them tightly. "Really, congratulations. I'm glad things are going so well after all that mayhem at Castle Whateveryoucalledit and all that stuff. But, boys, one thing?"

"Yeah?" asked Riku curiously as he and Sora returned the hug and allowed the girl to pull back. "What can we do for you Yuffie?"

"Next time you decide to wake me and the others up at 8 in the morning? You're going to feel my mighty ninja wrath."

With this, and nothing more than a pleasant smile, Yuffie headed for the door and left, closing it behind her.
The End