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1.
When Saya wakes, the first thing she remembers is Haji's eyes, how he looked at her right before the balcony crashed and everything she'd fought for was lost.
She's crying too hard to notice Haji sitting beside her, brushing back the webs of her cocoon and pulling her into his arms.
xXx
.
Everything is strange. Unlike her last awakening, Saya remembers everything: the hundred years of hardship, the deaths in Russia and Vietnam. Quietly she walks a few paces behind Kai as he chatters enthusiastically about things that don't matter-how so-and-so got married and had kids, how there's a new patron at the bar and how come you're looking at me like that, it's been thirty years, you know-and Saya can only smile and nod and lean against Haji's side. Kai looks older now, with crinkles around his eyes and a voice deeper than she remembers. "You look like jailbait," Kai says. Saya can only frown.
"You are weak," Haji says, and Saya catches him glancing back at Kai. "I do not think the blood you've given her is enough."
"You're probably right," Kai says. He scratches his neck-some things still don't change-and smiles.
"We kept your old room the way you left it," Kai says. "Maybe you and Haji should go and get some rest."
"I suppose," Saya says. She glances up at Haji, who nods, mutely.
"Come on," Kai says. "I'll show you to your room."
xXx
.
The house where she grew up-that is to say, where she thought she grew up, when she had no memories and no recollection of Haji to speak of-is unchanged. The wooden stairs creak with her steps as she climbs, and when she reaches the door to her room, she's not surprised to see the bright pink bedspread and her old stuffed animals sitting on her dresser. Saya sits on the bed and Haji keeps a respectful distance back, carefully leaning his cello case against the wall and sitting gingerly beside her.
"Saya," Haji says. "Perhaps you should feed." His eyes are trained on the floor.
Quietly, Saya scoots beside him and gently pulls back the collar of his shirt. She can feel him hold his breath.
"You said you loved me," Saya says. Haji turns and Saya realizes she's only a finger's breath away from touching him. Her eyes flick upwards. "Haji."
"I have always loved you, and I love you still," Haji says. "But tonight you are weak and you must begin to feed. Do not exert yourself," Haji says. "I am happy just being by your side."
His chiropteran hand is bandaged and clenched. Gently Saya rests her own hand on top of his, gently stroking the bandage with her thumb.
"I thought you were dead," Saya says. She can feel the warmth behind her eyes begin to gather, but she forces them back. Haji smiles.
"Do not cry," Haji says. He leans her close, folding her against his chest. She feels him rest his cheek against her shoulder. "I am here. And I will never leave you."
xXx
.
Saya had fallen asleep; she wakes with her face buried against Haji's shirtfront, the room so dark it's almost black and the clock on the wall reading 3 AM.
He's been holding her for nearly seven hours. The absurdity of it nearly makes Saya laugh.
"What is it?" Haji says. His eyes are smiling. Saya smiles and presses her face against Haji's neck.
"Weren't you bored?" Saya asks.
"I am never bored," Haji says.
Saya giggles, then hugs him tight. "You're nice and warm," Saya says.
Haji smiles again. She likes the way he smiles.
Slowly, Saya shifts her weight and leans against him, pressing a small kiss against the side of his eyes. She's lying on top of his chest when his eyes fall closed, and Saya kisses him again, this time dropping a small kiss on the side of his cheek. She kisses the sides of his face, moving slowly up and down and kissing every inch of skin until she finally kisses him on the mouth, one hand cupping his head and the other leaning forward for support.
The kiss is gentle, Haji's lips just barely parted when she slips her tongue against his, almost chaste, when the kiss deepens and Saya breathes hard, and she can feel him tensing beneath her.
Saya breaks away. She's giddy, grinning wide and kissing him on the neck. Slowly she begins to rock on top of him, moving to kiss him on the mouth again when she feels his hardness scrape against her core.
"S-saya." Haji pulls back. His face is red. Saya grinds her clitoris against his hardness, panting softly. "We do not-you do not have to."
"I want you to," Saya says. She grinds harder, hard enough for her to gasp at the sudden half-orgasm pop in her middle. "Oh."
