In the year 3031, time travel was a major problem. This was because the historian Caleb Brewer couldn't be bothered to read up on all the tedious wars and tax evasion frauds of the past and made it up as he went along. When he was caught out by publishing a bestselling thesis on the Gherkin Wars of 2786, he travelled back in time (in a TARDIS he found after its former owner ended up on the wrong end of an angry Dalek) and started the war to make his book correct. Time Lords were very unpopular after vast swathes of history were time locked to keep out the Daleks but it meant history classes were shorter; "Well the Romans left in 478 AD and no-one much knows what happened until 1066, but we think it was caused by a badly parked Dalek starship."
It was also the time when humanity threw starships out at the universe with the enthusiasm of a three year old with a pot of paint and a white wall. Science was suddenly cool! At parties, scientists didn't have to pretend to be taxmen or traffic wardens to get dates. Everything was being studied, prodded and probed (humanity was getting its revenge for all the alien abductions of the late 20th century).
The planet humanity was currently studying was L'Whesis VIII and it was a gas giant like Jupiter, or a star wannabe. Floating in the gas clouds like an airship of old was a research station. The station was rusty, metallic and held up by half a dozen strange looking balloons to maintain its height. Several cables hung loose as if they had lost several balloons. On top of this floating station was a humming and whooshing sound and a blue police box appeared. The door creaked open and the Doctor strolled out. He immediately grabbed his top hat as he was in danger of losing it. His companion, Jane Goddard, grabbed hold of the edge of the door and glared at him. She shouted at him but the wind took her words, which was probably lucky.
The surface of the airship was a brown rusty colour.
Jane screwed up her eyes and took a step out onto the surface. She grabbed the Doctor by the lapels and shouted in his ear: "Where is this place? You told me Skegness! I told you the voice recognition circuit you had fitted was wrong!"
The Doctor swept out an arm. "It is a gas giant, about the size of Jupiter! Human scientists are studying the gas for life forms! The pressure is fine at this level. Further down it rains diamonds and has creatures made of purest silica. Below that, not even I know, but they live in a sea of helium! Up above us are creatures made of gas! At this height it has carbon based creatures floating around using helium bladders like fish. They eat fronds of floating plants like seaweed (or airweed) and some of them eat each other. You humans get everywhere. You are amazing!"
Jane's mouth opened in surprise. Not one hundred metres away a huge orange cloud-like creature with hundreds of tentacles floated past using a giant pulsating helium bladder to float. In its tentacles were caught several smaller floating creatures which it was digesting slowly. Several football sized eyes glared at the floating station and a tentacle reached over to them. A green tentacle touched the side of the airship and was quickly retracted when a burst of electric blue current shocked it. It was not the only one.
"Ouch!" said Jane, her hair going slightly askew. "Can we get off this?"
"Oh a mild electric shock is nothing compared with this view! Ow!" The Doctor jumped again as a tendril of blue lightning caught his feet. "Okay! Okay! Let's go in and say hello to the natives."
"What? That lot?" she said pointing at one of the floating behemoths.
"Not them - the scientists on board. I like scientists. I like telling them where they have been going wrong for thousands of years."
"Tell me," said Jane, "do they ever invite you to any parties afterwards?"
"Oddly no. Ow! Come on Jane, don't dawdle." He stopped as he glanced behind him. "Oh dear." What he saw was a view of hundreds of floating tentacled creatures ranging in size from a mouse to a small planetoid. The gas was a multitude of colours designed to give a headache to Leonardo Da Vinci and the sun glinted through these multi-coloured skies in a view of astonishing beauty (if you thought horrible tentacled floating creatures were beautiful). What the immediate view didn't have, to the Doctor's disappointment, was his TARDIS. In the distance, there were two large green creatures fighting over the TARDIS. One of them dropped it and the last they saw was the creatures trying to float ungainly after it. This had the same effect of sending a helium balloon to catch a brick you have dropped off the side of the building. The Doctor spoke over 350 languages and knew more words than the entire Oxford English Dictionary but "oh dear," covered it.
Jane grabbed him by the suit lapels and shouted in his ear. "Have you lost our means home? Can't you call it back?"
"It is not a dog. It is a masterpiece of transdimensional engineering!"
"Which doesn't return if you call it? I'd prefer a dog! Will it get crushed in the depths of this planet?"
The Doctor chuckled. "No it will be fine. The safeguards are on. I'm not stupid! It will probably be encased in diamond in the centre of this planet and ejected into the universe in about…" he looked at his watch and tapped it, "three billion and two years. Give or take a month."
