YOOO! To everyone who's been following the series so far, thank you for reading, reviewing, and tolerating the headaches you must get after reading my style of writing.
To anyone who is starting out with this Arc, I usually go by Dpiddy, I've been cosplaying Deadpool variations for a long time and this is my first fanfic series. In a nutshell , Eris, the goddess of discord hires Deadpool to different worlds in an infinite number of realities. The one's he goes to , are filled with entities (superohero main character types) striving to extinguish chaos ( Beating up bad guys). So Deadpool goes to these worlds to bring chaos and disorder in balance with harmony. This in turn makes people fearful that their lives could end at anytime, and that gives Eris her powers. For his services, Deadpool wants Eris, with her word as a goddess, to void his past discretions from his memories. He gets flashbacks that would be debilitating to a soldier, but the way his healing factor and cancer cells keep duking it out, he can tolerate them. Plus he has his personalities to distract him from getting overwhelmed. If he loses his healing factor, his PTSD makes him sane…but crazy…if that makes any sense.
So far, my first arc brought him to Jump City in the World of Teen Titans, Equestria in MLP: Friendship is Magic, and Ooo in Adventure Time. Now he's inside wall Rose post battle of Trost. If you've only seen the anime watch out, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. I'm piecing a few events from the manga and OVA to recreate how the events were to unfold if Deadpool showed up. These places I send Deadpool to are suggested by people who PM me or suggest it in the review section, so don't be shy to share your thoughts and suggestions as well. No flames please, no negative vibes, and be gentle.
OH BTW. Just so no one gets confused.
*Anything inbetween the asterisks is Personality#1 talking to Deadpool in his mind*
(Parentheses indicate Personality #2)
These represents sounds outside the conversation
** Asterisks in the dialogue is the sound or actions made by the person indicated by
Deadpool:" *Thumbs up* THIS!
Italics indicate singing
And finally Bold Print will indicate the personalities talking to Deadpool in his head so no one get's confused.
ENJOY!
Deadpool: Agent of Chaos- Deep fried wings of freedom.
Wall Maria, Rose, and Shina. What some call a "back handed gift from God" , others embraced it, and deemed the walls to be gifts for humanity. All three were set up in layers, built thick enough for a corpse and a half eaten soldier to lay across. Going deeper in the layers, the walls obviously get smaller, but 200 foot walls at most 500 miles around its perimeter, is not small at all especially to Titans, God's other gift to humanity. Humanoid creatures 50 to 10 feet tall in constant feral state. Their one goal is to eat humans, for the sake of eating them. Not for sustenance, or as an act of terror.
A bird's eye view of the walls depicts them almost like the rings in tree bark, except age has nothing to do with it. The inner circle, was the inner circle for the rich, Military Police, as well as the king. The king and the corrupt fat cats in the government are protected by Wall Shina, the pupil on God's eye as it were. Ironically, these are the movers and shakers of every district in all three walls, they commanded an army with the altruistic nature of a suicide bomber, yet they've never seen a Titan for over a century. Like Gautama Buddha , measures were placed, to hide the dark truth of humanity.
Wall Maria, the outer most wall. Home to the "Bravest Soldiers" in humanity, except they're just peasants who took bribes from the government to live in these sardine can shaped districts. Why are they brave? Because getting slaughtered by Titans is not only possible, it's guaranteed. Any District that's a part of Wall Maria is designated first contact point. Humans there serve to distract Titans, in the event of a breach. And they did , and 10,000 people we're devoured, with the rest retreating to Wall Rose.
Titans invaded Wall Rose 5 years later, after losing Wall Maria to them, the humans fought, and won. Eren Jaeger, at the time was a trainee striving to join the Scout Regiment, who was responsible for man kind's first victory against the Titans. Now he was the subject of an investigation and was waiting for his Tribunal in a Prison cell, chained like an animal on a rickety bed, eating bread and water as if the entire district ran out of both. Amnesia hit him hard, he couldn't remember what happened that day. It wasn't until Scout Regiment Commander Erwin Smith and Captain Levi took a seat in chairs about an arm's length away from Eren's cell bars.