"Saya." Haji closes his eyes. Saya leans forward and begins tugging at the buttons of his shirt, pulling him upright. She's still on his lap.
"Help me," Saya says. She whispers because she knows Kai is sleeping in the room next door.
Maybe because it's a command, maybe because he's used to doing what he's told, but Haji doesn't seem as nervous anymore. He shifts and pulls off his shirt and coat, rolling Saya onto her back and skimming off her nightgown. Her nipples harden as her bare breasts are exposed to the cold night air, and Haji politely averts his eyes.
"Haji," Saya says. She's wearing nothing but panties now when Haji positions himself on top of her. "You can kiss me there. If you want."
Haji reddens. He stops, as if to check himself, before awkwardly dipping his head forward and placing an experimental nip at her breast.
Saya gasps. Haji stops again, then carefully licks the tip of her nipple. Saya gasps again, hips driving upward and grinding against Haji's cock, which she can feel through the fabric of his pants. Haji lets out a shuddery breath, and she feels him grind against her, instinctively. He dips down again, this time moving his head to her other breast. His tongue is warm and wet when he carefully laves her aerola, sweeping across her nipple before suckling lightly.
Somehow during all of this, Saya had unconsciously snaked her hand inside her panties and started rubbing her clitoris with the pads of her fingers. She can feel Haji's cock against the top of her hand as she moves, and gently squeezes him between her fingers.
Haji makes a sound-something between a gasp and a startled moan. She feels his breath fanning against her neck. "Do you want me to?" Haji asks, and his voice is low and it makes Saya shiver despite herself. "Do you want me to kiss you there, as well?"
Saya nods. Carefully, Haji moves lower, skimming down her panties and gently repositioning her legs.
His eyes close as his mouth closes over her clitoris, and Saya nearly shrieks from the sensation. She thrashes her head to the side and moans into the pillow, trying not to make too much noise. He slowly tongues her clitoris the way he had seen her fingers move, suckling gently.
Saya tenses. She can feel it, the center of her arousal winding and twisting tight and ready to burst. She rocks against Haji's mouth and bites back a moan.
"Oh!"
She comes. She comes hard, the spasms of her orgasm rocking her against the bed. Haji's eyes are closed. She motions for him to move upward.
Haji climbs over her, and Saya sits up and starts tugging at the waist of his pants. Haji reddens. Saya's hands fumble at the clasp of his belt, before impulsively dipping forward and sucking him through the thick fabric, it's enough to make Haji shake with need. "Saya," he says, and his voice is a ragged whisper. She tugs down his pants and frees his erection, it's bigger than she's ever imagined, and she stops, suddenly overwhelmed at the fact that Haji is naked. Haji seems acutely aware of this as well; he blushes and fumbles, suddenly unsure.
Because Saya has to take the lead, she takes him in her hand and impulsively rubs the head of his erection against her clitoris. It feels good and she can feel Haji shake. She slides her wetness up against his shaft, then grinds her clit against the head of his cock. It feels good, good enough for another sudden jolt of pleasure, and Haji groans. He pants hard, his face red.
"Saya. Please..." his voice is strained. "I might come."
"Oh!" Saya stops. "Sorry. I didn't mean to."
"No. It feels good." Haji groans. His erection slides upward against her belly. "Saya. May I...may I come inside of you?"
Saya laughs.
"Saya?"
"Yes," Saya says. She reaches upward and kisses the side of his face.
Haji moves and gently positions himself at her entrance. She feels him start to slide inside. "Slowly," Saya says. She's slick and wet and he slides inside her with little resistance, and Saya gasps a little at the feel of him, a delicious stretching as he penetrates her completely. He doesn't thurst; he stops, waits for her to accommodate him.
"Does it hurt?" Haji asks, but his voice is tight and she can tell it's taking all of his willpower not to thrust too soon.
"No," Saya says. She pants against his neck. "No it feels good." She moves her hips upward, encouraging him.
