Alone

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know.
That's when she said I don't hate you boy,
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save.

He's surprised when she throws her arms around him after the war.

"Ginny?" he asks, stumbling backward. The Great Hall is in ruins around them.

She's trembling. "Thank God," she says. "Thank God."

"Ginny, erm, are you okay?"

She nods. "And you?"

He nods. "I'm okay."

She redoubles her grip on him. "Dean, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?" He wracks his brains, but there's nothing he can think of that she's done to wrong him. They've hardly spoken a word to each other since she broke up with him last year. "Why?"

"I hurt you."

Again, he wracks his brains. "When you hugged me, just now? No, you didn't."

She lets out a breathless laugh. "When I ended things between us."

"Oh." He shrugs and carefully unwraps her arms from around his neck. "I'm fine now, Gin. It was ages ago."

"But I never said I was sorry." Her eyes are brimming with tears. Over her shoulder, he can see the rest of the Weasleys huddled together around one of the bodies on the floor, and his heart sinks for her. "And I was duelling Bellatrix when it popped into my head - if Dean dies, I will never have said sorry."

He raises his eyebrows. "You were worried about me dying? What about you?"

She shakes her head. "It was just you. Not me. Not Harry. Just you."

"Oh." He shoves his hands in his pockets. "Erm. Ginny. You're a great girl. Being with you was - it was fun, I mean it. But - "

She cuts him off. "No, I'm not asking you to get back together with me. I'm with Harry."

His chest unclenches. "Okay. Good."

"I just wanted to say sorry. You're the only loose end I have."

"Loose end?"

"I said goodbye to everyone before we started. Just in case." A tear spills over the edge of her eye, but she doesn't wipe it away. Maybe she doesn't notice it. "But in the middle of the battle, I realized I never found you."

He tries to smile at her. "You've found me. I didn't die."

(He instantly hates himself for saying the word die, and again his eyes flick to the Weasleys.)

She holds herself together. "I don't hate you," she says. "I'm not sure if you know that, because we didn't stay friends like we said we would. But I didn't hate you."

"Of course I knew." He's not sure if he's lying, but it doesn't matter. "I didn't hate you either. It just wasn't the right path for us."

"Did you love me?" she asks.

He blinks. "Why would you want to - "

"I really need a distraction right now, Dean," she says, and he notices her words get faster when she's trying not to cry. "Did you love me?"

He doesn't know. "Which answer is worse?"

She shrugs. "I want the honest one."

He rubs at the back of his neck. "I dunno if I did or not."

She doesn't say anything for a moment, then: "Well, it's honest, at least."

He laughs. "At the time, yeah, I thought I loved you. But I was sixteen. Who knows at age sixteen?"

To his surprise, it prompts a smile to her lips. "I knew at eleven," she says, and he knows that look in her eyes, that's the Harry Potter look, and he's shocked that he's happy for her.

"I'm glad you broke it off with us," he says. "I don't think I could have."

"Why not?"

"I'm not exactly good at being alone." He licks his lips. "I thought - even if I had realized on my own that it wasn't love, I don't think I would have known how to get out. I would have been too afraid."

Two days ago he would have been embarrassed to admit something like that, but standing in the ruins of the Great Hall, he feels oddly confident that everyone here has known just as much fear as he has.

"Do you still feel alone?" she asks softly.

He shrugs. "Not hopelessly."

"Good."

They're both pretending they can't hear Mrs. Weasley wailing.

"Do you feel alone?" he asks.

She tightens her jaw. "I don't feel anything yet," she says. "And I don't plan to for a long time."

He swallows. "If there's anything I can do, Ginny. . . ."

She blinks hard. "I'm going to go find Luna," she says.

"Not Harry?"

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

She looks up at him, and he's surprised to find he'd nearly forgotten the color of her eyes. "I need a distraction," she whispers, "and he's a reminder."

And as she walks away, Dean finds himself strangely glad to be alone.

[Twelve Days of Christmas Style Challenge: 9 lyrics - "If this ain't love, then how do we get out. Because I don't know."- Rise Against, "Savior"]

[Guess Who?: Surviving the war]