After Eren's hearing, the decision was made for his immediate entry into the Survey Crop under Squad Captain Levi. Not lightly , considering religious influences within the Military and Eren's eminent threat level among humans. However Captain Levi's brutish methods to sway the vote caused damage to Eren, so he was being treated for bruises and a broken tooth. Those healed as soon as he was examined. It was becoming apparent to Eren that after hearing what had happened, all the accusations, blurred memories, and words of murderous and blasphemous anarchy, that it was all true.
Eren has the ability to encase himself in the exact anatomy of a 50 foot Titan, and now everyone knows it. From the 104 trainees squad whose lives were saved when Eren ripped through every Titan that tried to kill them, to the people in attendance in the Tribunal throwing garbage at his paralyzed body calling him a monster. The thought of sharing similar traits with something so terrible, made Eren sick. He stays strong in hopes that he can get into his father's basement, who apprantly is responsible for Eren's transformation, and to use his newly discovered ability to win mankind's war against the Titans.
Levi and Erwin had to make one more stop before they could play with Eren's Titan form. While Eren was being Examined after Levi beat the living piss out of him, they headed back to the prison cells. They had one more Titan related issue to settle. Both officers sat back down in their seats to question the new occupant in Eren's old cell. He was about 210lbs of scars tissue and mouth. Some parts of his body resembled the Colossal Titan's( the 200 foot Titan who broke through both walls) exposed muscle, porcelain white eyes like the Armored Titan ( Broke through the first wall with the Colossal Titan) with regenerating powers of every Titan possessed. The tone of the prisoners skin went from peach to blood red, not a common feature among Titans, but shared with some. Captain Levi was biting his lip, if only to let Erwin have the first word in, because all he saw was another Titan variant he wanted to slice open. Erwin cleared his throat and addressed the prisoner as professionally as a human could without a blade.
Erwin:" If you can understand me," he nodded," do what I just did, if you can't or don't understand," he was interrupted by Levi
Levi:" That tells us, not only are you an idiot, but an invalid."
Erwin:" Levi," Erwin said slightly irritated," We're just trying to establish communication, my name is Erwin Smith, 13th commander of the Scout Regiment, this is one of my Squad leaders, Captain Levi," Levi nodded and spit in the prisoners cell. Ewrin just continued with the introductions," You're arrival aroused many interested parties, but due to recent events, we don't know if this occasion deserves celebration or a stronger look at our security."
Levi:" Titans keep getting through our walls and eating my men, if that means cutting your head off , I won't even hesitate," Levi hunched forward let the prisoner know he was serious. His voice grew deeper as his eyes were shrouded In darkness from the lighting," in 60 second you have to convince me otherwise."
Deadpool:" CH, HAH!, Way to the pressure on stubby," Metal shackles rattled on Deadpool's wrists as he clapped his hands to and rubbed them in anticipation. Levi just gave Deadpool the Green Light.
*FIRST CHAPTER, FIRST ROAST OF THESE TWO IJITS, AND WE'RE RATED M FOLKS*
( 60 seconds two make these guys crap the sticks out of their asses, Ready….GO!)
Deadpool:" First off, Ewrin was it?" Deadpool points to Ewrin, who nodded yes," Sorry, it's just that I look at you and wonder if you're the bastard child of Ozymandias from 'Watchman' and Adolf Hitler. What happened, did the mean ol Nazis not approve of daddy's "lifestyle"? I bet Ozymandias punched you with face with his abs and called you the "Knot that couldn't be aborted." So you lived amongst the Jews, finger banged Anna Frank till the war was over. Tell me, does the word וואַגינע( Yiddish for Pussy) pop up when you pick your nose and take a whiff?"
Levi:" Waiting time feeding your ego eh?," Levi stood up move closer to his cell, giving his trademark blank gaze." You should've left your ego with that Titan you flew out of, with that explosion that left.." he was interrupted.
Deadpool:" Oh, Don't get me started Captain Shorty, Mr. 'I don't have a woman,'" Deadpool pulled off his blanket that was draped over him in his prison bed," You are a dead ringer for Napoleon's gay sister if it wasn't for your Christian Bale Batman accent," he started mimicking Levi's voice," 'MY PARENTS ARE DEAD'…HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!"
This didn't faze Levi at all. Levi was a 5 foot 3 inches of Titan slicing skills and is dubbed humanity's strongest soldier. Given his blank expression, he must have seen a lot death, so Deadpool had no effect on him.
Levi:" Twenty seconds left smart ass."
