A/N- As per the request of those of you who have read my story "The Temptation" (much thanks for the review- nerdtron and ZakoBattleDroid) here is the beginning of the sequel. I'm not entirely sure if this is going to be any good, but please enjoy!
My apologies in advance to George Lucas (see dialogue below).
REVENGE OF THE COOKIE SITH
Luke had waited a long time for the moment he could get his revenge for all the cookies his father robbed him of. The cookies that were delicious and sweetly baked just for him- Darth Vader stole. He even got chocolate all over his mask- so he had to be the culprit.
The moment was soon to approach because in the time that Luke had spent hunting down all the Jedi and stealing their cookies. He'd found that Darth Vader had taken most of the cookies beforehand.
"They were oatmeal, baked just for you!" Owen Lars said. "But he came here before you did, we couldn't say no or he'd force us to eat fudge. Fudge is of the light side."
"Don't you want to be on the light side?" Luke had asked his uncle.
"No, not if I can't eat cookies." Owen had replied. Beru Lars moodily baked another batch of cookies for Luke.
"If you two could just eat the kriffin fudge, we'd all be happier!!" She cried and put a tray of cookies down on the table. Luke tried to take one but a black gloved hand took them before he did.
"Vader!" Luke jumped up and ignited his lightsaber, which was terrifying because it was made of pure cane sugar.
"You have fallen for my trap, Luke. Now I will be the only one to have possession of the cookies!"
"In your twisted Funion dreams!!" Luke yelled and raised his lightsaber of cane sugar. Vader lifted his, made of glowing caffeine.
"For the record I don't eat Funions." Vader said, "And I hate things that are swirly."
"Oh, you mean like this!" Luke pulled out a swirly straw. Vader cringed.
"Ah the swirlyness of it! I can't bear the anguish."
"Then watch this!" Luke took his cup of plain milk and drank it with the swirly straw. Vader held his head and screamed.
"Make it stop! The milk is regular! Not 2%!! Can't you tell I love calories?!!"
"Actually with that jumpsuit, I honestly couldn't tell." Luke said.
Vader took his caffeine lightsaber and sliced the milk and swirly straw in half.
"NO, MILK!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? THAT WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!!"
"What about Han and Leia?" Darth Vader asked.
"Who?" Luke blinked.
"Oops, wrong point in the script, sorry."
"Now I am really confused." Owen said.
"When does the anti-social cookie eating oversized baby grow up and find friends other than his glass of milk, which by the way is five years expired, and do whatever else you're talking about?" Beru asked incredulously.
"Don't ask me." Vader shrugged, "I'm just playing the part of the evil overlord who has no life."
"Fuck that!" Luke said, "I'm not making friends! All they do is nag-nag-nag, and in the end, they forget when your birthday is. Then they get all huffy and tell you to give them something and after that they laugh in your face when they beat you at Monopoly and Star Fox!!"
"Ouch, that burns." Vader said, making a face under his mask that no one could see, so mentioning it really doesn't matter in this story. "I feel for you. Obi Wan never let me win at Star Fox. His tank blew me up before I could say 'May the Force be with you.'"
"You feel for me?" Luke repeated, "You ate my cookie!!"
"So? You didn't want to turn to the dark side, it's in the script."
"Fuck the script? You know George Lucas wrote that while he was drunk and talking to his Hollywood friends. We're lucky the second half of the originals had good dialogue."
"Really?" Vader takes out the script and leafs through it. "Okay, so here I say 'Join me and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son'" He shook his head, "Who the hell writes like this? It's almost as bad as the author of this story."
"Tell me about it." Beru said, nodding in agreement.
"Oh, and look at this one," Luke said, pointing to a line of dialogue, "I say 'I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to save you.' Flying Benjamins in Harris Bank!! Did I have to state the obvious?"
"She doesn't know who you are." Vader pointed out.
"She my frickin' sister and a Jedi, what's not to know?"
"Well, she doesn't exactly know you're her brother at that point in the script." Vader said, laughing awkwardly.
"What?? Whose stupidly obvious and stereotypical science fiction destiny idea was that??"
"George's." Owen, Beru, and Vader said in unison.
"Forget cookies. I'm suing George Lucas. I'm not saying the dialogue anymore."
"Wait, Luke you can't just walk off the set!" One of the cameramen called. But Luke was already gone. He knew that his mission was to make sure he never lost cookies due to bad scriptwriting.
He would have gone to sue George Lucas if he hadn't fallen into the Sarlacc pit on his way out. Fortunately the pit was only made of Twizzlers, so it wasn't deadly. Unfortunately, the author conveniently forgot that the first part of the story mentioned that Luke is highly allergic to Twizzlers.
A/N- To Be Continued…