Merry-Go-Round
Round and round, a carousel spins
The longer you stay, the better you win
But if one day you grow to tire
of the beautiful works so many admire
If one day, you don't want to hear
The lullaby music that make children cheer
If one day you start growing sick
Of spinning round and round in this carnival trick
Then how do you get out of this Merry-Go-Round?
It's too late to escape, to sneak off without sound
The clowns on the ground, they seem to be laughing
The twirling dancers are simply now chafing
The horse you sit on, why does it move?
When will it stop? Could it please stop soon?
But here is the trick to this Merry-Go-Round
Once you get on, you can never get down
Round and round this carousel spins
No matter how much you try, you can never win.
:D You like it~? I was feeling poetic. *shrug* The title gives off that sort of mysterious feeling... I wanted to maybe add to your interest by adding that little poem there. I wrote it myself~! *glimmer glimmer*
I bet I tricked a lot of you, didn't I? You probably thought I skipped the Author's Note, and went right into the story, didn't you? Well, listen here: I WILL NEVER EVER SKIP AN AUTHOR'S NOTE!
:D Yay~!
So... *awkward pause* ... *hushed whisper* Len...! Where are my lines?!
Len: Uh... I think Mikuo has them!
Mikuo: What? No I don't!
Miku: Didn't Rin have them?
Rin: Yeah, but I gave them back to Luka...
Mikuo: But where's Luka?
All: ... o3o
Guys... did you seriously lose the script?
All: ... a3a
Really...? Come on, what is this, Bad End Night?
All: *shrug*
Sigh... Fine then. Miku, here's your cue. *point*
Miku: ! ^-^ Mitsuketa~! (1) *holds up paper*
Atta girl~! Now... pass 'em here, please...?
Miku: *hands over paper*
Good! Ahe-hem... This is my new story!
Luka: One of Naty-san's new stories... Don't you have three or four new stories in the making?
Well... *blush* Yes... there's this one, Puppy Mill, and Lined Paper, but I'm not sure all three will survive... Wait- when did you get here?
Luka: *shrug* Same time everyone else did.
But... weren't we just looking for you...?
Luka: -.-? ... Found me.
=_=" Okay then... This was actually partially inspired by one of my other stories, Lost and Found. I started thinking of what would have happened if Len and Rin hadn't found out they were twins (thanks to a reviewer, actually), and then it kinda branched out to a plot bunny. This plot bunny found a very nice looking plot bunny companion, and about an hour or two later, they had great-great-grandkids. XD
Speaking of plot bunnies... what do you guys think they look like? I've always thought they kinda look like dustbunnies, fluffy and gray and annoying, as well as with a few more bunny-parts.
I'm getting off-track again... -.-" Anyway, I started jotting down ideas for this story on September 7th, while I was on the plane ride back from Germany. It is currently October 26th. I believe this story has survived the test of time, since I still want to write it today.
That's what I've started doing since entering the Vocaloid fandom; when I come up with a new idea, I let it sit for a month. If I begin to lose interest, then I don't write it; instead, I record it into my pretty leather story ideas book for any other day I might need them.
I think this story will work out for me.
In a way, it's kind of like the opposite of Lost and Found, although it also bears a lot of resemblances.
One of the things they have in common is that they will have this sense of pressure. In Lost and Found, it starts as soon as they leave for Tokyo. Things suddenly start going down-hill from there, and just when things seem to be clearing up... BAM! This fake peace is disrupted by one big story BOMB!
I don't really want to spoil the story, but this is what Merry-Go-Round will be like: One beating after another.
Len: ... D':
Aw, don't worry, Len! I'm completely set on Rin being the main character for this story, so while she gets tortured to the point of screaming, courtesy of myself, you just might be able to avoid it.
Len: Knowing you, I doubt it.
^w^ Glad to hear it. *turns to audience* Anyway... I won't torture you with suspense any longer. Read on, friends! Enjoy this story of angst! I do hope you'll enjoy it!
(1) It means 'Found it'. This is her special line in Bad End Night/Crazy Night, when all the Vocaloids are searching for the last page of the book, and Miku happens to find it.
Chapter 1 - Prologue
...
