Disclaimer; I own nothing.
Enjoy and R&R, please.
Prologue.
"Let the 73rd Hunger Games begin!"
I wake screaming, confused and dazed to the real world. Vaguely I hear soothing words but they do nothing, no one can. No one can replace or take away those horrible memories, the acts I had to commit to get me and him home. The act.
Time is what brings me back, back to reality where Prim and my mother are in my bed, holding me, soothing me but try as hard as they might nothing helps, nothing stops the sobbing, the fear. It's been two and half, nearly three months and it's getting harder and harder to maintain reality, to maintain my senses. I can feel it slowly slipping through my grasp, melting away like snow in your hand. After a while, mother slipping off back to bed I'm left alone with prim and like a child I cling to her, to the edge of the bed next to the bed side lamp.
"You should head back to bed Prim."
"Not going to happen kat. I'm staying, we can stay up and talk like we've done before." I smile and nod, grateful for my little sister. She'll stay and keep the nightmares at bay, for a time. She quickly leaves, running downstairs and bring back some sweets brought from the town as we settle back into bed, snuggling closer to each other and talking about past times. Though darkness always finds a way into everything.
"Soooo... have you talked to him?" she questions and I know why. Before the games he and I where friends, just friends. Hunting partners that, through mutual agreement and necessity helped each other but that's it, nothing more, nothing romantic. Hell we hadn't even spoken beyond the time out in the woods, even then it was short to the point but that had to change when the fucking games came along. In response to Prim's question I shake my head no.
"You know, in the games I could tell. I knew then that you didn't love him, he has something for you though I can't tell if it's love or just a possessive thing but you didn't feel that way... not to him. To you I'd say a friend." I nod because that's how I feel, yet they had to fuck it up, Gale and the drunk.
"To tell you the truth Prim I've never felt anything towards him."
"But to someone else?" she questions and for a moment bright blue, sparkling eye's flash before mine before shaking my head to rid them and quickly shrug. Prim doesn't push any further but settles down into the bed, yawning and I do the same ready... not really... to face the nightmares to come. Perhaps with Prim holding me I'll get a night's rest.
Doubt it.
When I wake up, dawn just peaking through the window, though it wasn't the screams, nor Prim shaking me. I just wake, shaking and covered in sweat not remembering anything about the actual nightmare. I decide against trying to get any-more sleep and slip out of bed, shushing Prim back to sleep. I go to the shower, letting the hot water run over me hoping it'll wash away the horrors but the crippling depression continues to keep me company.
No wonder Haymitch turned to the bottle.
Dressing and heading downstairs to the kitchen I find my mother already awake, tea in hand sitting at the table reading through a book. Since the horror reality kicked in when I was chosen, that I might die she came back, being more of a mother to me since my father died, though I still in a way held prim as more a mother than her. Yet it was nice to have her back.
"Morning, want some tea?" I manage a small smile and nod, thanking her. "Rough night." she asks, pouring the tea.
"When isn't it." she gives me a sad smile, placing a her hand over mine and giving it a squeeze. I return it, leaning my head against her shoulder the feeling odd but brings a strange comfort foreign to me, or at least a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time. We sit there for a long time, dawn becoming late morning as mother strokes my hair soothingly till she breaks the silence.
"how about going out today, maybe hunting." at the very though of going hunting, especially if it involves him I bulk and get queasy. I begin to object but mother holds her hand up silencing me. "Not with him, perhaps not even to hunt, we've got plenty of meat but as you've said, as me and prim have seen. You coming back from the forest, from hunting and trading at the Mellarks... you always seem happy." the mention of their name and those blue eye's flash before mine again, causing me to flush deep red and mother sending me a... knowing look? "All I'm saying is that you've been cooped up in the house for nearly three months, refusing to go outside the village. Go out and if you go to the forest, take you bow for hunting if you want but for safety as well." I nod in agreement because she's right. Nearly three months of being inside the house, never venturing further than the entrance to the village hasn't down me any good so this will do me good. Might help with my sanity. "your right, the outing will do me good and it's time I stopped hiding. I'll walk with Prim to school. Then if you want I can run some errands around town and I'll visit the woods near sundown, just for a walk. Hunting doesn't seem right at the moment." More like the though of it sends me back into the games, back into the horrors of my mind. Mother smiles and thanks me, the errands I'll run will free her time up so she can visit some patients and I know prim will be happy.
My little duck.
For the remainder of the morning I busy myself with helping mother cook the breakfast, telling Prim about my plans and as predicted she's happy with them.
I'm walking through town, keeping my head down and regretting ever stepping out of the house. Everyone stares at me, avoids me like the plague muttering things that I can't quite catch but suspect that they're nothing good. The whole district could see right through the act, that I had no feelings towards Gale why they care though I'll never understand because it's not like I'm keeping Gale they're, meaning all the sluts of twelve who want him are welcome to him, as he is to them just leave me out of it. Heavily sighing I just rush through the list mother gave me, coming to the last items needed.
Bread, sugar cookies (6) and 6 cheese buns.
She makes the cheese buns, it'll be nice to see her... stop it I chastise myself and just quietly continue to the bakery. The warm sweet smell of bread and cakes hitting me like a brick wall as I walk in, they all remind me of her... her sweet combination mixed with lavender, dill and cinnamon. Her smell and my brains saves it before I can forget it. From what I remember before the games, she'll take over the bakery once she comes of age, not long next year just after the reaping. Her other brothers have something else already lined up but they've never been ones for the bakery, it's always been her. As I look around, noticing I must have arrived after the rush I walk quietly to the counter, coughing slightly to gain the attention of the eldest Mellark boy. Wheaton Mellark. Tall, broad-shouldered, dirty blond hair, blue eye's. Just like every other merchant of district twelve.
