Homestar Runner One Shot About Teen Girl Squad:
The Dance.
A/N This is funnier if you read it out loud with Strong Bad's voice. Just saying.
It is also funnier if you read it late at night when you have already reached that point when you are so tired even reading the autobiography of a boring walrus would seem hilarious.
Teen Girl Squad!
Cheerleader. (She likes to Cheerlead, presumably!)
So-and-So! (No definitive character traits!)
What's Her Face? (Has a face!)
The Ugly One…. (Low self-esteem!)
"Hey guys," said Cheerleader, as she always says. "Let's get ready to look SOOO GOOOD."
"Yeah!" said So-And-So 'cause she likes to be agreeing with Cheerleader.
"Word," said What's Her Face 'cause she thinks she's gangsta.
"Okilly dokily," said The Ugly One, 'cause she's a dorkfacehead.
They are walking towards the sodapop shop, when they run into…
FOUR GREGS!
"Hello Gregs," says Cheerleader trying to look all sexypants.
"Hello Cheerleader and other teen girls," replies DND Greg while he plays his Dungeons and Dragons online game on his iPhone. Maybe iPhone 4.
All of a sudden…
BIG HAMMER! kills DND Greg. For no reason. That's just how we roll.
"That makes me sad," says The Ugly One. But no one cares. 'Cause she is so ugly.
"That's unfortunate," adds What's Her Face. "If I liked him more, I would care. But right now I care more about looking SOOOO GOOOD."
"That's pretty insensitive, What's Her Face," scolds Japanese Culture Greg. "In Japanese Culture, we respect the dead."
"Well, we are not Japanese, Japanese Culture Greg. So I do not care!"
KAMIKAZEEED!
"Owww, my Anglo-Saxon-ness!"
Now What's Her Face is also dead. And she probably still isn't feeling very respectful.
That's too bad.
"Now it's just us three," said Cheerleader to the other girls as they walk away from the three remaining Gregs.
"Don't you mean WE three?" corrects The Ugly One.
The other girls have had enough of her grammar and tomfoolery.
KNIFED BY FRIENDS!
"Et tu, Bruté ?" says The Ugly One as she dies. But no one gets the reference. Because girls who look SOOO GOOOD don't read Shakespeare. Or study Julius Caesar. Or eat Caesar Salad.
Now there are just two girls left who need to go look SOOOO GOOOD.
Because there is a big dance for some reason.
With a strobe light. And some streamers. And fruit punch in little cups.
They go to the dance. They look SOOOO MEDIOCRE. But they think they look good. Mostly.
"Look, a celebrity!" cries Cheerleader. "It's Peacey'P!"
"No way!" shouts So-and-So. "That's awesome!"
They go and try to get an autograph from Peacey'P, but he is having none of it.
"No." That's what he says. Just "no." This makes them cry.
DIED OF BROKEN HEART dies So-and-So. Because she is heartbroken. And you can't live if your heart is not working. It is a vital organ. Everyone knows that.
"Oww, my most vital organ!" she cries. Then she's dead. Fo' real.
Cheerleader sees three living Gregs across the dance and smiles. "I look so good!"
SOOO GOOOD.
The end.
IT'S OVER.
Epilogue:
She died.
NOW IT'S REALLY OVER!