Deadpool:" Choke on a bag of baby dicks," Deadpool started throwing gang signs at Levi," I have no idea what a Titan is, I blew up whoever's stomach so I wouldn't fucking melt like a Menthos in root beer,…..OH and let's not forget that you punched me flat on my taint then told me clean everything, I swallowed my pride and did it, then you lock me up and got me chained to a bed like Kathy Bates in Misery. Other than setting off an explosive device in public, LIKE A BOSS, ya got nothing to charge me with. But if I was a Titan, you two ass-butts get to share cell for unlawful confinement, kidnapping and every frikin POW law. Unless joking with intent to humiliate is a crime, get me out of this these cuffs and tell me what the hell a Titan is so I can shake it's hand for being the proverbial sticks in both your asses. Otherwise .….I'm gonna beat-up Levi here till he sweat his perm out. Then I'm fittin to pop the trunk on your bitch ass, WIGGA!"
Levi:" Erwin, I need 10 minutes alone with this shit head." He said in frustration
Deadpool:" Ooooo," Deadpool made sounds as if he was scared," bring it on half pint."
Erwin:" LEVI!," He stood up and raised his voice to his subordinate," Stand down now,"
Levi let go of the cell bars, but he kept staring at Deadpool, causing him to back pedal at the head of his bed. Erwin grabbed Levi's arm and pulled him to the side where they could talk privately.
*Did they just ditch us?*
( I think that one guy might not like us)
Deadpool:" Ah..Did I hurt the widdle soldier feewings," he was talking to Levi as if he were an infant and loud enough for him to hear it" If it makes any difference, you sure as shit gave my fist a boner," he flips his guards off.
Guard #1:" Do you have any idea who you just pissed off?"
Deadpool:" Hmm," he tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. For some reason his eyes followed across it.
Guard #2:" HEY," The guard gets angry and used the butt of his rifle to rattle the bars," you're in a lot of trouble you monster….," Deadpool ignored him as he kept lokkng at the ceiling from his bed," WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT?"
Deadpool:" It's amazing, I can see them," Deadpooll started counting whatever he was seeing with his pointer finger," It's all the FUCKS I GIVE! One fuck, two fuck , red fuck blue fuck," he continued," black fuck, blue fuck, old fuck, new fuck"
As Deadpool counted fucks, Levi and Erwin were having a private conversation about Deadpool. Erwin wanted to convey the idea to recruit Deadpool into the Survey Corp Eren just joined. He was a true strategist in the context of using Deadpool as an asset. Having Eren's Titan powers gave humanity a fighting chance, just imagine the worth of a soldier that could survive the insides of a Titan. Levi however wanted to cut of his and mount it at the end of his broom.
Levi:" If you think I'm supporting this half ass plan you cooked up at the last minute, forget it," Levi leaned on the dungeon wall right next to a torch.
Erwin:" Have you even considered that he might be telling the truth?, " Erwin copied Levi and leaned on the wall opposite of the half pint hero." You just assumed he was a Titan, but you said he set off an explosive in its stomach. Titans don't have any other orifice other than the mouth, most likely he was eaten and is suffering trauma and memory loss."
Deadpool:" GUYS," he shouted in a 3rd grader tone," You missing all the fucks I give. Some fucks are sad and some are glad. And some are very, fucking bad. Why are they sad, bad, and fucking glad, I don't know, ask your dad."
Levi:" Most likely huh?," Levi closed his eyes and shook his head in pity," That sounds more like an infant's attempt to get attention."
Deadpool:" GUUYYYSS, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING, Some fucks are fast, some fucks are slow, some fucks are high and some fucks are low, not one fucking fuck, is like another. Don't ask us why, go ask your FUCKER! HAH!"
Erwin:" Levi, the report said his flesh was regenerating after the acid did damage. Eren's Titan abilities and this gentleman's healing abilities. You don't just throw away a gift like that."
Levi:" A gift you can give back, you want him me to trust him with my men, how stupid does that sound?"
Erwin:" Levi, the people have gone through enough. Eren managed to escape a public execution. Imagine the chaos the will ensue if they find out about this guy."
Levi:" Which is why we should kill him and be done with it. One more freak won't make a difference if it decides to go against us."
Erwin:" Exactly, Eren is getting better at controlling his Titan form. If the prisoner poses a threat, we'll have Eren get rid of him. If they both turn into threats, well….we took a risk accepting Eren in the Scout Regiment, one more won't make a difference."
