Tri99er Warning: A Steampunk Westernstuck
By
bookwyrmknight
Chapter 1: The Train Ride
The red landscape of the desert zoomed by, capturing Jake English's attention. He observed all the different flora and fauna that he only read in the new books of the American west. He's been in deserts before. Oh yes, the windiest, sandiest of deserts. Along with rainforests, arctic tundra, rocky mountain sides, ancient temples, atop of skyscrapers, and even in an underwater city! Yet he still finds wonder in everything he sees. Never a dull moment for Jake English! He was just observing a small herd of pronghorn antelope, when a voice brought him back to reality.
"'Ahem, Mr. English'" said a clear, smooth voice, snapping Jake's attention. Across the elaborate table, sat a regal young gentleman with finely combed hair and pale white skin that some of working class would deem "sickly", while others of the higher class would deem refined. It reminded Jake of the fine, white tusks of the mighty, rampaging elephant bull he once climbed and redirected to avoid trampling the village of elderly people and orphans. This young gentleman's name was Kankri Vantas, ambassador of the Alternia-Beforus Alliance Empire to the United States of America. Jake English fell under neither flag, his heart, mind, and soul remaining with England and her queen! What better way to show to the love of his country than by escorting a diplomat through another country to show the friendship between the two nations. He loved a good adventure and traveling! However, he felt terribly embarrassed that he started daydreaming as his traveling companion was busy talking.
"Oh, I am terribly sorry, old chap! I just get so absolutely excited of seeing new regions that I tend to tune people out. I thought for sure I wouldn't tune you out, what with your magnificent speaking voice and range of vocabulary!" Jake said with a big smile on his face. Kankri did his best not to smile or blush, clearing his throat as he prepared to speak again.
"Yes, well, as I completely understand your love for new and exotic lands, I would like to advise you in the future, that it is impolite to focus on something else while somebody is lecturing you on how to act more civil around people of different cultures that you are not accustomed to. This country is known to take in many immigrants and refugees, though with much opposition with some of the current population of in-nation born citizens. Not only am I here to ensure the strong relationship between my country and America, as I also hope to show the citizens of this country the error of their ways, triggering though it may be. Such as the persecution of Irish immigrants because of the potato shortage- which I am not suggesting that is the only thing Irish citizens consume, but it is a large part of their diet…as there was no knowledge of different crops to plant. Not to say that Irish farmers are not skilled in farming. just that they were not aware of different crops out there to be used. You don't think that's too…. offensive, do you? Maybe if we run into Irish railroad workers, I'll be sure to ask if the contents of this speech are in anyways triggering them. I also hope to ensure good relations between white and black citizens, as all former slaves have been freed and are adjusting to a new life. It must be quite difficult for a lot of them, for they have not been allowed to read or write. Quite horrid in my own opinion, as the denial of one's education is a moral crime in all of civilization…besides slavery of course.
Don't worry though, I'll be sure to educate them and show them how they can adjust to society, and also show them that they too can peacefully live with the white population with no harm to anybody. Hopefully I can also stop by the Southern states and teach them how not to hate people for their different skin color. Not to say that all Southern Americans are racists, just that it's not the end of society that slaves are free. Now, I know that the Civil War was not just about slavery, but the South's right do what they want and to preserve their way of life, one of those ways of life being owning slaves. My world renowned philosopher father, may he rest in peace, condemned slavery in America, and though he wasn't taken too kindly here in this country, I'm sure the people now have become more civilized and less violent. Just in case, as you are well aware, I have required your services so that I might ensure a safe passage.
