Now or Never
summary; "Lis' I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since the day I stuffed a worm down your shirt."
Lisanna stuck her feet out of the car window, grinning a little as the cool air ran through her hair as they tore down the road.
"Someone looks happy," Mirajane chuckled, glancing to her left at her younger sister, "about time, I thought you'd spend this whole trip moping."
"I haven't been moping," she insisted, glaring at Mira, "I've been…"
"Moping," Elfman filled in helpfully with a grin, leaning forwards between the two seats, "and sighing a lot."
"Traitor," Lisanna grumbled, whacking him in the face with a magazine, "and I wasn't moping. I've been thinking."
"About what?" Mira asked, following the large car in front of them as it suddenly made a quick left and turned down a narrow road.
"If I'm doing the right thing," Lisanna mumbled quietly, staring determinedly at her hands to avoid the sympathetic glances her siblings were giving her, "I won't know anyone out there an-"
Elfman placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and squeezed, "it's natural to get cold feet."
Mira hummed, slowing down the car as the one in front did so as well, "and you don't have to go if you've changed your mind."
Lisanna shook her head, she wanted to go. There were just certain complications she'd yet to deal with yet.
The car ground to a halt, and Mira nodded towards the car in front of them as four people piled out of it. Lisanna suddenly found it hard to swallow as the final person exited the car.
Bixlow. Or, as she'd taken to calling him in her mind, her 'certain complication.'
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She'd wanted to work with animals for as long as she could remember. As a child, her bookshelves were full of encyclopedias about animals from all regions of the world. She spent her days glued to the television screen, watching animal documentaries or flicking through website after website trying to get more information about extinct creatures. So, it didn't really come as much as a surprise to her siblings when she announced she'd be doing a Zoology course at university. And they didn't even bat an eyelid when she informed them that as part of her course she'd be working abroad for a year at a wildlife conservation park thousands of miles away.
In the beginning she'd been ecstatic at the prospect of spending a year abroad, actually working in the industry she loved. She spent nights dreaming about wading through rivers, climbing trees, and rescuing injured animals. And then reality had begun to set in.
She was going to be living thousands of miles away, without her pets, without her siblings, without her friends. She didn't doubt that she'd be able to make new friends - the park she was going to was one of the best for hiring university students after all - but she still couldn't help but feel nervous. There was also the little issue of telling her friends she'd be leaving for a year.
It had been easy to tell Mira and Elfman. As soon as she'd ripped open the letter she'd run screaming into Mira's room, jumping on her bed in joy to tell her she'd been accepted on the program. Telling her university friends had been easy too. Most of them were doing year long placements at other centres, though the majority of them would be working in the country still.
Telling her other friends hadn't been so easy. Or specifically: telling Bixlow hadn't been so easy. Which was why she hadn't told him.
Laxus, Evergreen, Freed and Bixlow had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember. Mira had gone to school with Laxus and Freed since they were children, so Lisanna's childhood memories often included watching Mira boss around the two boys as kids. Evergreen, Laxus' cousin, had moved to their town when they were around seven and had quickly become a new addition to the Mira, Laxus and Freed clique.
Bixlow was in the same preschool as Lisanna, and lived next door to Freed. Lisanna wasn't really sure when he became a part of their group, but she couldn't really remember a time when he hadn't been lounging in her garden, chasing her with worms or slugs with a grin on his face.
Over the years they'd struck up a friendship that differed from the friendship she had with the rest of them. She wasn't afraid to say it; he was probably her best friend. They gravitated to each other in a way she couldn't quite explain. He was like the sun, and she a plant, desperate for its warm glow.
Somewhere along the lines, something had changed. She stopped seeing Bixlow as the toothy four-year-old who chased her around the garden with a fistful of worms and started seeing him as a man. It was embarrassing. They'd been relaxing by Evergreen's pool one day and Bixlow had emerged from it, dripping wet with his swimming trunks dipping ever so slightly below his crotch line and for some absurd reason, she couldn't force herself to look away. She'd found herself wondering when he'd developed such an impressive body, or what it would be like to run her fingers down his taut chest muscles or through his hair or if he tasted as good as he looked. It was enough to turn anyone red. And it happened on more than one occasion.