"What are we supposed to do 'til then? I left my sudoku book at home!"
He grinned at her, his previous bad mood gone. "See the scientists! We will see if they have a fishing rod. Or failing that a crossword book."
Fighting against the storm, they found a door in the surface of the airship. The Doctor managed to open it with his sonic screwdriver and they saw a steel ladder. Insulation inside stopped them being electrocuted.
They clambered down the ladder and awkwardly closed the hatchway behind them. The storm sound from outside was instantly silenced.
"Who are you two?"
The Doctor stared down the ladder and saw a gaunt man in a battered grey pressure suit pointing what could only be a gun up at him. He clambered down next to the man and straightened his top hat. "I think this should tell you who we are!" he said as he handed him the psychic paper.
"Hold this a minute," said the man handing him the gun while he took the paper. The Doctor hurriedly handed the gun to Jane who looked aghast at this and put it on the floor. "Just a minute I need my glasses. Are you from earth? And what is that on your head?" He pointed to his top hat.
"It is called fashion!" said the Doctor. "We are from…" He whispered to Jane. "I will say earth. Time Lords are unpopular here, mainly because the history books are shorter and they don't know who their grandparents are. Yes, we are from earth." He said loudly.
"I am Neville Fortescue the Chief Scientific Officer." A door opened with a hiss sound and three other crew members appeared. "This is Valerie, Exo-biologist; Donald, Exo-climatogist; and Allan - he makes the tea."
"Who are these two? What is he wearing on his head?" said Valerie. "Where is your spaceship? Can we escape?"
"It fell off," said the Doctor lamely. "Sorry. Have you a tractor beam, giant magnet or hook so we can get it back?"
"We have a tractor beam…," said Valerie.
"Marvellous!"
"….but it is broken."
"What happened? Why are you sinking?" said Jane.
A metallic computer voice emanated from the walls. "The current population is six. This is two over the survivable population. Destruction of vessel due to increased pressure will take place in five minutes unless the new passengers leave. Thank you for your assistance in this matter. Thank you for flying with the Science Vessel Medusa."
The Doctor's eyebrows rose at this. He waggled a finger at the man. "We don't weigh much! This is an extreme way to lose weight!"
Neville chuckled at this. "It was built for four scientists and we are six thanks to you two."
The computer voice started again. "Helium balloon number four has been lost. Destruction of vessel due to increased pressure will take place in four earth minutes unless the two new occupants leave. Thank you for your assistance in this matter. Thank you for floating with the Science Vessel Medusa."
The man shrugged. "Sorry sir and madam. If you could make your way over to the door…."
"You can't throw us out!" said Jane.
"Oh we won't be throwing you out!" said Neville. "We aren't savages! You'll be walking out."
"But there is no ground!" said Jane.
He tutted. "Most people think that but it isn't true! This cloud layer is about 30 miles thick where we are. Then there are about 13 thousand miles of liquid hydrogen, which thickens as you sink down and is chock full of creatures. Most of them are unknown to science, so if you could you make a note for us as you go down please… You will ultimately reach a core, which in this case is diamond. You probably won't be paying much attention, as you will be about the size of a weevil by then. That is assuming they haven't eaten you. They aren't used to eating humans but I'm sure their digestion could cope with it if you are worried about giving one of them indigestion."
The Doctor wasn't worried about giving them indigestion. "We've got four minutes left! That is enough time to boil an egg, make an omelette, or save a floating science vessel. Why are you sinking?"
A creaking sound started as the sides of the craft started straining under the increased pressure. "Vessel will be crushed in three earth minutes. Thank you for your assistance in this matter."
"One of those creatures outside snagged against one of our holding balloons and dislodged it along with our escape pod and our tractor beam. By the sound of it we have lost another!" said Valerie. "We are sinking! Earth cannot rescue us! Even if we drop you two off, the rest of us are dead in an hour!"
"Surely we can throw something else off to lighten the load!" said Jane.
"We only have the electric generator left," said Neville "and that is on defence mode to shock those creatures! They keep attacking us!"
"They even threw out the kettle and tea!" said Allan shrugging his shoulders. "I am out of a job no matter what happens."
"If we lose the generator," said Neville, "we have no defence against those creatures! We will be eaten for sure!"
"They aren't just creatures," said Valerie aggrieved. "I have given them a new taxonomy. They are Valerius Tentaculus Giganticus."
