I never thought solitary confinement could be an escape.
Actually, I never thought much about prisons or cells before this life.
But here I am now, tucked safely inside a damp cell. I can hear the walkers grunting and groaning occasionally outside the door, but overall this is the quietest time I've had since before Sophia was born. And with my senses dulled, my mind begins to wander in a way it hasn't been able to in months.
You can't lose yourself in thought at the end of the world. There is no time. Something always needs to be done, and letting your mind wander while ironing threadbare shirts is the quickest way to death's door. You always have to be aware of the horrifying world around you.
I allow myself to think about Sophia for five seconds. Literally. I count to five, and then stop. Another second would break me, I'm sure. I wonder about Lori, and the baby. I wonder what it will be like having a newborn around again. I think of Hershel, and hope we never have to run for our lives again, because he'd never make it. I allow a smile to cross my face when I think of Glenn and Maggie, and how wonderful it has been to see them find something so precious in the midst of all this tragedy.
And then I think of him, and my smile disappears. On the surface, he seems like such a simple man, but once you get under his skin, you can get lost in his complexity. I don't know how to handle him. At least, not the way I'd like to. Don't get me wrong. We aren't Glenn and Maggie, and we will never be the couple that steals away into the guard tower. In fact, we will never be a couple. We'll never hold hands. I'll never feel him curl up behind me in sleep. I'll never hear him whisper an 'I love you'. That's not who Daryl is. I'm not even sure that's who I am anymore.
But I find myself wanting more than the occasional nod and grunt in my direction. I wish our conversations went further than the tactical and the practical. I wish I knew why he treated me just a little bit differently than everyone else in the group.
A walker stumbles into the door and I jump, my hand quickly covering my mouth so my gasp is muffled.
My hunger is stealing my focus now. My thoughts are getting fuzzy as my eyes start to close. But before I slip into unconsciousness, I find myself wishing one more thing - that he would find me. I never believed in knights in shining armor, and I never thought I'd be weak enough to need saving. But in this new world, heroes are real, and everyone needs saving all the time. And I can see my hero opening the door and scooping me into his arms, carrying me home.