When she watched his football matches, she find herself admiring him in a way that seemed too sexual to be just simple friendly appreciation. When she saw him flirt with people - God damn, the boy was a flirt - she'd feel a strange bubble of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. And when he smiled at her she felt like she was staring at the sun.
"You like him," one of her university friends had told her bluntly, "and you feel guilty, because you feel like you shouldn't like him."
She was right there. She had no claim to Bixlow. They'd known each other for the better part of fifteen years, she was sure he thought of her as nothing more than a close friend. She weirdly felt like she was betraying him with her mutinous thoughts.
And yet, there were times where she couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way too. Sometimes his gaze would linger on her for a fraction of a second too long, or he'd smile at her in a way that just seemed different to the smile he reserved for everyone else. They'd always been pretty 'touchy feely' with each other, a consequence of growing up so closely, but she wondered if she was imagining the way his hand would rest on her head or the way he'd lean against her when they were all huddled up on the couch watching cheesy movies, his thighs brushing against her own.
But she'd put it down to wishful thinking and tried to ignore it and instead focus on telling him she'd be leaving for a year. Admittedly, she wasn't doing a good job of it. She'd tried more than once to tell him, but always chickened out when push came to shove. Despite her weird feelings about him nowadays, Bixlow was still her best friend and she didn't really want to imagine a world without him. Even if it was just for a year.
And so when Evergreen suggested they spend a weekend by the lake during the summer, she'd jumped at the opportunity, thinking it would make the perfect time to finally tell him. That and the fact she was due to leave the following the weekend.
It was now or never after all.
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"You're quiet today."
Lisanna stiffened slightly as Bixlow came up behind, dragging his suitcase up the pathway to their home for the weekend.
She fixed a bright smile onto her face as she turned to him, "I'm good, just tired."
He frowned, she'd never been a very good liar.
"You sure, Lis'?"
A genuine smile tugged at her lips as he let slip the nickname he used to call her when they were children. She supposed this was part of the reason she'd fallen for him. Behind his flirtatious, teasing facade, he was incredibly considerate.
She tugged her suitcase up the final step and turned to him fully, plastering on the biggest grin she could muster up, "I'm fine Bixlow. Exam results next week, I'm just worried about that."
He scoffed and brushed past her, placing his free hand on her shoulder as he did so, "puh-lease, you'll do great. You always do." He gave her a little squeeze and entered the cottage, hollering "Laxus, I shotgunned the room with the biggest bed!" as he did so.
Lisanna sighed as she slowly followed him into the cottage, overly aware of the way her shoulder seemed to tingle where he had touched it. It was going to be a long weekend.
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"Pacific Rim or Guardians of the Galaxy?" Bixlow called, his head buried in the bag of DVD's he'd brought with him.
They'd spent the better part of the day exploring the local scenery, and chucking a frisbee between themselves on the small beach area that sat before the lake. There'd been talk of trying out skinny-dipping (Bixlow had wiggled his eyebrows suggestively when Mira suggested it, and even Laxus seemed pretty into it) but a small family playing on the beach nearby deterred them completely. Now, mostly tired out and with sand in seemingly every nook and cranny of their clothes they were back in the cottage, piled onto the couches and bean bags in the living room, eager to spend the rest of their night watching movies and eating pizza.
"Pacific Rim," Lisanna said instantly, plopping onto the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her arms.
"No, Guardians!" Evergreen said loudly from her position on the floor, lazily leaning against Elfman's chest as she absentmindedly flicked through a magazine, "Pacific Rim was a bore."
"I'm with Ever," Freed called, popping his head around the corner of the kitchen door, "and besides...Chris Pratt," he said pointedly, as if those two words were the solution to all the world's problems.
"But Pacific Rim has Idris Elba," Lisanna pouted, "what about you Laxus?" she called, waiting patiently for the blonde to follow Freed into the lounge.
"What'd Ever say?" he asked, grunting slightly as he dropped onto a beanbag.
"Guardians."
