Chapter One: The Tender Beauty is Stuck in a Rut
The sound of her cellphone alarm yanked her unceremoniously out of a dreamless slumber. A solitary, slender, hand emerged from the mass of sheets flailing wildly against her bedside nightstand in search of the object amassing such a ruckus. With the cellphone now in grasp, she pulls the object into the sheets to silence it.
"Ah...geez..Just gimme one more minute. Will ya?"
She gave herself twenty.
After giving herself ample time to collect herself, she glanced at the time according to her cellphone: ten minutes to seven. She had plenty of time to wash her face, eat, take a quick shower, get dressed, apply her makeup and still make it in time to the station to catch her 8:00 train. She better get started.
Rubbing her eyes, she rose from her bed to give herself a great, satisfying, stretch. Looking down at the adjacent coffee table by her bedside, she blinked when she saw the number of empty Asahi Stout beer cans laying on the table's surface.
'Damn. I really didn't mean to drink that much…'
Sauntering off to the bathroom to wash her face, the woman gazed upon her reflection in the mirror. Her face was marred by last night's dried-up makeup and the heavy-set bags underneath her eyes. Still, a wash and a little bit of makeup will take care of that.
A quick meal and a shower did wonders for her presently horrible state. After putting on out what she planned: a white blouse, a black pencil skirt and a pair of black pumps, she began applying her makeup. She was always fond of wearing expensive makeup. With the way her life was now, she felt that she had plenty to splurge.
Even so, despite her own personal reassurances, it was those kinds of feelings that made her feel a small pang of bitterness deep within her heart. There was an emptiness that she couldn't exactly determine the cause of and it frustrated her to no end that she could not completely reconcile those bitter feelings.
Realizing she was beginning to dig herself into yet another one of these mental pits she found herself recently, she shook her head in attempt to shake those thoughts away and patted her cheeks. Taking deep, steady, breaths; she took one final look at her reflection and couldn't help but crack a small smile. She always was one who prided herself for her innate beauty, her athletic physique and her skillful application of makeup.
She was beautiful; she was presentable; and now, she was ready to leave.
Taking a black blazer from her coat rack and one of her small black leather handbags, she made her way out her apartment door only to run into a grizzled, middle-age man who was standing in front of the entrance. On the inside, she grimaced. She really didn't want to deal with her landlord right now.
"You're late on your rent, Yumiko. This isn't like you." Her landlord, Hachinose Rokuro – or "Hachiroku-san" as all the other tenants and the man himself preferred to call himself – began. He pulled out a carton of cigarettes from his pocket and began to tap the box against his open palm.
"I know. I know. I'm sorry Hachiroku-san." She apologized with eyes downcast; scratching her head in mild frustration. "Look, I'll give you an envelope with the month's rent as soon as I can. Is that okay?"
"Fine." Hachiroku-san pulled out a cigarette from the carton, lit it up and faced away from her towards the balcony.
"Thank you sir." She finished with a curt bow and began making her way towards the stairs.
"Yumiko." He called out; halting her pace. Not even facing her as he spoke, taking one long drag of his cigarette, Hachiroku-san began, "If you ever need someone to hear you out, I'm here to listen."
"Thanks Hachiroku-san. I really appreciate it. I really do. But I really gotta get going now." Yumiko bowed one final time before making her way to the station. Hachiroku-san truly was a nice person, she thought, although she felt he was far too intimidating for her to be completely comfortable around.
"Take care now."
Since the arrival time of her destination was roughly thirty minutes away, Yumiko set up an alarm to ring approximately around that time. Resting the back of her head against the window behind her, she closed her eyes in an attempt to catch some last minute sleep before clocking in to work.
She couldn't.
Her thoughts wouldn't allow her such reprieve.
As an administrative assistant for a Tokyo-based publishing company, Shogakukan Incorporated, her job was relatively simple and paid well – enough to support a comfortable living situation for herself. By all means, she should be grateful for what she has and what she has accomplished. After all, she managed to survive her college entrance exams, four years of university to earn a marketing degree and a string of undesirable part-time retail work to get to this position.
Regardless, much to her own frustration, she was still unhappy. Was it because her work was hardly meaningful? Then again, what was really meaningful to her? She never really thought about those kinds of things. Now, in what may be the first time in her life, she found herself suffering an existential crisis.
