A/N: THIS IS MY FIRST FANFICTION ON THIS WEBSITE. PLEASE ALLOW ROOM FOR ERROR. AND. UM.
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Mario or any of its characters or junk.
Oh, and this is set in Super Mario 64.
An Interview with Mario
I woke up feeling lazy, just like every other morning. I was awake, but didn't actually get out of my bed until five minutes later, which is when I realized I had to interview someone. But I forgot who. It was cold as usual, as I lived in a cabin up on Cool, Cool Mountain with no heating and primitive insulation. I trudged over to the door and put my coat, socks and shoes on, then headed out the door.
As usual, a star randomly appeared and placed itself close to the cliff. That's when I remembered who I was interviewing. I was to meet Mario.
The star gave me an idea. I ran over, best I could in the cold weather, and jumped, hitting my head on the star. It was only a bump. But soon I was uncontrollably dancing. I spun around on one foot, then a weird turtle thing on a cloud holding a camera with a twig and line appeared in front of me and I did a peace sign.
"What… the heck… was that?"
Then I was somewhere else.
I found myself inside a castle with checkered floor patterns on the floor and the occasional red carpet, walls painted with goofy scenery depicting a sky with clouds that have eyes.
Don't ask. I have no clue.
I noticed that there was a staircase in front of me leading to a higher place with three possible choices of doors, two doors easily accessible on the side of the staircase, and two other small staircases designed especially for two other doors. What a weird place this is.
I let it sink in, knowing the whole time that I was taken where I wanted to go. I just hadn't expected a royal castle to look this… childish!
In all seriousness, I had a review to do. I noticed a short person – no, thing with a white mushroom with read spots adorning his head, which I noticed had no ears or nose. He was simply smiling and jumping up and down on two stubby little… feet. There were no legs. He was holding his arms out, hands skyward. He was wearing a blue vest of sorts.
"Um… excuse me… you…"
"What do you want?"
"Where's Mario?" I asked, surprised the thing could talk.
"He's in Bob-Omb Battlefield, backwards. He's getting a star so he can save the princess, backwards."
"Um… not sure I understand the point of doing that backwards, but OK…"
"I know whatcha gonna ask, backwards. You head to that door over there with no number on the star, backwards."
"Do I HAVE to walk backwards?" I already knew the answer.
"No, backwards. I just talk that way, backwards."
"Er… okay. I'll be on my way then."
"Oh, and don't be afraid of hitting your head on the painting, backwards. You'll go right through it, backwards."
"Alright."
By now, I was certain that I never wanted to hear the word 'backwards' ever again.
I made my way towards the door indicated by Mr. Backwards. When I got there, I opened it, finding myself in a room full of red carpet and a wall with virtually no decoration, save for a painting of walking wind-up bombs amidst grass. I climbed the stairs and made a soccer dive into the painting, coming out the other side to find my face in grass. I stood up right in front of a pink bomb. It had eyes, so I figured it could process things…
"Hey, do you know where Mario is?" Couldn't find the ears on the thing, but hey, that Backwards thing could hear me. Anything's possible in this crazy world. It's strange to be me.
"Yo KABOOM! Just make your BAM way to da top KASPLOW of dat KERSPLODE mountain, dawg."
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuh?" said the other bomb, which I had not even noticed.
"Okay, I guess I understand you…" How could those things even talk? I couldn't find a mouth…
MUCH PANTING AND PUMMELING FROM PERFECTLY ROUND EBONY BOULDERS LATER…
"Waha! Noo!" That could only mean Mario was there.
"Hi," I said. Mario replied with a bunch of Italian gibberish I couldn't understand.
"Er… can you speak English?"
"Oh yeah," he replied.
Okay. This was actually getting somewhere. "So, what's your name?" Of course, I already knew this. But I nearly fell because of what he did next.
"Wa," he replied, at the same time pointing at the M on his hat.
"Um, that M could mean anything."
"It's-a me, Mario!" He exclaimed.
That was better. "So, what's your favorite food?"
"Wa," he said before breaking into more Italian gibberish. I felt a sweat bead on my forehead.
"Um, do you like… mushrooms?"
"Oh yeah."
"Are they your favorite food?"
"Noo," he said, then broke into Italian gibberish again.
This wasn't going anywhere, so I tried a different question. "Is Yoshi really your buddy?"
"Oh yeah," he replied.
"Do you think Luigi is funny when he's scared or being idiotic?"
Mario growled, but it sounded funny. Nonetheless, I jumped. I'd probably offended him.
"Touchy subject, I guess. So, do you hate Bowser?"
"No yeah," Mario replied.
"Uh, is that a yes or a no?"
"Wow!" Mario randomly screamed.
"Moving on…" I said. "Do you know any fighting moves besides jumping on top of stuff and throwing fireballs?"
"Ya, wa, HOO!" he said as he punched with his right fist, his left, and then kicked with his right foot.
"Okay. Is there anything else?"
"Stop it! Hammer time!" I heard that voice out of nowhere.
"No need for a demonstration," I said. "Well, thank you for your time, Mario."
Whew… next time, I'll be sure to interview someone who knows how to talk…