"Pacific Rim, then."
"Hey!"
"What?" Laxus shrugged, "you have terrible taste in movies."
Evergreen scowled, chucking a pillow at Laxus as she did so.
"Well I pick Guardians," Elfman put in, leaning backwards to grab a handful of popcorn from Lisanna's bowl.
"Only because Ever did," Freed mumbled just quietly for Elfman and Evergreen to feasibly pretend they hadn't heard.
"What about you Mira?" Lisanna called loudly, "Guardians or Pacific Rim?"
A muffled, "Pacific Rim!" came from deeper inside the cottage and Lisanna let out a cheer before calling, "what're you doing back there anyway?"
"Looking for blankets," Laxus said, before pushing himself up from the bean bag, "I'll go help her grab some."
He trotted off to the back of the cottage just as Bixlow righted himself and grinned, "So that's a tie for Pacific Rim and Guardians? Guess that makes me the decision maker?" he cackled loudly before clapping his hands together and saying, "alright, who wants to buy my loyalty?"
Elfman rolled his eyes whilst Freed tossed a pillow at him, "can you pick already?"
"What'd you vote for?"
"Guardians."
"And Lis?"
"I chose Pacific Rim."
Bixlow nodded, "Guardians it is."
Lisanna's "hey!" was drowned out by cheers of the rest of their group as Bixlow stuck his tongue out at her before sticking the DVD into the player. Once the trailers started rolling he tossed the remote to Elfman before dropping himself into the empty seat next to Lisanna, sliding right up next to her.
"Oi," she hissed, poking him sharply in the ribs, "why'd you ask me, if you were just going to choose to opposite?"
Bixlow snorted, grabbing a fistful of popcorn and shoving it in his mouth, "what, so I have to sit here and watch you drool over Idris Elba for two hours? No, thanks."
She raised an eyebrow, "ooh, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous Bixlow," she laughed.
He gave her a funny look before shrugging and saying, "maybe I am."
Lisanna paused for a moment, her heart doing a funny little jump as she looked at him.
"Bixlow y-"
"So congratulations are in order, I guess?" Laxus said loudly, interrupting them as he entered the room, hands full of thin blankets and pillows.
Lisanna hummed, leaning backwards so she could look up at him, "what's that?"
"Yeah, you and Freed finally set a date yet?" Bixlow asked, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
Laxus glared at him, and Lisanna didn't doubt that he was seriously considering chucking the blankets at him.
"No," he said firmly, turning to Lisanna, "Mira told us ab-"
From the back of the cottage, they heard the sounds of hurried footsteps followed by "Laxus no, you're not su-"
"...about you getting into your program," he finished, frowning as Mira skidded into the lounge area, a look of horror on her face.
"...supposed to tell," she finished quietly, eyes wide in apology as she looked at Lisanna.
The room fell silent for a moment or two as everyone's gaze zeroed in on Lisanna. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Mira mouthing a word of silent apology.
"Lis'?" Bixlow nudged her gently, a small frown on his face, "what's going on?"
Her heart was thumping like crazy, as if it were desperate to break free from her chest and run away. And she didn't blame it. She turned to Bixlow and fixed what she hoped was a nonchalant smile onto her face.
"I, ah, I got onto a placement course at a wildlife conservation park."
"That's amazing," Bixlow smiled, brushing his shoulder with her own, "what the hell, why were you keeping that a secret?"
"It's in...well," she cleared her throat and turned away from him, unable to meet his gaze, "it's in Australia."
Silence filled the room.
"And…" she took a deep breath, "it's for a year."
Nervously, she peeked back up at him, unsurprised to find his mouth slightly open in shock, "I leave in a week," she finished.
"Oh."
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Lisanna groaned as she dropped into her bed, burying herself underneath her blankets to stifle the noise. Following her little announcement, the rest of the evening had been incredibly awkward. Bixlow had offered her up a strained "congratulations" before excusing himself to the bathroom. When he came back, he sat on the floor, leaving an empty seat next to Lisanna.
