(Disclaimer): Nothing belongs to me, not even the idea for this fiction; you must thank the authoress NinjaYuna for it. However she didn't want to write it so the task is left up to me. Enjoy!
The red-headed girl at the cash register smiled at me. It was a smile that seemed to hold a hint of sympathy, but I didn't need sympathy. I needed speed and cooperation, so that I might get lucky and would be able to get the currently sleeping babies back home before they awoke. It didn't seem likely though.
"This your first time at parent hood?" She asked me in a thick country accent as she finished ringing up the diapers, bottles, and baby formula.
"Yes," I answered, uncomfortably shifting my weight so that the car seat, in which one of the infants slept, would be easier to hold. Any other time I would have said something smart, or better yet just given a cold stare, but at the moment though I realized that would only slow things down more. These last few days have indeed pushed my sanity but I still had pretty good logic. Yes, there is a diffrence.
"They're down right beautiful! You must be proud," she said whilst bagging the last of my items.
Knowing the consequences, yet not having time to stop myself I replied, "They're not mine."
"Is that so?" she asked, waiting for an explanation.
'To tell the truth would take at least fifteen minutes...but she did ask.' I thought, momentarily wondering where that good logic that I was bragging about eariler had gotten off to as I began to recount the long tale. 'She's getting the shortest summary possible.'
----Six Days Earlier------
'What is that sound?' I thought as I looked up from one of my favorite books, All Quiet on the Western Front.
"If I'm not mistaken…" I said out loud. Upon opening my door I found, to my horror, two screaming infants lying on my doorstep.
"Humph. I hate when people can't get rid of their problems properly." I mumbled. It was by this idea that I spawned a day-dream of how to dispose of them myself. It went something like this: I drew Masamune and prepared to reinstate silence. As luck would have it, though, at least five different people were out and about: walking down the street, trimming the bushes, ect. and they all let out loud gasps at my action.
I rubbed my head in frustration. "What?" I asked loudly, looking at each person in turn. Of course, no one said anything. I sighed and sheathed my sword and bent over to pick up the babies. "Not like any of you made an effort to do anything better!" Putting their blank stairs to my back I reentered my house, infants in hand.
Even my own mind was scolding me for such thoughts. Well...then...Damn it! But I followed the second bit of advice from the day-dream and picked them up, turning my body to put my back to the door.
"Of all the houses!" This couldn't be happening. It always happened in stupid movies and books. "Could the parents have not of at least picked an orphanage?" I asked looking down at the small, fragile things in my arms. "Tell me this is a joke…" I said to them. "It has to be."
An hour pasted. After the first five minutes with the two I had, by some miracle of God, managed to get them to stop screaming. Not only that, but I had gotten them to sleep as well! At this point I was feeling quite pleased with my self. The babies were silently snoozing on the couch beside me. Then the phone rang. The noise from it caused the two to move around in their sleep threatening to wake up. Practically tripping over my own feet, I tried to get to the bloody machine before the second ring in an attempt to answer before it woke the babies.
"I could kill for your timing," I hissed into the phone.
"Wow Seph, why are you so quiet?" My caller asked me.
"Get over here, Cloud, and see for yourself." I told him, still in a hushed voice.
"Okay. I was calling just for that reason actually. I think I left my wallet over there."
"You did." I let a hint of mischief into my voice to make him worry. Might as well try to get some fun out of my day.
"What did you take form it?" He asked monotone. Clearly, not amused.
"Nothing. What little bit you had wasn't worth my time. Also, I could find more creative ways to annoy you than taking photos and ID, so those are safe too." I told him. "However, that one picture left me quite speachless when I stumbled across it..."
"Oh." Was his only reply. I was expecting him to sound more doubtful, but I guess after years of dealing with me he had finally figured out how I could be. "I'll be right over," he said after a moment.
He was about to hang up, when suddenly an idea struck me. "Hey, bring Aeris." I told him.
"Huh?"
"Don't ask, just do it." I figured a woman would better know what to do in my particular situation.
"I don't know if she'd go for that. I think she has an appointment today." Cloud told me with doubt coloring his voice.
"Tell her I would be most grateful if she would honor me with a quick visit." I said.
Cloud laughed as he realized my game. "You got it. That just might get her attention too." Aeris and I aren't on very stable ground, and I was sure she would see my comment as a challenge and be straight down here ready to "put me in my place" as she would say.
I smiled as I hung up the phone and prepared to wait for, what I assumed would be, my ticket out of this mess.
A gurgling noise to my right caught my attention. I looked over to find one of the babies looking back at me with wide eyes. I lifted it up gently, otherwise it would have kicked the other in the head the way it was squirming about. I sighed in frustration as it began tugging at my hair.
"Where are those two?" I asked while standing to pace. I had discovered that the little things liked motion so I had begun to walk aimlessly around the living room. By the time there was finally a knock at my door I'd been waiting ten minutes. FINALLY!
"So what was it you wan-" Aeris stopped as she saw what I had in my hands. "What are you doing with a baby?" She exclaimed.
"Babies." I corrected and nodded my head to the couch where the other still slept.
"How on earth did you get into this?" Cloud asked looking shocked.
Even though I should have been wounded by his exclaim, I had to agree. I knew I wasn't a baby person; me and kids equal bad. Very simplistic analogy but the point gets across.
I handed my burden to Aeris- who took it happily and began cooing to it- then I told them what had happened.
"Well what are you going to do?" Aeris asked as she rocked one of the babies slowly. Cloud had the other and I found it funny because I never would have guessed him to be mushy over babies.