Haji begins to thrust. He thrusts upward, sliding up in one delicious stroke, and Saya groans. Her hands dig at the muscles of his back as Haji sinks inside her, gathering her up in his arms and thrusting, slowly. He kisses her eyes and kisses her mouth in time with his strokes, and soon Saya feels herself close to orgasm again, her thighs tightening around his waist. Haji's muscles shake, and soon his movements become harder, more erratic, until he starts thrusting fast and hard. And Saya is close. Saya is coming. He's breathing hard against her neck and she's shrieking, mouth against his shoulder as he thrusts, once, twice, harder and faster until she's coming, she's coming, she feels him coming too, feels him spill inside her as her own orgasm bursts with sudden sensation.
Her heartbeat slows. Her breathing calms, and she can still feel the gentle pulsations of Haji's own release inside her.
xXx
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The next morning, Mao pounds on the door and bluntly tells them the whole neighborhood could hear them, Kai's just too polite to say anything, and Saya reddens and stammers apologies while Haji stoically but shamefacedly takes the brunt of the blame.
"Vampire virgins," Mao says, and glares at her coffee cup. "Idiots."
But Saya is just too happy to care.
xXx
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2.
The change in their relationship is a subtle one, but it's enough to make Saya pause.
There is Haji her chevalier, dutiful servant who's followed her for centuries.
There is Haji her childhood friend, the boy she'd watch grow into a man.
There is Haji, the man.
She had never paid much attention to it before, but Haji's sheer physical presence starts to make her feel giddy. She watches the curve of his neck and how his hair falls over his face, how the tips of his fingers brush over the polished wood of his cello. Everything is imbued with a quiet sensuality that Saya had never before noticed. It makes her embarrassed. She blushes easily and stammers in front of him, which is ridiculous because this is Haji, the one she's reprimanded for making her tea wrong or forgetting to button his shirt all the way. ("You're in the presence of a lady," Saya told him once, irritated. He only smiled and serenely buttoned his shirt.)
The change seems to trouble Haji. "You are nervous in front of me," Haji says. She can hear the hurt in his voice. "Why?"
Saya blushes and glares at the floor. "I am not."
"You cannot even look at me in the eye."
"Because I have a crush on you," Saya says. Haji blinks, then tilts his head.
"Crush?"
"Nevermind," Saya says, and for all her years walking the earth she once again feels like an idiot schoolgirl. Haji smiles.
"It was my understanding crushes were unrequited," Haji says, and he laces his fingers around hers. He drops a small kiss against her forehead and Saya's gut bottoms out, and she remembers a time when she was the one in control, not him.
They make love on the sofa under the open window, the afternoon light streaming through the curtains with the breeze.
xXx
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"Crushes," Haji says. He's holding Saya from behind, speaking against Saya's shoulder. "I believe I have had a 'crush' on you for over a century."
"You never acted like it," Saya says. She feels Haji smiling against her skin. "You're always so polite. I had no idea."
"It was not my place," Haji says. She feels him press a light kiss against her shoulder, before absently brushing back a lock of hair from her neck. "You were of a higher station. I would not presume to be worthy."
"Wait," Saya says. She turns. "You've been my chevalier for over a century-"
"I loved you even before that," Haji says. "When I turned twenty-one I thought perhaps I could earn my fortune and earn your love. But I was afraid you would reject me."
"I probably would have," Saya says. Haji hugs her, tight.
"I was happy just being by your side," Haji says. "Those days at the zoo were happiest for me. You were happy. You were not consumed by the guilt and sorrow that plagued you those years afterward. I could never give back that happiness," Haji says. "But I could stay by you, and make sure you were safe. That was enough for me."
Saya touches his face. His eyes are soft and warm and she wonders silently how she never had noticed.
"Were you lonely?" Saya asks. "When I was asleep? Was it hard for you?"
"Sometimes," Haji says, and Saya hugs him and kisses him and drapes her body over his, easing him inside her and rocking gently, silently pleased with how his eyes fall close and his mouth parts open in a silent moan.
xXx
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3.
"You're hard," Saya says. Haji startles.
"I thought you were asleep."
"You're poking me in the back, it woke me up."