Mira and Laxus had spent the rest of the evening apologising to her. Mira had let it slip and Laxus had left the room before she'd had the chance to tell him to keep it a secret. Freed and Ever wouldn't stop congratulating her and Bixlow didn't really say anything.
She approached him whilst they were eating dinner, but all his answers were one worded and he refused to make eye contact with her. She gave up in the end and found herself breathing a sigh of relief when it finally got late enough for everyone to agree to go to bed.
"I am really sorry," Mira moaned again, from her bed, "it just slipped out. I just mentioned how much I was going to miss you and he asked what I meant and I ju-"
Lisanna chucked her blankets off her and fixed her sister with a glare, "Mira, I forgave you about five hours ago. But if you keep apologising, I can't promise what I'll do."
Mira laughed quietly, propping herself up onto her elbow slightly, "we're all really proud of you, you know?"
"I know."
"Even Bixlow."
Lisanna frowned, "why him specifically?"
Mira shrugged, "I noticed you two weren't speaking all that much after everyone found out," she paused for a second, as if she were choosing her words carefully, "why didn't you tell him earlier? He's your best friend."
"That's why I couldn't tell him," she mumbled, avoiding Mira's gaze, "too hard."
"That the only reason?"
Lisanna's eyes snapped back up to Mira's, "what's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I see how you two look at each other and…" she shrugged again, "between Laxus and Freed and now Elfman and Ever, it wouldn't rea-"
"Elfman and Ever?" Lisanna sat up straight in bed, cutting Mira off immediately, "they're not together?"
"They are!" Mira said, clapping her hands together excitedly, "well Ever said they're not, but you know how she is."
Lisanna scoffed and shook her head, "that doesn't mean they're together."
"Give it a month," Mira said wisely, "you'll see. Anyway, don't try and change the topic. We were talking about you and Bixlow."
"There's nothing to talk about. We're friends," she swung her feet out of bed and quickly crossed the room.
"Lisan-"
"I'm going to get some water," she mumbled, feeling mildly guilty for taking her frustration out on Mira, it wasn't her fault her thoughts were in disarray after all, "I'll be back in a sec." Without waiting for Mira to respond, she tugged open their bedroom door, stepped out, and then nearly had a heart attack.
"Bixlow?" she half hissed, half yelled, as she closed the bedroom door behind her, to find Bixlow standing directly in front of her, with a sheepish grin on his face, "what the hell are you doing?"
"Wanted to talk to you," he mumbled, "can we, uh, can we go for a walk?"
She hesitated a second before nodding. She realised he looked uncomfortable, his hair was standing on end as if he'd spent too long running his hands through it and he was desperately looking anywhere but at her. With a jolt of regret, she realised she'd done this to him. It wasn't fair to expect him to get used to the idea of losing his best friend for a year in just a week. She wondered how hurt he'd felt when she'd been forced to blurt it out. In retrospect, she realised she'd feel unbelievably hurt if he had done the same to her.
Wordlessly, she followed him out of the cottage, slipping her shoes on as they passed through the porch. She peeked up at him a few times as they walked across their front garden and made their way to the small beach area by the edge of the lake. He kept staring determinedly forwards, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Inwardly, she sighed. She knew what that meant; he was worried.
"Did you know Elfman and Ever are dating?" she asked suddenly, hoping to lighten the mood. That, and the fact she couldn't bare the silence any longer. Usually conversation flowed like water between them.
It did the trick. He glanced down at her, an eyebrow raised in disbelief, "are you drunk?"
"No!" she laughed, "Mira told me. Apparently Ever said they're not, so according to Mira that means they are."
"Ah, well that would explain the…" he trailed off suddenly, cheeks reddening a little.
"Explain the what?"
"Nothing, nothing…"
"Bixlow," Lisanna nudged him with her elbow, "are you holding out on me?"
They stopped walking, right by the edge of the lake.
"Well," Bixlow turned to her, a look she couldn't quite decipher on his face, "you held out on me, so I guess we're even."
She groaned and dropped her gaze, "Bixlow, please. That's not fair."
"I know," with his finger he gently propped up her chin so she was looking at him again, "sorry," he sighed before running a hand through his hair, "can we talk?"
