Summary:

This is a one-shot fanfic that takes place in parallel with the Season 2 Finale episode. It ties in with my other fanfic 'Between the Lines', which covers Serena's six months away at Boarding School and I wrote to fits in seamlessly with the TV Series (apart from the school name and other characters introduced). It's about half-way done but I have started back up with an anticipated completion date of December, 2017. Be sure to favorite it for updates!)

Also, this story is inspired by the song "November Was White, December Was Grey" by the band Say Hi. If you want read with the song playing in the background take a look at the lyric are listed, search for it on Youtube.

Now without further ado...

"Boarding School... is like…"

Serena, Pilot Episode

B: We used to talk about our future. How perfect everything would be, remember?

N: Yeah.

B: What happened? When did… everything get so screwed up? This isn't how it's supposed to be… I feel so…

N: …Lost.

Blair and Nate, Season 2 Episode 19

NYC – A Few Weeks After Graduation

The café was everything Serena loved in the city during the summer: it was outdoors under the sun, noisy, crowded with interesting people to watch. But today, everything felt off. The heat felt oppressive, the noise clogged her ears, and the crowds made her claustrophobic. Even the café's chic menu and excellent cappuccino added to Serena's discomfort, making her sweat.

It was a classic New York summer. Clearly, it was time to leave.

Serena checked her watch for the third time. Nate had interrupted her packing unexpectedly an hour ago to see if she was available for a coffee, but now was ten minutes late, which under normal circumstances would not have mattered much. But she had a flight to catch tonight and still hadn't finished packing.

Cabin fever had got her firmly in its clutches. The craziness of Graduation had been over a week ago, but for Serena that was not enough time. She had caught the summer bug and wanted… well, she wasn't quite sure. She did know where she didn't want to be anymore: the city. It was time to get some distance. She wasn't entirely sure what the next few months would hold, and had no plan apart from a one way ticket to Europe that left that evening, and plans to meet up with a friend from Boarding School in Copenhagen later in the week.

"Serena!" Nate's voice calling her from further up the sidewalk broke the train of her ruminations.

About time, she thought as she waved to him.

She had planned to get out of town earlier this afternoon, and spend a bit more time at the Duty Free shops inside of JFK before departing. But Nate had called her up in the middle of her packing frenzy to see if Serena was free for a quick coffee break and she had obliged. She hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to him since after Graduation and the GossipGirl fiasco – he had been working long hours on his internship and she had been packing for Europe and comforting Blair – frequent trips to Bendels being the key to both.

"Thanks for meeting me," Nate said as he said as he slid into the place in front of her.

From out of nowhere, a waiter appeared at Serena's arm to take their order. They both ordered lemonade and a dessert.

"No problem," Serena continued. "Though I was surprised you wanted to meet now. Don't you still have work? You're a bit overdressed for coffee." She pointed at the suit and tie.

"They let me off early." He replied, not yet wanting to go into the reasons for quitting. She's undoubtedly hear the story later. "I'm meeting up with Vanessa later but I knew you were flying out and figured I had to say goodbye. Who knows when I'll next see you!"

"You make it sound as though I'm going away forever!" Serena laughed. "I have to come back to get ready for school, you know."

"But who knows if I'll be here before you leave. It's not like we're going to school in the same city anymore…" He said, before shoving another bite of his lemon tart into his mouth.

A pang, bittersweet like the chocolate mousse before her, sliced at Serena's heart. Apart from her time away, they had always lived the majority of the year in close physical proximity, even if they weren't always emotionally close

"Well then, you'll just have to come visit me." She smiled sweetly at him as the waiter came back to refill their water glasses.

"So… Europe!" Nate said after the waiter had left. "This is, what, your second summer there?"

"Third. I went the summer after sophomore year too. I'm actually meeting up with an old friend."

"Anyone I know?"

"No, her name's Ashley Crawford. We went to boarding school together."

"Well no wonder I've never heard of her." He took a contemplative sip of water. "You know, you never really did tell me what it was like out there. You were gone for what? Nine months?"

"Yeah, including summer break. I started that January of our sophomore year, and left a few weeks into the fall of our junior year."

"Not that much to tell, then."

"Nope." Just more than you can imagine. Serena thought.

"What was it like?"

She stopped mid-bite, her mousse hovering over the plate. "You know, no one's ever asked me that."

"Really?" Nate asked.

"Yeah. Well, you remember how crazy everything was when I got back. No one really took the time to ask how it was, and pretty soon it was like I had never left. Besides, you have to keep moving forward, right?" The pain she had experienced coming back was all tied up in the horror that was that first week. But she had succeeded in burying both successfully under the onslaught drama of the next semester.

Nate echoed her sentiments. "God, I remember that week. It was so messed up."

"I know." Serena said. "Sometimes I can't believe we made it out alive. But here we are."

"And into two fabulous colleges!" Nate added. "But, isn't it a bit ironic?

"How so?"

"Just… everything ended up working out for us. We got our act together much later than most. I mean, look at Blair: from day one, basically, she had her heart set on Yale. And Dan, he worked for years to get into Dartmouth. And yet, for all that planning, they ended up going to NYU. Where as we…"

"…got into both places and are going to our first choices." Serena finished.

"Well, you are." Nate replied. "I don't think I ever had a first choice, really. My father first, and later my Grandfather, had their heart set on Dartmouth and then all these ideas about my future – what they wanted for me. So, for years I never thought about my choices – everything was decided for me."

Nate's eyes bored into Serena's, the intensity of his revelations making his gaze even more intense than usual. "But getting into Columbia… it was the first thing I've ever done on my own. No help, no connections, I won't ever have to wonder if I didn't deserve it; I earned it."