Haji reddens. "Forgive me," he says, and he moves.
"How come I'm always the one to initiate things?" Saya asks. Haji tilts his head.
"I'm sorry?"
"When we have sex," Saya says. "It's been almost a year and I'm always the one to start it. Why is that?"
"I suppose I do not wish to trouble you," Haji says. "It will...resolve itself, momentarily." Saya frowns.
"How many times do you wait for things to 'resolve itself?'" Saya asks. Haji reddens even more. "Wait, Haji-how many times did you get hard? Even before-?"
"Sometimes," Haji says. Saya laughs against his neck.
"Haji!" Saya says. She laughs harder. "So all this time-"
"I do not wish to talk about it."
"But why? It's hilarious. I want to know." Saya reaches a hand between his legs and grips his cock, rubbing the head of his erection with her thumb. Haji gasps. His hips jerk involuntarily. "How come I've never noticed?"
"You were usually sleeping." His voice is tight. Saya grins and tugs down the waist of his pants, freeing his erection. There's a bead of wetness at his tip; she spreads it with her thumb. "Saya-"
"You're allowed to ask, you know," Saya says, and she takes him into her mouth. Haji's breath hitches. She sweeps her tongue along the side of his shaft before bobbing her head, making Haji cry out. His hand presses against the back of her head. "It makes me feel like a perv, being the one to always start things."
"I will," Haji pants, "I will remember."
Saya grins. In all other aspects of his life, Haji is always precise. Everything is in order. But here his precision is lost; his hair falls in messy strands over his face; his pleasured face is flushed and his mouth parts in an inelegant 'o.'
xXx
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Later, she asks him, "Have you ever touched yourself, thinking about me?" and Haji stammers and blushes but doesn't answer her directly, and Saya pictures him retreating behind some secluded spot to take care of his problem.
"It was disrespectful to you," Haji finally says, and Saya laughs and asks him to please show her next time, it's something she would like to see.
(When he does, it doesn't last long. She watches how his long fingers delicately wrap around his shaft as he strokes himself, and Saya is so aroused she pushes his hand aside and clambers up on top of his lap.
She still initiates things, as it turns out.)
xXx
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4.
In Paris, they pretend that they're a newlywed couple. Walking down the streets, Saya holds Haji's hand and smiles. Sometimes they'll stroll past the bakeries and the pastry shops and Saya will press her face up against the glass, and Haji will smile and offer to let her inside. He'll buy her a sweet bread and watch her eat, then let his hand fall on her shoulder as she licks the frosted glaze off her fingers. In the mornings he plays the cello while she pads around the apartment barefoot and wearing nothing but his old shirt, and at those times he'll stop and catch his breath, because in the gray morning light she'll look more beautiful than he'll remember.
"When will you have kids?" a neighbor asks, and Saya laughs and shakes her head and clasps Haji by the arm, and the two will wave and smile.
xXx
.
"Your time is coming," Haji says. Saya looks up. Outside the leaves are turning; dead leaves move with the wind on the street.
"It might not be," Saya says. "It's only been a couple years. I've been tired like this before-"
"You are sleeping longer, and you've been feeding less," Haji says. "We should go back to Tokyo soon."
The leaves move against her feet and there is a puddle on the concrete, reflecting the dark gray sky. Saya frowns and blinks, ignoring the warmth behind her eyes.
"Kai and Mao and everyone. They'll be dead when I wake up," Saya says.
Haji nods.
"You'll be alone," Saya says. Haji squeezes her hand.
"The time will pass quickly," Haji says. "It always does."
Saya closes her eyes.
xXx
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5.
She falls asleep the day after they land in Tokyo, when Kai leads her to her room and quietly shuts the door.
Haji carries her to the place of her hibernation, through the mountains to the west of the old Shinto shrine. He kisses her once before closing the door to the tomb, before taking vigil and waiting for her to wake up.
xXx
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6.
The darkness lightens. Slowly she pushes through the webs of her cocoon, blinking and squinting at the light.
"Saya," Haji says. And when she kisses him, she feels him start to smile.