I don't want to spoil what's coming with specific warnings, so let's just say that if you're easily squicked, go no further. I don't think violence and sex are anything remotely new to anyone who's made it this far, but, you know. All characters and proper nouns below that are not my own invention belong to SquareEnix, who are busy making games I am not skilled enough to play. (Just started FFXII and I am so getting my ass handed to me.)

"The story of a love that could never be, and a hatred that always was" is not my invention, BTW, it was apparently a tagline for FFVII. It just seemed appropriate.

Enough of that. Let's visit some more familiar characters.

NOT LIKE THIS
Chapter 1

The dreams had been a part of life as long as Sephiroth could remember. Hojo's regular examinations involved blood tests, demonstrations of strength and mental agility, nothing that delved into the boy's thoughts or feelings. Hojo only ever wanted to know facts, and there had never been anyone Sephiroth felt he could confide in. By the time the child was a young man, cold and reticent and hard of heart, he no longer wondered about the dreams, terrible and wonderful as they were. No one could have imagined, years later, that the Nightmare had ever had nightmares.

In every dream, Sephiroth saw millennia of the planet's life, thousands of years of civilizations rising and falling. The scenes of battle were exhilirating to a boy who had no ambition but to fight, who had been bred for nothing else, and any fear of the death and dying dissipated completely over time. By age thirteen, Sephiroth was waking from dreams of bloody soil to his nondescript bedroom with no change at all in his expression.

It was around this time that the voice began to accompany the dreams, a female murmur that was full of awesome, restrained power. Sephiroth learned to accept this, too, though he often wondered who it was, and why it would not speak loud enough for him to hear. It was certainly no one Sephiroth had ever met - his memory for voices was as sharp as his memory for everything else, and anyway his interaction with women had always been nearly nonexistent. He once asked Ganzei, an associate of Hojo's, if Gaia ever spoke to people.

Ganzei's eyes were wide (Sephiroth smirked; they were all so afraid of him!) and he said, "I don't know. I hope not."

"Why?"

Ganzei had relaxed a little and looked more like himself, a kind-eyed, grandfatherly sort of man. He had come out of retirement to work with Hojo, though Sephiroth never knew why.

"Because it's not safe for a man to hear the voice of anything so powerful. It'd drive him mad. Or at the very least..."

"What?"

"It would set him apart from everyone else. And people don't like to be alone."

That puzzled Sephiroth; he was always most content by himself. "Why?"

Ganzei didn't answer, he only looked afraid again, or possibly worried. It was years before Sephiroth was able to decipher facial expressions. Looking back, much later, he thought Ganzei had seemed more sad than anything else.

Sephiroth frowned at the stack of paperwork on his desk. True, he read very quickly and would be able to finish it in no time, but he often wondered: what was the point of having to do it at all? His reputation as a fighter was priceless to ShinRa, so why wouldn't they let him stay out in the field? Doing so would get in the way of Hojo's constant check-ups, but then, that was part of the appeal. Anyway, none of the other SOLDIERs were forced to endure as much lab time as himself.

Presumably because they spend so much time away from here, the general thought irritably.

The door chime sounded, and Sephiroth found himself thankful for the interruption, especially when he saw who entered. Lieutenant Zack Fair was a rising star in the SOLDIER program, already a 1st Class at only twenty and with a reputation for bravery bordering on recklessness - not least because he was Sephiroth's self-proclaimed best friend. Sephiroth told himself he allowed this because he wished to encourage the young SOLDIER, but in truth, he genuinely enjoyed Zack's presence.

"Zack, do you remember our talk about waiting for permission before entering my office?"

"Um...no?"

"That's what I thought."

"Lighten up, Seph. I won't take long. I just wanted to talk to you about the Nibelheim mission."

Sephiroth took that file off the top of the stack and opened it. A few things still needed to be sorted out, and there was about a week to do so.

"Go ahead."

"Well, you're making a request for two from the ShinRa Guard, right?"

"Yes."

Zack gave his most charming, hopeful smile. "Can I pick one?"

Sephiroth was puzzled for only a moment before remembering that Zack was a friend and something of a mentor to one of the younger ShinRa Guards, a Sky or Wind or something like that. Zack always referred to him as "Spiky", and often mentioned him in conversation, always smiling with affection.

"...you think my hair is gravity-defying, Seph, you should see Spiky..."