Levi:" So you're just gonna trust him, trust him with my men and trust him to willing serve the Military? We just met the idiot, but you're letting him join us just because he's like Eren? When did you take risks as big as letting Eren and whoever this guy is? You're a risk taker, it's part of the job, this however , is suicide with a punch line."
Erwin:" Levi," He took a deep breath to calm his nerves," I'm tired of this. All of it," Ewrin pinched in between his eyes, as if to avoid crying." Living a life of constant survival and paranoia, is not worth living. I lost Marie to Nile, we've been through two Titan breaches in led than a decade, and now Eren and this prisoner have Titan abilities. This is getting us nowhere, but those two might be are chance to make the human race dominant again. Besides, I already got the approval from Darius Zackly to recruit the captive if he was of any value."
Levi:" *sigh*, you'll do it regardless of what I say anyway, GUARD," Levi summoned a guard to his side," Get Hange to examine him, I want all my fucks in a row…"
Deadpool:" HAH, I HEARD THAT!
Levi:" Grrr, " he didn't catch himself using Deadpool's metaphor," Just get the shitty-glasses over here."
Guard #1:" YES SIR," He gave a salute and went off.
Levi:" Oy," He walked back over to Deadpool's cell," That shit you had with you, the pouches and your weapons?"
Deadpool:" Oh yeah, where are they?"
Levi:" Locked up, but my Commander thinks you might be some kind of soldier with amnesia. So…are you a soldier?"
*Hey, play along. Amnesia is the perfect excuse to ask a butt load of questions. We'll get enough intel on this joint and get things started*
( If anything they'll just assume we're stupid)
Deadpool:" Yeah, I served my government , but now I'm just servicing myself, that came out wrong. And yes, my memory is getting a little fuzzy."
Levi:" Fine, we'll have one of our men debrief you on what's happeing now."
Deadpool:" Are you hitting on me. 'Debrief?' That's all I'm wearing at the moment so if you paln on pealing these off you better make it worth my while."
Levi:" Be grateful. You'd be Titan fodder if it weren't for Erwin."
Deadpool:" Fine I'm grateful, but what exactly do you guys want me to do."
Levi:" I want you dead, but we suffered a huge loss in soldiers, so we're drafting you in the Scout Regiment."
Deadpool:" Drafting….COME ON!"
Levi:" No one's forcing you, the other option is keeping you in this cell until you die or join us."
*Dude, he's making us soldiers in whatever crap military they got here*
(That means military issued fire arms, the good shit)
Deadpool:" I'm cool with that, use me however you see fit,"
Levi:"…," Levi scowled at the thought of working with this nutbar.
Deadpool:" DO you ever smile? Remember , a smile is just a horizontal pussy. So let one ride your face okay buddy?"
SLAM
News spread fast about Deadpool within the military grapevine of rumors. Hange was the latest to hear about him, which drove her to Deadpool's cell, slamming against the bars.
Hange:" OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S SO CUTE," her arms flayed in between Deadpool's cell bars. She was like the kid at a museum that wanted to touch everything," A WIDDLE BABY TITAN," She started talking to Deadpool like an infant.
Deadpool:" BITCH," he was back peddling towards the headboard of the bed," Guys, pretend I'm an idiot and explain what a Titan is so this bitch tries to put me in diapers. "
Hange:" How cute," she was in her own little world," He thinks he's people."
Ewrin:" Titans," Erwin walked back to Deadpool's cell." are the creatures we're currently fighting against. Their anatomy resembles that of a human, except they don't have any major organs aside from their stomach. They can regenerate from any life threatening injury we inflict. As for their height, anywhere from 10-200 feet, in fact that's why Levi's unit started to panic. You're exposed muscles on parts of your body is a dead giveaway for the Colossal Titan, the one who kicked down our walls that have protected us for over a century. That's who we think you are"
*We don't act like that do we?*
( Breaking down walls…regeneration …um…."we're dead Jim")
Deadpool:" Whoa Whoa," Deadpool waved his hands rapidly side to side, and looks at Hange," you think I'm a Colossal asshole?"
Hange:" HIS FIRST CUSS WORD," She started crying," Short-ass, our baby is growing up so fast,"
Levi:" *facepalm* women, in case you forgot, Titans don't have genitals. This idiot blasted himself…."He was interrupted.