She nodded and sat down on the sand, smiling a little as Bixlow did the same. If the circumstances weren't so dire, she would've called this moment romantic. It was the stuff of dreams. Sitting by the lake at night, with a full moon surrounding you and a sky filled with bright stars, with the person you had feelings for by your side. In her dreams however, Bixlow didn't look as if she'd torn out his heart.
"I'm sorry," she said earnestly, sliding up so she was right next to him, their thighs brushing against each other slightly, "I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out. But," she shrugged, "I couldn't."
"Did I do something wrong?"
She shook her head, "just me being dumb."
He sighed and leant back onto his palms, his fingers brushing slightly against her own in the sand, "how long have we been friends for Lis?"
"About fifteen years," she smiled, "you remember when you put a worm down my shirt?"
He laughed, "you screamed for ages. I thought you liked animals and I said, 'they're just baby snakes!'"
They both laughed, leaning into each other instinctively so Lisanna's head was resting on Bixlow's shoulder. He sighed, wriggling his hands free for the sand to entwine his fingers with hers.
"I'm gonna miss you."
"Me too," she squeezed his fingers, trying to ignore the feeling of warmth that had begun to spread through her body, "but it's just for a year."
"A lot can change in a year," he sighed again and ran his free hand through his hair, "you know I like you, right Lis'?"
She rolled her eyes, "we've been best friends for almost fifteen years, I'd be worried if you didn't like me."
"That's not what I mean."
She frowned and leaned forwards a little so she could see his face, "Bixlow?"
"I'd always been just content with being your friend," he explained slowly, "didn't wanna burden you with my crappy feelings or something I guess. But now you're leaving, you're going far away to another country and I don't know," he shrugged, "I guess...things are gonna change between us."
"It won't!" she said loudly, "we can still talk everyday."
Bixlow shook his head, "we say that now but," he shrugged again, "things will change. And that's fine. I just...I just didn't want you to go without saying anything, because when you get back I probably won't have the chance to."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He turned to look at her fully, a small frown on his face, "Lis' I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since the day I stuffed a worm down your shirt."
The world seemed to stopped spinning for Lisanna. She could only stare at him as he continued speaking.
"And I get that this is probably pretty selfish, telling you right before you go, but one day you're gonna find someone who makes you feel the way you make me feel and, I dunno," he sighed, "I just wanted to tell you before I don't have the chance to anymore."
He groaned and began to push himself up from the sand, pausing only after Lisanna grabbed his forearm to stop him.
"What if…" she swallowed thickly, glancing up at him, "what if I've already found someone who makes me feel that way?"
His eyes widened for a second, before he looked away, "then...then, I hope you two are happy together."
"What if it's you?"
He stared at her, eyes widening again, "Lis' you don't have to try and spare my feelings like this."
"I'm not trying to spare anything," she said with a hopeful smile, "I like you. I have for a while now."
Silence followed her admission and, for a second or two, she wondered if he was going to say anything at all. Then his lips split into a large grin, his eyes crinkling a little as he did so. He wrapped his fingers around hers a little further, squeezing them as he spoke.
"Well, we left this a little late didn't we."
"Mhmm, sure did," she laughed, leaning into him fully. Now everything had been said and done, she was kicking herself for not saying anything sooner. It seemed bittersweet that now they'd revealed their feelings for each other, she would be leaving for a year. She frowned a little, wondering if anything would change between them. After her year abroad would he still like her? Or would he move on and find someone else.
"We should do something."
"Hm?"
"To celebrate," he said with a grin, "celebrate us finally saying what's on our mind."
"What do you suggest?"
He whistled, sounding far too innocent for her likings, "well, it's night," he said slowly, "and everyone else is asleep. And there's a big ol' lake right in front of us."
Her eyes widened as she realised what he was suggesting, "skinny-dipping?"
"It'll be fun! And it'll be a great memory for when you need remember your boyfriend you left back home for a year!"
Her heart seemed to skip a few beats at the mention of the word boyfriend, but she didn't say anything, knowing he'd embarrassedly try to cover it up if she did.
