Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me.
It was the eve of the Final Battle.
Everyone on the Light's side had been gathered together to battle the Dark.
The Golden Trio was sitting together for what might very well turn out to be the last time.
The moment was grim, for they all knew that they might not all make it out alive.
"I need to tell both of you something," Harry said solemnly.
Ron and Hermione nodded seriously, sure that whatever information they were told would never weaken the Golden Trio's friendship.
"I'm a girl," Harry admitted. "My uncle didn't like girls because he thought having one around might distract Dudley too much. My parents were the only ones who knew that I'm female, and Dumbledore decided that having a male savior would be better for morale."
Ron's jaw dropped.
"W-what?" he asked weakly. "What about all those times when we changed for Quidditch? I mean, I've seen you half-naked before! You don't have tits!"
Hermione huffed.
"Ron, don't be so crude!" she snapped. "I know exactly how you feel, Harry, because there's something I've never told anyone before."
Harry nodded, urging her to go on. Ron looked horrified.
"I'm really Draco Malfoy's twin."
"What!" Ron protested loudly. "But you don't look anything like him, and he makes fun of you all the time!"
"Ron, don't you know anything?" Hermione said impatiently. "Twins of opposite genders are always fraternal twins, so they're actually siblings that just happen to be born at about the same time. Of course we don't look that similar. Besides, the only reason Drakie – that's the nickname I used to call him by – was mean to me is because his – I mean our – father made him. Otherwise, he'd have killed Drakie for not being a good pureblood son."
Harry nodded again, all of this making perfect sense to him. Ron mouthed silently, looking too appalled for words.
The other two-thirds of the Golden Trio stared at Ron, now expecting him to reveal a secret in exchange for theirs.
"Okay," Ron said, resigned. "There's something that I've never told anyone else either. You see, I'm actually working for Dumbledore."
He was immediately pinned with a meaningful look by Hermione, which conveyed "duh" with absolute style and grace.
"No, I meant that I'm working for Dumbledore, who's working against you! He actually wants you two to kill Voldemort and then for me to kill you, so he'll have absolute power! Dumbledore's married to McGonagall, and they're both working together to make sure that they'll rule the wizarding world together when you and Voldemort are gone!"
"Ron," Harry said slowly. He exchanged a disturbed look with Hermione.
"Dumbledore's gay."