Deadpool:" Hold on a sec, let me show you something," before he could plant his foot down, Deadpool's shackles pulled back, causing him to trip on the floor with his lower body hanging off the bed," Can I get out of these things, if you want me to join your homo erotic band of donut punchers then we need to establish a "trust tree" and grow it until it's ready to smoke, ya feelin me boss?"
Hange looked back at Erwin with sad puppy eyes. She wanted Deadpool free. It didn't matter if he was a Titan or human. He was unique, and to her , was worthy of further examination.
Ewrin:" Guards, unlock his gate and shackles, aim your rifles throughout this examination. "
Guard #1&2:" Yes sir." Guard #1 fiddle with his keys and maged to get Deadpool's cell gate unloked. Guard #2 kept his rifle lock on to Deadpool just in case. Guard #1 unlocked Deadpool's shackles and returned to aim at him with his rifle as well. Erwin nodded to Hange, signaling her to exam Deadpool.
Deadpool:" Okay," Deadpool takes his blanket and hangs it over the bars of his gate," first we need some privacy."
Levi:" Hange…." He muttered under his breath in anger.
Hange:*behind the blanket/curtain* " Chill out Levi, if he tries to eat me I'll show mercy."Ewin, Levi, and the guards couldn't see what was happening in Deadpool's cell, but they could hear what he was saying.
Deadpool:" Hi there, Wade Wilson," He offers his hand as a good gesture.
Hange:" OOH, I'm Zoë Hange," she clasps both of her hands on Deadpool's and shook with all her might. Deadpool managed to get his hand back, and looked at Hange.
Deadpool was still in his boxers, without his suit after it was destroyed inside the titan. You can count the women who've seen Deadpool au natural with the lights on , on one hand. For him, meeting women usually ended with a restraining order or a slap in the face. Hange stood there and went into fangirl mode.
Hange:" Ok, so to verify that you,"
Deadpool:" WAIT," He interrupted Hange," I've got my own way, you said Titans don't have organs right?"
Hange:" *nods*"
Levi paced back and forth wondering what Hange was doing to Deadpool. Hope it hurts the bastard he thought. This guy wasn't like Eren…he looks like he's in titan form, but Eren reverts back to his weak ass size. Then Hange spoke from behind the curtain/blanket.
Hange:" HOLY SHIT!, " She put her hands over her mouth in embarrassment," Guys, he's not a titan, but he does have a colossal umm organ.
Levi:" What did he show you? Did you cut yourself open to show her what's inside your scab of a body?"
Deadpool:" Noooope!"
Levi:" Wait," he starting to think like Deadpool," …YOU IDIOT, DID YOU TAKE OFF YOUR UNDERWEAR?!,"
Guard #1:" Uhh, I don't think the penis is an organ."
Deadpool:" HEY, THIS IS NOT A PENIS, THAT'S A LOOOOOONG DICK!"
*Skin flute, that's an organ right?*
_A few days later, at the Military Training Facility_
Deadpool was released from prison, but had an escort to the Training Facilities. The Hange and two guards traveled with Deadpool to get his training started. During their journey, Hange told Deadpool about her research, and basically summarized the history of Titans. She offered him her sketch book to see what they looked like. From what Hange drew, they did look like Deadpool. When asked about his "amnesia," Deadpool gave a sob story about how his wife and kids were eaten killed by something he couldn't remember, then after miraculousy learning about Titans, he remembered it was the Titans who ate his family while he was out plowing the town sperm dumpster. It was all fake of course,
Deadpool was mobbed after he set foot on military soil. They wanted him in clothes before he did something stupid again. He was fitted with pale white shirt, with a short borwn jacket over it with the Recruit symbol on the back. The pants were fitted with buckles and knee high brown boots. Hange grabbed Deadpool by the arms and dragged him down for "boot camp" traintraining.
Deadpool:" BUT I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL," He cried while flailing his boots on the ground, this cause a dirt cloud to form , making every eye in the Training area focused on Deadpool.
Hange:" Yyyyou *huff* are going *gasp* or I gut you know and play with your insides," she struggled trying to pull Deadpool. Luckily Deadpool found the motivation to go. In the distance he saw the Baracks. Right now what's left the 104th are still living there, including a certain blond that caught his eye.
