What's in my mind
I feel angry, annoyed, frustrated, revenge, pain, loss, anger, depression, my heart is broken, and my mind is so confused with mixed emotions. All I know is that my name is Barbara Gordon, I'm the daughter of Gotham's Police Commissioner Gordon, I was a librarian at Gotham's Library, & I was secretly a vigilante named Batgirl. Until one night when I was visiting my father at his house watching whatever was on TV at the time waiting for my father to come into the lounge room so I could put a movie on, then there was a knock on the door, didn't even think about looking out the window before opening the door, I was in a good mood that night, then the next thing I see is this huge red scary smile, & a man in a purple & green suit, saying "Good evening Miss Gordon is daddy home?"
BANG!
I flew across the room with this pain in my stomach my mind was confused asking myself 'did I just get shot?'Then my father came saw me lying on the floor in a pool of blood gasping & then Harley Quinn, Joker's girlfriend & partner in crime, not much of a partner but, started taking photos & they were all laughing in my face & my Father's. I could see him crying. I wasn't sure what was the expression on my face my mind was blank. They took my father & left me there in the pool of blood I thought I was going to die, sometimes I wish I did. I closed my eyes waiting but then he turned up, Batman. Batman saw that our door was wide open rushed in & found me lying on the floor I knew deep down Bruce panicked & I know he feels guilty to what happened he knew that the Joker was coming that night & knew that he wanted to kidnap my father but he didn't count on this. I heard him come through the door, to my surprise I opened my eyes & gasped his name 'Bruce'& that's all I kept saying until more words came out.
Barbara: "Bruce, Bruce, Bruce they took him." "They took dad."
Bruce: "I know Babs; I have to get you to a hospital."
Barbara: "Bruce..."
Bruce: "Babs it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."
I knew he was convincing himself I didn't care about myself I worried about my father, but all I know I couldn't feel Batman pick me up & I couldn't feel my legs.
I felt bad for Alfred, Bruce's butler & guardian; he would have had to clean the blood from the Batmobile seats. I could see the face he would have had on his face; I could see the tears coming down his face knowing that the blood was mine I hope he doesn't see the photos that the Joker took.
By the time I realised that I was in the hospital was when I woke up again. I saw all the tubes & wires on me, I still couldn't feel my legs, but I thought it could be from the strong pain killers they might have given to me, I decided to see if I could find a doctor or Bruce or my father, I took off all the wires & tubes from myself & decided to get out of bed, but I couldn't move my legs I didn't understand why, so I took them out of the bed & sat there for a minute then I decided to get on my feet.
Bang...
That didn't work what is going on? Okay I'm going to have crawl out of this room & find someone. I headed for the door which was hard because I could only move along with my hands. I put my hand under the door & pulled it towards me it opened, nice. More crawling now I got half way through the hallway when I see the doctor's, nurses', Bruce's, my Father's face. My father ran over to me all I could say was 'Daddy what's wrong with me?' I saw him crying again. The nurses got me back to my room & hooked me back up to everything I had taken off, & waited for the doctor to come in & tell me what's going on.
Doctor: "I'm so sorry Barbara."
Barbara: "Get out!"
Silence...
Barbara: "GET OUT! ALL OF YOUS'! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT!"
Jim: "Barbara."
Barbara: "Don't! Just get out dad please."
Jim: "Okay Babs, I'll be here if you need me okay?"
He gave me a kiss on the cheek & went out of the room. I opened up my mouth & started to scream! I wanted to die; I wanted to not be like this! The tears started to come out because of the pain, knowing that I couldn't walk again, not being able to feel my legs again, not being able to run, hop, jump & even fly or fight criminals & not being able to be Batgirl killed me. I didn't want to live I wish the Joker would come & finish me.
It took me a while to calm down but I still didn't want anyone to come in & see me like this. I've never wanted people to see me sad, so being depressed was worse. I could feel their eyes on me as I faced a way from the window; I knew they were all worried. I decided to see people & pretend that I was fine by putting on a happy face, which was easy. Until he came in, Dick the love of my life, but now it seemed impossible to be with him now especially since he had recently been left at the altar by Kory. I knew he loved her so much, & I knew that I was only a crush when he liked me, but oh well.
He came in, he flashed one of his big famous smiles & in his hands were bright yellow flowers, I guess to brighten my day up, the thought was nice.
Dick: "Hi, Babs..."
To Be Continued...