"Oh, c'mon, Seph, they're not all useless. You should see Spiky - I've been showing him how to use the Buster Sword and he's doing great."

"...so later I told Spiky about what my girl and I did with the handcuffs and he was blushing like crazy, he's so cute when he does that..."

"Oh, yes. Your friend, right?"

Zack nodded. "Cloud. He wants to be a SOLDIER someday and I think it'd be good for him to observe us in the field. Anyway, I get nervous when I have to leave him. So, what do you say? Can I bring my Spiky?"

"Do you think he can handle it?"

"Well, you and I will be the ones dealing with monsters. The Guards are there to help out and control civilians. Yeah, he'll be fine with that. I'll take full responsibility for him, okay?"

"Very well," Sephiroth said, smiling his only smile, which was small and always brief. "I'll send the order to his commanding officer...unless you'd like to make the request yourself?"

"Ooh, can I, can I?" It would probably damage the reputation of SOLDIER if any outsiders saw one of the feared and respected 1st Class bouncing around like a hyper child. "Thanks, Seph!"

Cheerfully, Zack turned to leave.

"Lieutenant."

Sephiroth spoke in a commanding voice (not that he really had any other kind) and Zack immediately halted and turned around. He was used to such abrupt changes from friend-to-friend to general-to-subordinate. After all, Sephiroth was his superior.

"Sir."

"Why do you become nervous when you are away from Cloud?"

As quickly as his cheer had melted into the disciplined attitude of a SOLDIER, the solemnity faded in favor of anger. It appeared to be anger, at least. Sephiroth found it hard to be sure, as this was a side of Zack he didn't recall ever seeing before.

"He gets bothered a lot, sir," Zack said quietly. "That's why I've been helping him train, to make him stronger so he can fight back better."

Sephiroth felt the impulse to smile again, but suppressed it. He secretly admired the easy way Zack had of caring about people weaker than himself, partly because he himself found it so difficult to do.

"Bothered? By the other Guards, I assume."

Zack nodded.

"Why?"

In all military institutions, Sephiroth knew, like SOLDIER and the Guard, ribbing and hazing was a common occurrence...but Zack knew this as well, and his anger implied that Cloud's situation was worse than the average.

Zack frowned and slouched toward the door, knowing Sephiroth would let him go. "You'll probably understand when you see him, Seph."

Zack saluted perfectly and was gone. Sephiroth wasn't quite sure what to make of the answer, which wasn't actually an answer so much as it was a promise of one. The general remembered from conversations with Zack that his friend Cloud (Spiky) was the youngest member of the ShinRa Guard, which in itself spoke highly of the boy's potential...yes, Zack had more than once expressed pride in Cloud's developing fighting skills. The boy must be a decent fighter at least; Zack was protective of his Buster Sword, and let very few people handle it at all.

So what could the problem be? Cloud might be younger and smaller than his peers, but size and age matter very little compared to speed and skill, as Sephiroth had learned many years ago.

The few other 1st Class members of the new SOLDIER program made no attempt to hide their feelings about Sephiroth. It frustrated and angered them to be ranked equal to a thirteen-year-old boy, whatever the rumors whispered about the odd child's inhuman skill and appetite for bloodshed. A this point they were, after all, only rumors. Hojo had wanted to keep Sephiroth's abilities unseen until the president's next birthday, for which he was planning a demonstration.

The boy, though annoyed that he couldn't spar with the other SOLDIERs, did not react to their taunts and insults, which only infuriated them more. The tallest, a muscular twenty-four-year-old named Riley, approached the silent boy as they waited in the lab for mako injections, and sneered at Sephiroth's cherubic face and long silver hair.

"You're no SOLDIER," Riley hissed. "You hear me, pretty boy? I bet you can't even lift that sword. It's fuckin' taller than you are."

Sephiroth stared passively at the wall behind his accuser. He wasn't angry, exactly, but impatient to show them that he could fight, better than any of them. It bothered him that Hojo had forbidden him to raise blade or fists to anyone but Anzaru, the brilliant swordsman who had taught him (and declared that Sephiroth's name would far outlast his own).

"Hey, you better be listening to me, queer! You think you're better than us, don't you?"

Hojo had told Sephiroth that he was better, superior to other people. But Sephiroth didn't say this, for two reasons. Firstly - he felt no threat from Riley and therefore no need to defend himself. Secondly - the boy was already fairly certain that Hojo was slightly unbalanced. A few feathers short of a chocobo, he had heard one of the Turks say.

