Author's Note:So, it's almost 6 in the morning, but my anxiety won't let me rest til I've posted this, so here it is!
This is a fic that goes along with my oneshot, My One and Only You. Feel free to leave me your constructive criticisms as that is the only way I can grow as a writer. Seriously, even if you totally hate it, I don't mind if you tell me so. My tumblr is mysuiciderecovery if you feel more comfortable messaging me on there.
Anyways, I hope that you enjoy and please favorite, review, and follow the story if you would like more.
Chapter 1: Jacob Seed
"No matter what happens, please remember that I love you. I will never give up on our family."
…
March 28, 2018 – 8:36 PM
"My children, my brothers, and sisters, tonight's sermon will be the last I give to you before the Collapse begins," Joseph says, his voice echoing through the church. Everything is silent, as it often is when he speaks as if the very world itself is holding its breath for what he's about to say. "I ask you this, my children: Why did our Lord put us on this Earth? You see, God made us so that we could love Him and love each other. Love is not only something that we feel but something we do. It is a choice that we make, loving another person. Jesus, during the night of the Last Supper, kneeled before his disciples and washed their feet."
Joseph waves an arm, slowly, over his congregation, palm open as though he were blessing them. "When Jesus had washed their feet and put on His robe, He reclined again and said to them, 'Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. This is well said, for I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you.'"
Jacob scoffs and shakes his head. He sounds just like Old Mad Seed, he thinks. Except Joseph's words express more love than their father was ever capable of showing. Jacob's fingers tighten around his arms that he has crossed over his chest. He hates thinking of that man that he refuses to call his dad.
"Jesus expects us to do as he had done to his disciples. We must show our love for one another by serving each other. In order for us to serve, we must be humble." Joseph presses his outstretched hand against the crown tattooed on the center of his chest. "It's hard for us to be humble, because humans are prideful and selfish. Even Jesus' own disciples couldn't move to wash each other's feet or else they'd be giving up their pride.
"However, Jesus showed us that in order to prove our love we must serve, no matter our station in life. He was humble and could serve others because He knew what He was put on this Earth to do. He had nothing to prove. He was not concerned with disappointing His followers or impressing the ones around Him. He was not worried about His disciples looking upon Him differently for acting as a servant." He lifts both his hands in worship, looking up as though he could see God looking down on him from the twilit sky through the roof of the church. "He humbly served His God freely, submissively." He brings his hands back down to his sides and looks back out at his flock. "Many of us are too afraid of losing our pride to serve others, averse to being humble in serving our God. But we must remember who we are, and that will allow us to be servants of God. For we are His children, and we are loved by Him, as you are my children, and you are loved by me."
Joseph casts his eyes down to the floor, almost sadly, before meeting the eyes of his followers once again. Jacob knows what he's about to preach, feels it coursing through the air, and it makes him sick. His younger brother has been right about a lot of things, but Jacob hopes, inwardly prays to the God that Joseph believes in, that he's wrong. Please, don't let it be her that walks through those doors tonight.
"However, there is someone among us, my dear children, that does not serve us. She is a poisonous viper that has made her home within our Family. She has no love for us in her heart, and her pride is too great. She will do everything in her power to tear us down, and she will try to destroy everything that we've built here." He paces from one side of the dais to the other, scanning his eyes over the small crowd. "Now, I know you're wondering who this Judas amongst out Heralds is. Who is this person that we accepted into our family, this turn cloak who we loved deeply with all our hearts? Well, you will see her tonight, my children."
He looks towards Faith, standing off to the left side of the stage, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Now, I know that some of you will blame yourselves for this person's actions. You will torture yourselves for not seeing it coming and not preventing it." He turns to John towards the back of the dais. "Some will hate her deeply for it, and you will want to punish her for what she's done." Jacob could see his little brother seething next to him with a burning rage. "And I'm sure a lot of you," Joseph's eyes finally fell on Jacob, and he can't stand his brother's sympathetic gaze on him. Jacob tears his gaze away from him, his thumb rubbing against the golden band on his left ring finger, "will feel lost and adrift."
