A/N yes, ANOTHER story. Six stories in three days? Must be some sort of new record... Whatever, my muse is back and I intend to fully exploit that. And if that means that I get to write more, and you guys get more stories, then who's complaining? :) ~Sammy

Sam,

I know we've drifted apart. I know that we're not what we were all those years ago.

I know that, no matter what, no matter how many roads are eaten up underneath these wheels, no matter how many jokes we crack, no matter how many shoulder bumps and back slaps and hugs we share, it's never going to be the same.

Too much shit has gone down.

And damn it Sammy, that hurts.

I can' take it back, and I'm not sure I even want to.

All I know is that I can't take this distance anymore.

I can't take the fact that I don't trust you anymore, can't take the fact that you have to hide things from me, can't take the fact that we aren't even brothers anymore.

So, no matter how much it hurts, I'm going to fix this. Because if I don't, I'm just going to hurt even more.

So even though I don't want to, I will, because I need to.

I've written down this promise every single time I've picked up a pen.

Never let you read it though. I'm scared that you'll leave me again.

A thousand times I've said it.

And I'll say it a thousand more.

I'm so sorry Sam.

When we're done with his whole mess, we're going to talk.

We're going to sit down, and explain every single word, curse, tear, and action to each other.

We have to.

Because, honestly Sammy, I just want to be your big brother again.

Dean,

Do you have any idea how many times I wish that our lives were still like they were eight years ago?

When all we had to worry about was vengeful spirits and finding dad and trying not to be killed by a wendigo.

Everything was so much easier back then.

Eight years ago, you didn't hate me.

And that is the one reason, the only reason I wish that we could go back to then.

Because you used to call me Sammy, used to ruffle my hair, used to be Dean.

I don't know who you are anymore.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm sorry Dean. I'm so damn sorry.

I just want to fix this. I have to fix this.

I'll go crazy if I don't.

Everytime I pick up a pen, I find myself writing to you, even though you're sitting just five feet away. I just can't say a word.

I'm too scared of what you'll say. I'm scared that you'll make me leave.

I just want to explain. Want tot tell you that everything did was just for you.

I never gave a damn about the rest of the world.

Because, all I want, all I ever wanted, is to be your little brother again.

A/N Oh, angst, you marvelous emotion! whatever would I do if you were not there to grace my every story with your demanding presence? :) ~Sammy