Um... Hi.
My name is Rin Kagamine.
Surely you've realized this.
I don't get why the hell you're reading this... don't you have anything better to do? Why don't you go play outside, like normal people would, hm?
Oh... what's this? You say you're not a normal person. Ha. Hahaha.
Bullshit.
You're just naive.
A normal person is someone who manages to somewhat keep their life in line.
Have you ever been arrested? Have you ever made a magazine headline? Are you famous? Is there not one other person in the world who lives the same way as you do?
If you can find at least one person in the world who is like your own reflection, you are so similar, then obviously, you are normal.
Perhaps that would make me normal, too. Maybe I am. In some ways.
I may not have a criminal record. Nobody knows my name. I'm nothing special.
And yet, perhaps those are the reasons that I am currently standing on a rooftop, gazing down at the puddles forming beneath me.
It's ironic, isn't it?
Whenever someone is dramatically standing on a roof, there just has to be a dramatic storm in the background, complete with dramatic thunder and dramatic lightning, and even the dramatic heavy rain that falls so hard, you can barely see ahead.
I can't even see the tree that I know is only about 20 feet away in the school yard.
I slip off my shoes, and peel off my socks.
My clothes cling to me like no human will, and I'm not just shivering from the coolness of the air.
As I slowly walk closer to the edge of the brick roof, I think back to how we used to sometimes come up here for lunch.
It seems like so long ago... when things were okay, when things were normal, when I wasn't hating every person around me.
I glance over this forbidden edge, my toes curling around the cemented border.
The puddles seem to be growing bigger with every second.
I wonder... in 5 minutes time, will the water in that large puddle there be stained red?
I take a deep breath in, and try to suppress a shiver- while mentally scolding myself when I fail. 'This is not the time to be weak...' I think to myself, the thoughts echoing through my head.
I shift my balance forward, and immediately jump back away from the edge. I swear. "Of all times for my survival reflexes to kick in, they decide to bother me now..." I mutter, coughing slightly.
I find myself back at the edge of the building, testing myself, challenging myself to quit being an idiot and just jump...!
And suddenly, my balance just swings a little too far forward, and there is no longer any ground beneath me. I open my mouth in a gasp, but the scream is caught in my throat as I fall down two stories.
And yet... I'm not afraid anymore. In fact, I'm so filled with adrenaline, I could pull a Spider-Man fall right now. Maybe even land safely on all fours. Although that isn't the point of this...
I don't have very long to enjoy this small moment of bliss. Suddenly, gravity comes back, and slams me against the dark pavement.
Um... ow.
I can hear a scream from somewhere, but I don't know who it came from. I know it isn't me, though; my jaw hurts so bad, it might possibly be broken.
But as the blood oozes out from my wounds, I can't feel anything more than a strange peace. 'It's almost over...! Thank God...'
It hurts, but so does life. And it will be over soon. Soon, I'll be able to close my eyes for good, and they'll never again open.
It's... a wonderful feeling. I feel relieved just thinking about it, but at the same time, so bitter, so-
What? What's this now? Why are you making a face? ... What? You don't like being left out in the dark? You don't like not knowing my reason for jumping down 2 stories? Picky, picky...
You know, I don't have to tell you about my life. You shouldn't be so greedy... In fact, I don't even get why you're so interested in me! ...Perhaps you're all even more sadistic than I.
Oh? You say that no, you're not sadistic after all? Liar. If you weren't, you wouldn't be reading this. You wouldn't be enjoying my pain. You wouldn't be so amused at my suicide.
But still... you want to go back to the beginning. Well, then.
Once upon a time, there was a mommy and a daddy who loved each other... well... enough. So 'God' gave them a baby. But, this baby got lonely inside of her momma's tummy; she wanted a friend. So, 'God' granted her wish. There then were 2 babies in this mother's tummy.
Exhausted, she couldn't come up with a name for the two.
Papa simply stated he didn't care.
So she glanced at the nurse, who held the boy in her left arm, and the girl in her right arm, and thought...
Right and Left.
Rin and Len.
Hm? What are you complaining about now? ... Oh, that's TOO far back in the beginning, you say? Pfft. Fine. As you wish.