"Most of all, we will all feel betrayed." He turns back to the pews, holding his hands out to his people. "I am here to tell you that all of these feelings are valid. It is okay for you to feel sore over what will transpire. However, I want you to remember that this person is a part of our Family, and she will hold a vital role in what's to come. Though she has strayed from the Path, it doesn't mean that she is beyond saving. We need to find it in our hearts to forgive her, for if we don't we are no better than the nonbelievers."
Just then, the sound of helicopter blades pierces the silence. Everyone in the pews looks around the church nervously, though Jacob stays mesmerized by a scuff mark on the wooden floor. His thumb is still worrying the smooth surface of his ring, and his stomach clenches sickeningly as though it knows who's coming. She will come, Joseph had told him before the sermon, She will walk through those doors, and I need you to be strong for me, brother. Just like you always have been.
No, you're wrong. You've been right about everything else, but you're wrong in this, Jacob had wanted to respond, but he is not in the habit of wearing his emotions on his sleeve like John. Saying that would only expose how much he truly cares for her. He'd followed his brother here, to Hope County, Montana, based on a prophecy that a voice had whispered into Joseph's ear first when they were children and then again years later. He trusts his brother with everything and will die for him when it comes to that, but he knows Joseph is wrong about her. She loves Jacob, he can feel it in everything she does. And she loves John and Faith and Joseph too.
Joseph's eyes glance up, a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, before looking back to his flock. "My children, join me in 'Amazing Grace' to end this sermon."
As their singing begins, the sound of the helicopter gets closer and closer until the loud metallic flapping becomes a hum that harmonizes with the song. Jacob's foot taps against the wood of the stage, clenching his left hand into a fist and straightening his form from leaning against the wall.
He glances over to Faith, still trying to hold back her tears as she sings. Faith had been the first to accept her into their family, and they'd become fast friends. Faith had been excited to finally have a girl in the family that she could talk to, and she'd often invited herself over to their cabin or invited them both to her place, much to Jacob's displeasure.
John is as straight as a board next to him, his hands behind his back and teeth grinding together as he clenches and unclenches his jaw. Jacob can see how his eyes burn with hatred, can feel how the anger hangs around him like an aura, affecting all who pass through it. John had never been close to her. Jacob had never allowed any kind of relationship to grow between those two, never allowed her to be alone with him. Mostly because…well…he doesn't want to think about that. Not right now.
Then there was Joseph, who'd been against all of what happened between her and Jacob. Despite all of it, he'd still accepted her into their family; whether if it was only to please Jacob or some other reason, Jacob doesn't know. She'd talk to him once a week since the night she'd met him, away from Jacob and the rest of the family. Jacob never knew what they talked about, but he has a feeling it might have something to do with the trauma she'd gone through as a child.
He doesn't really want to think about that, either.
As soon as their hymn finishes, the doors of the church open, and he can't help but immediately look to see if she's there, desperate to prove Joseph wrong about her. He can't see over the heads of the church goers standing towards the back, and no matter how much he cranes his neck he still can't see her. He does see Sheriff Whitehorse, though, and another man wearing a bullet-proof vest, the words U.S. MARSHAL written in bold yellow font across the chest. He can just barely make out the figure of…someone…just behind them, but the sheriff and marshal are blocking his view.
"Something is coming. You can feel it, can't you?" Joseph says, his voice ringing out through the silence. The floorboards groan against the weight of the marshal and sheriff as they walk in. The Peggies standing at the back turn to face them at the sound, the men glaring while the women look worried. When their eyes see the third person, shock and disbelief overpower their features, and Jacob feels the knot in his stomach tighten.
God, please, don't let it be her, he silently begs, I swear I'll never stray from you again, just please don't let it be her. He should know better, though. God has never been one to ease his miseries or answer his prayers. "That we are creeping toward the edge…and there will be a reckoning." Joseph looks out over the small crowd, and Jacob searches his expression for some clue as to whether or not it's actually her coming down the aisle. Joseph's chin dips to his chest, his lips pressed tightly together before looking back out over the sea of beards and unkempt hair. "That is why we started the Project. Because we know what happens next. They will come. They will try to take from us…"
Jacob doesn't even hear what else his brother says after that, for the sea parts and he sees her clearly now. Mercy Seed, his wife. He can hear nothing but the pounding of his heart in his ears, and his hands and fingers become numb. He knows when a panic attack is coming on, has had them enough over the years that he can try to control them. He breathes in deep, swallowing through his dry throat as his nails dig into the muscle of his biceps.
