1. Tribble launching guns are banned
In my Defense it DID work on the invading Klingons
2. Phaser tag is banned
Stop being a killjoy Spock
They were only set to STUN
3. When leaving somewhere do not say "live long and prosper bitches"
Spock and any other Vulcan finds it offensive
4. Your war cry can't be "live long and die motherfuckers" either
Vulcans find this offensive as well
5. Do NOT avoid or aid anyone in escaping their medical
Kirk,
Btw
I did NOT give you away to Mccoy
Spock did
6. 21st century video games are banned
Call of duty night did not go as planned
7. Do not repeatedly challenge Spock to any games requiring logic
Face it Kirk
You LOST
Multiple times
8. Don't ask Spock your math problems
I have been informed he is not to be used as your personal calculator
9. Do not put a sign in the mess hall saying "Do not feed the Vulcan"
Spock doesn't get human humor
10. If at first you do succeed try not to look so impressed
This goes for you Kirk
11. Personal phasers come in two types, hand phasers and phaser rifles, NOT SMGS
Kirk's just jealous about how awesome my phaser smg is
12. Do not ask about my souvenirs from around the galaxy
I have a large variety of weapons from various planets
13. Do not blame your stupidness on YOLO
This one needs little explaining
14. When told you have your medical do not do the following
Say just give me a fifteen minute head start and then book it down the hallway (kirk)
Sob and say why does the universe hate me and continue sobbing (again kirk)
Say I'm busy. Make an appointment and I might get to it next year. (Me)
Say let me find a jar to contain my happiness and then walk off (also Me)
15. Do not put a box in the recreation room and ask if anyone hears a ticking noise
Everyone on this ship is paranoid as it is
16. Do not set the intercom to play any so on repeat
Scotty is still trying to get it to stop playing Wreaking Ball
17. Do not start playing Taylor Swift music whenever Spock and Uhura kiss in front of Kirk
The Command crew and just about everyone that's NOT the three of them find this hilarious
18. Do not yell "i'm surrounded by idiots exept Spock, and maybe Uhura, and Mccoy" ((and then continue listing everyone then Kirk))
You're better at just telling kirk "you're an idiot"
19. No beaming animals onto the enterprise
Someone decided it would be funny to beam in about three dozen kittens
Two weeks later and we're still trying to track some of the down
20. Don't pick on Pavel
If you do
They'll never find the body
21. There is NOT a distillery in Engineering
Even if there was were would anyone be able to get the plants to CREATE alcohol
22. On a similar notice my fenced and covered off area of the botany lab is fenced and covered for a reason
Just pretend it's not there
23. Strip poker is not to be played
Next time i'm going to knock and wait 10 seconds before entering the recreation room
24. Do not put up a kill counter in the mess hall
We do not need to know who killed more
25. Pavel does not need The Talk
Just please stop trying to give it to him