Hi all! Decided to write a one shot about how Austin dealt with being banned from performing a terrible s4e8 (when Jimmy was about to change his mind but didn't when he found out that Austin had been performing without his permission)
I get home at around 8. Jimmy had found out about me performing without his permission. But what was I supposed to do? I love music and performing is my life. I didn't think that not performing would be this difficult- I had never though about it as the chances of it happening were very low. I also thought that he would change his mind after a few days- I did make him a lot of money to be fair!
The first few days of not performing weren't too bad. I'd gone a few days without music plenty of times before, which probably explained why it didn't bother me. But when Ally's tour kicked off it got so much worse. I actually couldn't wait for the day until it ended. Seeing Ally perform brought back so many memories of my tour and how much I loved to perform.
What everyone didn't know was that not performing was making me crazy. Everytime something emotional happened to me, I'd write a song (now that I knew how to write), but even before then I'd play my guitar and make up a tune or something. When I was stressed out playing music numbed the pain - it was almost like it kept me sane.
I decide to take a shower to get my mind off things. I grabbed a towel from my draw and began getting undressed, then I got into the shower. I close my eyes and imagine how performing made me feel. I felt like I could do anything when I was on stage. I missed the feeling of getting on that stage when 10,000 fans are chanting your name. They don't even know me, yet they love me. It's an incredible feeling. For the hour and half that I was on stage for on tour I'd forget about everything and just focused on the music. It made me feel indestructible- like whatever anybody said about me or did to me I could let it all out when I sang.
I then realised that I'd been in the shower for almost an hour, so I turned the shower off, put on a vest and some sweatpants and went back into my room. The first thing I saw was the guitar that my parents got me when I turned 16. Next to it was my electric guitar - it was the first thing I bought with my own money. I began to cry. I can't let anyone see me like this. I wipe my eyes clean. I still feel so crap so I call Ally.
"Hey Austin, you okay?" She answers quickly. Almost instantly.
"I...don't...can't..." I begin to cry hysterically.
"I'm on the way, don't worry." She hung up. Ally lives a two minute walk away from mine so she was here fast. I hear a knock on my door, but I'm crying too much to say anything. She comes in anyway.
"Hey what's wrong?" She comes and sits on my bedside, and lifts my head up and wipes the tears away, but they keep coming. I'm having a full on mental breakdown.
"Not...perf...orming...it's making me c...crazy." I manage to get out. She then wraps her arms around me and holds me in her arms. I begin crying hysterically at this point. Ally calms me down.
"You're not crazy Austin. It's normal to be like this - we all know that you love performing. And being told that you can't do it will make you feel like crap."
"It just helped me deal with stuff, you know. Its not easy being in this industry, and music helped me cope." I say very fast, before I break down again.
"You'll get through this. There are so many other labels out there, maybe if they show interest Jimmy will change his mind. You won't be banned forever, don't worry about it." She moved my hair away from my eyes and kissed my forehead. "It's getting late, I'm gonna go and let you sleep. Call me if you need anything." She then leaves. I was exhausted, so I fell asleep quickly.
I don't even know what is happening right now. I'm awake, but can't move a single muscle. I can sense everything around me, but I can't move. I'm completely paralysed. I try and call for help, but no answer. I then begin to panic - I don't know what time it is; everyone could be asleep. Or they could have gone out. I desperately try to get up. No use. I'm paralysed. I then completely give up, until I see something in the corner. I don't know what it is, but I think it wants to harm me.
"Austin" I hear. I then try to move again - it doesn't work.
"Austin" I hear again, only this time I recognise the voice. Ally.
"Ally I can't move." I tell her.
"Yeh you can, you just moved your head. I think you had sleep paralysis." Ally responded. I've never heard of it. "It's when your mind wakes up but your body is asleep, so you feel paralysed."
"That just happened to me, is it normal?" It reassures me that I'm not actually paralysed and that it happened to everyone.
"You've been stressed, so that might have triggered it. And loads of people get it. I just came to wake you up as it's nearly two."
"I slept for that long?" I'm shocked to realise that I slept for almost fourteen hours.
"You're mentally exhausted, you needed that sleep." She replies, helping me out of bed. "You get dressed, I'll take you out for brunch."
"Thanks Ally." She cups my face and kisses me, before leaving so I could get ready.