"Anyway, you seemed pretty into the idea when Mira mentioned it earlier."
She flushed a little before nodding, "but no peeking!"
He placed a hand to his heart and gave her a solemn look before saying, "scouts honour!"
"You were never a scout," she snorted, rolling her eyes as she shoved him away, "well, go on then. Hide so I can strip."
Bixlow laughed as he stood up, "now those are words I'd never thought I'd hear."
She shook her head and turned away from his as he began to ditch his shorts and hoodie. After a few seconds she heard him begin to run away so she turned around, only to be slapped in the face by his hoodie, flying through the air.
"No peeking!" he yelled, as the hoodie dropped to the floor, giving her just enough time for her to see a stark naked Bixlow dive into the lake, covering his ass-cheeks as he ran.
She laughed loudly, quickly kicking off her shoes, and shedding her shorts and shirt and even her bra, though she left her underwear on.
"How's the water?" she called, as she ran to the edge of the beach, wondering why she didn't feel as embarrassed as she thought she would.
"Great," he grinned, before he covered his eyes as she neared, "hurry and jump, so I can look again."
She nodded and took a deep breath before jumping into the lake, shrieking as the water hit her skin. The lake was fairly deep, covering her almost completely up to her shoulders.
They waded around in the water for a while, splashing, chasing, and trying to duck the other one under. Swimming around in the lake with Bixlow, under the moonlight, was the most fun she'd had in a long while.
Before long, she started to shiver. The water was cold and the wind colder.
"You ready to go back in?" he asked, wading closer to her, "it's getting cold. And Mira's probably wondering where you are."
Lisanna hesitated. On the one hand, she was freezing her ass off, but on the other she was having the most fun she'd had in ages. And she was extremely aware of the fact that this would probably be the last time she'd get some one on one time with Bixlow before she left. She still had so much she wanted to talk with him about. Were they an official couple now? How would they keep in touch whilst she was abroad? Were they going to tell the others? And she really wanted to know what was going on with Elfman and Ever.
"Hey."
She jumped suddenly, realising that Bixlow was standing much closer than he was before. She hadn't even noticed him move.
He was staring at her intently, brows furrowed a little and at that moment, she couldn't think about anything except how badly she wanted to kiss him. He moved a little closer and she instinctively, raised her head. This was how it worked in the movies, wasn't it? They would stare at each other longingly for a few moments before one of them made the first move. Except, there was one tiny problem.
"I've never kissed anyone before," she blurted out suddenly, well aware of how close he was getting.
He surprised her by laughing as he inched a little closer in the water, "is that an invitation?"
At that moment she thanked the heavens it was dark, because she knew her face was bright red, "no! Well, yes...I mean...it could be if you wanted it to be. That is to say-" she paused as he took another step closer, running his arms down the length of her back and waist until he was able to pull her flush against his own chest.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she vaguely acknowledged that her bare chest was pressed up against his.
"B-bixlow?"
"Hmm?" he hummed, his hands running down her sides and dipping into the curve of her waist.
"It was," she whispered quietly, peeking up at him through her fringe.
"What was?"
"It was an invitation."
She almost laughed at the grin that suddenly spread across his face at her words. This time she inched a tiny bit closer, bringing her arms up from the water to wrap around his neck. They stared at each other for a few moments before Bixlow suddenly bent his neck to bring himself down to her level.
He ghosted just above her lips before murmuring, "I'm really gonna miss you Lis'."
"I know," she whispered back, standing up on her tiptoes a little to meet his lips, "but it's only a year, it'll fly by."
"It better," he hummed, before pressing his lips against hers, tightening his hold on her waist. And as she tip toed a little more, to meet his advances as eagerly as he, she couldn't help but agree.
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a/n birthday gift for Grace (blanania) on tumblr! I hope it's ok hahaha, it was meant to be much shorter but then I kept adding more and more and then I cut bits out and then I told myself to stop because it was never going to be finished if i kept doing that...
if i did omakes: imagine mira and laxus and freed stealing bixlow and lisanna's clothes and ever and elfman taking advantage of the now empty house *wiggles eyebrows*