Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders, they belong to S.E. Hinton :(.


Eye of the Beholder

Ponyboy POV

It had been 6 months…

6 months since Johnny died...

6 months since Dally has been shot...

6 months since I have ceased to belong...to laugh...to hope...to feel...

In only six months I have become a skeleton of the person that existed before, like some sort of backwards, screwed up metamorphosis. Instead of coming out of my chrysalis as a beautiful butterfly I have shrunk, into this ugly, hateful being that is staring back at me from the mirror. I am gaunt to say the least, my face is hollow, the bones clearly visible to the world. My eyes are like caves, they betray me by showing everybody that I am not all right. They are the paparazzi of my face, screaming to the world that I am sick...hurt...dying... And the world, cold and uncaring is staring straight back screaming "We. Don't. Care."

Inside I feel anger towards everyone and everything. I have read in so many books about people experiencing blind fury. I feel the fury, every day it eats away at me, and I fear that soon it will have devoured my insides and begin the journey outwards. When this happens I will finally die, but along with me I will drag those that I love and cherish most. But I am not blind at all, I see perfectly those that I hate. I see my face in the mirror and I watch as I waste away, day by agonizing day.

I see Darry's eyes when he looks at me, rare as it may be. What he sees disgusts him, I feel his eyes burn into my skin as he looks at the tragedy that I have become. I see Soda, I hear him tell me over and over again that everything will be okay in the end. He tells me that he loves me as he looks at me with those eyes. We do have one thing in common, his eyes betray him too. I see Johnny in my dreams, I hate him for telling me to stay gold when I cannot. It seems like such a simple request, but nothing is simple anymore...

A/N: Thanks for reading everybody! This is the first fanfic that I have posted on the internet, and I am eager to see reviews and I love constructive critisizm. I am also looking for a beta reader...and for someone to tell me what a beta does, lol.

I also need input as to whether I should continue with this story or leave it as a oneshot. I do have an idea in my head for a multiple chapter story, but I don't know whether to work it as this one, or leave this alone and start a whole new story. I am not sure if the relationships between the brothers in this story will fit together with how I want it to be in the other story...

I know that this was short, but I just felt the need to post it as is...not my best work either...

Until next time...KeyLimeGrind