His brother is yelling things now, and the marshal is holding up a piece of paper and screaming something about a warrant, but he doesn't care. He can't bring himself to focus on anything but his wife standing behind them. Her expression is blank and unreadable, but he can see how her hands shake at her sides. Her violet eyes are glittering as though she's holding back from crying, and the corners of her full lips are slightly downturned.
The Peggies stand from their seats now crowding around them, and he watches as her eyes dart nervously about. "Here they are…" Joseph says, his hands gesturing to the three who'd just entered. "The locusts in our Garden…and the snake who's betrayed us…" They're crowding around them more now, blocking the view of his wife. "You see they've come for me. They've come to take me away from you. They've come to destroy all that we built."
Now everyone is yelling and reaching for weapons, and he takes a shaky step forward. If any of them hurt her, if any of them touch my Mercy, I swear I'll slaughter all of them. I won't stop until it's just me and her left in this world. He feels a hand tighten around his arm and turns his neck to see John. Jacob jerks out of his grasp while John just shakes his head. "You need to be strong, brother," John whispers to him, but he can barely hear it over the commotion.
I am fucking strong, he thinks as he walks with him to stand behind Joseph.
Joseph steps forward, putting his hands on two of his followers' shoulders. "We knew this moment would come. We have prepared for it. Go. Go." They do as they're bid, pushing their way past the marshal and the sheriff while they glare at Mercy as they pass her. "God will not let them take me." Joseph finally looks upon Mercy once all the Peggies have passed her. "Mercy, my dear sister, what have you done?"
Jacob sees her throat bob as she swallows, but she doesn't lift her hands to sign in answer. "You traitorous snake. I knew who you were since the moment I met you, and I tried to steer you on the right path. Were you planning this all along? Are you happy now with what you've done?" She widens her eyes and looks down, turning her head to her shoulder. "No, you will look at me. You will look at the faces of your brothers and your sister and your husband, and you will look upon what you've wrought!"
"That's enough!" Whitehorse shouts, turning and placing a hand on Mercy's shoulder. "Rook, you know what you need to do."
She looks towards them then, eyes gently scanning over each of their faces. Her eyes only land on his for an instant before she turns her face away from him, lifting her left hand to fold a loose strand of shoulder length black hair behind her ear. His heart constricts when her engagement and wedding rings catch the light.
Joseph lifts his hands. "I saw when the Lamb opened the First Seal, and I heard as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts say, come and see…"
"Step. Forward," the marshal interrupts.
Joseph's hands fall back down to his side as he takes a step towards them, his gaze intent on the marshal. "…and I saw, and behold it was a white horse…" his head turns toward the sheriff, then to Mercy, "…and Hell followed with him." His hands stretch out before him as Mercy's eyes widen at his statement, and all is still.
"Enough. This isn't a goddamn family outing," the marshal snaps as he grabs Mercy's arm and pulls her forward. "Rookie, cuff this son of a bitch."
"Go on, Deputy Seed. Do your duty, since that is more important to you than your Family," Joseph says, his tone sharp, "But God will not let you take me."
She just stands there, looking at Joseph as she fiddles with the cuffs at her belt.
"Rook!" the marshal barks, making her shoulders jump. "Put the cuffs on him!"
Something seems to switch on in her as she methodically and mechanically pulls the cuffs from her belt and snaps them shut around Joseph's wrists. She doesn't even look at them before moving behind him and urging him forward with a hand on his shoulder.
"Let's go," he hears Whitehorse whisper.
This isn't happening, Jacob thinks. And yet, it is. The last time she'd been in this church had been on their wedding day in a pure flowing white dress. And she'd been happy. Hell, he'd been happy too.
He hears the commotion outside as soon as the doors open, and before he knows it he can't see his brother or his wife anymore as they disappear around a corner. He jumps back when John touches his shoulder, his baby brother raising an eyebrow before his eyes dart to his arms.
"You're bleeding," he says simply.
