Moving Forward

Manny Santos ambled aimlessly down the street, both hands tucked neatly inside her jean pockets. She's well aware that she is missing history class, but right now, she doesn't really care. Lately, Manny hasn't cared much about anything.

She can't help it. She still thinks about him. He's been gone for almost two months now, but Manny wants him gone from her every memory as well. She has trouble grasping the fact that this is the first time she does not want him back. She should, she thinks she should. Remembering how much she loves him, or used to love him, Manny feels as though if she does not want him that the world will crumble. That it's currently breaking and she's the last straw. The dark-haired girl can almost feel herself being pulled every direction but forward.

Sighing, Manny slowly removes a numb, tingling hand from her pocket and wipes at her eyes like she has been crying, even though she has not shed a single tear. A gust of wind blows her hair into her mouth, sticking to her lips. Getting ready each morning is the solitary action that hasn't changed since she broke off their relationship. Manny mostly goes through the motions for her parent, and for Emma. Emma would worry endlessly if Manny showed up at school looking less than perfect. She hated that, it was probably the only thing she hated about her best friend.

No, it wasn't. Manny couldn't stand that she was supposed to be over Craig, over everything he used to be to her. She loathed how Emma acted as though he was gone and it did not matter. After two weeks, Emma figured Manny should be over it. And that was that. Manny wasn't over him. She didn't want to date him anymore either; she didn't want him back. The brunette just wanted him to have loved her.

Apparently that was too much to ask for.

---

As Ellie lay back on her bed, Marco sprawled out beside her, watching Wheel of Fortune, she couldn't help but smile.

She was smiling a lot more recently. For reasons unknown, she felt happy, content. It wasn't the bliss Ellie thought being in love was supposed to bring. The redhead did not feel like bouncing up and down, laughing endlessly, or doing back flips and cartwheels around her room.

Then again, she did not feel like moping around either. That was good; she thought content was good enough.

Just because it was good didn't mean Ellie let all her doubts go without another thought. She loved Jesse, she really did. Ellie just was not positive that there was not something filled with more grandeur out in the world, or just a love that contained more bliss.

A moan could be heard coming from her best friend, "Elle, I'm starved!" Marco patted his stomach lightly before reaching over and tapping the girl's, "Oh look, so are you!"

Ellie rolls her eyes at the boy, lifting herself of the wrinkled sheets with a groan. She smoothed her hair down a little, "I'll go make some popcorn."

As she headed down the stairs, her head began to pound incessantly. Clutching at her red locks, Ellie continued down the steps, slowly this time. She felt like banging her head against the wall multiple times, it could not hurt anymore than it already did.

The girl swung open the cabinet, grabbing the Advil. These headaches began to invade her life around two months ago when he left. She couldn't have explained why they bombarded her back then. Ellie just figured it was something stupid, stress related, maybe. She had planned on the pounding leaving her forever within two weeks, but it didn't. Once or twice a day, it rushed back, making her feel ill.

Now, Ellie was convinced the headaches sprang from missing Craig. She really did miss him. The red-haired girl missed having someone who understood her musical tastes, someone who could talk to her about anything, someone who thought she was brilliant for just being her.

Yet, having him gone was good too. She stopped loving him, easing her heart and breaking it simultaneously. She was grateful for the opportunity to be free from his emotional grasp that enthralled her and suffocated her. Ellie really liked that she could be in a relationship with Jesse now without Craig's existence looming over them, looming over her. But most of all, Ellie was relieved. Relieved that she didn't have to hear him talk about Manny. Thoughts and words that always resulted in silent tears running down her pale face. She was privileged to hear about how great the dark-haired girl was, how extremely funny and talented she was, and how smart she was (Ellie had always scoffed at that last one, not believing it one bit). That was the best part about Craig being gone, hands down; losing her privilege.

She popped the medication into her mouth, gulping it down without water, feeling it struggle to make its way down her dry, irritated throat.

---

Luckily, Manny wandered back to Degrassi a couple of minutes before the final bell sounded. She wasn't in the mood to be victim to one of Emma's speeches. Pushing open the heavy glass door, she entered the building, walking casually to her locker as though she had not been gone the last two periods. Manny had learned that if you act as though nothing is out of the ordinary, people are likely to believe you and not ask questions.

Reaching her locker as the cacophonous bell rang, Manny sighed, efficiently opening her lock and grabbing some books. She figured it would be good to work on some homework tonight; maybe a study session with her best friend would do her some good. Manny hoped so, but she doubted it. Millions of study days or movie nights were not going to change the fact that she longed to feel a constant pain, to feel something. The brunette bit down lightly on her lip, flipping a lock of stray hair over her shoulder, grabbing the sugar cookie she hadn't gotten around to eating at lunch.

"Can I have a piece of that?" The blonde bounced next to Manny, breaking off a portion of the cookie.

"Hey Em," Manny breathed, plastering a smile to her face, instantly entering peppy, cheery mode, "do you want to study for the health test tonight? I have to pass it or else my parents will go ballistic." She groaned for effect, and just because it felt good.