There was joy there, and pride. Neither of which Serena remembered seeing much of in recent years.

Serena broke their gaze. Nate's pronouncements had dug up all the thoughts she had suppressed thinking about during the final hectic weeks of the spring term: her future. She had to turn away, she didn't want him to see the uncertainty still lurking there. As she struggled to gather her thoughts, Nate continued.

"No one believed in us at the beginning. I think my mom's amazed I managed to make it to graduation, given everything that's happened over the past two years. In the end, we won."

"Or maybe we just got lucky." Serena said, stirring her lemonade. "Since when was it ever a competition?"

"Well, Dan and I competed over Dartmouth for a while… and over you, if you remember."

She laughed and punched his arm in jest. "Well, you've both lost that competition."

"And Blair, who always belittled your intelligence, is going to NYU. Who'da thought our freshman year that life would end up working out like that?"

"Now that I think of it, even I'm even amazed…" Serena admitted. "But then again, for the first half of high school I didn't really care what happened."

"Yeah, you were kind of ridiculous."

"You had your moments too, you know!"

"Yes, but you were always the party animal… until you came back from boarding school, I suppose… so, what that it?"

Serena's spoon clattered to the glass. "What was what?"

"Boarding school – is that what made you change?

The answer that sprung immediately to mind was not the one she expected.

Damn, it was boarding school, wasn't it?

Pete's death and her betrayal of Blair was what made her realize that she needed to change, but it didn't change her. The experience of going away to Boarding School, living on her own and away from her past, it facilitated her transformation. Running away. Starting over. Relapsing. The truth coming out. Almost getting expelled and seeing her best friend take the rap for her... she had made some enemies, and yet had found friends that stood by her despite everything. Ashley, Kim, Damian, Ben and... Jack. She shook her head to dislodge thoughts their last night together. But her mind continued to drift back, not for the first or last time, to that winter. To the bare fields. To the drama. To the scene of her rebirth over an odd and yet utterly life changing six months. She struggled even now to fit those six months into the rest of her 18-odd years of New York city existence... She would have to talk this out with Ashley that summer.

Nate looked at her quizzically. "Hey, where'd you go?"

"Sorry, what did you ask?"

"What changed you?"

But the truth was too complicated to explain. So she found the next best answer. One that he of all people wouldn't question.

"Dan. What makes you ask?"

"Because I was curious. And, well, because I'm wondering the same thing about my life. The other day, Blair wondered, 'What happened to the Nate Archibald, who just wanted to get high and play Halo?' And I didn't know then, but now that I've had a week, I've realized that it was people. My dad being so irresponsible these past two years, for one thing. Vanessa, on another level. My dad showed me what the path I was on could lead to, and she was really there for me that last week. Vanessa helped me a lot through that time, and if I changed at all, it was partially under her influence. I guess she made me want to grow up."

"She's a force of nature – I can see how she could have turned you around." She said, her thoughts drifting back to Jack. "In fact..."

But she was forced to break off as Nate's phone let out a sharp buzz. After reading the text he stood up. "I'm so sorry, Serena, but I have to run, i promised I'd meet up with Vanessa for a drink and I'm already late. I think all the cab drivers have gone on vacation."

"Well, far be it from me to stand in the way of true love!" Serena said, secretly relieved to have an end to this conversation.

"It was great to see you." Nate said, giving her a tight hug. She hugged him back and held him for a few minutes longer than normal, trying to communicate all the things unsaid. And when the transfer is complete, she let go.

"Hey," Said Nate." if you end up finding yourself in Vienna, or Monaco, or anywhere, really, give me a call. With Gossip Girl still keeping tabs on us, no doubt you'll know where I am."

"Haha, of course. I will." She murmured, sitting back down to watch him depart.

The rest of the packing went smoothly. Contrary to popular belief, she could travel light and make do with less. It was something that Blair had never understood about her. She rolled her one suitcase onto the pavement as the driver pulled up. Sunglasses and passport in hand she was more than ready for the driver to load the luggage into the limo.

Just before she got into the limo she took a moment to gaze up at the skyscrapers surrounding her. She let out a sigh of relief that she didn't know she had been holding. It was time to finally get moving.

"Serena!"

She turned towards the voice, and through the hustle and bustle of New York's UES sidewalk traffic came running the last last person she expected to show up.

"Carter?" She exclaimed."Aren't you supposed to be in Dubai?"

"You know you can't loose me for long. Where you headed?"

Serena shrugged. "Everywhere."

"I have something you might want to know before you go."

"I hope it doesn't have to do with Blair…"

"No, it has to do with you. It's about Santorini, what you were looking for there. While I was on the trip you so graciously gave me, I uh, found it again. Only it's not in Santorini anymore, it's in Fiji. At least it was last week."

He handed her the P.I. report. As she scanned over the document and registered what the words meant written there, she felt the pavement tilt under her.

"You found my father?"

But as the words left her mouth, she regained her footing and her mind landed on what it really wanted. The true cure for her restlessness. It was a split second decision, but it would change everything. She would have to change her tickets at the airport, and call Ashley… but she would mother wouldn't, so she didn't even think of consulting her. Figuring out her more recent past would have to wait. It was time to focus on her family.

"Get in." She said. "Let's go."

Hope you enjoyed! If you'd like to find out more about Serena's boarding school shenanigans, be sure to take a look at my other fanfiction "Between the Lines: the Boarding School Semester" It's in progress with a completion date of December 2017! Next Update should be out later this month.

XOXO,

Lily Jacobs