Deadpool:" Booya!, " He pulled his arms back to do a kick up," Excuse me."Deadpool dashed towards his new found interest.
*BOOTY HAD ME LIKE . *
( Hmm, 5 foot 4…a little more than 100 pounds…..I don't know, I can't tell if she's over. )
Deadpool:" Guess I'll just have to wing it," Without alerting the blond women, Deadpool moved behind her," Hey their pop-tart, care to get toasted?" he made his move and smacked her butt.
?:"*GASP," She turned around to see Deadpool's shit eating grin," HOLY CRAP YOU'RE A TITAN!," the blond fell on her now sore buttocks in fear.
Deadpool:" I'm not a , HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A DUDE," Deadpool did the same.
Hange:" I see you've met Armin," She managed to catch up before it went further. Her attention was directed at Armin. " It's okay Armin, he's not a Titan, he's just in bad shape. And Armin, This is Wade Wilson, and ummm sorry wade, but Armin is a guy."
Deadpool:" Never speak of this again," He pointed at Armin," Are we clear?" Squinting one eye with the trademark raised eye brow on the other. That was the guy code for 'It doesn't count, cause I thought you were a chick.'
Armin:" ….,"he froze and trembled at Deadpool's resemblance to the Colossal Titan. It wasn't even a week after the battle for Trost, but now thoughts of decapitated Titans, Eren saving him by getting swallowed, being ambushed by Titans in their own headquarters, loomed over Armin consciousness.
Mikasa:" ARMIN," She shouted running to Armin's aid.
*Please tell me that's a chick.*
(Glob I hope so. If not we may have to consider the possibility that we are operating with a Gay-dar)
Mikasa:" You," She was wearing her 3D maneuvering gear. Deadpool looked at her "equipment" and was impressed. Mikasa retaliated once she caught a glimpse of who was bullying Armin. " You!"
Deadpool:" Me?"
Mikasa:" What are you?"
Jean:" MIKASA GET AWAY, THIS IS THE BABY TITAN LEVI CAUGHT!"
Jean sprinted in between Deadpool and Mikasa, shielding her from any and all attacks. Hange wanted to intervene, but she looked around and saw that Jean's calling Deadpool a Titan brought an audience circling around them. Officers and Trainees wanted to know if this was the man/titan they've been gossiping about.
Connie:" KICK HIS ASS MIKASA!"
Jean:" Huh," he looked back at Connie Springer.
Sasha:" NO MERCY MIKASA!"
Jean:" Wait what?" Now everyone was cheering on Mikasa to assault Deadpool. To Jean, that was a punch in his pride balls. They either thought Mikasa was the only one to kill him , or they assumed Jean was the weakest. Either way , it was a bystander cock block effect.
Deadpool:" ENOUGH!," He yelled at the top of his lungs, it was even louder than Jean's warning. He started to take his jacket and shirt , leaving only his slacks, a few belts, and boots.
Deadpool was shirtless, and without a mask. Everyone who gathered around to watch his antics, gasped at how Deadpool looked. His scar tissue, skin, eyes. Every detail had similarities to most Titans, but Deadpool didn't care. In fact, he thought this would be a good way to fuck with everyone so Eris would get her good vibes of chaos. Then he looked at everyone's shocked expressions around him, squinting his eyes at fearful faces yelling profanity. He thought, why would Death and Eris pick this place? From what Hange told him, the Titans were the dominant race, and humans lived in fear because of it. It was chaotic enough, so why keep "beating the dead horse", as it were.
Deadpool:" Folks," he addressed the audience," Am I the ass-hat that was captured by Levi la Pew? Yes, but I'm getting sick of repeating myself like a broken record. Let's talk Turkey."
Sasha:" TURKEY!"
*Ok, check another one off the bucket list*
( Checking off " Girl's Gone Wild Over White Meat")
Deadpool:" Yeah," he pounded his in a gang salute fashion," She's got the idea people, so to end this , I'm gonna need a knife."
Hange:" Wade," She said in an up-down tone," What are you doing?"
Deadpool:" Kill two birds with one ,"
PSSSHH
CLUNK
Deadpool:" Kah-nife," His speech started to get more jumbled and random than usual.