As she reflected upon past happenings, it dawned on her that maybe perhaps she had no real ambition in her life. She chose the path of liberal arts rather haphazardly in an attempt to follow the object of her affection, Hayama Hayato, into their third year.
'Hayato-kun…'
Hayama Hayato. Now that was a name that carried bittersweet memories for her.
Prior to her high school graduation, she finally gathered the courage to confess her feelings to Hayato. To her dismay, he shot her down as painlessly as he possibly could. Still, it pained her heart so. She had spent years – practically her entire high school career – pining after him. She couldn't help but wonder…
Was she too late?
If only she was more honest about her feelings then maybe things would've been different. Despite that, she knew that deep down, Hayato would never reciprocate her affections. There was always an invisible wall that separated him from everyone else – including her. Even so, she continued to hope til the very end that one day maybe she could finally win Hayato's heart.
It was an outcome that never came to light.
The one truth that Miura Yumiko would never come to realize was that Hayama Hayato's smile was never directed towards her.
The truth of the matter was that Hayama Hayato smiled for his own sake in order to maintain that warm and affable facade.
Maybe that was it.
Maybe she was just lonely.
Yeah.
'Yeah…'
...Yeah! That's it!
'Geez...I really should get myself a boyfriend.'
Rather than continuing to think about her own affairs, Yumiko's thoughts fell on to her friends Hina and Yui. Despite her best intentions and as happy and supportive as she was for her friends, Yumiko couldn't help but feel a little bit envious.
Hina was also living in Tokyo and the two hang out together from time to time when their schedules allow for it. She had been working as a Key Animator for an animation studio called Feel for the last couple of years and only recently she had been bumped up to Animation Director for several episodes for a number of the season's currently airing series. Even though she had quite a busy schedule, Hina mentioned that she had been seeing someone for quite some time.
'Is it Tobe?' Yumiko wondered. It's been a while since she last heard from him, though he seemed extremely happy the last time they spoke.
Still, Hina was getting closer and closer to reaching her dreams .
As for Yui, she continues to live in Chiba working as a nurse at the Chiba University Hospital. She is happily married and expecting her first child. She felt a tinge of pride when Yui insisted that she, Hina and Yukinoshita Yukino, her former rival and Yui's other close friend, to be her child's maternal godmothers. Yumiko had met Yui's husband on many occasions and she thought that he was a good man; hard-working and kind. Yumiko couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous.
Indeed, her loneliness probably was the root of her despair. As she was rapidly approaching the tender age of 25, she thought to herself that maybe she finally understood Hiratsuka-sensei's plight.
But before she could continue that new train of thought, her cellphone alarm unceremoniously pulled her out of her reverie once again.
[You have now arrived at Jimbocho Station...]
Unfortunately, Yumiko was unable to catch even a wink of sleep.
Well, at least she tried. Right?
It wasn't often that Miura Yumiko came to the break room for lunch. Normally, she preferred to eat her meals at her desk so she didn't have to deal with being part of any unwanted gossip by the other administrative assistants.
One time, three years ago when she was roughly three months on the job, as she was making her way to the restroom, she managed to hear several other women gossiping among themselves in the hallway.
"Hey, isn't that one of the recent hires?"
"I think so. What's her name again?"
"It's Miura Yumiko. She's in my department."
"Oh really? What's she like?"
"I'm not really sure. She seems nice enough I guess."
"You sure? Yeah, she's really beautiful and all, but she looks like a total bitch to me."
"I agree."
"Yeah! Me too!"
'Tch. How annoying.' She thought to herself. She would've loved more than anything else in the world at that very moment to shut them up.
It wasn't as if she particularly cared about what they had to say – those women gossiped on just about anybody who worked with them – it was just she found herself biting her tongue far too often so she didn't have to lose face or even her job due to her temper. Since then, she made it a habit to eat at her desk.
Now, since those women are now long gone from the company, she wanted to go to the break room and fix up a cup of coffee for herself. Recently, in her current spell, she couldn't stand to take her coffee in anything other than black. As a purveyor of all things sweet, it was something she found highly unusual.
Maybe it was just those bitter feelings she kept inside.
A man in a crisp black suit came inside the break room and made a bee line straight towards one of the nearby vending machines. Yumiko heard the soft clang of metal and she saw the man bend to down to claim his prize. Can now in hand, the man cracked open his can of yellow and black and began chugging away its contents furiously. An elated sigh escaped his lips as he finished.