"I don't really know. That's why I told him to bring you. I had hoped you would have a solution." I admitted.
Aeris smiled softly, flattered that I had trusted her with something like this. It wasn't as if I had a lot of options though, so I didn't see what the big deal was. "Well the only thing I can think of, Seph, would be to go to the police," she said. That sounded logical. I nodded my head to tell her so.
"Uh… Sephiroth?" Cloud looked over at me. I raised my eye brow in answer. "I think this one needs to be changed." His nose wrinkled for emphasis.
"And exactly what do you want me to change it into? It's not like I have diapers laying around."
Aeris grinned. "Okay Seph, I'll help you out of this. I baby-sit for a friend sometimes, so give me a few minutes and I'll run home and get you some things to help until you get the chance to go to the police." She said. "Cloud, give me your keys."
Cloud reluctantly fished them out of his pocket and handed them to her. Handing the baby to me she walked swiftly out the door and we watched as she backed Cloud's car out of the driveway then sped down the road.
"Sometimes I guess that woman of yours isn't half bad." I said looking over at Cloud with a smirk.
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"Wow, great story pal but you're holding up the line!" Came a shout from behind me. I turned to look at the man that stood two people behind me.
I shrugged at his point then began to walk off. "No!" Came the unison response of the two women in front of the man along with the cashier as I made to leave "Please, do finish." The young brunette directly behind me said.
"Hey! I need to get home ya know!" The man protested. All the women turned to him and glared.
"Get in another line." The blonde in front of him said forcefully. The man grunted and I could practically see him mentally kicking himself for not thinking of that on his own.
"Please, continue!" The cashier said sweetly. I gave a mental shrug as to why they would be so interested the events of my life in the first place- a store not being the ideal place for a long conversation anyway- and then picked up where I left off.
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Aeris was back in seven minutes flat. How she managed it without a speeding ticket is beyond me. "Okay. Time to get these wittle guys aww cweened up!" She said pulling the diaper bag off her shoulder. "Here, Seph, hold this." She told me and thrust the blue and pink thing into my arms.
I rolled my eyes and followed her over to the couch. Kneeling down in front of it she spread out a small blanket and had Cloud and I lay the two on it. "Hand me the wipes and two diapers Seph," she instructed. I threw them at her, but to my dissapointment she pretended not to notice.
"Ah, so you're a wittle girl hum?" She said as she removed the soiled diaper and replaced it. She handed the now less smelly baby to Cloud and moved on to the next one. "Aw, and you are a wittle boy!"
"Aeris? Could you please stop with the baby talk?" I asked as nice as I could force.
"Humph. Alright Sephiroth, if you insist." She answered and handed me the other now less smelly baby.
"So, when are you going to the police?" Cloud asked me from his seat at the end of the couch.
"As soon as possible." I answered. "In fact, I would like to leave right now. Cloud you're coming with me." I told him, giving him no say-so in the matter.
"First, he has to drop me off at my doctor. I have an appointment today. Actually, if I don't hurry I'm going to be late ." Aeris said picking up her things and making towards the door.
I nodded and followed her out. "Hey! So now I have to drive both of you?" Cloud seemed dumbfounded, as if it were a hard concept to grasp.
"Yes." I said simply as I pushed him out the door so I could lock it behind him.
The parents weren't kind enough to leave car seats with their children, so the two of them sat balanced in my lap as we all cramed into Cloud's automobile.
After we dropped Aeris off Cloud and I made our way to the police station so I could be rid of my problem. Upon entering, a thin man in glasses looked up at us casually. "Mornin'. Can I help you?"
I held up the two babies and begin to retell my situation. After I finished he looked at me for at least two minutes before saying anything. "We'll get right on it. But I'm afraid with all the work around here they may be unintentionally neglected. So, might I ask you to hold on to them a while longer?"
I looked at him blankly for a moment, unsure if he was joking or not. "No." I said once sure he was serious. Were they allowed to make such requests?
"Why not? I could make it worth your while." He said, then he slipped me two twenties.
I gave him my "Are you stupid look" and he understood and reached into his wallet and put a 100 dollar bill beside the two twenties.
"You've got to do a little better than that." I told him.
He sighed and muttered something that sounded like "Would be cheaper to keep the brats…" then handed me another $100.
I nodded, grabbed the money and walked out with Cloud following close behind. "The situation being as it is, you should have went for more money." Cloud said once we were back in the car.
"The situation shouldn't even be. Besides, I highly doubt I would have gotten more." I answered.
"I don't know Seph, you're pretty damn persuasive." He said.
I rolled my eyes. "Cloud, use your brain for a second. It was a police station. If I used my persuasion they would have me behind bars in a heart beat."
"Ah you could have taken 'em"
"It wouldn't have been worth my time."
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"So that's pretty much how it went. I stopped by the station two days later and I got no nearer to a solution. It looks like I'm stuck with the little things." I said as I picked up my bag.
"Wow. That's one heck of a story." The ginger-haired woman at the register said. The others nodded in agreement. I simply shrugged and began to walk off.
"Hey wait!" I turned. The blonde who had spoken against that one man earlier was fishing in her purse. "Here, you're obviously going to be needed a baby-sitter." She pulled out a pen and a piece of scrap paper and scribbled her number on it, then winked as I took it. "Just call me if you need me!"
The other women soon followed and I left the store with two babies -now waking up, a bag full of baby supplies, and three women's phone numbers.
(A/N): So tell me what ya think! I know not everything is realistic but its not meant to be so don't review and say "That would never happen." I know that, but it makes a great story! If you want, feel free to leave ideas for what could happen to poor Sephiroth in this lovely little story.