I've been told that you are simply the best at making sure people going on voyages are able to go through their journey safely, so I had you personally selected. Of course you already knew that, as we met just a few days ago on the harbor of Boston, and are now traveling by train to our next destination. However, I still must advise you that I am a pacifist and I only want there to be fighting if it's absolutely necessary. I know that must be a disappointment to you, but I'm sure you understand that I must keep my image of a man of peace intact, and that image would be garnished if my escort/body guard were to get into unnecessary fisticuffs or shoot outs with random strangers. I do so apologize for disturbing your, pardon the pun, train of thought, but I really just wanted to get my point across clearly. Is there anything you would like to add, Mr. English?" Kankri finished, not even drawing a breath. Kankri eyes opened to see Jake with a big goofy grin on his. "Did….did you enjoy that, Mr. English?" Kankri asked, surprised a little. There was a slight pause, until Jake finally spoke.
"Oh my, I'm sorry; I was still taking in all you said, by golly gee! You sure do have a way with words, Mr. Vantas! I do enjoy listening to your thoughts. I do agree with you that slavery is a horrible thing. I do hope the now freed slaves will be able to adjust to their new lives as free people. If anybody can help them though, I do believe it's you Mr. Vantas!" Jake said with thumbs up. Kankri blinked from hearing this. Not very many people take him seriously, or even listen to his whole lecturing when face-to-face alone with someone.
"Well…..in any ways, thank you for the vote of confidence, Mr. English. I will keep your word close to my heart and mind next time I give a public lecture." Kankri said.
"Blimey, that would be a real honor, sir! Is the town we're going to the place you're going to give your next speech? You sure did give a doozey of a speech back in Boston! I can't wait to hear another one!" Jake then thought for a moment. "What's the name of the next town we're going too?" Jake asked.
"I do believe it's called Cantown." Kankri answered.
"Is that the town that inspired by that cheery, go-lucky song?" Jake asked, smiling.
"I think that song is about Camptown."
"Oh…" Jake said, sounding disappointed. "Well….what special things does Cantown have?" Jake asked enthusiastically.
"Hang on, I have a guidebook on the different, small quirky towns in this country. Let's see here….ah yes, here it is. It says Cantown is the country's largest producer of cans…that's it?" Kankri said surprised. "Not that I'm insulting these people's hometown what have you, triggering though it may be."
"Well at least the name is meaningful." Jake mused.
"No matter, we are simply staying in the town for some nights for the World Culture and Science Festival. The town will just be a…..quaint rest area." Kankri concluded.
"Do you know anything about the mayor of the town?" Jake asked.
"Only rumors that he once drifted into town, waywardly, with nothing helping him but tattered old bed sheets. Two weeks later, he ran for mayor and won. Mind you there was nobody else running against him, but still, good for him." Kankri said.
"Yes, quite right! I can't wait to meet him and other interesting people! I do love festivals!" Jake said excitedly. "I can't wait to show off my shooting skills in the marksman competitions!" Jake patted his duel golden revolver pistols that were holstered on each of his sides of his hips.
"Yes, well, do make sure you don't act too gun crazy now. I don't want a bad reputation because of an unruly bodyguard." Kankri said with a frown on his face.
"Don't you worry good sir, I'll be sure to use them only when necessary! Which, I don't think we will have any trouble later. It's been quite peaceful the last week I've spent with you. What's the worst that could happen?" Jake said with a big, goofy grin.
Meanwhile, on top of a hill north of the train heading west, a thief and her rambunctious gang of thugs and bandits stood, eyeing the train zooming ever faster to its destination. Sunlight reflected off her dark pink googles. Through her bubblegum colored lips, she smiled a devilish grin. "Well buoys and gills," she said to her gang members, as she twirled one of her two long black hair braids, "how's about we go empty our pockets of bullets and fill them instead with coins?"
Unbeknownst to her though, another lady thief was with her own gang, who stood on a hill opposite of the former. This thief though, wanted something more. She traveled far and wide to "retrieve" a treasure she believed was her's. Even being a spider out of her web, she seemed to enjoy the thrill of plotting, and soon acting, on some heinous acts. "Alright crew," she said her long black hair and her battered blue coat blowing in the strong gust. "Let's go wreck their shit."