"Huh? Is that you, Hikio?" Yumiko motioned for Hikio – or rather Hikigaya Hachiman, his real name – to come over and take a seat next to her.
"Miura?"
"How's Yui doing?" Yumiko watched as Hachiman's face softened slightly at the mention of his wife.
"Same as always. She's been in high spirits lately." Hachiman commented.
"I can imagine. Did you two ever think up a name yet?"
"Yeah. It turns out we'll be having a daughter in just a few months. Her name will be Hikari."
"How cute! I can't wait to see her! What made you two decide on that name?"
"Uhh...I was the one who pitched it to Yui. I thought it was cute and she fell in love with the name right away."
"I never expected you to have a cute side, Hikio."
"Well, Hikari is going to be the light of my life, you know~" The way those words came out of Hachiman's mouth sounded lovingly proud but also somewhat sleazy at the same time.
"Ugh. Disgusting." Yumiko shook her head with a grimace. "I can't tell if you're just being a loving father or a creep."
"Obviously it's the former. Who the hell do you think I am?"
"I think you're a creep." Yumiko retorted.
"Gah..."
In the years since Yui had married Hachiman. Yumiko fostered a certain kind of relationship with Yui's husband. While the two didn't talk to each other much, they were certainly more than just mere acquaintances. However, calling each other friends was a bit too strong for either of their tastes. They were in a weird in-between region in the current state of social's affairs. The closest approximation that either of the two could think of was that they were in-laws who were generally comfortable spending time with one another.
"How is work by the way?" Yumiko asked, changing the subject.
"They work me like a dog." Hachiman spat as if the words left a bad taste in his mouth. "Dealing with Zaimokuza is already a pain in the ass, but now Watari as well? Give me a break!"
"Wait. Hold on Hikio. You're talking about the same Zaimokuza we went to high school with?"
"Yeah. You know, that oaf used to be a horrible writer back in high school. I'm actually surprised that he was able to produce something palatable for once. If only he could meet his damn deadlines!"
"Ugh. That sounds totally rough." Yumiko shook her head in agreement. Although she wasn't completely aware of the inner workings of the editorial process, she had heard many water cooler horror stories from the editorial department in the three years she's been with Shogakukan.
"Damn straight. The company needs to hire more competent editors. We can't keep on having people backing out of projects or calling it quits."
"I can't say that I envy you."
"You don't need to. I lost the moment I decided to join the workforce." He scoffed. As he finished his beverage, Hachiman rose from his chair and tossed his now empty can of MAX COFFEE into the trash.
"I don't get how anyone can like that stuff. Even for me, that stuff is way too sweet!"
"Life is too bitter, so coffee, at least, should be sweet." Hachiman mused as he made his way towards the door.
"Haah? What are you even talking about? That totally doesn't make any sense!"
"I'll see you later Miura."
"Feh. Bye Hikio."
Deep down, Yumiko understood the depths of Hachiman's words. She herself had a taste from the bitter chalice of life. Tossing her empty paper cup into the trash and making her way into the hall, she watched as Hachiman dragged his feet through the hallways of Shogakukan.
'Yui is really lucky she has a guy like Hikio.' She mused. She couldn't help but feel a little bit envious of Yui. Other than his eyes, Hikio was pretty easy on the eyes. She could even consider him to be handsome. He was also dependable; hard-working; and most of all, kind, even though he has a twisted way of displaying it.
Maybe back then if she didn't have her eyes solely on Hayama Hayato then maybe she would've gave Hikigaya Hachiman a chance.
Maybe then, things would've been different.
Maybe if she were more honest with her feelings then maybe things would've been different.
But in the end, it wouldn't even matter. Miura Yumiko could spend the rest of her days musing over the maybes, wishing what could have been, wishing for a past that no longer exists, and it wouldn't even change anything.
After all, time stops for no one.
And even if she had the kind of power to turn back time, it still wouldn't mean a thing because no matter what, the one thing that Miura Yumiko was afraid of most of all, was change itself.
A/N: I've always wanted to write a fic featuring Yumiko as the main protagonist. I've got a lot of ideas for this one but it'll take some time for me to work them out.
By the way, if you're familiar with my other work, Of Fish Eyes and Chinese Buns, this is actually a spin-off of that fic's first chapter.
Enjoy guys.