Jacob glances down to his arms and sure enough there are small blood stains soaking through the fabric of his army jacket where his nails are still digging in. He swears as he drops his hands, finally aware of the light stinging.
Faith glances between the two of them, Jacob just now noticing the tears staining her cheeks. "I…I'm gonna go and try to unify our people. I'm sure their…their probably losing faith right now." With that she turns on her heels and swiftly walks out of the church.
When it is just him and his brother left alone, John turns to him. "Are you okay?"
"Of course, I'm fucking okay, John." Jacob reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, pressing one between his lips and cupping his hand around the flame of his lighter. "I'm just fucking peachy."
"Joseph wouldn't want you smoking in the church."
"Well, Joseph's not here right now, is he?" He takes a harsh draw from his cigarette and can instantly feel his nerves calming a little.
John hums, squinting at his older brother. "Do you remember what Joseph said would happen?"
"It doesn't matter what Joseph said would happen," Jacob says simply, "I've believed him about everything: The coming war, the bombs dropping, the nuclear apocalypse, all of it. That shit makes sense. If you just watch the news, it's all clear what's going to happen. He's wrong about this, though. He's wrong about Mercy."
"How can you still say that after what just happened?" John asks, "You saw her walk through those doors. You saw her cuff him. You saw her leave with him."
"I know what I fucking saw!" Jacob shouts, taking another draw.
"I need to know something, though," John starts, but two gunshots go off outside Jacob moves as if he's going to rush out. John puts a hand against his brother's chest and holds his arm with his other hand. "Stop, listen to me. Both her and Joseph are fine right now, but I need to talk to you about something. I need to know that you're on Joseph's side."
"The fuck kind of dumb thing is that to say?"
"You know what I'm talking about." He hears a large crash somewhere in the distance and suddenly Jacob's thirteen again, watching his brothers get beat and listening to them crying out. He's weak again, too weak to do anything to end their sufferings. "Jacob. Look at me, brother." John pulls him out of his nightmarish thoughts, meeting his baby brother's gaze. "Listen, I feel for you, brother. I really do, losing your wife can't be easy."
"I haven't lost her yet," Jacob says, his tone grating against his ears pathetically.
"Yet," John repeats, "All I'm saying is, Mercy may be my sister, but she's not blood. When everything's said and done, I'm on Joseph's side," he squeezes Jacob's arm, ", and I want you on his side too, brother. I haven't forgotten how you took care of me and Joseph, and I love you for it."
Jacob feels the knot at the back of his throat. This is all too much. He pulls out of John's grasp. "You're acting like it's the end of the world."
John laughs. "It kind of is, isn't it?"
Jacob gives a short laugh. "Yeah, I guess that's true."
"Seriously, though," John says, his tone going solemn. "We can try to bring her back to the light, but Joseph says that's not going to happen. He says she's going to try and kill us, that she's going to do everything in her power to destroy our Project." His brows furrow as he frowns. "Please, Jacob, I need to know that you won't abandon us."
"I'm not going to abandon anyone," Jacob says taking another draw of his cigarette. "Do you really think I'd betray Joseph like that?"
"I don't know." John casts his eyes to the floor. "People are unpredictable when it comes to family, and Mercy is a part of our family." The shouting outside pulls them from their conversation, and John casts a glance over his shoulder before turning back to Jacob. "I'm going back to my ranch to get the plane ready, in case anything happens." John places his hand on Jacob's shoulder. "I'm serious, brother, this might be the last time we're able to speak to each other. I love you, okay?"
Jacob shrugs his hand off. Feelings are something that he doesn't do well. Even with Mercy it's difficult, and she tries to bring out a lot of feeling from him. "Yeah, yeah. I know. Go. I'll hold down the fort."
John nods, turning and heading out the door. Jacob stands there in the solitude of the church, with nothing but the shouting outside to break the serenity of the moment. How did it come to this? He wonders, taking a draw from his cigarette. Was it when he met Mercy or when he married her? Was it when he took her to John's ranch to meet his family?
Or had this all been decided back on that day in June, when Old Mad Seed had beaten Joseph with his belt because of a fucking Spiderman comic?
Jacob sighs, throwing his cigarette down and snuffing it out beneath his boot.