If you really desire it, why not move on to the 3rd of January, 2009?
You're asking yourself now what something in 2009 has to do with my suicide. Trust me, it has plenty to do with it.
"Lennyyyyy!"
The girl shook her brother until his eyes fluttered open with a groan. "Whaaaat...?"
The girl grinned, and lowered her face to his, so close that their noses were touching, and said: "Hi."
"... Is that seriously it?" Len asked in disbelief. He sat up, causing Rin to fall back, and made a face at her. "You woke me up at...", he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, "7:00 am just to say hi?!"
Rin pouted. "You don't want to see me...?"
Len rolled his eyes. "Not at 7 in the morning, no."
Rin's pout deepened, crossing her arms for emphasis. "But Leeeeen...!"
He rolled over, his face in his pillow, trying to fall back to sleep.
Rin sighed. Slowly, she laid herself down on the other side of the mattress, and simply watched him sleep.
"... ... ... Stop it, Rin." came his muffled voice from the pillow. "You're creeping me out."
Rin giggled, and snuggled up closer to him.
"..." A pause, then he sighed, and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him.
Rin made a purring sound of approval, as she snuggled into his chest.
"You're so childish..." Len scolded her.
"But you know you like me that way." Rin said.
And, to her relief, she saw a small smile spread on his lips. "Maybe."
They lay there like that, but Rin wasn't sleeping.
It had started out with her noticing how pink and girlish her brother's lips looked, snickering at this (which Len ignored), and then... then came the stunning, shocking, revolting realization that...
'Oh God. I want to kiss you, Len. Why do I want to kiss you?!'
That was the day I realized I was in love with my brother. Or maybe at 12, it wasn't quite love just yet. Maybe at 12, it was more of an attraction.
But normal people don't feel attracted to their brothers.
Surprised by this sudden realization, I kept this to myself. I did, however, 'accidentally' brush against him, and teased him more just to see how he'd react.
I could never tell, though, if he felt the same.
Now, I can say with certainty that, no, he never even considered me in that way.
The feelings I kept bottled up inside seemed to grow. At 13, the peak of puberty, I wanted him. Desperately wanted him.
But I knew I couldn't have him.
I could daydream about him walking into my room one night, and giving me exactly what I was craving from him, all the while whispering how much he loved me. But I knew he never would.
That's one thing I was forced to accept when I fell in love with Len Kagamine: You can love him, but don't expect any love back.
I knew that, once I'd realized my feelings for him were real, that the road I was taking would be bumpy, and that I'd crash a few times along the way. I knew it would hurt, and I knew that, no matter which way I went, it would only end in disappointment.
I could have never guessed, though, that instead of continuing down this path, I veered completely off the trail, and instead fell off a giant cliff.
I could never have guessed that this rocky path I was taking would actually kill me.
But how exactly had it come down to this?
How did it get to the point where even hell would be better than living?
Well... it all started on October 16th, 2011.
"Come on, Miku! Just tell me already!"
My teal-haired friend blushed. "No! I don't want to...!"
I nudged her. "You can't just drop a bomb and say you have a crush on someone, and then NOT tell me who it is!"
"You'll laugh at me..."
"No, I swear I won't!"
"You're laughing right now!" she spat.
"Come on..." I pleaded. "Tell me! I am your best friend, after all... don't you trust me?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Then why don't you tell me? I promise you I won't tell anyone else! Maybe I could even help hook you two up!" Why on earth did I say that?
She squirmed. "... Fine, I'll tell you, but... you have to swear you won't tell anyone!"
"Cross my heart." I said, drawing an X over my left breast.
"Fine..." she hesitated, and looked both ways, to make sure no one else was near. "It's..." Another sigh. "You have to promise not to laugh, okay?"
"I promise..." I said, rolling my eyes. "Come on, now!"
She bent down to my ear, and whispered one syllable, a word of three letters that turned my life upside down.
And I didn't laugh. I froze, and stared at her with wide eyes. "Len... as in, my brother, Len?!"
Miku blushed, and nodded, avoiding my gaze.
"... Why?"