"Good day how my I help-" he stops when he sees its me before a slightly panicked expression crosses his face. I can tell though that the expression isn't out of fear, more like caution.
"ummm... hi Miss Everdeen-" I stop him right there, holding my hand up.
"if you can't treat me like a normal customer, perhaps you can get your father." he looks at me for a moment before heading into the back. One person I hope, know will still treat me like a human is Mr Mellark. He's way to nice and honourable for this world, which is where his daughter gets it from and it's her not Mr Mellark that appears through the door. Her bright blond hair tied up in a messy bun, flour dotted about her whole body... god what I would do to get to play in the flour with her.
What the fuck! I scream to myself. Her bright, almost violet-blue eye's darken a bit upon seeing me but she smiles and walks over behind the counter.
"Hi Katniss. How are you?" she questions, thrown off because she's speaking to me like a normal person.
"I'm good Paige... just needed a few things." mumbling as I get to the end, refusing to look at her in the eye's though I still feel my cheeks growing hotter under her stare.
"Sure what can I get you?" handing the list over I dare to raise my head seeing her already getting the bread and sugar cookies ready. "Cheese buns will be two minutes, I've just made a new batch and they should be ready. If you don't mind the wait." she ask, almost hesitantly. I shrug sitting on one of the chairs before hearing her speak again.
"Soooo... how are you?" a simple question, one that holds many answers.
"At the moment good, thank you Paige." she looks slightly confused, so I explain. "Your treating me like a normal person not some wounded animal."
"Why would I treat you any different, your still Katniss. Yeah sure you won the games but... you can't let that change you. Besides I always like normal Katniss Everdeen." I'm taking back by her admission, and make cheeks grown twice as hot, as though I'm standing in front of one of their ovens. Thankfully the odds, today are in my favour and I hear the ding of the timer ring and she disappears into the back before coming back through and ringing the amount up in silence. Her face almost looking how I'm sure mine does... but why?
"Paige... thank you." she looks up and smiles brightly at me. Just before leaving her voice calls me back.
"Katniss!" turning I wait for her as she comes round the counter and over to me at the door. "Would you like to go out some time, like to the park or something... as friends?" she questions, again losing the ability to speak so I just nod and she smiles a bright, almost face-splitting smile. Taking me more by surprise when she hugs me tightly. I return in, although only with one had because of the bags I carry but I breath in deep the smell of her, savouring it.
"Cool... I'll come round in the next day or two?" I nod and she bids me a farewell before I leave, I can't help the smile that graces my face. My day instantly becoming brighter, until that is I reach the entrance to victor's village and see them.
Haymitch and Gale, standing at the fountain in the middle of the village. Waiting. My mood instantly disappears, sullen and snappy me back. I lower my head and just make my way towards the house not ready in the least to have any sort of conversation but the odds don't favour me and I hear them follow me. Trying to close the door, Haymitch jamming his foot to stop it. I just quickly rush towards the kitchen.
"No where to run now sweetheart."
"I wasn't running, just trying to avoid a drunk, who happens to be trespassing." he gives a dry chuckle, drinking from the silver flask as Gale quietly enters the kitchen.
"Nice house catnip." sitting at the table, Haymitch joining him. "You know typically its the host of the house duty to offer drinks."
"You want a drink? Go home and get one... just leave mine."
"Brrrrrrr, so cold. You to need to get all warm and cosy-"
"Stop!" snapping and cutting Haymitch off. "Just stop!"
"listen sweetheart-"
"No! I never asked for this, never wanted it so just stop!" I'm out the door and down the street before they can leave the house, though I do hear their voices calling my name I ignore them and just run. Finding myself at the fence to the district, slipping underneath it I can still hear Gale calling me. Quickly I gather my bow and quiver, slinging them over my shoulder and rushing into the forest, into a new unexplored part for me. I hear Gale's voice calling me, getting softer and softer with the distance I put between us and I feel better and better. I don't know how long I walk for, nor where but I know my way back to twelve from the position of the sun and it's getting late on in the day. The sun getting low on the horizon, casting a dark but beautiful glow over the forest.
Twilight,
rustling, quickly I turn, bending down on one knee, back in the arena my instincts take over and I have an arrow knocked and ready. Closer and closer the noise gets, the horror growing and growing its them the career's. The bushes right in-front of me rustle and I let the arrow go, not seeing where it lands but hearing it. The head-splitting scream. Rushing through the bush and met with a sight that I would never have believed possible.
"Paige!"
A/N; so that's the first chapter and... yeah I switched the gender of Peeta, he's now Paige. it'll still be Everlark, so if you don't like this kind of story don't read but any comments on how it seems, improvements would be helpful. I plan for there to be 3 parts to the story, kind of based on the hunger games, catching fire and ending with my version of Mockingjay.
Hopefully Katniss wasn't to OOC, tried to keep her in the way the book portrayed her, confused but knowing. Her mother and Prim don't know either but all will be revealed in the next chapter or two. Second one should be up tomorrow morning or night, the same for the third chapter.
thanks for reading, see you next time.
D12Chloe.