"Why are they attacking you?" said Jane.
"No reason at all!" said Valerie. "We aren't attacking them! We have even used several of the old helium bladders floating in the upper atmosphere to disguise ourselves! It is a variant of the old penguin-cams earth zoologists used to use to get close to penguin colonies. We are floating unnoticed amongst these exquisite creatures!"
"Balloon five has been dislodged. We have one balloon left," said the computer. "We are currently falling at 10 metres a second. Destruction of vessel due to increased pressure will take place in two earth minutes. Regrettably, we have no escape pods left. If you have a complaint about this service please forward it to Earth Science Station, London, Earth, Sol and we will contact you in six to eight weeks. Thank you for falling with the Science Vessel Medusa. We hope you will recommend us to your friends."
The Doctor span around and pointed at Valerie. "Just a second. Did you say 'old helium bladders'?"
"Yes," said Valerie. "It was my idea. None of the other scientific vessels have ever got this close to these gorgeous creatures! They float away when they see us!" She had her chin up and her eyes were gleaming as she stared at him. "We have spent fifty years trying to study these animals and my genius got us here!"
The side of the ship was starting to creak with the pressure and cracks started to appear.
"Destruction of vessel due to increased pressure will take place in one minute. Thank you for falling with the Science Vessel Medusa. If you have enjoyed dying with us please recommend us to your friends. Quickly."
"And have they been attacking you ever since you got here?" said Jane.
Valerie nodded dumbly.
"Those aren't old helium bladders you captured!" said the Doctor.
"Yes they are," said Valerie. "The upper atmosphere is full of them! When these creatures die, the bladders work their way free and make their way into the upper atmosphere. It is my entire thesis!"
"They aren't old dead helium bladders," repeated the Doctor. "They are their young!"
She paled and sat with a thump on the floor. "Oh no."
"You have captured their young and paraded up and down the atmosphere looking like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!"
"From what?" asked Neville.
"Old earth film," said the Doctor. "I will lend you a copy on Betamax." He paced up and down, his eyes darting back and forth. "Humans!" He pointed at her. "And you wonder why they hate you? Come on to the top!"
"There is only one balloon left! We are going to be crushed!"
He spun around and said. "It is NOT a balloon! It is a baby of…" He pointed out the window lost for words.
"Valerius Tentaculus Giganticus," said Valerie quietly.
"And we are going to free it!" said the Doctor.
Neville grabbed him by the lapels. "If you do we are dead!"
"We are already dead! Don't you understand?" said the Doctor, pushing him back. "The baby won't survive where we are going. The least we can do is release it!" His voice softened as he spoke to Jane. "I'm sorry Jane. I promised to protect you, to bring you back home." His voice cracked. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"Come on Doctor," said Jane. She pulled him by the jacket to the ladder.
They climbed up to the surface of the vessel. It was like being on a ship on a stormy sea. Above them, they saw one more helium bladder still attached and three huge tentacle cloud like creatures struggling to follow them. They kept lashing at the cable to release it but the electricity shocked them off. "Turn off the generator!" shouted the Doctor.
"I can't!" shouted Neville. "It is built in!"
"I can!" shouted the Doctor. With one move, he got out his sonic screwdriver and sent a pulse of energy towards the generator fusing it. With another pulse, he released the cable from the creature. One of the cloud creatures gave a screech of pure delight and as it pulled in the baby creature, it seemed to purr.
Without the last helium 'balloon' holding them up the vessel fell spinning into the void.
And stopped.
One of the Valerius Tentaculus Giganticus had grabbed hold of a cable with a tentacle; the vessel creaked and groaned under the strain. Another beast caught another cable and dragged it up level. The Doctor frowned as he saw a curiously blue and oblong shape in the creature.
"Great!" said Neville as he struggled to keep hold. "We are going to be eaten!"
Ptchah!
There was a spitting sound and the TARDIS flew through the air and landed with a thud next to them on its side. Green dripping saliva covered the TARDIS. The Doctor clambered onto it and opened the door. "Come on everyone. Follow me!" He took off his hat and made an extravagant gesture that wouldn't have been out of place in the court of Louis IV. In fact that was where he had learnt it. "Thank you Valerius! In you come you three. I will take you home! Come on Jane. Let's try Skegness again!" They clambered in awkwardly. The door closed and seconds later a whooshing sound was heard as it disappeared. The creatures dropped the science vessel and it fell into the void.
.