Disclaimer: I can't believe there's one for every fic n chapter… I don't own them…
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Creatress: Hi all!! Wrote this one while I ran into a writer's block on IMS, Some Things Never Change – Ever, and this really snazzy TMRGW I was working on –
Sev: I read it, it was great – it was more of an SSHG than a TMRGW.
Creatress: Yeah – I don't know how that happened… One moment, Voldemort wants to hurt Ginny by hurting one of her friends, and the next he's giving Mione to Sev… Okay, I can see how that works, but you would think that I would've thought that a crucio or two would have done the trick…
Mione: Haha, we're everywhere…
Sev: We're engraved into your brain. You just can't get rid of us.
Creatress: You'd think working on some other ship would give the SSHGness a break for a while, but no…
Mione: Nope…
Creatress: So, I'm going to do an SSHG where Hermione's the one who gets the Half Blood Prince's book and makes an extraordinary potion that … caused problems, let's say…
Sev: Interesting.
Creatress: Well… Creating extraordinary potions… Opening secret chambers… Interesting things happen when young Gryffindor girls get their hands on books of older Slytherin males…
Sev & Mione: …
Creatress: Funny, that's exactly how Tom & Gin reacted… Anyways, just read this first…
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The Substitute
It was the boy-who-survived-Riddle's-attack-because-his-mum-loved-him's third year. Shut up, we all thought it… Anyways, the DADA professor, Remus Lupin, had to take certain days off every month, and the Potions Master substituted his classes. Why Snape? Because who else could do it?
"You want me to substitute?" Snape asked Dumbledore.
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes."
"For defense against the dark arts?"
"Yes."
"As in, teach two classes for a week, every month until those dunderheads finally push Remus Lupin to quit in a fit of insanity?"
Dumbledore braced himself a little. "Yes."
"No."
Dumbledore sighed. "What can I offer to make you accept?"
Snape shrugged. Instead of answering, he eyed the older man. "You realize you would not be having this problem if you'd just given me the job in the first place?"
Dumbledore sighed again. "Yes, yes, I know – but you find another Potions Master good enough to teach your subject."
"Flattery never got anyone anywhere," came the curt reply. Though it was true – Potions Masters/Mistresses who were good enough, not only to teach the subject, but take care of all of Hogwarts' potions-related problems were hard to come by.
Also, Dumbledore didn't feel like telling the man in front of him, but after everything that happened during the first wars with Voldemort, he didn't feel like risking putting Snape in a position where he might lose him in a year – not because he was afraid of losing Snape to the dark side, it was just that he was afraid of losing Snape, period. He'd instated Lupin into the position because he thought he found a loophole in the jinx – no man can have the job for more than a year. Lupin was a werewolf. But it was a weak argument, and Dumbledore knew it – Remus Lupin was more of a man than certain other males he could name, even during the time of the full moon. But a headmaster could hope, right?
"Okay, how about this," Dumbledore said. "You teach Remus' subject, and I'll get somebody else to substitute for you in your class?"
Snape thought about it for a second. He wondered why Dumbledore wouldn't get someone to directly substitute in for Lupin…
"The only person I have in mind wouldn't fare well as DADA professor, I'm afraid," Dumbledore suddenly quipped, seeming to read Snape's mind.
Snape shrugged, carelessly. "Fine, then, you have a deal. Would that be all?"
Dumbledore nodded, a little stiffly, but Snape didn't pay him any attention and left, robes billowing out behind him (or else it wouldn't be a proper exit, now would it?).
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"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Hermione Granger and Parvati Patil glanced at each other for a second before breaking out into a run. The two and Lavender had been walking down to Potions when Lavender had grabbed Hermione's book and run ahead as a joke. Not really feeling like running, especially since they were early, Hermione had just smiled and shrugged and walked leisurely along, with Parvati at her side. And then, they heard Lavender scream.
The two girls raced down to the dungeons. Having on better shoes, Hermione got there first. "Lav, are you alright?! What happened?!" Hermione rushed to Lavender, who was, though quite red and leaning against the wall for support, seemed to be okay. She looked at Hermione earnestly when she saw her.
"OhgodMionetheprofessor," she gasped.
Hermione eyed her, concern melting away. "What?" she asked.
"The… professor…" Lavender managed, nodding toward the Potions' room door.
"Professor Snape?" Hermione asked again, some of the concern rushing back. "What happened to him?"
"He… He must be sick or something," Lavender breathed.
There was a loud gasp. The two girls looked up to see Parvati jump away from the door, which was open a crack and stumble back. She turned, excitedly toward them. "Oh, my God! Lavender…Hermione…" She speechlessly. She gestured toward the door. "The Professor…!"
Curiosity getting the better of her, Hermione walked past her two dumbfounded friends and threw the door open, bracing herself for whatever she may see – an injured Snape, a dead Snape – whatever it was, she promised herself that she wouldn't be shocked speechless.
And she wasn't.
"Professor Lockheart!"
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Sev: WHAT?!?! #$&#$ #$ #&$( (#$&!!! LOCKHEART?!?!
Creatress: Well, he hadn't fared well as a DADA teacher…
Mione: (blinks at chapter) Woah…
Sev: 'Woah?!' What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
Creatress: (snickers)
Mione:… (grins) Jealous, Sev?
Sev: (snarls and stomps out)
Creatress: (tries to say something, but finds it too hard and falls over laughing)
Mione: Creatress, come on…
Creatress: (gets up and starts snickering) OoOoOo… Sevvie-kins has competition…