Author: MegTDJ
Date: Oct. 3, 2004
Category: Missing scene
Rating: PG
Pairing: Slight McKay/Weir, but sorta kinda just UST
Spoilers: The Storm
Summary: Elizabeth's thoughts as she waits for the gun to fire.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Drat.
She'd heard it said many times that when one is about to die, one's life passes before one's eyes. Yet here she was with a gun being pointed at her chest by a madman, and it wasn't happening. She could only hope that meant her subconscious knew something she didn't, and that Kolya wasn't really going to fire.
The tension in the room was so thick she could barely breathe. 'Either hurry up and shoot, or put the damn gun down,' she silently begged. Kolya didn't seem in a rush to do either as he listened to Major Sheppard's words with a slight smirk on his face.
"I'll give you a ship! I'll fly it out of here for you myself!"
She glanced over at Rodney and gained a measure of strength from his anxious gaze. A short time ago, she wouldn't have thought it possible that his presence could ever be a comfort to her, but she had recently come to see him in a different light.
Especially today. She had always suspected that his selfishness and arrogance were a front - that he had a soft heart underneath all that biting sarcasm - and today she had been proven right. The short conversation they'd had a few minutes earlier echoed through her mind as she waited for the shot that would take her life -
"Here, let me take a look at your arm." "I don't think that's necessary," he said, shying away from her. "Besides, Kolya will probably
be back any second now. He already thinks I'm a weak little wuss, so let's not add 'Mama's boy'
to his list of possible insults, hmm?" "Take it like a man, huh?" She couldn't help a teasing tone entering her voice as she said it.
You couldn't stay serious for long around Rodney, even in life-or-death situations. "Always." She subtly looked him over as they spoke, hoping he wouldn't notice. She didn't see any signs
of foul play besides the obvious gash in his upper arm, though, and it made her curious. "What
happened?" He looked uncomfortable for a moment. "Not much. He just asked some questions, poked some holes
where holes don't belong, you know the routine." She narrowed her eyes and studied his face more closely. "You're a bad liar, Rodney. Why did
you tell him about the plan to save the city?" He averted his gaze, but hers didn't falter. After a moment he sneaked a look at her through
the corner of his eye, and at the eyebrow raise she gave him, he finally came clean. "Okay...
he did ask questions and poke holes where they don't belong... but that's not why I told him." "Then why?" He cleared his throat nervously. "Kolya told me he wouldn't kill me. He'd just... inflict pain.
Torture." She knew he wasn't finished, though he seemed to be hoping she'd think so. "And?" "And..." He sighed; then he let it all out in a rush. "He said I was too valuable to kill, but
that you were expendable, and that he'd bring you back in and make me watch as he slowly
drained all the blood from your body through small, strategically placed puncture marks." He
shot her another sideways glance to gauge her reaction, and she could only stare at him in
open-mouthed shock. "I couldn't let him hurt you, Elizabeth," he added, sounding extremely
uncomfortable. "If... if he'd just threatened to kill me, I wouldn't have told him a thing,
but... I didn't think what he was asking for was important enough to risk your life like
that." She didn't know what to say to that. There was nothing you could say to that. She simply
linked her arm with his good one and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure you made the right
call," she said. "Yeah," he said doubtfully. "We'll see."
She could tell by the look on his face now that he was starting to wish he'd stuck to his guns and not opened his mouth, since he was just going to watch her die anyway. She knew he would blame himself for the rest of his life if she died now and he lived. He would be plagued with 'what ifs' and 'maybes' forever. She couldn't do that to him. She had to somehow let him know that he'd done the right thing - that none of this was his fault.
"Rodney."
At the sound of his name, he looked as though he was about to cry. She forced her lips to twitch upwards in a slight smile, and gave an almost imperceptible nod. 'Not your fault, Rodney,' she thought, hoping he'd get the message through her body language. 'I don't blame any of this on you.'
He stood a little straighter and his expression turned in an instant from one of guilt and anxiety to one of acceptance and determination. He nodded and raised the hand of his wounded arm in a slight wave, whether of acknowledgment or farewell she couldn't be sure.
She sighed and closed her eyes. He got the message. He'd keep on fighting even when she was gone, and with any luck, the guilt he would feel over her death would be short lived.
That was all she needed to know.