Hange:" *Gasp* that is incredible!," She was referring to the 3D-mauveirng grappling hook sticking out of Deadpool's head. The hook went straight through while the barbs stuck to the sides of Deadpool's face, buried in his skin and drawing blood faster than an I.V. Hange didn't even notice who fired off the hook. It was Mikasa. She gritted her teeth while unfastening her belt that connected the Piston to her waste, letting the operating device to spin the iron wire back up on its axel. It smashed Deadpool's face in, sending bits of bone and grey matter around him with a shower of blood. The kickback back made him fall on his butt once more. As if he didn't have enough problems, now every time he sits down, he's gonna remember this moment.
Hange:" WADE!, I NEED BOLT CUTTERS NOW!," She shouted at anyone who would help.
Sasha:" FINISH HIM OFF MIKASA!"
Mikasa was ready to kill again. She almost lost Eren twice and wasn't about to let this Titan variant near him or the team. She also removed her shirt and jacket with the rest of the 3D gear not in Deadpool's head. Eyes were glued on Mikasa when she grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. It wasn't her black bra that drew attention, it was her sweat drenched abs glistening of her stomach. She brought her arms up to defend her face and slowly maneuvering around Deadpool. Hange tried to tell her that the fun was over , but no one heard her over the crowds cheers for Mikasa to put Deadpool down. Suddenly, a cool breeze passed by, and she saw a pair of bolt cutters next to her legs.
Hange:" What the hell," Confused, but grateful to whoever sent them. She picked them up and started to cutting the wire. Eventually she got through and the hook slipped out the back of Deadpool's head.
The people started yelling at Hange, calling her a traitor and that her love for Titans has gone too far. That was silenced when they saw Deadpool regenerating faster than a 50 foot Titan. In less than a minute, Deadpool's bones were resent and his brain regenerated. He was conscious again, which compelled him to find the nearest thing that could cut something. Deadpool grabbed the bolt cutters from hange, holding a handle in each hand. Hange watched as Deadpool guided the bolt cutter on the back of his neck, a titans only weak spot, and snipped a huge piece off. Armin cringed a bit after hearing parts of his spine crunch. Blood trailed on Deadpool's back like a water fall.
Mikasa:" It, killed itself," She was shocked that a Titan knew anything about suicide.
Reiner:" Why did you give her the bolt cutters ?" Reiner stood on the porch of the barracks with Annie and Bertolt.
Annie:" I wanted to see what would happen," Her voice carried no emotion, only curiosity.
Bertolt:" Do you…wel I mean.. do you think he's like Eren?" he asked nervously
Reiner:" He's a warrior, but don't think he is."
Annie:" I guess his regeneration powers must be some fluke, but the universe is rarely that lazy."
A small voice came out of Deadpool's mouth as he dropped the bolt cutters, still on his knees and bleeding.
Deadpool:" Wah hah hah," It sounded like a single toothed goblin," I shall now reveal my true form, for you have awakened," People were to dumbfounded to notice Deadpool slipping his hand down his pants," THE COLOSSAL," he screamed while using his other arm to unzip his pants. A fist suddenly shot out of it," DICK! OH NO, IT BROKE THROUGH WALL ZIPPER, QUICK THROW BALLS AT THE HOLE TILL IT'S PLUGGED," He contied to sound like a scared child, then he opened his hand that stuck out his pants," AHHHH, OOOH NOOO,IT GREW 4 EXTRA HEADS AAND CAN SPIT IN YOUR EYE ACROSS AN ENTIRE CROWD OF PEOPLE FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN BEING A COLOSSAL …DICK! HAAAAAAAHHHHAAAHH, " He gave his best Pee Wee Herman laugh.
Hange:" WADE!," she whispered in a a high pitched tone to express her annoyance," Why didn't you let me cut the nape of your neck?" now she was frustrated and pouted while sitting Indian style with her arms crossed.
Deadpool:" Oh come on, that was funny," He look around to see a bunch of confused faces. Sasha threw up as soon as she heard the crunch. Armin did too, but swallowed it instead," You all got that right?" He was waving his hand that went through his zipper," This was a dick," His hand waved to everyone," the hand was the dick, the pants were the wall…..nobody got that?"
Next time, we'll see why Eris sent him to Wall Rose, Deadpool has limited time to train before the next expedition, Annie decides to have fun with Deadpool, more fun with the rest of the 104th squad, and Mikasa VS Deadpool with narration and commentary by Deadpool's Personalities.