I knew Len was a great guy. I knew someday he would get admirers like this. But... why now?
"Well..." Miku's face was red as a tomato. "He's nice... and he's smart... and he's really, really hot, so..."
Was that it? Was that the only reason why?
"Yeah, but there are a ton of nice, smart, and really hot guys!" I argued.
Miku giggled. "You're only saying that because you don't want me to date your brother!"
Of course I wouldn't!
"Yeah, cause... it's like... weird!" I said, and faked a shiver.
Miku laughed, a beautiful laugh that sounded like wind chimes. "Well, I'm in love with Len, and nothing you say is going to change that!"
And this is when my life became living hell.
Hi~!
Weeeeeell...? How did you like it?
I thought it was loads of fun~! Hm, maybe it'll even get switched to an M rating...? Ooh, fun~! XD You never know~!
La dee da... what am I forgetting to say...? ... ... ... *loading, please wait*
I suppose I could just talk some more about the story. *shrug*
Anyway... I suppose you can already tell this will be a Rin x Len x Miku triangle. Which is pretty ironic, because I dislike Miku x Len, but... she makes the perfect third wheel. *shrug*
And besides... who else would I pair Len with? Yuki? My apologies to The Queen of Double Standards (she ships Len x Yuki), but that'd just be weird for a story like this.
Iroha, Luka, and Lily are too mature... I need someone innocent, and dumb.
Miki would be a good choice (sorry Miki-chan... ^-^"), but I like Miki too much, and I don't see her as someone you could hate.
Then there's Gumi... but I have something else planned for her.
Teto is for the same reason as Miki.
I DETESTE Len x Neru, so that's just a big fat NO! Bleh... ;P
I don't ship Len x Haku or Len x Meiko...
So I guess Miku really is the only choice. *shrug*
Question of the Chapter: Who do you ship with Len?
I'm listening to the song Ikasama Game Life right now. It is SOOO catchy~! And the beat n' stuff goes real well for this kind of mood in the story. :3
Anyway, I'm hoping the atmosphere for this story will stay this awkward kind of way throughout the story. After all, Rin IS an awkward kind of person. Or, at least, her monologue is.
Rin is a very defensive person. She's extremely suspicious of everyone and everything. If someone offers her a cookie, just out of the kindness out of their heart (pfft!), instead of accepting it with a smile, she'll give this person a look and ask what they did with it, and would probably consider them weird. In a way, I suppose that's like me. It's only because if someone in my class DID offer me a cookie, it would probably be because someone sneezed on it, though.
But in a way, I suppose I can see myself in Rin. She's a fun character to write for, and is relatively easy. She's also very negative, which is another characteristic we both share.
Len... I'm planning on making Len 'Mr. Nice Guy'. You know... the typical popular boy in the movies. He's humble, polite, friendly, funny, cute, and accepts everyone; there's not a flaw to be found in him. In a way, I think Rin might also be jealous of him for this. He can get everyone to like him without even trying, while Rin repels people with her distrust of everyone.
Strange, isn't it? He's so perfect, he not only can get any girl he knows to swoon if he tries, he even unconsciously got his own sister to fall for him!
Len is completely oblivious of his effect on people. He has no idea girls even think of him as cute! *laughs* He's really modest, too.
Miku is your typical blonde from the movies- minus the blond hair color. She's supposed to be a bit of an airhead. Okay, A LOT of an airhead. Like Len, she's oblivious to what people think of her, but she's super confident in herself. She doesn't really mind rejection; she's satisfied if she at least managed to tell the person how she felt. There's an equal amount of people who love her and who hate her. It's funny, because with Miku Hatsune, it's either you love her, or you hate her. And yet, she still doesn't notice this.
Rin used to hate her, but Miku ended up winning her over.
This story is going to be filled with angst and self-torture. No, not physical torture; I mean torturing one's self emotionally with this person's thoughts. :D
This is going to be super fun~!
Anyway, let's see if we can get at least 5 reviews on chapter 1, hm? :3
(1) It means 'Found it'. This is her special line in Bad End Night/Crazy Night, when all the Vocaloids are searching for the last page of the book, and Miku happens to find it.
PLEASE REVIEW~!