Disclaimer: I don't own HSM only this plot and Troy!
A/n this was a short story I wrote for my Advanced Writing class but I decided it would be a good HSM story since Gabriella was a lifeguard. Tell me what you think of it!
I can hear the rain pounding on my balcony door, begging to be let in. It's as if the skies are filled with both anger and sorrow at their new angel who came before his time. So they are sending their fury down to earth and it's all meant for me because it's my fault that he came too early.
It all happened yesterday morning, Monday July 16. The events keep flashing in my mind like a flip book. The kids arriving at the pool; them playing; the children gathering around something in the pool; realizing it was a little boy; jumping after him; starting CPR; the medics arriving; the silent, sorrow filled drive to the hospital; and finally the doctors pronouncing the five year old boy dead. But the one picture that my mind keeps freezing on is his face, seemingly devoid of any emotion except confusion, his eyes glassy and his mouth slightly agape. That picture is forever engraved into the fibers of my eyes, appearing every time i shut my eyes or even blink.
As I lie on my bed, the flip book is still going over and over again in my mind and I can't do anything to make it stop, flashes are even beginning to seep in while my eyes are open. Soon I hear my bedroom door open, signifying that someone is coming in. When I look up, it's my friend Troy Michaels. We've been best friends since kindergarten, but even he can't break through the sorrow that I feel. He stands at my door for a few minutes waiting for me to acknowledge him, but I'm not going to, I don't want to talk to anyone, no one can help me through this because they don't know what it feels like to be responsible for someone else's life and failing to protect it.
After sitting in an awkward, tension filled silence for what sees like a lifetime, but in reality is only a few minutes, he tells me that it's time for dinner.
Once I step into the kitchen, everyone stops their conversation and looks over at me. I look into their eyes and can clearly see the concern that they hold for me. But this does nothing to help me as it usually would, instead its like adding fuel to the fire, I don't want their sympathy because I don't deserve it from them or anyone else. They should all be shunning me, yelling at me or ignoring me even. They should hold anger, resentment, disappointment, anything but concern. I push these thoughts aside for now, leaving them to dwell on later in the quietness of my room.
Dinner starts out fine, everyone talking amongst themselves, occasionally trying to bait me into the conversation, but moving on when I don't fall for it. By the time we're halfway through the meal I can't take it anymore. I can't understand why they won't do anything to me, why they only care about my well being and getting me to take part in the useless exchange of words. All of my anger that I've been suppressing since the accident finally wants out and there's nothing I can do to contain it anymore.
"How can you all sit there and act like nothing has happened. As if everything is okay? How can you treat me the same, look at me with concern in your eyes and not disgust. Do you not realize that a little boy died yesterday because of me," I yell at them.
It takes them a minute or two to get over the combined shock of me talking for the first time since I told them what happened and the anger laced clearly throughout my voice. My mother is the first to recover and respond to my outburst.
"Honey, why should we be mad at you? It's not your fault, you tried your best to save him, it was just his time," she tells me.
I shake my head vehemently at her and respond, " No mum, I obviously didn't try my hardest because he still died! And how could it have been his time, he was only six years old for goodness sake, his life was just beginning!" With this I bolted from the dinning room into the storm still raging on outside.
As soon as I step out into the rain I'm drenched from head to toe. I can hear the thunder roaring in the distance, but none of this discourages me. I immediately start to run in whatever direction I'm facing and I run as far as my legs will take me. When I can't run anymore I collapse to the ground not caring how sick I'll get or what the consequences will be. I deserve them for what I've done.
Just as soon as I collapsed, I'm once again on my feet, shouting to the skies.
"Why? Why me? Why the little boy? Why did he have to be taken so early? Why couldn't I have saved him? Why can't he have the opportunity to experience everything I have, both the good and the bad? Why doesn't anyone treat me with scorn and hatred like they should? Why do they only show compassion?" suddenly I hear someone behind me and I turn around to see Troy standing there, drenched by the rain.
"We show you compassion because we love you and know it's not your fault, you did everything you could to save him," he says.
"No I didn't Troy! I could have done something more, spotted him earlier, started CPR earlier. Something, anything!" I respond.
"No you couldn't have Gabriella. You know that somewhere inside of you, so stop blaming yourself."
"No Troy, I don't! And I should blame myself. That little boy could have been the next president or found the cure for cancer, made a difference to the world. But now he can't." suddenly my voice became soft, " I talked to his family and friends you know. They told me he was an energetic, hyper little boy, always running around with a smile on his face." here I paused to let my thoughts catch up with me. "He already knew what he wanted to be even if he was only five. He wanted to be a firefighter and help save people. And now he never will, because of me."
Troy once again fiercely shot these thoughts down "No Brie, it wasn't your fault. I talked to Ms. Jane and she said that there was nothing else you could do. You reacted to him fast but something else happened, he couldn't have drowned because he wasn't even blue! And the firefighters agreed and added that you need to keep in mind that you don't know his medical history, he could have had something wrong inside of him that nobody knew about yet."
This remark finally gets through to me, making me believe that maybe, just maybe, I might not be responsible. "Okay you may be right, but its still just so hard to let go of, he died on my watch, whether he drowned or not."
"Yes and we all know that anybody who experienced this will go through some guilt over it, but they wouldn't take it this hard. Caleb felt the guilt too, he was also on duty, but he knows that he did everything in his power to save him. But with you, you're just too caring for your own good, always thinking of others and never yourself. You have convinced yourself that it was your fault, that you could have done something more or different, when in reality there's nothing else you could have done. We all know that, me, Caleb, your parents, Ms. Jane and even the boys parents. All that's left is for you to believe it and talk to us about it."
"But I can't talk about it, none of you know how it feels! None of you have had this burden put on your shoulders. Caleb may come close but it wasn't his area, he wasn't the one trying to save the boy."
"Brie you don't have to go through this yourself. You're right we don't understand we haven't gone through what you have, so tell us what you're feeling, vent to us, make us understand how you're feeling so we can help you."
Suddenly, as if this is the password it has been waiting for, the dam holding back my tears breaks and they begin to flow down my face fast and uncontrollably. I collapse into Troy's arms and can feel all of my repressed anger and sorrow flowing out of me with my tears.
As I look up into the sky, I realize that the rain has almost stopped and it's dawn. The soft hues of intertwined pink, purple, yellow and orange begin to flow across the sky. Looking at the marvelous scene in front of my eyes I feel like I can finally more on with my life. And I realize that there's a little angel in heaven who will always be watching over me. And his name is James Robert McCorbin.