Riley was closer now, less than an arm's length away, and there was a strange look in his eyes, an emotion Sephiroth didn't know.

"You do, don't you? I better show you your place." Riley unzipped his uniform pants and removed something Sephiroth recognized, though it was bigger than his own. "Get down on your knees."

"Don't, man, c'mon," one of the other SOLDIERs said uneasily. "Dr. Hojo will freak if you mess with his little pet."

The boy looked down with what appeared to be interest. He sometimes thought about this part of the body, and liked knowing that other people had it. He sometimes touched it and pretended he was touching someone else's, though he never had anyone particular in mind.

"You like that, huh? Get down on your knees." Riley's voice was softer now. "It won't hurt. You'll love it."

With no change in expression, Sephiroth knelt down in front of Riley, while the others looked on, nervous but excited. Riley placed his hands on either side of the boy's head, threading his fingers into the shimmering hair.

"Open your mouth."

He did, and Riley's erection eagerly filled it, stopping just short of the back of Sephiroth's throat. The taste was not unpleasant, nor was the idea of what they were doing. In fact, what Sephiroth found most annoying were the hands that were stroking his hair now, and the approving murmurs from the small crowd of observers.

"Good. Now suck on it," Riley said breathlessly. "Use your lips and tongue. Oh, yeah, just like that..."

Sephiroth laved the warm organ with his tongue slowly, observing which patterns of movement prompted which sounds from the elder SOLDIER. The harder he sucked, the more insistently Riley's hands would fist his hair. Experimentally, the boy relaxed his throat muscles and leaned forward, taking in the entire length.

"Holy fucking Gaia!" Riley shouted, thrusting his hips into the teenager's face. "Fuck yeah, good boy, good...see, queer, you were made for this..."

Sephiroth wasn't at all perturbed by these words. He had decided he quite liked this - the taste, the noise, the power he wielded in this pleasurable way. Something was building up in Riley, something was about to overflow. Sephiroth smiled with his mouth full, and bit down hard.

The scream that followed was hysterical and high-pitched, almost feral. Riley staggered back, doubled over and clutching at himself, with tears streaming down his face. He recovered himself after only a few minutes - no doubt aided by the regenerative properties of mako - refastened his pants painfully, and stared at the boy with murder in his eyes.

"You little bitch. I'm gonna fucking kill you."

Smiling still, Sephiroth drew the sword he had named Masamune. Riley came at him like an enraged, charging bull, but the boy countered him easily, returning with a swing Riley dodged just in time. To Sephiroth, every movement the other made might as well have been in slow motion. It was hardly a challenge at all to block and side-step each attack. He moved as fluidly as water, and controlling the enormous sword was second nature, as easy as flexing the fingers of his hand. The other SOLDIERs watched, still as statues and hardly breathing. They had only to observe the odd child's skill to feel quite certain that their friend was going to die.

Sephiroth began to lose interest when Riley could no longer put up a decent fight. He ended it quickly, with a single, merciful stab to the heart. No one made a move or a sound, even when Sephiroth opened the dead man's pants and neatly sliced off the organ that had earlier fascinated him. He pushed the bloody flesh into Riley's mouth and positioned his lips around it.

"You suck on it now," the boy said, in a voice completely devoid of emotion.

Sephiroth understood now what he didn't then - that he was attracted to males, first of all, and that he would never understand other people. For one thing, the other SOLDIERs all feared him afterward, but they also respected him, and when he was made general four years later, there wasn't a single complaint from them; in fact, they seemed happy about it. All this, after he had killed their friend.

Hojo's reaction, too, had been unexpected. Rather than punishing Sephiroth for disobeying, he had laughed with delight and insisted the boy repeat the story while he took notes.

"You see, Sephiroth, this is power," the scientist said in his shrill, unsettling voice. "Those boys fear you now, and that gives you power over them. This will only add to the rumors...the president will be all the more eager..."

Hojo had gone on muttering to himself as he frequently did, forgetting anyone else was there. Sephiroth looked away and spotted Ganzei across the lab, watching them, having heard everything. He was looking at Sephiroth with a fear and awe similar to the expressions of the SOLDIERs, but sadder. It seemed the older Sephiroth got, the more afraid Ganzei was.

Sephiroth wasn't sure he wanted that kind of power.

To be continued. Probably. The story is finished and just needs to be typed, so we'll see if anyone's interested!