Who Am I?

"If I speak, I am condemned,

If I stay silent, I am damned…

Who am I?

Can I conceal myself forevermore?

Pretend I'm not the man I was before?

And must my name until I die

Be no more than an alibi?"

-Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

So, you want to know who I am? Who is Severus Snape? Am I a man of mystery? Intrigue? Am I a hero? Criminal? Is it any of your business? No…But I'll tell you anyway. Nobody else seems to care.

I am the child of an unhappy marriage. My father was a tyrant who taught me early on to look down on Muggles. My mother was meek, and left me to fend for myself against him. From them I learned to rely on myself only. Asking for help is an intolerable weakness.

I am a fool who fell for the lies of a hateful man. My own hate was drawn to his, and I believed in what he wanted for a new world. I did his bidding, and in so doing, lost what I cared for most in the world. The new world I had wanted was no longer possible after that loss. Nor did it even appeal to me.

I am a desperate man, trying to do whatever I can to rectify my mistakes. I turned away from one cruel master, and put my life into the hands of another one. I do not complain though, for that is my cross to bear. I would do anything to undo my past sins.

I am angry at the world, and at myself. I hate that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I cannot undo the past. Because of that, I cannot move on.

I am lost. My life is forfeit. I have no future in this world, and nobody will mourn my passing. I belong to neither side in this war. More and more of me dies every time I am forced to aid the enemy. Soon, there will be nothing left of me to give.

I am a man, who in spite of all this, still has hope. Hope that the right side will prevail, and that new world I'd once wanted, will not come to fruition. I have hope in that boy. The boy I hate more than anything in this world, I am trusting to succeed. He has to, because the alternative is unthinkable.

I am a survivor. Not many wend his way so far into the Dark Lord's labyrinth, and survive. But I have. I escaped him once, long ago, and he never even knew it. Perhaps, I am the only one to do this.

I am alone. I have lost or given up everything for this world. I have no heir; no other Snape shall tread upon this earth. The only one I loved is gone. I have thought countless times about the children we might have had together, had the circumstances been different. But it is pointless to dwell on what can never be.

And now…at last…I am free. Freedom, in the form of a snake. Not a dignified way to go, unless you're Cleopatra, but efficient enough. I had hoped to lend myself in a more helpful capacity before the end, but there is nothing to be done about it now. The boy is here now; I have one last chance to tell my story to the world.

I see my beloved Lily's green eyes one final time before I drift away. I always loved the colour green.