"Sure. Can Sean come too?" Emma grabbed another chunk of the cookie, tilting her head to the side, examining her best friend. Lately, Manny had seemed a bit off, Emma just couldn't put a finger on it. Smiling, the blonde decided to ignore her intuition and let it go, she overanalyzed far too much.

Manny rolled her eyes a little, "why not." Quickly, she finished her cookie before the blonde could inhale the rest, and they began to walk outside.

Tension sprang up in Emma's body as she saw her boyfriend conversing casually with his ex and her own ex-boyfriend's mom. Manny tensed up too, the red-haired girl always made her feel nervous, idiotic and confused all at the same time.

The last time Manny had spoken to Ellie had been surprisingly civil. They hadn't argued with each other, or hostilely ignored one another either. The brunette was not naive enough to believe the apologies they shared made them friends. She knew that would never happen. But the ground they stood on was incredibly shaky, and interaction of any sort would be awkward.

Manny began to protest as Emma latched onto her forearm, dragging her towards Sean. "No, no, I'm not going over there."

"Yes you are because that's where Sean is."

"With Ellie and Principal Hatzilakos..." Manny attempted to free herself, slapping at Emma's hand.

The blonde sighed exasperatedly, "I can't face that crowd alone."

"Okay, fine, but you owe me." Manny gave in, crossing her arms over her chest. She could not fathom why her best friend was so worried; she acted as though Ellie was trying to steal Sean away from her or something crazy like that. Manny knew Ellie had a serious boyfriend and had gotten over Sean long ago (she had gone after Craig after all), the redhead had even been able to move forward. The brunette kind of envied that, her biggest desire was to not just move on, but to move ahead. She wanted to learn from her past relationship, figure out what had went wrong below the obvious surface issues. She wanted to embark on a fresh journey with new lessons.

"Hi," Emma chirped, taking her boyfriend's callused hand into her own. Sean's only reply was a kiss on the cheek and a smile.

"Hello Emma, Manny," Principal Hatzilakos nodded at the girls, smirking ever so slightly, "Bye Sean, thanks for dropping by Ellie." She left quickly; teen drama was something she dealt with enough during the day, and if it wasn't necessary for her to stay, she walked away.

"Hey Ellie," Emma looked at the girl kindly, leaning closer to Sean, causing both him and Manny to sigh a little. Sometimes they just did not understand the blonde.

"Hi." Ellie spoke confidently, replying to Emma but looking directly at Manny. Her eyes were closed off today, the smile she wore looked thin and fragile, as though it could evaporate or break at any given moment.

The dark-haired girl began to fidget, pulling on her fingers. Ellie's gaze was penetrating and awkward, like she was looking for an answer and was convinced she would find it somewhere within Manny. Manny knew she would not; she did not possess any answers to her own questions, let alone someone else's. Looking at the ground, Manny frowned; she never should have walked over here.

"I'm writing an article about seniors here and getting ready for college." Ellie broke her eyes away from Manny, explaining tacitly to Emma that she wasn't a threat, that she'd never take anything away from her.

"Yeah, I think it'll be really good." Sean offered up his two cents, looking curiously at Manny, he had never known her to be a girl of so few words, or no words in this case.

"Yeah, it's coming along well." Ellie could feel strain, the only ally she had was Sean, and he wasn't helping her out too much, "I, uh, have to go, bye." Ellie waved a little and walked away.

Finally, Manny looked up, greeted with perplexed looks. "What?" she feigned confusion herself, and it wasn't a complete lie, she was confused too.

---

"I'll go get more pretzels." Emma got up slowly, putting her pencil down. She brushed some fringe from her brown eyes, "Anyone want another drink?" If anything, she was a courteous host.

"I'm fine." Sean muttered and Manny agreed. If she had any more soda she would not be able to sleep that night due to a need to pee constantly.

The dark-haired girl looked down at her book, squinting, "I don't get this stuff."

Sean looked at her, anticipation evident on his visage. "You know what I don't get? You and Ellie today..."

Manny's head shot up and she just stared at him for a moment. Were they really that obvious? "I don't know what you're talking about."

He just stared at her, his face clearing saying that he didn't believe her.

Sighing, Manny ran her fingers though her hair and took a gulp of water, when she realized that ignoring him wouldn't work, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply, and trying to formulate the perfect answer. A response that would stop the questions and be comprehensible. Eventually, she opened her eyes and murmured, "It's just awkward, you know, after the whole Craig thing. We don't really know how to deal with each other, and the whole bitching back and forth thing is getting old."

He seemed to accept that well enough, thinking her expression fit what she had experienced with the boy who had hurt her. Plus, it was obvious that the brunette did not want to have to think about the situation.

"What are you two talking about?" Emma inquired, hands filled with a plastic bowl full of pretzel sticks.

"Health." Manny looked expectantly at Sean, begging him not to say anything to the bubbly blonde. Emma was happy lately, Manny didn't want to bring her down with her best friend troubles. Manny wanted Emma to enjoy life because she deserved it.

"Yep, Manny hates it." Sean shot her a look, informing her that he wouldn't say a word.

She smiles a little at him, relieved.

Soon, Emma and Sean began to act couple-y and Manny felt her face and arms itching. Her eyes began to hurt and she felt empty, depressed, but most of all, she felt nothing. Manny excused herself with some story about her Dad putting her on lockdown. For once in her life, she was happy he was so strict; watching her friends cuddle on the couch was not something she wanted to see. It just reminded her that she was alone, had no one to be jealous of her ex-boyfriends, nobody was going to hug her and kiss her and look at her with need and desire, she had no one to hold her and make her feel alive again.

As she made her way down the sidewalk, the wind began to pick up speed, making the brunette feel cold, she began to rub her arms quickly, trying to create some warmth on her skin.

When she turned the corner, Manny was faced with a snickering group of juniors. It was obvious that they were drunk by the alcohol bottles that were scattered around the grass. Plus, when they spoke, their words slurred together, and walking without a stumble proved to be challenging for them.

When a tall girl spotted the brunette, she covered her mouth and immediately began to giggle. Trudging on, Manny ignored her peers and sped up, not daring to look down at her shoes.

"Hey look! It's the whore!" The girl kept snickering as the rest of the group recognized Manny from last year's video.

She just keep walking, most people did not mention the infamous tape anymore, but occasionally someone would and it made Manny sick to her stomach.

"Don't ignore us. Just show us your boobs and we'll let you go." A big guy stepped out and blocked Manny's passage to freedom.

Quickly, she dodged to the right, attempting to worm her way past the drunken juniors, only to be stopped by two girls who were shorter than the others.

Her heart began to pound rapidly in her chest, thoughts streaming through her mind too quickly to really be comprehended. Manny thought she might be able to scream loud enough for someone to hear, but she worried the gang in front of her might charge. Her stomach began to churn and vomit made its way up her throat. She gulped it down and grimaced at the taste.

"Come on girlie, give it up, we know you're easy." The large guy ran a finger over the brunette's lip and she stumbled backwards, luckily she was able to keep her balance and not fall to the hard, cold cement.

Tears welled up in Manny's deep brown eyes as she willed them not to fall, but it would not make too much difference, the gang already knew she was scared. She briefly entertained the idea of running, but her heels would not allow it. Damn, why did I wear these today? she cursed herself silently. Leaning down to unbuckle them would not go well, and if she ran, Manny would be sure to trip, and even drunks could catch up with her. She gulped down a lump in her suddenly dry throat.

The group continued to snicker at her.

A car drove past, stopping abruptly as a familiar figure slammed the door shut, "What's going on?"

Ellie. Manny felt relieved and aggravated simultaneously. Why couldn't someone else save her? Sean, for example, he would have been better, but Manny figured at a time like this, complaining was not really warranted.

"You wanna join the party hottie?"

The redhead glared at the group of drunks, not backing down. "Stay away from her!" She shouted, approaching Manny and grabbing her by the arm.

"Oh yeah? How are you gonna stop us?"

There was no fear evident in Ellie as she spat menacingly at the gang, "because I have pictures of you that could easily be given to the cops."

The group fumbled for a moment, exchanging glances as Ellie pulled out a stack of Polaroids, waving them in the air. A self-satisfied smirk placed on her lips.

"Come on Manny," She lead the brunette to her car and stuck her head out the window, red curls billowing in front of her face. "Here you go!" She shrieked happily, releasing the pictures and pressing down the gas pedal.

Manny let her breathing return to a more normal rated and waited for her throat to stop feeling so dry before speaking, "Thanks Ellie."

The redhead turned her head, nodding a little, looking at the younger girl. "You okay?" Her voice was void of concern, neutral in every way.

"I'm fine."

Ellie returned her attention to the road and let out a sigh, "Where do you live?"

---

When Ellie pulled into Manny's driveway, she was surprised when the girl didn't exit as fast as her legs could carry her. "You're here." Ellie stated, slight annoyance gracing her voice.

"Why?"

"Huh?" The red-haired girl turned to find Manny looking intently at her; she could see small streaks of tears that had escaped the brunette's eyes.

"Why would you save me like that?"

With a slight eye roll and groan, Ellie whispered, "I'm not that much of a bitch, Manny."

The younger girl closed her eyelids for a minute before opening them again; it felt like it took far too much effort. "And the pictures?"

"For an article, I just think fast. They're drunks, they can't think fast."

"Oh," Manny's hand hovered over the handle on the car door for a moment before she placed it gently in her lap and continued, "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"Lots of things." A smile slipped onto the brunette's face, the first genuine one that she had worn in two months. Quickly, she excited the vehicle, aware of the red-haired girl's eyes on her, burning a hole into her back.

Safe. It made Manny feel safe to have Ellie waiting there to make sure she got inside okay. Was that change and forgiveness she felt after she got inside?